A Family break up after 37 years of marriage

 

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Synopsis

It is a real life story of changing times and changing values in our society over the past seven decades. My grandfather from my father’s side and my wife’s grandfather from her mother's side had become good friends and a beautiful relationship was started by them around 100 years ago .


Subsequently ,my father and my father in law became good friends , working in the post and telegraph department at almost the same levels .Their friendship continued till death .


I had known my wife from my childhood days but a liking grew between us when both of us became marriageable in 1977.


I was an extrovert, aggressive and a dynamic travelling salesman, very ambitious and smart but it made me quite authoritative and impatient to get ahead in my life .To a great extent I suffered because of my scruples and opinions ,having learnt from my parents ,my schools and the society , as to what is right and what is wrong .I fought for what was right and suffered at my different organisations.Sycophancy had become order of the day .


Bosses worked tas per maxim : KISS UP and KICK down below .


But yes , I was authoritative and a strict disciplinarian at my home ,since I loved a certain order in my surroundings always .It continues in my personality even today which makes others a bit uncomfortable with me .


My daughter started hating patriarchy in our society largely and prevalent at our home .To a great extent she was right but in our families from my parents onwards ,daughters and sons were educated and given equal care at home ,which continued in my family as well .Still , any society takes ages to change  its old values and systems which has given it stability .


My wife was also an extrovert, beautiful and an aggressive woman, looking forward to a good life and she was never like other women of our times .Very fond of cricket and other games that boys played .She  was quite cheerful and humour loving although quite lazy ,yet , very caring mother and a supportive wife all along.


We had a reasonably happy marriage for many years, may be for initial seventeen years of our marriage , till my fortunes fell down and I had to be jobless and job hunting for many days in my life.


I worked hard and got into an American MNC and rose up very fast as a manager .When politics started disturbing me at the big company ,I changed over to another American MNC trying to set up its base in India.We were paid well and we always stayed in the best of five star hotels but our products were not selling in the market for various reasons .My boss convinced the Americans that if we were to set up manufacturing base in India ,things would change .A smart engineer with MBA from a leading institution , he took all of them on a solid ride .I tried to convince my expatriate bosses that what our local boss was doing m but unfortunately ,I had to leave the organisation .

With my contacts , I got another job as a Managung director with a small German outfit , but my ex Boss made me leave that job too and whatever new offerings came my way  ,he became a bad reference always .

Amerucan company realised that and showed the door to my ex Boss along with seventy managers .But it took the company five years to realise what I was trying to tell them was in fact true .


Subsequently ,my career had a bad phase in an Indian outfit with whom I started working and remained jobless for two years .


Thanks to my two senior highly placed  mentors from Industry who helped me and I could come out of the woods . 


In many countries , especially in India ,a woman does not marry a man but his whole family and same goes for the man .Although my wife had normal differences of opinion in various matters but it was my parents and my sisters vis a vis her parents and her sisters which caused a major rift in our relationship .


My wife slowly started hating my parents and my sisters and I was very fond of them all , since we had seen some utterly bad days together as children and stayed very close to each other , which was always a matter of conflict with my wife,


We , on my side of the family , loved my wife’s father from the very beginning who was a very humble soul and very affectionate person ,The same could not be said about my wife’s mother and sisters who were different from their father in all respects .Her mother had suffered from psychological problems during 1960's , when my parents supported her and her family whole heartedly .


Closeness brings its own advantages and its own disadvantages in such relationships. My father and my wife’s father remained good friends all through their life .But her mother never did the same .


From Our childhood days , we had stayed with each other very close-by at Ambala Cantonment and at other times  stayed together in the same house .


I knew very well her family’s good and bad points and my wife knew about my family's secrets and almost every little detail .


A seemingly happy family to an outsider was slowly disintegrating under its own weight after having stayed together for more than 36 years , because of several reasons, which I am trying to explore now.


I am trying to go back and recount and understand various incidents , the ones , to me and according to me solely , are majorly responsible of this great break up.


My wife and my children would have their own versions of this fiasco .undoubtedly ,  which I completely respect .


It is quite easy to throw responsibility on somebody else’s shoulders and walk away free .All of us and our change in circumstances, have been responsible to a great extent of what happened to all of us .


Time and tide never remain the same and those who adapt and change according to the changing times remain reselient or fall apart ,otherwise .


Leo Tolstoy spent twenty years of his life in finding out as to what is the purpose of a human life?

He met renowned philosophers and scientists all over the world and came out with five commandments viz, Never get angry ,Never use cuss words ,Fogive often  Do not lust  , Love your enemies .

I failed on two of his first two commandments viz, anger and using cuss words but only against my wife and never against anyone as has been the custom in our country .

My family failed on last two counts that they never forgave me and became utterly vengeful against me and my family as a whole .

None of us had lust for sex in our life,thankfully .


One fine morning,the next day to my son’s wedding during September 2016 , I got ready and left my home and my family ,thinking when things get settled ,I shall go back home to my family .


Atmosphere was quite tense at home that time , after my wife and I had an argumentative fight getting violent and my daughter getting involved in it to support her mother ,as always .And her sisters walked in to make the matters worse .


Unfortunately ,the situation worsened even after more than two years of our separation .


Although we never got divorced yet  I have written an imagined case of divorce after 38 years of marriage in a court .


I tried to convince my family as to why we should always be together as a family for facing good and bad times in our lives .My wife belonged to 1950/60/80's and my children were from 1990/2000 onwards generation .

"Forget him ."

"Never forgive him ."

" Let him go to hell - " , was their attitude with which they stormed my wife 's mind .


No amount of my apologising and explaining helped me and I thought of putting my dirty laundry on the paper today .


In between ,I visited my wife and my daughter at their home , to talk to them face to face .I was constantly crying and my daughter was saying ," Dad we can never ever stay together as a family  ". I hugged both of them and came out in my cab waiting for me .


How it happened and why it happened is a long story of 37 years of ups and downs that every family goes through and luckily , we all survived our good and bad times for almost four decades .


But let me focus on the last ten /twelve years ,since my severe illnesseses viz, cancer of the kidney  hearing loss ,retina problem ,a big tumour sitting at the back of my forehead , my loss of job that happened during this period ,led to my overall downfall .


Was it pre destined ?


That is a typical Indian way of looking at things .


Is it karma of each member of the family that comes into play ?


My actions , my wife’s reactions , my children’s struggles with their career settlements .?


Or times had changed and we didn't change with the times and the so called generation gap ?


Do we keep postponing the inevitable ? 


And when incidents come together to let it happen and we look back in anger or amazement at the bygone times and feel sad and sorry about them .


Any family unit is a part and parcel of a particular society .


Metropolitan town dwelling has made it quite isolationary and small families nuclear In their existence ,to an extent that your next door neighbour may not even know what has transpired in your home .


During 2002 we were having our breakfast when we realised that the young married girl staying upstairs just above us was committing suicide .Only when we heard commotion outside ,we realised that a young girl had died .


Coming from smaller towns ,having lived in a well knit joint familiy and becoming a nuclear family in a metro city, takes one through quite a struggle in adjusting,adapting and creating our own little spaces with a few friends in our locality and at our offices to survive .


Modern living has exerted tremendous pressures on a middle class family all over the world, especially in India , to keep their heads above water and survive.


Children’s education ,watching their growth and career settlement has become a major issue, especially , if the parents and children do not want to fall in the rut and let children do what they love doing in their lives .


Simone De Behaviour ma French writer and philosopher , said life consists of CHANCE and CHOICES .

We are born into a family as a son/daughter/gay , which is purely a chance factor .

After our teenage years ,we make choices for ourselves ,whether good or bad but our entire life is governed by the choices we make in our adolescent years .

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Chapter 1

                                          Year 2000-2006


We were living happily in our small two bedroom flat at Rail Vihar, sector 56, in Gurgaon .


These were railway employees quarters built by Indian railway workers organisation.


A peaceful and well planned society for railway employees .There were more than 150 families staying in the society .There were four bedroom,three bedroom and two bedroom or even a single bed units there .Flats were mostly three storeyed , with a lot of open spaces and a community centre within the society ,


My elder sister was working at railway audits and got this flat on loan but she never stayed here .She had moved into another flat at DLF Phase-II,, Gurgaon and offered me to move into the vacant flat ,since I had no job in hand and my children were still studying .


Hesitatingly and with a lot of concern in our minds , with no job in hand , I had moved alone and sent my family on a forced vacation to my wife’s parents at Ambala cantt .I was hoping that I shall get an assignment or a job and would shift to a better place at south Delhi with my family ,where we had stayed for almost ten years ,after having shifted from Chandigarh .


Having  worked with well known American Multinational companies and some big Indian  Corporate  houses ,I was jobless for various reasons for the past two years ,which is another long story of how bosses kill their subordinates careers .It would need another book like this one .


But it didn't happen and we had to stay put and wait for better times .


Our hesitation for moving this far in Gurgaon was because of the house being far away from the main roads ,with no conveyance facilities or shopping facilities nearby .


I used to commute to my office,nearly 40 kms every day  by my car but my son had a tough time going and coming back from his school at south Delhi , in an autorickshaw filled with labourers and low level people .

My daughter had to take a bus from the main highway , where I would drop her by my car from where she used to catch a bus .But m while coming back she had to walk down from the highway and stay at my elder sister’s place at DLF -II , till I picked her up in the evening while coming back from my office and brought her home .


Things improved slowly and I got a job ,first as a consultant and then as a regular employee with an upcoming healthcare organisation and we started staying in this flat ,when gurgaon was still coming up in the year 2000.

( I remain grateful to my highly placed mentor who helped me get the assignment ) 


Gurgaon was quite deserted those days and even a cab driver would fear coming this far till sector 56 ,at night .


Shepherds from Rajasthan would often come here in winters with their flock of sheep and build their temporary huts on the large tract of vacant land ,just behind our flat . It reminded me of Aryans having moved from Mediterranean to India almost 2500 years ago, since there was no fodder for their cattle back home in winters .


Whenever it rained ,I enjoyed sitting in my small balcony to watch rains on the open landscape 

.

It has all disappeared since then over the years and a number of buildings have come up on the vacant land .


We had our parental property at Ambala cantt, where my younger sister , a divorcee from 1987  , but employed as a lecturer at a local college  ,stayed with her school going daughter .


She was fortunate having stayed with my old parents,  looking after them financially and they supported her and her daughter till their demise in 1997 .


My younger sister was teaching mathematics as a lecturer at a local college and go by small two wheeler called Luna and then by her scooty to her college , nearly 20 kms away from our home and taking private tuitions in the evening at home or checking mark sheets .


After our parents death , we decided to sell this house so that my younger sister could construct her own house near to her college at Ambala City and I could use the money to pay up the loan that my elder sister had taken for our Rail Vihar flat .


We took some money to buy a motorcycle for our son so that he could be mobile ,while I was away to my office nearly 30 kms away .


A very peaceful sharing of proceeds from selling our parental,property happened among three of siblings .

My wife always felt that the entire proceeds should have come to me as a son 

But I was absolutely clear in my mind that the proceeds had to be divided in three equal parts .


Delhi has been built and rebuilt over the last 1300 years starting with old Delhi during Mughal period ,Tughlakabad made by Mohammed Tughlak and Mehrauli as well as Qutab minar constructed by Slave Dynasty in the year 1298 and then Britishers building New Delhi towards southern side as Lutyens Bungalows and Viceroy house which is now Rashtrapati Bhawan where India's Prseident stays 


A large flow of people from all over the country , extended the Delhi metro boundaries  on all other fronts towards eastern Delhi as Trans Yamuna or Noida and Greater Noida  and towards west of Delhi  as Nrayana ,Shalimar Bagh ,Azad pur and going towards Sonepat in Haryana .


Population has been on the increase and people shift from smaller towns from all over the country to Delhi for better job opportunities and better life styles with good infrastructure around . .With Haryana border and UP( Uttar Pradesh ) border as well as Rajasthan border on its three sides ,Delhi has now become Delhi- NCR Viz, National Capital region .



After shifting from Chandigarh,we all along stayed at south Delhi for children’s better education facilities and good infrastructure here ,compared to other parts of Delhi .


Off and on we stayed at Bangalore,Chennai and Mumbai for short periods of time and feeling well settled in a rented accommodation at south Delhi .Owning a flat was to become difficult with escalating costs every year .It wasn't easy to take bank loans even ,those days as it is today .


Gurgaon was a small village and new Gurgaon was now developed by a real estate builder known as DLF .They built DLF in phases and developed modern glass office buildings ,attracting a lot of multinationals to shift their offices here .Independent bungalows of different sizes and small flats were built for public ,Railway and Defence also built flats for its employees at Gurgaon .


Hospitals came up slowly and later on big supermarkets choked the roads of Gurgaon .Young Boys and girls now had some place to go to and chat at a coffee shop .

Previously they  had to go to Gautam Budhha park to get privacy where police disturbed them.


 Comparatively ,  Mumbai has huge beaches  , where these young ones go and sit in privacy , but not in Northern India .


Over the years, Gurgaon has grown as a modern township of India with a lot of multinational companies and their employees shifting here .I always felt that it was a part of a mad rat race going in a certain direction and finally choking it completely .Like all other major cities in India ,we have acute water shortage in summers and electricity supply is like a vagrant boy who keeps running away from his home .

Commuting from Gurgaon to Delhi or Delhi to Gurgaon has become quite painful  for employees in the morning and towards evening hours .


Smart builders have built society flats with power generators and underground water tanks , so that residents have 24x7 electricity , water supply and security guards , above all .


There came a time in my career when , I had no job and could not pay the high rentals at Delhi , despite my best efforts .I ate up all my savings during these years , when my ex colleagues were taking easier loans and moving into their own houses and here I was hunting for a job .


We stayed in this small but cosy flat for six years and still recount the good times we had at Rail Vihar, till 2006 .


I got a good job as a General Manager at a local leading healthcare company and was entitled to buy a big branded car but decided to go in for two smaller cars ,one for myself and the other for my family to use when I was away to my office .Although my wife drives car but my son used it more often .


My daughter had passed out her masters in mathematics from Delhi University .She was a bright student all through her academic studies  .A highly systematic and responsible child , who never let us bother,  as parents , about her studies .She was an introvert child from the beginning and very responsible for even small things in her daily life .A teacher at her school used to call her Little lady and she was exactly a like little lady from her childhood days .


Children have their little brains and hearts and whatever they hear or see in the family, gets registered in their mind very fast . My daughter never said anything but kept a lot of her pains in her tiny heart , which I was to learn much later after our separation .


Parents should be careful in the language they use , while fighting with each other or in various arguments,  since children may not say anything but keep registering these small incidents in their hearts life long .This shapes them as an adult when they grow up .


There is a serious dichotomy in India on the shift of children from their schools to college levels .


We put our children in the best of English schools, but once they have to shift to colleges ,there is always a mad rush of percentages and parents have to run from college to college to get their child admitted in a reasonably good institution .It marks a big difference from well organised schools to completely disorganised college atmosphere .


There is a sea change for any child in this respect , in any part of India in this respect .


From my own past experience , I realised that if a child does graduation or post graduation in a particular subject and doesn't wish to go in for Research or teaching ,one has to face difficult time settling down .There are many roads open to a child leading in confusion till he or she gains clarity about her own self .


We always felt proud that our children were different from the general lot .Well behaved, very respectful to their elders and trying to find their own niche areas to succeed ,rather than running in the ever growing mad rat race outside .


My daughter was always fond of reading good books of English literature .She composed poems from quite an early age .


Teachers at her college won't teach well and most of the students used to go to an outside tutor who was running parallel college classes in mathematics, just opposite their college .He taught the students like a strict school master and he was never short of students wanting to learn mathematics from him .


After her graduation, She cleared GRE exam for applying to US universities for doing her PhD .Fortunately,she got admission at Rutgers university in USA but was tied closely with her own classmate who was a shade better than my daughter .University offered her PhD but on payment basis and I could not afford to spend Rs 13 lakh per annum those days and she continued with her masters in Mathematucs at the south campus of Delhi University .


There were a few students in her class and their professor always sponsored a student from her batch every year for Houston In USA for doing PhD .


The teacher never chose my daughter , since she was a shy and introvert student and an extrovert ,more ebullient student was chosen ,who was a close friend of my daughter , from north east ,quite fair and an active girl ,The teacher was impressed with her and selected her to be sent to Houston to do her PhD .


My daughter did try to apply again after her masters for going  to USA but wasn't successful this time .


This made my daughter quite sad and more introvert and she lost all interest in pursuing mathematics .She could have gone for her PhD at Delhi Unibersity or followed some other course in her life .

Here I had a realisation much later .


I didn't perform the role as a good friend to my daughter , by boosting her self esteem , which was going down in her abysmally low .


My son had passed out his class XII exam with a great difficulty .He had no love for tight schedule of school and college education , which bored him to hell .


I did help him to clear his class X exams , when I was jobless and he passed out with flying colours .


But after we shifted to Gurgaon and I got busy with my own job,he started slipping again in his studies .


We put him in a local school at Gurgaon and I helped him with his compartment examination in Physics , so that he cleared his final class XII Board examination .


A bright young boy ,who was interested in astronomy and so many other fields of learning in life, but sitting tight and cramming the subjects were not his cup of tea .


As a father I was often worried about my son’s education .( But consoled myself that even Einstein and our great Guru Rabindranath Tagore also hated going to their schools , but both of them became nobel laureates in their own fields,later on in their lives . )


As parents we wanted our son to do graduation, even by a long distance education which would help him in his life all through , anywhere in the world .


But ,despite my taking leave from my office to teach him ,it just didn't work out .


Destiny had something else in store for him and he was to become a successful professional musician in his life later on ,


He was struggling to find  his way out of the mad race ,after finishing his class XII exam .


He started pursuing music, by learning acoustic guitar by himself or with the help of a computer and singing at a local restaurant.He used to sing at the small balcony outside our flat or go upstairs on the rooftop to sing freely and loudly .


As a father ,I started feeling that he needed a better vocal training and we got him a South Korean teacher ,an opera singer and a conductor . This teacher taught him for almost for two years and after that he left for South Korea,He did a good work on my son’s voice and I did see visible improvements in my son's voice control .He had borrowed a good baritone voice from me and his grandfather but didn't posses the range of higher notes which myself and my father had .


His teacher used to be a conductor in city minstrels( -a choir group who would sing Christian hymns on Easter or on other events and the choir consisting of volunteers of all age groups ) and my son became a part of this choir .As parents we always attended his shows at the local church or at an auditorium ,


For western music , there were hardly any institutions for teaching Western music , one could learn at Delhi School of Music or  practicing on one's own .


He did join a newly opened school of music by Rai foundation at Delhi and my son had his own motorcycle to travel now .But this music school closed down after a few months .


My son learnt music with the help of his computer and his own patience and passion for music .I always wished I had known earlier that my son wanted to pursue western music and would have got him a good teacher early on in his student days .


As children my son and my daughter used to learn Indian classical music with a private tutor , after their school .My daughter completed her diploma for three years but my son left it in between .Later on I realised his interests lied more towards learning musical instruments especially in western music .


Music has always been a part and parcel of our family genealogy .My father had a good deep baritone voice and he used to sing for pleasure .I used to sing Light music on stage till my university days but we never thought of making it as our profession .


Entertainment industry had started coming up in India during 1980’s ,opening several avenues for young performers .Parents had also changed their opinion about entertainment industry as my children came of age .


My son got admission in Berklee college of music at Boston in USA but fees was Rs 20 lakh per annum .This college was quite renowned ,not only in America but the world over for Contemporary western music .


Now the value of my flat had gone up and I decided to sell my flat to send my son by paying his first year fees.The entire graduation course was for five years .My friends from USA used to tell me that I needed to pay only once for my son’s ‘first semester and the rest my son would generate himself .This did not happen since my son was not allowed to work at the college part time or outside for two years of his study course .


Me and my wife completed 25 years of our marriage in this house and celebrated our silver wedding anniversary with our close relatives and friends .We did a Havan by Arya samaj priest who was to do this Havan for our family on all our future wedding anniversaries for many years till he died in 2016 and as a family we also separated in 2016 .


We got together with our close relatives at our home ,pushing furniture aside and kept there is a steel Havan kund in the middle of the hall and a fire was lighted with the help of special woods and Havan Samagri .Arya samaj Havan basically thanks god for one's health ,Nostrils ,knees and eyes , water and Fire ,the two most essential elements of our life .


In India, we have many religious groups and sub groups .Major ones are Sanatan Dharma which has many temples with a lot of idols inside for doing prayers .


Sikhs have their own temples called Gurudwaras .


Muslims always pray in the mosques .


With the coming of Britishers, India , now , had a lot of Catholic , Protestant and other sect churches in India .


Arya samaj was developed by swamy Dayanand Saraswati during 1800’s to rid Hindus of superstitions and idol worship and focused on our ancient Vedas , who didn't believe in idol worship and based his religious teachings on our ancient Vedic culture .Arya Samaj usually performs Havana to cleanse the air within a home and pray to Fire by chanting Sanskrit mantras .


Similarly Brahmo samaj was developed in eastern India to get rid of superstitions and idol worship among Hindus .


The land of India is full of gurus ( teachers ) of al shades and hues with a large following by poor people .Many of such gurus have exploited their followers and are lodged in jails for raping young girls .Many foreigners get attracted to them quite often .Beatle group and Steve jobs were some who came to Imdia in search of peace .


When Muslims came to India,a lot of poor people became Muslims for avoiding to pay taxes .


When Britishers came to India ,these poor people became Christians to gain acceptability in an otherwise caste ridden society of India, which looked down upon the lower castes like cobblers ,carpenters and sweepers .


Most of them had adopted Buddhism to gain acceptance to the social circles in India .


My mother in law developed breast cancer at her home at Ambala .We brought her to Delhi and showed her to the best of doctors but her cancer had spread badly on her breast .We ran around to get her radiotherapy but unfortunately ,she had a terrible fall and fractured her hips .We consulted orthoPaedic surgeons but she expired .


We performed all her last rites at our flat during January 2006 and sold our flat in March 2006 to send our son to USA .


My father in law tried to counsel his daughter as well as me to not to sell our only fault since we were growing old .We had taken a loan for a new flat and I had a good job going ,so we never bothered about his concerns .Little did we know that things would change drastically very soon and we would have to stay in a rented property and always thought of advice given by my father in law .

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Chapter 2

2006-2016


2006 was a great year for our family ,when our son was going to USA for his studies and I had booked another 3- bedroom flat at Gurgaon in a society for RS 38 lakhs .

My job as a General Manager with a leading healthcare group was still on , hence , I could easily get a bank loan for buying this flat .


Before my son went to USA ,our family.visited Mata vaishno devi temple to say our thanks and seek the goddess’ blessings for my son’s success abroad .


44 years ago my father had taken me to the same temple , after I scored meritorious marks in my class X during 1968 .


My father was an atheist and never went to a temple or did any prayers at home .As children we saw our parents working hard but we were not aligned to any particular religion as such . My mother would get up early in the morning and she said short prayers after her early morning bath .But we had a faith in Vaishno Devi all along our life .


A little odd it may seem , but it has been true all along .


At times we feel weak ,fearful or defeated in our life because of several reasons and approach a higher being for help .It could be our senior mentor or still a higher being who protects us .Whenever we felt we were happy and comfortable in our life , we always went to Vaishno Devi temple to always bless our family and also to keep our heads in balance ,

.

We all went by air,this time , till Jammu( a part of Jammu and Kashmir towards extreme north of India ) and took a cab from there till Katra ,( the base city from where we start climbing the hills leading to the temple ) or take a helicopter , which we had booked online .Also we booked our rooms at katra and at what we call Bhawan ,the place where Devi resides .


As senior citizens ,my wife and I had a problem climbing the tough hilly terrain , so we took a helicopter till a point near the temple( called Sanjhi Chatt) ,from where we all walked or took ponies .


The ritual is to have a bath in icy cold water mas and when we reach there and stand in the queue for walking upto the point where Durga Goddess resides . There are three PINDIS ( I don't have exact translation of pindis in English but there are three heads lying there as small rocks ) where Durga ran to her safety on a lion when chased by Lord Bhairav ( a villain God ) ,as the story goes .

Previously ,we used to get through a sliding tunnel with our feet in ice cold water upto the place .As the number of pilgrims increased, authorities made a long queue system to have our Darshana.


We, in India , have a lot of goddesses like Durga ,Kali ,Parvati and others but practically , in our society women had always been given a low status compared to men in the society , which is another oddity in our society ,


The women were not required to be educated since they had to manage homes before 1947 .They would learn cooking and stitching and how to manage a home properly .Many educated families sent their daughters to schools and colleges but largely ,women folk were kept away from high school education .


This used to be true till sometime in history but after India gained independence in 1947 , women’s education came to the forefront.


Women started working as teachers ,as fighter pilots ,as members of parliament and in all other such positions occupied by men previously .


But all said and done ,they live a highly insecure life even today in our society .School or college girls feel insecure walking alone on the deserted roads, especially at night even in metros like New Delhi.


Young uneducated boys are on their look out and Rape them or molest them .


Situation on this front is going from bad to worse and police inaction as well as social disparities are responsible for it .What surprises and shocks one is when small children are also raped in villages and cities ,


And we all pray for women gods but do not pay respect to our own women in our society .


Although my own parents were different in this respect and they always gave equal education and care to all their children whether boys or girls .We followed the same trend with our children but my daughter always hated patriarchy and authority exercised by men in our society .


Before my son left for USA ,he did a stage show at a well known Delhi auditorium .His show was based on Elvis Presley songs .My wife bought white shoes and white coat with golden and silver stars and white pants for my son , just as Elvis wore .My son had grown long sideburns and hair like Elvis those days ,


The show was a great success and my son directed his band ,performed as Elvis and coordinated everything for the show .


The hall had a capacity for seating 200 people and a large number of people were sitting on the footsteps , to watch my son sing .


Sitting in the audience, I felt proud of my son and realised that my son had many qualities as a stage performer ,as a singer ,as an instrument player and as an arranger of musicians and overall coordination for his show .Asrranging money ,arranging instrumentalists  , conducting rehearsals and finally directing the show and performing himself on the centre stage .


Music was to become his biggest passion in the coming days .


Since we had sold our flat at Rail vihar ,we had to vacate the flat and move to another big three bedroom flat in sector 55 at Gurgaon on rent , till we got the possession of our new flat .


A lot of farming community had started selling their one acre plots to real estate builders at upcoming gurgaon and took possessions of one or two flats in the society and the rest were sold out .A lot of funny named societies were coming up in sector 55/56like Nagina ( means snakelike ) which changed its name later on .Shiv Shakti ( Prowess of God shiva ) and so many other names .


We moved into a society flat called PARTH ( meaning a student or disciple ) and had booked a flat in under construction society named Prerna( meaning inspiration ) 


We had paid advance money to the owner of the flat but when we went to see its status ,we met with a huge shock .So many families had booked flats in this society,  awaiting possession for the past two years .They all discouraged us since the builder was evasive .


We were conned and spoke to the owner .


I had a lawyer friend at my previous company and she helped me frame letters and sent by registered mail to him and I was able to get double the amount of money , I had paid to the owner as an advance for the flat .


We looked for many more flats but the cost of these flats has gone up and was now beyond  our budget .


We shifted to Parth society flat for three months and ended up staying there for ten years .


Many a times, it happens in our life and God Almighty smiles at us from the heavens , since we don't know our future course of events .We plan for something and completely different events face us in our life .


This society had around 40, three bedroom flats of 2200 sq ft area each , which made the rooms quite spacious with big balconies outside all the rooms .A well maintained park was developed by the society at ground floor for children to play or for senior citizens to do their walking .


Our flat was well furnished with an excellent woodwork in the kitchen and all bedrooms .A huge show window stood in the living room .


Our son had already left for USA .


Unfortunately ,I lost my job in September 2006 .


This gave me and my family a big blow .


( I shall write in details about  my experience working with with US Mulrinationals in India and large Indian corporates in India,  where I spent nearly 30 years of my life ) 

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Deserted by my family

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