Before there was light in the world, the animals and the people could only see shadows.  There was no brilliance of colour from which the light could bring. The world was dim and gloomy and people, like the animals, worked their way through the world with mostly their senses of touch, smell, hearing, and taste.  This poem is influenced by the Indigenous communities from the North-West Coast of Canada, who share similar but different interpretations of how light was brought into the world; Bill Reid’s origin story of the Haida Gwaii, “The Raven Steals the Light,” from which this poem was sparked.

Before there is light, the world is dark.

The animals and the people can see only black and grey shadows.

The shadows are fleeting: they are there and then they vanish.

Neither human nor animal can distinguish between a bush from a     wolf, a bird from a bat, or a shark from a wave. 

Everything is shadows until Otter brings light to the world.

The ocean is as dark as the pitch black sky; as dark as the panther

who is yet to be seen; as dark as D’Sonoqua who steals children

from their families by touch and smell and taste.

The little ones are then devoured by D’Sonoqua by

the way whales engulf the Krill; devoured the

way crows swallow a worm; devoured the way salmon eat their          eggs.

The world is dark until Otter brings light into the world.

On the dark ocean, near the shore, Otter is lying on his back, 

floating on the ocean surrounded by kelp.

Otter lies cozily and warm, free from losing his body heat

which is constantly drawn into the water, wave after wave.

One of his two pups is snuggled on his stomach,

while his other pup is holding her mother’s paw not too far away.

Otter hears squeaky yelps from his little pup because of

the fishy-smelling crustaceans their dad will bring to him

from the dark depths of the freezing cold water.

Dad brushes off his little pup who yelps some more

until he finds his sister’s paw and then floats lackadaisical;

the little ones’ eyes are closed because there is nothing to see.

This is before Otter brings light into the world.

Otter dives deep into the deep black ocean.

He knows, from his many dives, how far to swim

downward until he feels the floor of the ocean.

His paws prod and dance until he feels the sharpness

of a sea urchin whose spindles and spines are like needles.

Otter grabs the urchin with both paws and starts to swim to the        surface.

He thrusts his body twice until he sees a shimmering light.

The light catches Otter’s curious eyes and he drops

his urchin back to the darkness of the ocean floor.

Curious Otter swims closer, but the light is too bright and he              stays away;

his eyes adjust, and no longer does the urchin seem to beam so          brightly.

His paws reach out and he feels the light and is surprised that

it is an abalone which he knows from its touch and taste.

With a swift movement, Otter grabs the shimmering abalone and

carefully brings it up to the surface.

For the first time, Otter sees his pups and his mate.

For the first time, his pups and his mate see him.

For the first time, they see the colour of the ripples of the ocean;

but, they can only see a few feet away.

The abalone begins to tremor and shake between Otter’s paws.

Otter wants to open it, so he places the abalone

on the soft belly of his mate and quickly swims into the deep

dark ocean; he dives back down for a smashing rock.

This is the beginning of when Otter brings light into the world.

Otter is back and holds a rock with a sharp edge, and his mate

places the abalone on his belly and watches.

Otter takes the rock, with both of his paws, and hits and hits the      abalone until he hears a crackling sound and stops.  With his

paws, he breaks open the abalone only to find another                       underneath.

Otter, undaunted by this revelation, begins to hit this abalone           over and over, only to find another one underneath--and then            another--and another--

until the abalone is so small, yet still shimmering bright, so he         can use one of his paws to crack it open with only his touch.

Raven, who is flying above the shore since Otter brought the             shimmering 

abalone to the surface, swoops down and snatches the little ball       of light with it’s beak. The cracked shells, now in pieces, fly after      the light as Raven flies higher and higher.

As Raven rises higher in the sky, the light grows and grows and          Raven can no longer hold it in his snatchy beak.  He lets the light      go and then squawks and squawks.

Raven squawks after the growing ball of light, and the sparkling        abalone shells,

until he can fly no higher; he then glides back down to earth in         defeat.

Otter, who is watching with his family below, looks at the light

growing larger and larger until it becomes the Sun.  Otter now

can see the whole world.  He can see the bottom of the ocean; 

he can see the all the fishes and the birds and the seals.

He can see how the sky is bright blue with floating clouds of             white and grey; he can see the yellow, the big bright Sun; 

he can see two wolves walking on a brown sandy shore;

he can see the edge of the ocean that dips off the earth.

The day goes on with Otter swimming and splashing around--

exploring with curious eyes of all the things he can see.

He cannot seem to see enough but he grows tired, and so too

do his pups and his mate.  The family finds their bed of kelp and

nestles into its brown tubular forest with green seaweed bunched     here and there.

The Sun, because that is what its called, begins to sink out of           sight.

Otter, in a panic, thinks that this is all that he will be able to see--

the darkness will return to the world; but, the abalone that               followed the Sun up to the sky, shatters into sparkling lights               which we call the stars.

The first abalone, the largest, grows into the moon, and brings          light

into the darkness of the world.  Otter is relieved and falls asleep.

This is how Otter brought light into the world.

A little fish flicks his tail and swims toward the surface of an inlet. 

Flies are delicious in my opinion and tickle in my throat.  Where did it go?  The little fish wonders.

Swish...

Swish.

He opens his mouth wide as he attempts to speak to a sparrow on a branch close to him.  

“Hello little bird!”  he says, but, no sound comes and the bird flies away.

Swish...

Swish.

He sees the wide blue sky above him and wonders if fishes can fly like the birds.

Swish…

Sw…

“You are swimming away little fish, why are you not happy where you are?”  A cedar on the shore asks 

“I am happy,” the little fish says.

“Is your family from these great Haida islands?”

“Islands?” the fish asks.

“Yes, islands.”

“Can I walk on these islands?”

“No, but your great, great, great—too many greats to be said—grandmother did,” the cedar says.

“Why was she able to walk on land?” the fish asks.

“She was the first Salmon Woman and she was given the gift of living both on land and in the sea.”

“Out of all the fishes in the sea, why her?”

“Because Raven, while soaring in the sky, asked her why she was always coming up from the sea and looking at the sky and the moon and the animals walking on land."

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“Not really, but that seems like the right thing to say.”

“You have the same curiosity as the first Salmon Woman, so I thought I would talk to you.”

“Well it is pretty kind of you, because no one else can hear me or wants to speak to me.”

“Only certain spirits can talk to each other.”

“I’m not a spirit.  I’m a fish!”

“You are both.  Salmon Woman gave all of her children the gift of language between the cedars and eagles: cedars because we are close to the ocean and on land and eagles because they can soar to great heights.  Eagles are the hard ones to talk to because they enjoy eating salmon too much.”

“Why did Salmon Woman give us the ability to speak with them?”

“Back then, there were many other things for eagles to eat.  So, Salmon Woman spoke to Eagle and a special bond was formed.  Now, I’m afraid that bond is lost and eagles can no longer hear salmon.” 

“That is too bad, but good to know.”

Swish.

“I had better stay away from the surface just in case an eagle is around.”   the fish says.

“That is a good idea.”

Swish.

“Can I come visit you again?”

“Yes, but I spend most of my days and nights sleeping.”

“Why do you sleep so much?”

Swish.

“Because there really is nothing to do and very few animals to talk to.”

“I’ll try again many tides from now and see if you are awake.”

Swish...

Swish.

Suicide and Otter

Sleeping

Start

Yawning  

Scared

Safe?

Whimper... Scream!

Pitty

Yelp!

STAB!

    STAB!

Blood runs like the colour of red ink on crinkled white paper.  A paring knife, STAB! > maybe four inches long, with a sharp stainless steel tip, plunges with a            STAB! into my mother’s tummy. Her large stomach bleeds from the STAB! like a rare steak sandwich                                   from the STAB! not knowing which way to go.

                                         STAB!  

STAB! Red.

“I love you honey.  I’m sorry!” “NO!”  My dad’s yells as he runs into the kitchen from the living room.  “What have you done!” he yells at me.  

I have no idea what is happening.  

“Go get Leece!” He yells .

I freeze and gape and then stumble downstairs and knock on my grandmother’s door.  “Leece, my mom tried to kill herself, I think. Call an ambulance!” I am only four years of age, at this time, and I have no idea what any of this means only that it has happened.

“Oh my God!”  Leece’s voice shakes.  She leaves me at the outside door and I sit.  I hear her telling to the 9-11 operator that her grandson’s mom has hurt herself and she needs an ambulance. Her voice sounds different. I hear fear in it although I don’t know then that is what I am hearing. Then it is only different.

Flashing: Blue, Red, White.

  Bump and bump.

****

In the ambulance, the woman paramedic yells over the engine noise to the driver, “There’s no need to switch on the sirens on.  There’s no rush. She’s an Indian and from what I have heard a whore to boot! People in pubs call her Country.  Anyway, she is probably drunk and passed out on the street, and it’s only 10pm!”

Otter is looking at me from a translucent piece of kelp with suspicious eyes and flicks his whiskers, and rests lackadaisical, curled up on a salty rock.  This should be interesting.

A woman paramedic, dressed all in white, grabs my shoulder with forcible hands and asks me, “Where is she?”

“Upstairs.”

“Can you show me?”  

I point, but she wants me to take her.  The upstairs door of the duplex is open and I see my dad crouching over my mom with a red soaked dish towel pressing on her belly.

The woman asks, “What did she do, sir?  Did she try to attack you? These people don’t know when to stop!”  She nods while she says this as if unspoken truths between two white people.

“She’s my wife.”

Silence.

The paramedic looks over at me and asks,  “Is he your son?”

“Shannon, go get Leece!”  My dad has pain in his voice, but I am still struggling to make sense of all of this.

Otter dives deep and brings up a sea urchin and he is now busying himself while pondering: that white woman, dressed in all white, is thinking.  Thinking is good. She has a lot to learn.

“These people—  You make me sick.  They belong on reservations.” She says this to my dad and as she attends to my mother. I come close and she kicks my feet and I fall down on my mother but spring right back up.

Otter twitches his whiskers and sits on a rock and realizes she has a lot to learn.  The sun reflects twinkling diamonds on the open ocean and a dolphin swims by otter and squeals and floats.

My hand is slick and warm.  I look at my mom and she says, I’m sorry Shannon, I’m sorry.  Tell your brother, I love him. I look to my dad, a steadfast Scottish/Norwegian, and ask him, Where is she going?

My dad looks at me and replaces my hand, covered in cloth and clotted blood, on my mom’s belly.  Now, I am mad. Why won’t anyone tell me what is happening? 

Buttons, our family dog, is shivering and trembling and tries to nestle her nose into my lap.  She knows less than what I even know what is happening. I grab her and snuggle her into my arms while she licks my face.

I sleep.