dear reader, 

they say that a poet's muse is her love... but what they fail to mention is that love comes with heartbreak, and heartbreak, will kill you from the inside out. yet love can also bring rebirth, renewal, a sense of purpose. i wanted to create a book that would allow you, the reader, to come along on my journey with me. moving several times has allowed me to explore new experiences, people and even love intrests. it's allowed me to find who i am and what makes me, me. i wanted this to be a book full of raw emotions that will either make your heart flutter or sink. i wanted this to be a book only for kind hearts. 

this isn't a love letter in the simplistic form of things. it's more of a goodbye, a letter that only let myself down. no, in fact, you let me down.

only you knew in your heart how you felt. it didn't matter what else people thought. the idea of us, me leaving you; shouldn't have scared you. but it did. did you isolate yourself from me? did you think that leaving me to swim in my pool of thoughts, which were full of you, was going to make you feel better?

your lips, my lips; there temples. i was going to give that to you. i was hoping you would too; that maybe somewhere deep inside, you were passionate enough? but you left me and my soul and we started to whither like a dying rose.

why did you do this? pull me to dance with you and then push me away like i'm some kind of animal. some kind of sick joke to you; you're the only one that's laughing- you just hurt me instead.

stop looking at me like i'm enchanting. stop putting your knee next to mine. 
stop toying with me. 
stop saying we are too different for my comfort.
stop giving me the idea of the possibility of us. it drives me crazy, like i'm some kind of thing to you.

maybe this letter is my excorism. it's not a goodbye letter, it's a love letter and i promised myself it wouldn't be. maybe i don't want to say goodbye to you; but that's just it. that is the reason why this is a web of confusion, vulnerability and fiery feelings. because i can't get you out of my head, my heart and everything else that makes me function.

and guess what? this isn't simple and maybe they don't want us to be; but you know fireworks were there. you could hear them and feel them. it was as if they shook your body from head to toe. so, stop playing with the fireworks and just let them explode.

so you have destroyed me. a self destructive game. you are like a hurricane; tearing and ripping apart at every broken seam.

don't you understand my grieving? why can't you connect the dots? your good at games so why can't you understand this one?

rip me out of your booming heart. the power is too much to take. don't talk to me any longer, take me out of your life. because i don't want to be in it and i don't want you to be in mine.

although we never said it too each other, i think we both knew. i choose my heart over my head which just ended up bombing you. i was so blind that i didn't see what you were going to do to me.

you think we've played each other? but who really ended up losing? a boy that didn't appreciate what i did for him? a girl that would go out of her way to satisfy you to see you beam for once?

i was there for you, the entire time. and you disregarded me like you grew sick of nice little girls. i liked you regardless of your flaws, even though there were a lot.

to me, sure you were a diamond in the rut, but there are so many diamonds in this world that sparkle brighter than you. you just lost little old me, a star in the dark night sky. someone who shined for you in your darkest hours. so sorry, but you just ended up playing your damn self.

this isn't a goodbye letter, this is a simple love letter full of it and i hope now and forever you feel bad about not letting things be. like i said, i only let myself down. no; us let me down.

this is a love letter not a goodbye..... 
it has been a year since our argument 
and so much has changed. 
maybe it's because we are on different sides of the revolving earth 
or maybe it's because you  just don't care any longer. 
but i thought i'd take the time and write you this; 
i still love you. 
and i’m sorry my last letter made you feel nothing 
and i’m sorry that i had to leave and i never tried again. 
this past year i’ve been thinking about us, you; 
where we went wrong 
and where we didn’t. 
and i guess i still don’t have anwser; all i know is that you gave up on me quicker than i gave up on you. 
i hope next summer when i visit we can finally close the wound
because to me it doesn’t feel like it’s been bandaged, only sugarcoated… 
but i guess that’s what we do for love. 
when i picture my life, still at home,  
i picture you and i; 
and what we would have done together. 
everyone says we would have gotten together; they couldn’t guess for how long; but they knew. 
and mum says i would have taken you to my dance and we would have laughed, kissed and made terrible jokes and pulled pranks on people we didn’t even know. 
i heard you’ve been hanging out with the wrong people; 
i always knew that would happen. 
and it pains and disgusts me that you’re throwing away your life; 
i want to fix it so badly 
but i don’t think i can from my dim lit desk halfway around the world. 
when we’ve talked breifly; 
i try to make your life a living hell 
so you know what it feels like. 
but then i remember that you just don’t care. 
and when i asked if you remember what happened that cold july night; 
you respond 
‘no, i just don’t care.’ 
and why would i want to be with someone like that anyway? 
my last letter was confusing, 
i admit. 
i was angry and upset and i just wanted you to love me. 
but i’ve learned now that you can’t make people love you. 
and i’ve learned that if you really want to say something…

...say it…