Before you get upset. NO I am not done. And NO I did not get lazy and stop writing. I will continue to write this and will have daily updates. So please enjoy and try to solve the mystery of my child.

   No I am not scared, No I am not afraid, but I am scared that you will hate me. Hate me just like all the others before you. An endless supply of hatred and before you say it. No I do not hate you. You are my child, my one and only baby, and as I hold you in my arms and slowly rock you to sleep, you will give me hate. Which I am full of.

“Mommy are you ok?” You ask pain streaking your eyes. I’m fine. Why can’t you just understand that, but I am not mad. I will never be mad, I could never be mad at you.

“I’m fine, jade. Just fine. Go to bed,” I say and feel myself drifting off. Pain fills my head and I know I will soon be gone. I only wish to leave peacefully and for you. My baby, to be safe. Then it happened, I was gone. My breath was sucked out of my lungs and I awaited the pain. But it never came. It never came. It never came! I laid down and awaited the end, the last second, my pain. There was nothing, no breathing, no pain, no tears, and no you. No jade. My baby was not there and that was my only pain.

 “Mommy, are you ok?” I heard your voice. Soft and smooth like an angel’s calming voice. It was soft but so, so powerful, and I had to wake up.

“Jade, is it you, baby, are you there?” I said and tried to wake but my eyelids would not wake, and I could not stir.

“Yes mommy, please wake up, who is jade?” She asked with such sincerity I knew she was not joking.