it's been a while, hasn't it?

 

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faults and mistakes.

i laughed at you

when you told me

you were afraid of the dark.

i did not know that you had been once consumed by it

stood one foot off a 500ft tightrope at 24 

ready to jump

i did not know that day

that you had been asking for some

comfort in me

with pleading eyes and a sad smile

i tasted only that of my green tea frappucino

while you tasted the twang of bitter rust and 

the salt of sadness

if i had held your hands in mine  that day

smiled

and told you you were allowed to be scared

i wonder

would you still be here

today?

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are you like Him, too?

we dance a convoluted summer dance

stretching limbs towards one another other

fleeting glances inching closer in

loud conversations with friends but

seldom face to face

i pour my heart through flavoured words from my tongue to you

you flee

you boast proud exultation in gestures of grandeur

i disappear

and yet i must stop to wonder if you are cut from the same cloth 

as Him

i see you talk to men like Him

proud, cocky smirks 

knowing you assumed the role of the predator in this

dog eat bitch world

 

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who am i to you, but second choice?

i could not reciprocate similar feelings

when you told me that you would often

feign excuse to leave a party early or

lay in bed for another hour

for i knew i was that girl

that offered invitation after invitation

curling her hair as i 

hummed a note of joy

as every

invitation after invitation

came back with an excuse

so jarringly carefree as yours

and i understand that you have never felt the same rejection

you so easily tossed towards me as if i had been of the same kind of worth a penny on the sidewalk has

i grit my teeth through my pained smile.

 

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when limits fall short of passion

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if these sheets were the states

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not right for me.

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i am less to you than you are to me

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loss for words, or you?

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en pointe cyclone

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drug to my addiction

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~

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