Hi my name is leaujenea. You can call me suzuran for short. In Japanese it means "Lilly of the valley" my race is Japanese and black I just turned 18 years old. I'v seen people the same sex kiss and ever scince I was little. I'v been curious about what I like. The first time I thought I was bi because I found girls and boys attractive. I would always look at girls butts and I always thought boys are cute. I wasn't sure then I decided to date a girl for a change. But that didn't work out i guess she really liked me but I felt bad because I thought I liked her. I alway thought she was cute and she was but I didn't feel sexually attractive too her. So I guess I just stick with guys. I had a gay friend way before that but he didn't want to admit it at that time. I always found him cute I went out with him a couple of times but that didn't work out. I always had trouble finding a guy I would like. The problem was I was picky and I still am picky I want an ideal boyfriend everyone dreams of I alway wanted that fairy tail boyfriend. The one I would never get.
Ps. My friend says I'm genderfluid maybe I am!?.
My ideal boyfriend is something in my life that dosnt exist. I want a guy who is loaly, nice, and sweet someone I can trust. I want him to have long black hair with blue pretty eyes. I want him to love me and only me and no one else I want him to only look at me. I would be happy living a life like that I think anybody would be happy with that. I want him to love me. But it's hard to find that person I think I have seen him only one time. I was at the hospital and I saw a guy with long black curly hair and he was wearing a red and black suit. Witch I thought was weird because those were my favorite colors. I mean come on have you ever seen a guy randomly walking with a red and black suit walking at a hospital normally it's black or white? I'm guessing no. But it was crazy I was thinking about him for a while but that's okay I guess.
Ps. I look like him when I fantasize not the guy at the hospital but my ideal bf.
When I was 16/ I always thought what it was like to be a boy. What it was like to jack off every once in a while what it feels like to have intercorce with a female I was really curious. I liked to dress like a boy sometimes but I never had that many cloths to dress like a guy I wish I did but sadly my cloths we more girly. I'v always wanted to be a boy I would get along with mostly guys more than girls I'v always got into trouble because I was hanging out with guys who had a girlfriend but I wasn't trying to still him. I'v always been jelouse about others relationship because I wanted that too. But then I started to hate girls most of them are pretty annoying but I can kinda get along with some. I'v never been moody when I was always on my period and sometimes my period with skip to a month then a year but whenever I'm on it I would cry a lot because it feels like I'm being stabbed continuously. But it will just skip I'v always thought it wasn't normal I'v been going to the doctors about it but they always tell me " No it's the medican your taking". But I would always think there was something wrong with me.