Born Alone, Will I Die Alone?

 

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 What's that saying?


Born alone die alone, I was born alone

 I still feel alone, becoming a young mum I was me seeking love, I didn't think it would be this hard, 

captured and caught up,

I was caught off-guard.

Blinded by the truth, tortured with lies,

They told me it would be alright.

Now I'm here feeling like I wish I did die,

To carry a child for 9months and have him taken away, the very same day.

They told me it will be alright! Things will get better. (It never did)

Every year that goes by it burns more and more like darn you, I've missed another year,

The tears, the fears of just not being there.


I've missed: His first words,first steps

His cries while he was teething,

I never got to hold him through any pain

Last year there was an accident a little boy riding his bike and got hit by a car,  I saw everyone crying saying yeah it's a well known boy he lives on this road his always skating up and down and riding up and down,(R.i.p) my heart sunk,

please don't let that be my son.


It gets worse,

 

I was just judged, labelled, "oh your not ready to be a mum"  

"your still a child yourself", "a child in care cannot have a child" was it my fault I was in care? I didn't put myself here, My offending behaviour then got used against me, to how my parenting would be, never given the chance just straight labelled, and I sit down and question is god even real? If there was a god why do these things happen to me?

If there was a god how can someone be so cold.

Seeking the truth I thought I found my way, I dressed correctly, I prayed 5 times a day, I fasted and cried, I begged my creator to even take my life. 

Feeling like I couldn't keep up the fight, 

Feeling drained, given up,  I stopped praying I stopped covering up, I became weak, my creator don't like weak but he forgives and he understands I will be back. But I just need my true love back, 10 years ago I felt like my heart was ripped out when they took him, and I know I will get him back but until then I've given up the fight. 

I was born alone, I won't die alone cause my son will find his way home. 

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