"Is she really..?" "Is it her?" "She's actually back?" "I can't believe this."
The once frivolous little girl was no longer the nonentity we imagined her to still be. Her name was all over the place. The center of all whispers, chatter, and gossip were about her. The place seemed to revolve around her, people were obsessed. Could someone really change so much in just 3 years?
The groups of friends mustered between each other, talking. She was back, and it had been 3 years. No one dared step forward, no one dared to speak up. She walked down the alley, chewing gum. She seemed somewhat taller, and more mature. She moved with her hands in her pocket, with neither a smile nor a frown. Her outfit was neither plain or ornate. With her hair tied into a ponytail, and with her piercing, daring eyes, she stopped in her tracks. She put her head up, and carefully looked around, as though perusing each and every individual around her. "What?" She spoke in a cold tone. And the whole place went completely, dead silent.
A staid atmosphere overtook the streets, the lights went dim. On the bridge between life and death, it twitched on and then back off. As though fighting to stay alive, the lights seemed almost alive. But within seconds, it was bright again. Noise aroused from the crowds that had gathered to see her. But she was already gone.
I wasn't ready to give in. I chased after her, and headed her way. I ran through the streets, and found her sitting by herself in a corner. I couldn't help but smile. She didn't change, she was the same person I knew. "Yo," I grinned. Her eagle-like, sharp eyes were now as mellow as a dove's. "Why?" She seemed to be on the verge of tears. I made a confused face, "Huh?" Her cold expression returned. Her tears just suddenly disappeared. "Why are you here? Why now, why not before? Weren't you my friend? Answer me. Why? Why?" She sounded desperate, and very, very angry. I wasn't ready to lie. I'd answer her earnestly.
"Because. It's because I was jealous," My head was up high, where it should be. But it didn't feel right. Not right at all.
"Shut up, loser. Jealous? I'm not the same person you knew before. I'm not falling for every trap you set for me, for every lie you fabricate. It's not happening again. Just give it up. You think you can oust the memories you engraved into not just my mind, but heart too? Who do you think you are? It's over. Everything is. Our love, friendship, that is," de lagged bitterly, "Hah, wait. I'm not even sure that 'love' or 'friendship' ever existed."
"Yin, please. Just hear me-" I was cut off.
She stared into my eyes, with focused, cold stare. "No, don't call me that anymore. Just don't. From today on, I don't know you, you don't know me. You better get that," she spit the words out, it was hate towards me. And for the first time in my life, I felt speechless.
She didn't return after that. No one spoke of her in public, and I doubt they spoke in private either. She was a nobody again. I felt myself tear after that meeting. I didn't want to see her, not if she was just going to leave again. She brought back memories I didn't want to remember. I honestly just wish.. she disappeared. That she was never in my life. It's not that I hate her... it's the exact opposite. I don't want her to go through this or suffer. I wish she was just a bubble, innocently floating, raving through the sky. I bet she would have a much better life than here as a human.
I lie in my bed. It's been 10 years since she came. My heart still thumped fast when I remembered that day, it sent shivers down my spine. I wish I could just forget.
I could hear the chirping of the cricket. I loved that noise. That one noise that kept the world alive, even in the midst of the night. It makes you feel like you aren't alone, like you're noticed. I stared at my desk, at the letter in particular. I gently grabbed it, and opened it up to read it once more.
My sudden visit 10 years ago must have really surprised you. I changed, didn't I? But change can come in good ways too. I didn't intentionally change. It just happened. As one grows, years pass, and you don't even realize it.
I didn't just change. Environment is a major factor that did this to me. I learned to adapt, and I became just like any other within. It wasn't easy, because I had no one. I was always alone. There was no one to turn to for advice, to recourse to, when I needed that comfort the most. There was no solicitous figure I could turn to. I sustained myself. I took care of myself. When I felt qualm, uneasiness, unsureness, there was no one to ease me. There was no one to bolster me in status either. Society annulled me. I became a speck in the grain. They rejected me. Because I was not like them. It's because I was different. I wasn't busy, and I'd often wander the streets with a big grin. And they were jealous of my life, my happiness. They were just like you. They were a deadly poison who trespassed into my life. They broke me into pieces, including my soul. They took me apart, day by day, one by one. I thought if I returned, I'd be better off. When I came back that day, all I felt was anger, and hatred. Not towards you, but just humanity. And I let it out on you. I blamed you for my spin, and I so bitterly regret that.
Maybe it's because you admit you were jealous. You fueled the burning fire in me, unintentionally. But the moment I left, I couldn't do anything but deplore. I wanted you to embrace me in your arms, and tell me that you're sorry. That you aren't jealous. But you tore me. Your words alone ripped me, shred me, to the point where I can't be fixed.
I hope you know I'm sorry. I know I hurt you too. It's been 10 years, hasn't it? I wonder if you would still recognize me. I'm still yours, don't forget that. I've been rambling on for quite some time, haven't I? Anyways, it's getting late. See you around-I mean it. :)
Your beloved, Yin
The letter no longer felt mysterious. It held Yin's feelings. It held her memories and past. It's been a month since she sent that.
Wherever she is, I'm sure she's doing well.
I grabbed my coat and slowly turned the doorknob. And I couldn't help but imagine Yin standing right in front of me with her usual big grin. I couldn't help but imagine her heartwarming presence. But the image I craved for was not there. The figure I longed for wasn't there. Instead of a cheerful Yin, I was greeted by a chilly October breeze. I sighed.
I could hear the busy streets, the cars passing by and the crowds around the shops of Virginia. The lights were dim, it was around 8 at night. I walked down the same alley she had walked years ago. I had my head down, and I walked in silence- until I crashed into someone. "Ow.." I could hear the voice of a young woman. I looked up, and apologized. For some reason, she looked familiar. Very familiar. "I'm sorry," I whispered. She lifted her head up and glanced at me. "So sorry, I'm really in a hurry, if you don't mind," she said with a warm smile and ran off. She stood up, and walked away. Her shadow got smaller as she walked farther away. I felt as though I was losing something, something important. I stared at her back as she disappeared into the crowds. But it hit me the moment she vanished. "Yin.." I muttered.
But it was too late.
Written by Kuenixi-
Nov 17, 2017