Catch Me, I'm Falling

 

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Introduction

She was watching the window, waiting for something big to happen.

In the morning there was sun

And in the evening, there were stars

And somewhere in between

She had an idea.

A notion

An inkling

An iota

That burrowed down deep into that part of her that still believed in dreams.

The notion settled there

Took up residence

And set down roots.

So she listened while it spoke

Took note of every word.

She set off to fly, to soar high above the world, leaving behind the reasonableness of commonality, the sensibleness of her ordinary window

To chase the notion of a dream.

And at an altitude so high, the notion fell silent

Leaving her suspended in unfamiliar air.

Calling out to it, she coasted, waiting for response...

But there was only silence

And the echo of regret.
 

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Chapter 1

Chapter One

 

“You don’t mean that. You don’t know what you’re saying, Mir. Can’t we talk about this again when you get your emotions in check?”

 

He had the nerve to sound upset.

 

Miriam pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it in disbelief.

 

“Miriam?” She could hear the tinny voice calling her name through her phone’s speaker. “Miriam? Are you still there?”

 

“I’m here,” she replied woodenly, the plastic and metal of the phone feeling unnaturally cool against her flushed skin. “Evan, my emotions are perfectly in check,” she continued calmly. “There’s no reason we can’t have this conversation.”

 

She could almost hear the man on the other end of the line shaking his head - she knew him just that well. “Miriam, I’m not going to discuss this right now.”

 

“If not now, then when?”

 

Evan sighed, and Miriam knew the conversation was as good as over in his mind.

 

“Evan.” She could feel the beginnings of a pitiful whine creeping into her voice, and she hated herself for it. Evan hated whining, and she hated who she became when she whined. But she was frustrated, and more than anything else, she wanted him to understand what she was feeling. “Evan, I meant what I said. I love you. But I can’t keep playing this guessing game with you.” She shook her head, swallowing thickly against the lump in her throat. “We’ve been together now long enough for you to know whether or not you feel the same.”

 

“Why do you have to push it, though?” He rebutted angrily. “Why are you forcing me to talk about feelings I’m not ready to discuss?”

 

“Because it matters!” Miriam exploded, the lump in her throat dissolving into tears that forced their way past her eyelids. “Because it matters to me. I can’t go through this relationship wondering every day whether or not you feel the same way about me that I do about you! Do you realize how frustrating that is?” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a streak of black and white fur. She’d scared the cat out of his hiding place, and now he was making his way to a quieter room in the tiny apartment.

 

There was silence on the other end of the line.

 

“Evan,” she tried uncertainly.

 

No answer. Miriam pulled the phone away from her ear, and it lit up to reveal her lock screen, a photo of her and Evan at the Montgomery County State Fair that had been taken last summer. There was no longer a clock to show that a call was in progress.

 

Evan had hung up on her.

 

***

 

“Christopher,” Miriam called, her eyes scanning the living room for signs of the cat. “Christopher Jameson.”

 

The cat poked his head around a corner of the sofa, and Miriam gave him an encouraging smile. “I’m sorry, Mr. Jameson,” she sighed. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” She held out her arms, and the cat hesitated only a split second before sliding out from his hiding place and walking toward her cautiously. He nudged her hand and looked up at her as if to say, What’s wrong?

 

“He hung up on me,” she sniffled, fresh tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. “And when I tried to call him back, he didn’t answer.”

 

The cat gazed up at her, mesmerized by the sound of her voice, but obviously unable to understand the words. Miriam sighed, stroking his fur absently and gazing out of the window at the Northwest city skyline.  

 

“When are you gonna learn, Mir?” She sighed to herself. “You always do this. You fall hard, and you fall fast, and nothing ever comes of it because men think that kind of thing is crazy.”

 

But you didn’t fall fast, her mind objected. Be honest with yourself; this has been building for a while now.

 

Miriam couldn’t doubt the validity of the statement. She and Evan had been friends for a long time. Growing up, he’d been one of her older brother’s best friends, and even when she was a teenager, she’d had a huge crush on him. The crush continued throughout her late teens and early twenties, even after he’d moved away from the area. She kept in contact with him through letters, and every time he received one of her letters, he would call her. Thus a friendship was born, and they became close as they got to know one another. Though there were only three years separating them, Miriam maintained the idea that Evan never saw her as anything more than his best buddy’s little sister, and she never dreamed that one day he would ask her if she wanted to take things to the next level. But he did, and when he did, Miriam nearly flew over the moon.

 

They’d been doing the long distance dating thing for about six months when Miriam realized that she was in love with Evan. Of course, she reasoned with herself that she’d had a head start on him, and naturally he wouldn’t have the depth of feeling for her that she did for him. But she decided that she wanted their relationship to be built on trust and honesty, and so she told him how she felt.

 

At first, he’d brushed it off, saying that she was only saying that to make him feel good. He’d laugh, as if Miriam were making a joke when she told him that she loved him. Eventually, though, when he saw how serious she was about professing what she felt for him, Evan started to change. He became distant, even aloof, and treated her differently. He called her less and less, didn’t write her anymore, and whenever he came to visit, she would only get to see him once or twice - he was always “just too busy with other things.”

 

Finally, when Evan came to town and didn’t let her know (she’d had to find out through her brother, who happened to be playing basketball with him that day), Miriam decided that it was time to confront the issue head-on. So she’d called him, and thus ensued the conversation that ended with Evan hanging up on Miriam and Miriam in tears.

 

She sighed again, and the cat purred softly. They sat in silence for a long time, Miriam lost in her thoughts.

 

The sound of her iPhone chiming from the bedroom shook Miriam out of her daze, and she bolted upright, forgetting that the cat was in her lap. Christopher Jameson yowled as he went crashing to the ground, hissing and spitting at her as he retreated back into his corner behind the couch.

 

“I’m sorry,” she called sincerely, backpedaling into the bedroom and diving headfirst into her comforter to retrieve the chiming device. She glanced at the screen, her heart racing in her chest as her mind soared with hope that the caller was Evan and he wanted to apologize and sort things out.

 

No such luck. Miriam sighed, sliding the button over to answer the call. “Hi, Nick.”

 

“What happened, Mir? Evan is pissed.”

 

Miriam rolled her eyes. “Of course he would tell you that,” she snapped. “What else did he tell you? Are you taking his side?”

 

“First of all,” her brother rebutted, his voice filled with righteous indignation, “I’m not ‘taking his side.’ I just want to know what happened. Secondly, I’m calling you because if Evan’s pissed, that means the chances are high that you’re probably inconsolably upset.”

 

“I hate that you know me so well,” Miriam mumbled. “But for your information, I’m fine.”

 

“Yeah, and I’m going into the space program at NASA tomorrow,” Nick retorted. “C’mon, Mir, tell me what happened. I’m bringing Chinese food and beer.”

 

“I don’t need Chinese food and beer,” Miriam snapped, even though the thought itself made her mouth water and her stomach rumble.

 

“Well I do, and I was lucky enough to find a parking spot close to your building, so get ready to buzz me in. You can watch me eat and drink if you’re not gonna join in. But either way, I’m coming up.”

 

“Fine,” she relented.

 

She could almost hear the victory smile.

 

***

 

“So tell me what happened,” Nick began, around a mouthful of egg roll.

 

“Do you want the long version or the short version?” Miriam asked, as she spooned chow mein onto her plate. “Because, if I’m gonna be perfectly honest with you,” she continued, echoing the sentiments in her head from just a little while ago, “this whole thing has been building for a while now.”

 

Nick shrugged, munching his egg roll.

 

“I told him that I loved him,” Miriam replied, opting for the short version.

 

Her brother took it well, she had to admit. There was no widening of the eyes, no gasp of shock, no disbelieving gaze. He finished chewing his egg roll, swallowed, and took a swig of Stella Artois. “Okay,” he said slowly. “And?”

 

“And he freaked out,” Miriam shrugged. “I took that as a clear sign that he doesn’t feel the same. Also,” she added, a hint of bitterness creeping into her tone, “he hung up on me, and when I tried to call him back, he wouldn’t pick up the phone.”

 

“How many times did you call him back?”

 

She stared at her brother in disbelief. “Really, Nick? Out of all the questions you could have chosen to ask at that moment, that’s the one you go with?” She shook her head. “Only once. I’m in love, but I’m not crazy.”

 

Nick chewed in silence for a long time, and Miriam wondered what he was thinking. He and Evan had been friends long before Miriam and Evan had become a thing. She wondered if he would take his friend’s side over her after all. “Well?” She said, when she couldn’t take the silence anymore.

 

Her older brother looked at her. “If he can’t tell you how he feels without being childish about the whole thing, he’s not worth your time,” he stated simply, reaching over to grab another egg roll.

 

Miriam waited for more pearls of wisdom. None came. Nick went on eating.

 

“So that’s it?”

 

Nick sighed, looking up from his plate to meet her eyes. “What do you want me to say, Mir?”

 

“He’s your friend!”

 

“And you’re my sister,” Nick replied without missing a beat. “It’s true that he’s my friend, but I know how the mind of a male works. Evan is a grown man, and I’m not gonna sit here and defend his childishness. If he can’t man up enough to have a serious discussion with you about feelings, why should I advocate for you to waste your time and emotional energy on him?”

 

Miriam stared at her brother. Was this the same guy who, just last summer, pushed her into the swimming pool on a family vacation? Was this the same guy who used to throw boogers at her as a child? She shook her head. I guess we really do grow up eventually, she mused to herself. “Okay,” she said slowly, taking a deep breath. “Not what I was expecting, but okay.”

 

Nick chuckled. “So does this mean you guys are officially over?”

 

Miriam lifted one shoulder uncertainly. “I took it as a pretty clear sign.”

 

“Then don’t worry about it any more tonight,” Nick suggested. “Let’s put on a movie, preferably something superhero-themed, finish up this six-pack of Stella and this Chinese food, and worry about the rest tomorrow.” He looked around. “Where’s Jameson?”

 

“Oh,” Miriam replied sheepishly. “I think my phone conversation with Evan scared him. And he’d only just come back out from his hiding place when you called and I dumped him out of my lap in a hurry to get to my phone. I thought you might have been Evan,” she went on at her brother’s look of confusion.

 

“Okay, definitely need to put on something action-packed,” Nick mused.

 

Miriam glanced at him witheringly, but stood to shuffle through her collection of DVDs. “Hey Nick?” She said, her back still turned to him.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Nick didn’t need to ask what she was thanking him for; he already knew. And he didn’t want to embarrass her by rehashing it all. So he nodded simply, smiling around his food.


“Don’t mention it.”

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Chapter 2

Chapter Two

 

More than anything else in the world, Miriam Ophelia Calloway wanted a family.

 

Not just any kind of family, though; she wanted the happy kind. The close-knit kind, the kind that people wrote the perfect sitcom scripts about. She wanted nothing dysfunctional, nothing broken.

 

"Is it too much to ask?" She inquired of the cat, the one non-familial male in her life that had never let her down. The cat's name was Christopher Jameson, and even that was no accidental happening, no randomly chosen moniker that Miriam had decided upon.

 

Christopher Jameson was an actual person, and though Miriam had no idea what the man was up to lately, she remembered well the boy who had been her first crush. She'd confessed her feelings to him by way of a note, written carefully in her newly-perfected twelve-year old cursive. She'd poured out her heart, admitting her affection, extolling his virtues, and asking him if he'd do her the honor of "going steady" with her (she'd heard Nick use the term occasionally and figured it appropriate for her situation). In hopes that Christopher would answer in the affirmative, Miriam slipped the note into his backpack while he wasn't looking.

 

Twelve-year old Miriam met the following day with optimism and hope as bright as October sunshine. She made her way into the school building with a smile on her face and a spring in her step... That is, until she noticed photocopies of her letter to Christopher, the letter that she'd worked so hard on, the letter in which she'd exposed her innermost thoughts and feelings, taped up on every wall in every hallway of the school building.

 

Miriam was devastated. Tears blurred her vision as she carried her last shreds of dignity and pride in her hand and marched up to Christopher's locker to confront him about the photocopies. Of course, the boy denied knowledge of anything; he claimed he hadn't even read the letter. The sparkle of amusement in his eyes screamed otherwise, but even as a preteen, Miriam was wise enough to know when she was beat. She, along with her faithful best friend Jennifer, snatched down every letter that could be found and shred them all into bits. Miriam's wounded pride and broken heart eventually mended themselves, but she never forgave him and she never forgot. She'd named her cat Christopher Jameson to remind her of how painful love can be when you dive in headfirst.

 

And here she was again, suffering from wounded pride and a broken heart, this time as a young woman in her late twenties. She wondered if she'd ever learn her lesson about wearing her heart on her sleeve; wondered if she'd ever find the love that she'd been searching for so diligently her whole life.

 

The sound of the can opener drew the cat toward her, and he watched, his attention never straying from his mistress as she spooned food into his dish. Miriam set the bowl on the floor, and without any preamble, Jameson dug in. Miriam watched him eat without really seeing him, her mind sifting through memories of the other experiences she'd had with dating.

 

There was Robert, whom Miriam had met through her circle of friends - he was the brother of a girl that Miriam hung out with occasionally. She and Rob had dated for a few months before Rob had sat her down and had a long discussion with her, a discussion that included phrases like "I need to find myself before I get involved in a serious relationship," and, "Once I accomplish X, Y, and Z, we'll be together for certain." Miriam had smiled through it, though her heart sank with every word, her hope based on his promise that once he'd gotten himself sorted out, they'd settle down and get serious.

 

So she'd waited. A month went by, then two, then six, and she'd heard nothing from Rob during that time. But Rob had made a promise to her, and so she'd waited ever patiently for the day when he'd make good on it.

 

One night, Miriam's friend Alaina invited her over for dinner. Miriam agreed to go; she always enjoyed going to Alaina's house, and she knew most of the people invited were in her own circle of friends. She'd only been there ten minutes when in walked a mutual friend of Miriam and Alaina that Miriam hadn’t seen in years; Miriam had leaned in for a hug, and when the embrace was over, the mutual friend leaned back and grabbed the hand of the man who'd walked in with her.

 

"Let me introduce you to my boyfriend, Rob," the mutual friend had said.

 

Miriam's eyes met his, and everything else in the room threatened to fade into nothingness. Miriam called on the three years of drama classes she'd taken in high school, trying her best to muster up a casual smile.

 

"Nice to meet you, Rob," she'd offered pleasantly, as the man in question eyed her warily. Miriam turned back to the mutual friend. "How long have you all been together?"

 

The mutual friend beamed then, batting her eyelashes coquettishly at her boyfriend. "It'll be exactly a year next Tuesday," she'd responded, her tone of voice radiating affection.

 

Miriam had nodded, her casual smile still intact. "That's wonderful," she'd managed, and later she would wonder how she could get the words out around the lump in her throat.

 

She'd left the party five minutes later, apologizing to Alaina and blaming her swift departure on an upset stomach. For weeks afterward, Robert had called her, leaving apologetic messages in her voicemail begging her to let him explain himself.

 

Jameson purred in satisfaction as he finished the last of his breakfast. Miriam smiled down at him. "All done?"

 

"You do realize that he has no idea what you're saying, right?"

 

Her brother stood in the doorway, his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

 

"That's what you think," Miriam retorted. "Jameson's smart."

 

Nick shook his head, amusement in his handsome features. "I'm on my way," he said, leaning over for a hug. "I'd stay, but Chelle's parents are coming for lunch today, and I've been commanded to come home and lend a hand in the prep."

 

"Uh oh," Miriam giggled, poking him in the side. "I hope that means she needs you to vacuum, because your cooking's still abysmal." Her brother shot her a withering look, and she held up her hands in defense. "I'm just saying! Tell your wife thanks for letting me borrow you," she continued sincerely.

 

"Will do. Thanks for letting me crash, little sis. Call me if you need anything." And with a peck on Miriam's cheek, he was gone.

 

***

 

"Oh, come on," Faye scoffed, raising an eyebrow skeptically. "You've had at least one good one, right? What about what's-his-name, that foreign guy you met when you were volunteering at the museum two summers ago?"

 

"Dane," Miriam supplied. "Beautiful Irish man. Tall, with gorgeous red hair and emerald eyes? You mean that guy?"

 

Her best friend nodded. "Yeah. Whatever happened to him? You guys seemed to hit it off really well."

 

Miriam chuckled sardonically. "We did, didn't we? We had such a great conversation that day. I don't think I've ever met a guy so friendly." She glanced at her fingernails. "It's so funny, I don’t think I ever told you that he and I traded emails for a little while after he got back to Ireland."

 

Faye's eyes lit up. "Yeah... And?" She looked at Miriam expectantly.

 

Miriam shrugged. "The last email I got from him included a picture of him and his girlfriend."

 

Faye's jaw dropped, and she gaped at Miriam, shock evident in her features. "His what?"

 

"Girlfriend," Miriam repeated. She shrugged again.

 

"I could have sworn he was single," Faye mused.

 

"He was," Miriam agreed. "But I guess conversing with a stupid American girl like me made him realize what better options he had access to back home."

 

Faye shot her a Look. "You are not stupid," she countered.

 

"Nevertheless, he's apparently known her forever, and maybe they were just waiting until he got back from touring the States to make it official."

 

"That's too bad, Mir," Faye replied, looking at her friend sympathetically. "I'm really sorry."

 

"Eh," Miriam offered noncommittally. "It fits in my track record. I can't say I'm surprised. Although, I do have to wonder how she did it," she continued. "I mean, Evan and I have been friends forever, and that didn't work out so well for me."

 

Faye didn't know what to say to that. The two friends ate in silence for a long time, watching the people on the sidewalk go by.

 

"I need to use the restroom," Miriam said. "It's the end of my favorite week of the month."

 

"Ugh," Faye groaned with empathy.

 

Miriam stood, making her way through the open patio door of the restaurant. The sudden darkness of the inside after the bright sunshine of the day momentarily blinded her, and by the time she saw the body in front of her, it was too late.

 

"Oof!" She exclaimed, slamming face first into what felt like a solid wall of human being. She blinked hard, her balance in her stilettos faltering dangerously, her eyes still fighting to focus and adjust to the sudden darkness, and was startled when a pair of arms wrapped around her waist.

 

"Steady there," the man chuckled, and Miriam drew in a sharp breath at the sound of his voice. Finally, her eyes began to behave, and she looked up, up, up into the face of the man she'd collided with, the man whose strong arms had stopped her from tumbling headfirst to the ground in one of the city's nicest restaurants.

 

He was gorgeous.

 

No, Miriam thought to herself. No, that isn't right. He's breathtaking. She blinked rapidly, taking a deep breath and praying he couldn't feel her heart pounding wildly against her ribcage. "I... I'm sorry," she managed, cringing at the squeak in her voice. She cleared her throat and opened her mouth again, trying hard to ignore the fact that his hands were still wrapped firmly around her waist to steady her. She wondered if she'd fall if he let go. "I'm so sorry. I just... It's so bright outside, and coming in here was such an adjustment for my eyes that I didn't even see you---"

 

"It's alright," the man interjected, his warm voice still full of amusement. "Are you hurt?"

 

"N-no," Miriam managed, and to her relief (and disappointment), he finally let go. "Thank you... For saving me. I probably would have tumbled over head first if you hadn't caught me."

 

He gave her a brilliant smile. "Don't mention it," he replied, with a wave of his hand. He then held out the hand toward her. "I'm Aaron, by the way. Aaron Peterson."

 

Miriam shook the proffered hand, offering him a smile of her own. She hoped there was no spinach stuck in her teeth, and that her lips weren't chapped. "Miriam Calloway," she said.

 

"What a classy name," Aaron said, flashing her that brilliant smile again. "It's nice to meet you, Miriam, although I'm sorry it had to be under these circumstances."

 

Miriam laughed, and to her surprise, Aaron's eyes lit up at the sound.

 

"I hate to sound like a creep," Aaron continued, "but you look awfully familiar."

 

"Well, I did grow up here," Miriam offered. "Maybe we went to school together or something." Yeah, right, she thought. She would have remembered going to school with someone as gorgeous as Aaron.

 

Aaron shook his head, confirming what she already knew. "No... I just moved to the area," he explained. "I don't know very many people here yet."

 

"Hmm," Miriam mused.

 

He furrowed his brow in thought, and Miriam tried not to stare. Suddenly, his face lit up again, and Miriam could almost see the light bulb above his head turn on. "You work for Landau, Wainwright, and Perkins!"

 

Miriam gazed at him in surprise. "Yes," she affirmed, wondering how he knew the law firm she worked for. "I'm Joshua's paralegal. How did you know that?"

 

"I had an interview there on Friday," he explained. "And your picture is on the wall."

 

"Oh," Miriam managed softly, her face flushing. The picture on the wall was not a flattering one. "How did it go?"

 

"Great, actually," Aaron beamed. "They want me to start as soon as possible."

 

Miriam's heart nearly leaped into her throat. This gorgeous, amiable creature was about to become a part of her every day life? Had life just dropped a blessing into her lap? She tried to calm her nerves. "Congratulations," she offered, giving him her best smile. "It's a great place to work."

 

"Seems like it," Aaron nodded. He glanced down at his watch. "Sorry to run, but I'm supposed to be meeting a friend down at McPherson Square in about twenty minutes. Is that far from here?"

 

Miriam shook her head and gave him brief directions to where he needed to go. They said their goodbyes and parted ways. He didn't ask for her information, and she didn't dare ask for his. She figured there was no rush; they'd be working together soon anyway.

 

"What's got you so happy?" Faye asked, eyeing Miriam's grin as she came back to the table.

 

"Nothing," Miriam said, trying to hide her smile.

 

"Terrible liar, remember?" Faye shook her head. "Out with it. You look like the cat that got the canary."

 

"Okay," Miriam exploded, her grin unstoppable. "Did you see that guy that came out just a few minutes ago?"

 

Faye nodded. "Giant in the light blue button-down?"

 

Miriam nodded.

 

"Yeah... Who's he?"

 

"Apparently the newest member of our firm," Miriam replied. "I literally ran into him, and he caught me."

 

Faye rolled her eyes with a laugh. "Could you be any more cliché?" She managed.

 

"It wasn't on purpose!" Miriam exclaimed. "It's so bright out here and so dark in there that I was literally blinded the first few seconds. He was coming out as I was going in, and we collided."

 

"Mmhm," Faye said, smirking.

 

Miriam just glared at her.

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