Even when I was "safe" at school, my mothers panicked cries pierced my mind.

"Get the fuck off of her!"

Smack.

"Stop! Please"

My life is hell. It is a living hell. I was only 14, and I had to watch my dad throw our family of five into a dark hole full of abuse, drugs, and starvation.

I remind myself of the worksheet in front of me. 'Get it together, Violet.' I scold myself mentally as I tuck away a strand of blonde hair to keep it from my dark green eyes.

I didn't know what was worse, having to live with the guilt of not being able to protect my mom from the mental and physical torture my father put her through, or having the responsibility of taking care of my two younger siblings. 

I sat in my class trying to focus, but my stomach growled. I needed to make it to lunch, but it had been a while since my last meal. 

The worst thing about hiding food in your room is feeling guilt when you eat it because there's a nine year old and a seven year old who need it more. 

One thing did provide me with relief though. The feeling of a smooth metal blade cutting my thin, pale skin. The sting of the cuts is a reminder that I'm not dead yet. 

I didn't think it would be much longer though, until I was.

I fucking hated this school. I sat in my eighth grade math class, bored out of my mind. 

It had been a year since I moved here and I miss my old school. My old life. 

My mom hasn't been the same since she got sick. She was once reasonable and happy, but now she's just... Different. She yells a lot, and often won't let me eat, sleep, or speak. I'm her puppet.

My dad is always working, and if he's home, he's sleeping. He's the closest thing I had to someone who understood me. 

I hate my life. My schoolmates avoid me, and I'm glad they do. I don't need friends, who are just gonna turn around and stab me in the back. 

Running my hands through my light brown hair, I try to focus on the equation, but my mind was running laps, reminding me of the night before.

I held a gun to my head once again, but couldn't pull the trigger. I don't know why, I have nothing. I don't care about anyone and I don't think anyone cares about me but I just feel like something could change. 

Or maybe I'm just too scared to rush the inevitable.

The bell rang so I packed my bag and hurried out of the class. With my head down I held my bag close and made my way to my next class. I could feel the stares that were directed at me, each pair of eyes latching on to me as if they were parasites sucking the little confidence I had from me.

The hall was starting to clear up, and I felt my body get pushed around in the small sea of people as passing period time started to run out. I realized I was going to be late and began to rush, only to collide with someone.

"Ouch!" 

I looked at the girl as she bent to pick up her papers. She wasn't fashionable, wearing dark jeans and a black shirt, most likely hand-me-downs. I picked up her folder and mumbled an apology. 

"It's okay..." She whispers, and rushes to her class.

I barely make it to mine when the ear shattering bell rings.

One thing people don't understand is that even when you get out of a really bad situation, you're haunted by it still. Every waking second you feel on edge, and when you're asleep you are rendered powerless by fear-induced nightmares.

It's relieving your own personal hell, over and over. 

My eyes are closed, yet I can see him so vividly. It's almost like I've seen him recently. But it's been two years...

"Hey, you gonna eat that?" The tenor voice ripped me from my thoughts and I glanced up at my best friend, who was pointing at the fruit roll up I had packed for lunch. 

Handing it to him, I took another bite from my sandwich and ate silently as the boys talked about video games. 

At the lunch table, I was the only girl sitting with a group of nerdy boys. Five of them. I didn't mind. They weren't so bad as long as you gave them food. Except for Leo. 

He never seemed very interested in speaking to me, and I could say the same. We just weren't compatible. He was seemingly kind when we have interacted but he kept to himself for the most part, and when he wasn't, he made comments in attempt to be funny. I was the only one who ever laughed.

I glanced at the brown haired boy, and watched him talk quietly to Josh