How Angels Die

 

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Divine Intervention

 

The snow was crunchy underneath Lacey's shoes as she hopped through the yard, not soft and fluffy like she thought it would be. She looked at the clouds and she squinted at the bright white clouds and giggled as the snow fell on her face. The falling snow was better; it gave her cold kisses as it drifted down and settled to join the rest of the blanket that covered everywhere in Lacey's whole world. How was it that the clouds shone so bright when it snowed? They must be full of stars and sparkly angels Lacey decided. Lacey hopped to the letterbox, never setting both feet on the ground until she got there. She peered through the slot, covering the sides of her eyes with her hands and turning the world black. She waited for a while but couldn't see if there was any mail so she slid her tiny hand under the lid, letting in as little light as possible. Compared to absolute black, it was still blinding. She searched for letters, for parcels, oblivious to the impossible driving conditions around her. Her efforts proved fruitless, and she withdrew, letting out a small sigh. She turned, watching her skirts fly out around her with the motion and went to start towards the warm house again when she stopped.

 

Her heart skipped a beat. In front of her was the single most beautiful and frightening thing she had ever seen.

"Are you an angel?" she asked, her voice small but clear. The creature smiled, and crouched to her level as adults sometimes did. She stepped forward, as she would if the angel was anything close to human.

"Will you show me what an angel is, child?" the creature asked. "I might be one and not know it, for my people gave me a different name." Lacey smiled. The angel's voice was beautiful, it sounded like Chrismas carollers.

"You must be an angel! You're beautiful and you have wings!" The creature pulled out an arm, bringing it's leathery wing with it. Lacey watched, enthralled, as the it turned the hand back and forth and stretched the muscles.

"I could be an angel, I think. Yes, that would please me." Lacey grabbed the angels hand and pulled it towards the house. The angel stood up and Lacey let go; the creature was too tall to reach while standing. Lacey opened the door, her gloves making the process more difficult than it had right to be, and she stepped inside to allow the angel passage. But the angel was gone.

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Instinct

All her life she had been preparing herself to deal with blood and carnage. Being a pilot was a huge responsibility and many other lives hung in the balance of her decisions. She was an excellent pilot because unlike most, she cared about her passengers. She loved people, loved the way they walked and talked in the same and different ways. She would sit alone at lunch some days simply to revel in the glory of her race. They were beautiful, all of them, and all of them unique. It was rare to meet many people of the same shade of skin, and even if you did, their hair, their facial structure, their expressions made them utterly unique. The passion she felt about even the scrawniest little boy and the strongest woman also made her an excellent fighter.She was confident because she cared about all these people, and she knew she was better than them. Her colour was light and beautiful, her legs strong and fast, and her instincts were almost never wrong.

 

She had been right this time. It was the first time that her instincts had proved infallible and she had been disappointed. She had only just returned from a scouting trip that had taken a little more than 8 months and she was more than ready to feel solid ground under her feet again. When she was on board, she slept in two hour blocks, always ready to jump up and pilot the ship should she feel something, anything wrong. If she hadn't woken up only two hours after arriving home, she would have been still on the planet. She had never lived alone, even though she could afford it. Her house was always full of people, which suited her, but not many others. The ones who lived with her were usually young, from all sorts of occupations and they were always interesting to watch. She banged on all of their doors, put the kettle on and grabbed some mugs before she started opening the doors she couldn't hear movement behind. One woman was asleep, her legs tangled in her blanket, her pet cat taking up most of the room.

"Ebony!" she shouted. The girl woke, sitting up and suddenly in a perfect defence pose. If only she was a lighter sleeper, she would be a perfect soldier. Periwinkle gestured impatiently towards the common area and left her to dress and join them. The other two rooms behind closed doors proved empty.

 

Sunset had been the kind of man who wanted colour everywhere and had repainted his door within an hour of moving in. Not a single piece of furniture matched, and yet he was compulsively tidy. He would be on a job. He was a plumber, and the service field was full of unruly hours. The other room belonged to

Mint, who had just moved in a couple of days before Periwinkle had left on her last voyage. Periwinkle had never been in her room before and could see not a single piece of furniture that conveyed some sense of personal style. If she was right about waking everyone, about getting out, would she remember Mint? She was sure she would, but it was only a name. Only a colour. Only the image of short, green hair that was styled in a tiny ponytail in every waking hour.

 

Periwinkle shook herself and poured hot water into the mugs. She handed them around and each of them put in a small pinch of waking herbs. Periwinkle added a touch of sweetherb to hers, before taking a sip. Every eye was on her, but that was not out of the ordinary; she commanded a certain amount of awe and was used to people following her orders without question.

"We are in danger. We have perhaps two hours before this planet will explode. I don't know how or why, just that I've seen it before and felt this need before. The need to run. You're young and healthy and can work on a ship as well as anyone. Will you come with me?"

A certain silence followed her question. She could almost see it hanging in the air in front of everyone, demanding their attention and implying something different to each of them. Olive coughed. Coral stood up.

"What do you need?" he asked.

"Well to start with, about 45 more people." she replied. Within 10 minutes, they were all out the door. Apricot brought his art supplies and Ebony her cat, but the others only wanted their identification and communication devices. Periwinkle collected the spices on the way out, knowing they were hard to come by at last minute. As they left, Periwinkle recruited people. Jonquil and Forest answered their door quick enough to come along but the rest of the apartment was asleep. Jonquil was a scientist and she had updated her communication device to be able to contact anyone. Using it as a transmitter, she burnt the message "COME TO DOCKS IF YOU TRUST CAPT PERIWINKLE'S INSTINCTS" across every device within 200 kilometers. Anyone further than that would not make it in time. 

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Love

The scientist gazed out the window at his future. They had been able to see the swirling blue and white planet for weeks now, and tomorrow they would land. His friend walked up to him and placed her hand on his. He felt a rush of emotions flow into him and inhaled sharply. His friend was the only person who had ever shared their feelings like that with him and he was unlikely to ever get used to the intimacy. She withdrew her hand and sat down, leaning against the window.

“Don’t you want to see?” he asked.

“I won’t be able to see anything other than it tomorrow, and most likely from then on.” She paused. “I’m afraid.”

The scientist looked sadly down at the woman, knowing it was beyond his understanding. All scientists were said to be alike, but she was as alien to him as this new planet was to her, no matter how much contact she allowed their skin to have. He dropped down heavily next to her, but he kept facing the window. Everywhere was better than where they had come from. And yet even that was preferable to the ship. Their knees touched, but their long pants kept their minds safely concealed. Even as he wondered what she was thinking, he didn’t consider touching her. Much better that she open up vocally.

“That planet is teeming with creatures. With aliens. What if they hate us?” Her short hair was almost falling into her eyes and she swept it aside with a quick hand movement.

“We hate us,” the scientist reminded her. “Whatever it is out there has to be better than this.”

Blue looked at her friend uneasily. He said things like that too often. He yearned for more affection, more acceptance, even as he declined her. She helped him in the lab. She chose to sit with him at lunch, even though she was not as universally hated as him. She shared her thoughts with him. That was more love than most people got in a lifetime, and it had only been two years! How can one yearn for something he had never experienced?

“Emerald, I…” she started. He sighed and stood up. She always started her lectures the same way. Blue was the single most important person to him. Her hair was always that little bit too long, always wanting a cut. Her eyes became the most iridescent light blue when she saw the world in a petri dish and turned near black when angered. She could write with both hands and seemed to be able to carry a million things in her mind at once. He had never met another Blue. There was an Azure on this ship, in the kitchen. He had once worked with a Denim. He had seen Teals and Ultramarines on the street. But she was the first Blue. And her skin was more lovely and her eyes more expressive than any other person he had ever met.

So why was she not good enough for him? The answer jumped into his mind at once, as it had so often before. She loved him as best she could. And he certainly loved her. But he wanted better than love.

But better than love doesn’t exist.

The doors to the lab burst open with a bang. The captain stood in the doors, one hand on her popped hip, the other resting casually on the gun in her holster. Blue stood to attention at once, moving so quickly that Emerald only had time to back two steps before she was level and then in front of him. She was a true woman at that moment; brave, fierce and obedient. Emerald felt a child again next to two women at the height of their fields.

“Periwinkle.” Blue made the name a caress. The captain looked her up and down, a smirk on her lips. It was said that before she became a pilot, she was on track to be a mother. Emerald imagined Periwinkle growing larger and more fierce and shuddered, glad that they no longer required natural births. Women who were at ease with their sexuality petrified him. The possibility of parenthood only appealed to certain women. That amount of pain and transformation for a small amount of pleasure seemed very alien to him. Perhaps if he was a woman, he would understand the appeal of an orgasm. He had now shrunk back to the edge of the room; picking up random beakers and setting them down, making a note of nothing in a notebook so as to appear busy or uninteresting.

Periwinkle sat in the lone chair in the room, her legs spread wide and her head tilted back so as to still see Blue behind her. Blue was at the chair at once, combing through the unusually long hair and rebraiding it. Emerald watched out of the corner of his eye, resisting the urge to look at the fascinating, terrifying women and their moment of raw intimacy. Periwinkle made a grumbling noise at the back of her throat and smoothed her shirt unnecessarily.

“We land in two hours. You’ll want to pack up your toys and get a final meal before then. We’ll need every one of us armed in case of hostility when we open those doors. And I need you to dig up all the details you can on this planet. Naturally, it should be able to sustain life, due to its position relevant to its star, but we need to know if the soil is fertile, if there is water, if there is air. We cannot hope to survive on our rations for more than another two years, but either way we will be able to use the plants we brought with us to replenish our stores if we must leave.”

Periwinkle stood the moment Blue’s hands left her hair. The braid cut through the air as she spun, touched her mouth to Blue’s briefly and then exited, almost faster than Emerald’s eyes could reluctantly follow her. Blue’s eyes were the same colour as her skin as she turned to Emerald. As he watched, her shoulders relaxed and her eyes brightened. He touched her lips gingerly, unafraid to show his fear. Blue’s lips twitched upwards and her eyes brightened further. Her joy at him opening up to her was even greater than the primal emotions that had swayed her while her captain was in the room.

“She’s more in touch with her feminine side than me,” she said as they packed the few remaining pieces of equipment into crates. “Around you, I grow softer. Which is fine, but she already thinks so little of us, due to our… occupation.” Their occupation was not one anyone would choose. It was slightly better than cook, but even cleaners were regarded higher than scientists. Doctors had a certain grudging respect for them, due to having to learn new treatments from them and teachers would be civil, due to the knowledge they wished to share, but on the whole, being a scientist was lonely work.

And this ship had 10. They worked in pairs, four to each lab and two becoming medical interns, taking in turns to sleep and rest. Emerald had spoken briefly to everyone on the ship over the two year voyage, but due to the generally shy nature of scientists, plus the loathing they felt for anyone who shared the same occupation (including themselves) made it hard to make friends. Not that Emerald needed another friend. He had Blue, and that was hard enough as it was.

Once, about 6 months into the voyage, she had asked him if he would make a child with her. Even with the relatively impersonal method they had been using for over 20 years, almost as old as he was, he had refused. It was impossible for Blue to understand at first, their love was stronger than most, even then. But there wasn’t room on the ship, he had explained. We can concentrate on rebuilding our race when we get to a stable place. It was a feeble excuse, but one their captain had agreed on. Blue’s eyes had gone almost black as he excused and expounded, curled into a tight ball in the hopes of avoiding her wrath and she might have killed him, if Periwinkle had not stepped in.

“I started this voyage with the last of our entire race. The last of our species. The last of our planet. I will not lose even a single one of us, not even a scientist. Not even a male scientist. And our supplies are enough for 50 people. Not one more or less. So if I won’t allow you to kill Emerald in order to make room for your child, we won’t have enough food, or oxygen or space suits for one of us. There will be no procreation. There will be no killing. You will all obey these orders.”

Blue had snarled, her fury at the rejection making her the single most frightening thing Emerald had ever seen. Periwinkle had cupped her face in her hand and made a gesture with the other. A moment later, Blue’s eyes lightened considerably, but she looked so hurt, so betrayed as she slumped to the floor that Emerald had forgotten his fear and reached out to her. He carried her all the way to her bed before he noticed the dart in her neck. He plucked it out gingerly, so scared to hurt her, so scared she would wake up and hurt him. He changed her into her sleeping clothes, surprised by the desire that filled his body as he saw her naked. He had seen precious few unclothed women before, and the beauty of their physical nakedness was often drowned out by the sheer confidence and strength that the women displayed. 

But here was Blue, his Blue, more vulnerable than he had ever seen anyone. He found himself making excuses to touch her, to brush her hair back so it wasn’t in her eyes, to feel her arm to make sure she wasn’t cold, to straighten her top, the back of his hands coming in to contact with her stomach. Somehow more intoxicating than her appearance, was the softness of her thoughts that gently pressed into his mind, slow and groggy from the drug, barely there at all. She was sad, sleepy, comfortable, but those emotions didn’t overwhelm his for once.

Hating himself for giving into temptation and forgetting to hope that the drug was strong and she wouldn’t wake up, Emerald explored her body. He touched her eyelids, found her hairline and discovered the tops of her ears were more pointy than his. He traced her veins, and gently moved her arm to discover the creases it made. His eyes widened as he noticed her nipples taught against her top and he almost jerked away. But instead his hands were at her sides, slipping under her shirt and feeling the curve of her breast from her flat stomach.

Her body and his hands were warm against each other and he moved slowly, dragging out the moment when he would touch her nipples when he noticed that her chest was no longer moving slowly with each breath. Blue was awake, her eyes almost white, and their emotions were moving in synchronicity. They were both scared, and both deeply aroused. Blue reached up and touched his cheek softly, more softly than she had given him reason to believe she was able. She looked at him with new eyes, seeing the near-white green eyes and the slim chest, the long fingers before they came to rest on the bulge in his pants. Emerald looked down too and backed away from the bed, puzzled and worried. He had never connected the idea of an erection with arousal before, they were simply something that happened now and then that he associated with shame and sleep.

“I’m going to have a shower. I’m sorry, I was out of bounds there.” Emerald’s voice came out lower than usual, and husky, so he coughed.

“I didn’t mind. I’m a little confused, seeing as last I heard it was you that didn’t want to procreate.” Emerald avoided her eyes and moved for the door. “I love you.” Emerald finally met her gaze and his eyes were darker than she had seen them.

“I love you,” he replied, the words stilted and tough.

She had only touched him once before that, and though she often showed him her moods through a touch on the hand since, the intimacy had been too frightening. He wanted her and her love, but he often had the sense that there was a gap in his heart, and it hurt too much when he thought about the love he shared with his striking co-worker.

 

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A Decade of Angels

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