For Tania Marie Sarmiento, from love to laughter, we take seriousness in the stupidity of our heart's everyday imagination.

This is a collection of what my mind can conceive on the perpetuity of relationships, but most of all OUR relationship.

Love. Misery. Hope.

“Make wishes.” she said. I didn’t quite expect to wish for something beyond myself, I tried that once and nothing happened. For a while I learned that nothing seems certain when it comes to wishes being granted. Given the fact that what you wanted is actually isn’t actually what you needed.

I took my bag full of old newspapers, along with a pair of scissors and a highlighter and headed up to the terrace. I had a thing for highlighting words and making sense in something unfamiliar. This one sentence I got from the Daily Inquirer reads, “Humanity begins at the frailty of the acceptance of life.” It had a ring to it, like a knock on the door at three in the morning, ill-timed but you still have to get it.

I had a cork board in my office space in my room full of clippings from newspapers. At first you’ll notice all this random sentences, you can’t really make much aside from being highlighted with different colored markers but in the grand scheme of things, it was indeed a sight to see.

I left everything by the terrace and headed inside the house. It was a bit chilly in Cebu City at 5:45 am, so I decided to get my hoodie. I went into the bedroom and see her lying in bed, sound asleep. She looked ridiculous with her contorted position and messed up hair but despite all that she looked perfect.

I sat beside her in the non-occupied space of the bed which is basically about 20% left of it and I just stayed there. I couldn’t have been that stubborn to just neglect her advice. Indeed I was not even going to try to argue but I was skeptical. I did wish for something though, something vague and hardly imaginative. It was the stupidest decision I ever made.

I never knew people could be granted something they hardly even wished for? Let’s just say I did want something but I didn’t know what. Maybe my mind was just so tightly wrapped around the idea of the end that starting at the beginning would be impossible. “Isn’t it me who is supposed to be sleeping and wondering about the condition of this reality?” I mumbled. She didn’t even flinch, she’s was too consumed at snoring and being her usual self.

“I still can’t believe I met someone like you.” Remembering the fact that she almost ran me over with her car. I could have assumed she ran over at least three red lights in the speed she was driving. There I was minding my own business walking down a perfectly legal pedestrian lane when out of nowhere she zoomed and swirled in like a misguided missile with god-knows how much applied steering she was planning to make.

In the unluckiest luck of my entire life, she seemed to have missed me by an inch, in my petrified state of almost peeing myself. But I stood my ground like a man, thank you very much and had the courage to confront the perpetrator. Courage, well a good title for an inspirational quote is a rather ineffective motivator at the moment for I seemed to have collapsed and fell to the ground.

My ear pressed against the ground, almost being able to hear the main sewage system down below. Then I hear footsteps, from the looks of it, it sounded like she was wearing sneakers which squeaked a bit as her steps neared my peripheral area.

“Oh my god! Are you ok?” she asked. Well as of the moment I really can’t respond to her, for I was in a state of unconsciousness and was made rather clear by my sheer lack of life. She pulled me up by my right arm, supported my shoulders and helped me get in the car.

For a good stretch of about a few kilometers, I was passed out but I seemed to have regained consciousness amidst the blurred flickering street lights that passed us.

“Huh? Where am I?” I stuttered.

“You idiot!” she responded.

Well first impressions where out the window, at that very moment I can say that she is going to be a delight. “You were apparently drunk and decided to take an innocent stroll in the middle of the street where I almost ran you over.” Well it was a long conversation and I for the most part was not listening to a word she said.

She had this thing about her, that raw inhibited emotion that tells everyone that nothing in this world can come between her and her dreams. The way her nose reacts to everything, getting excited as she was getting excited. Her smile, although I could tell she had a sarcastic one at that moment but nevertheless she was perfect.

Looking at her today, here, serene, unmoved by her surroundings, to me she looked beautiful as the day that I met her. I was too proud to say that I did wished for someone like her. I lightly brushed her hair and set it aside to get a better view of her. I caressed her face, it was as smooth as silk but the ink on my fingers seemed to have made a rather huge mess of her already messed up look.

“Sam. Samantha. Wake up.” I whispered.

“Huh? Will? What time is it?” she mumbled.

Everything was where it was supposed to be.

Still and untouched but any other emotion but this.

Love.

“I did make one.” I said.

“Make what Will?” she asked.

“I wished for answers and I got you.”

And at that moment there was the cloak that covered us in a gripping time lapse of perfect isolation. I was hers and she was mine. She touched my face and looked at me with that look in her eyes that says “Yes.” I realized it didn’t matter what I wanted in this world, all that did was all I needed in the beginning. Life begets life and love begets love. It took me a while to understand the concept of acceptance but she managed to hand me a concise instructional handbook.

I was in content.

The world began to unfold revealing a hidden crease between the vastness of the inevitable. Like a secret pocket to your tailored suit jacket, it was unseen.

“I love you.” I said.

“Three words Will?” she asked.

“Yes. Three.” I replied.

“I love you.” she said.

I never wanted it to be that way.

But sadly it had to be.

If I could change how it was going to turn out, I would’ve done something. Anything. Just to have her just a little while longer.

Walking down a couple blocks going through Stanley Park, I noticed a man sitting by the bench under the tree near the bend going to the tunnel. It never occurred to me that somebody would be out this long in this weather. It was an usual cold freezing morning in Vancouver. Aside from its beauty, you’re going to have to get used to the cold.

I was walking near the man and asked him, “Hey there sir, what are doing all alone in this weather?”

“I am celebrating.” he replied.

He looked a bit frail for his age. He didn’t have gray hair or a receding hairline or even wrinkles. He looked like he was in his forties. He was wearing this dark green suede jacket with mismatched khakis and brown shoes. He had this look about him that reminded me of a young George Clooney, successful and must be a ladies man.

“What are you celebrating about?” I asked.

“Misery.” he replied.

I was a bit confused on what he meant, people never really had a celebration for misery, maybe Halloween for the dead but not that miserable. It occurred to me that he was alone in the City of Women. I bet he had a wife but I see no ring. He didn’t look miserable to me, not even slightly suicidal. But I couldn’t help but worry so I decided to take the time to talk to him.

“May I sit with you?” I asked

“Go right ahead.” he replied.

“What are you miserable about then…what was your name again?” I inquired.

“Anthony. My name is Anthony.”

“Have you ever realized that almost everybody in this world is living their life in the pursuit of happiness?” he asked.

As a matter of fact that is a good question. Everybody seems to be on the rage with this whole happiness thing. All aspects of life cramped up into one sole purpose, being happy.

“Yeah, I guess so, why?” I replied.

“We are too busy trying to be happy that we seemed to have forgotten all the other emotions that contribute to life’s great purpose.” he said.

He paused and grabbed his cup of coffee just idly sitting beside him and took a generous sip and breathed. He breathed life from this one little celebration of misery. He wasn’t a bounty hunter for happiness. He was Robin Hood for misery.

“I am celebrating misery as an important part of my life and where it led me and made something of me because in the presence of misery we find the light and hope for the kind of happiness we hope to attain.” he said.

“Why celebrate now?” I asked.

“Who says I am only celebrating now? I’ve been celebrating it on this day for the past 10 years.” he replied.

I was deep in thought.

This man gave me an epiphany of a lifetime. He wasn’t skeptic about his idea, he wasn’t trying too hard to bribe me into agreeing with him. He was a like winter in the month of May. You couldn’t understand while everybody was chasing their own kind of happiness, he was just here, celebrating. Celebrating that fact that he was miserable.

He was probably insane.

Or maybe not.

“May I ask you something personal?” I said.

“Go shoot.”

“What’s her name?” I asked.

He didn’t say anything right away. He opened the cap of his coffee cup and just stared at his already cold coffee.

He was smiling.

Why is he smiling?

“Her name was Penny and she was beautiful.” he replied.

“I lost her on this day 10 years ago. I didn’t mean for it to happen but it did and I regret it ‘till this day. Loving her was the best thing that ever happened to me and losing her was the worst.”

We just sat there and not a word was uttered. The park was filled with dry leaves and empty hearts. I couldn’t count on myself to tell this guy it’s okay because it wasn’t. I could hear the sound of birds clouded by the sound of heartbeats.

“Tell me something, do you have a girl?” he asked.

“I do but she’s half way around the world and every day is a prick of a needle.” I replied.

“It doesn’t really matter how far both of you are. It’s what kind of bond you’ve made. Don’t make the same mistake as I did.” he said.

I want to be with her despite the distance and the grueling wait just to have a glimpse of her or just even hear her voice. I still have a few months to go before I see her again.

“Don’t regret loving her, you will not lose her, you will only lose sight of her only to find her again with your hearts closer than ever.” he said.

I looked down and smiled and had fill that hasn’t been mended for a long time. Perception is a great factor in our decisions, I was such a cynic only to discover the optimist in me. Life begins when you tell yourself it’s time to live.

“Thank you sir.” I said.

“Sure. Get going then.” he replied.

I went away like nothing happened but something did happen. I had a clear thought of what life was. It may look that way but it’s not what it seems. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders only to discover other people are carrying it to. We only need to find the path that carries us to better days.

I grabbed my phone and looked through my contacts. I see her name and called her.

The phone rang.

“Hello?” she said.

“Hey Cathy. How you doing?” I said.

“Oh my god Rob! I missed you.” she replied.

“We are fine. What we have is worth it. You’re worth it. I love you.” I said.

“Oh you. When I see you, you better give me six reasons why we are going to make this work.” she said.

“Six? All I need is one.”

“Us.”