My friend once said "the world is so beautiful, i want to write a poem about it."
I started to think and realized I wouldn't know where to begin.
I could start with the sunrise or her eyes, they both make me feel alive.
I could start with the little girl always smiling, or the teenage girl still recovering, or the 2 people just kissing.
The fact that every second there are more than four births.
Everybody's perfect smile and laugh.
This world has weird ways to show love, but they're all so beautiful
But, this is the same world with hate fear, and endless wars.
There's slavery and ongoing years of oppression.
This is the same world that killed Martin Luther King for having a dream.
Where 50 LGBT can be killed and people rejoice.
Where you cannot make choices for your own body.
Where we send soldiers instead of relief.
Where it's easier to ignore how we are destroying our home instead of trying to help.
Where the kkk is not considered a hate group. Where world peace seems impossible.
Where nazis are sympathized.
Where being an unarmed black man is a death sentence.
Where 13 year olds are sent to conversion camps.
Where drug dealers serve more time than rapist.
Where black parents have to teach their kids how to act around cops.
Where obeying authority can still get you killed.
Where saying "black lives matter" is considered hate speech.
This world does not make sense, it never will.
This world has terribly awful shitty things.
But this is the world that you, we, live in.
You are alive and existing, there is happiness and love in this world.
This is the world where "love is love is love is love and love cannot be destroyed."
Where people stand up and fight.
Where "hope will never be silent."
Where you are good enough.
Where "some people are just meant to be in the same story."
Where "love gives us hope that change is possible."
Where we are all children of the universe.
This world can be shitty, but it is beautiful.
This is the world in which Anne Frank, who died in a Nazi concentration camp, wrote "In spite of everything I still believe people are really good at heart."
This is a world where hate is taught.
This is the world that we live in, this is our home.
fuck it I'll do it my way and the people I love will accept me because they love me
First you will cry.
You will feel every emotion that you've ever felt being washed down the drain
and you will taste the sour, bittersweet heaviness of sobbing at 4:38 AM on your lips
and you will scream so quietly it will be a whisper to others but a clap of thunder inside you
and your lungs will stop working
and your ribs will feel as if they were collapsing
and you will not be able to walk the next day because you will feel as heavy as a truck full of rocks.
Next you will be silent.
You won't speak,
you won't nod your head,
you won't smile,
you won't write,
you won't move.
You will suddenly be able to feel your bones and stomach caving inwards inside of you
and your skeleton will become so thick with the secret carvings in your skin that it will become a labyrinth that even you will not dare to explore
and the world will continue to spin, everything will go on,
and you will just stay numb to keep yourself from falling apart.
Then you will hate them.
You will curse every single person that pushed you to talk to them,
you will rant about how terrible they are
and how fucked up your love in the first place
and that it hadn't meant anything
and you will say they were just another burning star in the sky,
you will say that their light has started to fade,
you will say they never cared about anything,
you will say that it didn't matter,
and you will yell until your voice is raw and your throat is hurting
and you will go to bed silently wishing that the tears on your cheeks would stop pouring
and you will feel your inner self loathing at the core of chest for being so stupid, for caring in the first place, for being pathetic enough to keep all their things.
Then they will call.
They will make you question every single thought you've ever had,
every damn moral that you had created for yourself
and they will tear down your walls with an ax made out of love and nostalgia
and they will say that leaving was a mistake
and they will make you remember memories you had blocked out.
The old conversations have been deleted, all the photos no longer on your phone.
You will still cry at night sometimes
but your heart will become a boat sailing on rocky waters
but you will be okay.
The world will finally come to you on a cold Tuesday morning.
You will go home
and they will not call you
and you will not care.
This means that your lungs still work
and your ribs are in the right place
and you will go to sleep that night with the taste of happiness on the tip of your tongue.
In that moment
you will feel better than you have in months
and you will realize that you are okay,
your boat will not sink,
the storm is over,
the aftermath has passed
and you will be okay.