Thugged Out


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Meet Ryan

 My name is Ryan Johnson but all my friends call my Ry i attented Crenshaw High. Im a cheerleader and i live with just my older brother. He sell dope from here to there and be in alot of mess. Most of the time i just be chilling with my best friend chardonay she like a sister to me but enough with this introduction lets get down to the story my story. 

    I woke up in the morning and got dressed and called my bestfriend. I asked her if she wanted to chill today and go to the mall. A couple of mins later she came and spoke to my oldest brother like she do all the time, i think they're bestie cause they always messing with each other. "Ayy dont touch nothing on the stove that gotta get finish cooking so i can sell", trey said. Trey my oldest bro after our parents where killed he started taking care of me. He been my legal guardian since i was was twelve he kept me safe.

        I just hate what he do for a living. See my brother in a gang and he sell drugs. I worry about him all the time cause u never know who next so many people killed everyday i pray he not next. I try to talk him out of it but he say its quicker money i dont believe it but thats him. Me and chatdonay left the house and went to the mall while we was there we meet two dudes named Dre and Ej. They asked me was i Trey lil sister i told them yeah since they claimed to be friend with him and we started talking more. 

        We started talking to the point to where it got real and started dating. We would be with them all the time after school. They even took our virginty and everything we put our trust and everything into them. I kept me and Dre a secret because of his age and he said he was trey friend. We hung with them all friday until Dre had to go to a meeting. He sell drugs also, i have second thoughts about being with him sometimes cause i hate they fact that he do that. Last week while he was driving his car was shot at by a rival gang. He arm was grazed a little bit but he wasnt hurt. After i heard that i wanted to break up but when i seen him i couldnt do it.

       Everytime i tried he always have me that look he knew i was gone give into. The last time i tried to leave him he had sex with me. I couldnt get the words out my mouth before he kissed and and picked me up. He carried me to his room and layed me on the bed. He started taking my clothes off and started kissing my neck and chest working his way down to my stomach. He knew how to make love to me he made me feel great everytime we had sex. It was like i was attached to him or something.

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Secrets revealed

 Most time we together we talk and chill and other times he ask about my brother like her dont know him. Other time he leave me at home why he handle stuff most times he come bruised up and has blood on his clothes. I try to tell him about that but he just tell me dont worry about it but i cant help but to. They taught Chardonay and i how to cook , grow , and how to sell. We helped them out hear and there and they even gave us guns for protection. Its like the bond we had grew closer.

        Why i was out trey looked throught my thinks and found some of the drugs and gun. We argued the who night about it and i promised him i would do it again. Later that day chardonay called me and told me Ej brother was shot and killed.  We was devisated i had went over to see them. I cried with them cause Ej brother was a funny person he remind me of my brother. When i went home trey was smoking weed in the kitchen he had blood all over his sweat shirt. "What you looking at", he asked. 

        I just turned my head and went to my room. I tried to call Dre but he didnt pick up. I called and texted him several times but he didnt pick up so i decided to walk to his house. On the way there some dudes stopped me and put a gun to my head and robbed me but that wasnt all they wanted me to so sexual favors. While i was unbuttoning my shirt i heard a gun shot. The dude with the gun got shot in the arm but Dre. I picked the gun up and ran into dre arms. "Messing with her is like messing with me now the the fuck on", dre yelled. 

         He took me to his house ro see if i was alright. He asked my why i walked during that time of night , i told his he wasnt picking up and i wanted to talk to him. He told me i couldve gotten hurt but i really didnt care. We layed in the bed amd talked for a couple mins until things took a sexual turn. After that he took me home and i called chardonay to give her the details. She told me she could be pregnant for Ej but she dont know yet. I told her i pray for they bed i hope she not cause we are only 17 we should enjoy life more. Besides how would her mom react. 

        We need to graduate from high school anyway. Aint nothing worst than an uneducated black teen. Cause i wanna make it out if here  im tired if living this life i wanna do bigger and better things. While we where on the phone i heard gun shots trey brought micheal in the house screaming. I hung up the phone and ran to see what was going on. Micheal had been shot twice in the chest blood was everywhere. Tears filled my eyes so fast he was my favorite cousion. Trey threw me a towel and told me to keep pressure them. 

       My shirt was bloody and trey was calling the police. When they showed up questions was asked. My brother lied and he never let them in the house. He even brought micheal outside to meet them. They asked him what happened and he said some gangs member shot him. We went up to the hospital and sat with him. The doctor said he was gone be ok i was happy to hear than.  While there i texted Dre he said he was washing his clothes cause they had took care of some business. I asked him who it was but he never said a name. I was starting to feel like he was leaving something out something he dont wanna tell me. On my 18th birthday i told trey who i was dating Dre. He said he know a dre but never seen his face. 

       I thought it was strange because dre said him and trey was friends. I brought them over to me and they talked while i was in the kitchen talking to chardonay. Turns out she was pregnant for Ej she been pregnant for three weeks now. She said she knew she was and they shouldve been using protection. Ej later came and got us and we chilled at Dre house. We helped him sell today and he gave up some of the profits. We sat there chilling in bed until we started kissing. It seemed like dre craved sex everytime we had sex it was great. Later one in that week i felt bad amd start taking a pregnancy test. It was positive i told chardonay but i was scared to tell trey. I just know he was gonna be disapointed in me i was just gone let him find out when i get bigger. 

        I told Dre and he had mixed emotions he was happy but his facial expressions didnt show it. I dont know why that boy dont talk to noone about his problems. I wish he would open up more to me and for the sake of our baby. He made sure the baby was healthy and well taken care of he took me all my apointment and made sure i had everything. A couple weeks into my pregnancy i told trey. He was upset at first but happy to be and uncle. He asked me what the gender was i told him he was gone have to wait my next appointment.        

     Chardonay was happy she wanted out babies to be bestfriends like we are. Her mom wanted us to have our babyshower together. Im not gone lie im kinda scared to have a baby what if in not a good mom. Dre always told me to think good thoughts that inwould be a great mom but i didnt see it. When i got pregnant i stop helping him making and sell he just wanna me to put all my attention on the baby and school. I was dojng good in school but i hated how everyone was always in my face wanting to touch my belly. Like in the the first or last person to get pregnant in high school. Lucky this was my senior year so i wont have to put up with them touching me. It wasnlike everyday something new was happening either someone was getting hurt or killed. I feared for both my brother and Dre life cause they ment the most to me. I worried about them i starting stressing and we all know stress not good for the baby. 

    So they decided to ease up on everything for the safety of my baby. Dre took me to the doctor and i found out i was having a girl. I was so excited and so was trey he was so happy he went and got a shirt made. While with Dre chardonay and Ej came over and told us the baby gender she was having a boy. Ive never seen her so happy she was ready to be a mom. While we were in the kitchen talking we over heard them talking about killing a guy named trey. I went to confronted them behind that cause my brother name was trey. 

       He told me that he was talking about someone else. I didnt know what to believe so i left and didnt talk to Dre nun. I told trey to watch his back because somthing might happen i never told him it was dre because he was my baby father and i didnt want to stop seeing dre. Dre called and texted me  but i didnt pick up the phone i was still mad at the what he said. When i finally picked up he told me he missed me i was so confused about life.  Should i be with him or shouldnt i. Im just so tired of the drama that comes with him and life. I got two lives to worry about now. 

       Later he came and see me and brought baby stuff. I wouldnt talk to him until he started kissing up to me. He walked behind me and started rubbing my belly and kissing on my neck. He knew what to do to me he made me it something about him i cant quit. Later that day chardnay come over with come baby shower ideas we decided to have a minnie and micky party since it was a girl and a boy. She told me how Ej got jumped going to walmart all i could donwas cry. Why be in gangs what the point you still get no respect from people fear and respect two diffrent things.  





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The death of Trey

         They baby shower was only three days away. I was so excited i was ready to be a mother now. Ive gotten a job to keep me busy and so i can help Dre support the baby. I want our daughter to have both her parents in her life. I want her life to be way better than the life i had growing up. Dre said after i graduate we gonna move closer to the college i wanted to go to and graduation was only a couple of months away.  Trey done bout the baby so much stuff he had his room full of stuff.

        He was more excited about the baby comming than i was. Trey even quit the gang life so her life wouldnt be tied into his mess. He even spent more time with me i never g otten so close to my brother. We spent almost everyday together i barely have time to see Dre. Dre also started acting strange he barely talked to me and never came around the only time we talked he said ge was comming to the baby shower. I felt like i was doing something wrong but at the same time i wasnt gone stress over it. The day before the baby shower i was at chardonay house and we talked about how Ej stopped texting her. It was strange cause they both seemed to have left us alone. I wasnt gone let that spoil my baby shower for me.   

        While at the baby shower trey was hosting everything. He made sure everything was in order and he even chose the games. While cutting the cake Dre and Ej walked in the told trey they wanted to talk to him outside. they went outside for a couple mins so i went to go see what was going on and they pulled a gun on trey. Dre told him he didnt expect to fall in love with me but he had to handle some business and they went to shotting i ran outside to get trey. Dre told me he was so sorry and that he loved and he got in the car crying.

     Everyone else also heard the gun shots and came outside. I felt my life was over i cant believed he killed my brother. I held trey in my arm to the police came. Trey died withhis hands on my belly i felt like my whole world was gone. I had noone else everyone i loved was gone. Chardonay sad there on the ground me crying. Trey was like a brother to her i wouldnt moved i just sat there covered in trey blood. So mant emotions went through me i didnt know what to do. He was all i had and now im left with nothing. I went home with chardonay and her mom. She went to file a report in them, we didnt know their real name so we had to go pick them out. When i saw dre anger grew all over my body. I couldnt deal with the pain i had to leave. 

        I walked out the door and chardonay followed me. She tried to talk to me but i just kept walking i wanted to be alone. I went to trey apartment and sat in there cause im it was gone be the last time i see it. Chadonay and her mom knew exactly where i'll be i just didnt feel good at all i didnt even know if i wanted to be a mom anymore. I wanted her to meet trey and be around him. A couple days later we went to his funeral, i couldnt just let him go. I promised trey i would visit him everyday and would be they best mom i could and kissed him. After the funeral i kinda felt better i felt some weight leave me. I tried to go to sleep but everytime i tried the events played it my head. Ej started sending chardonay letters cause he didnt have enough money to have conversation on the phone. 

    Chardonay never read them she just threw them away. After Dre found out i was staying with her he started sending me some. I didnt wanna read them i always put them up maybe i'll read them when im older or when Zuri gets older. Everyday i go and talk to trey i tell him about my problems and how hard life is now. I miss him so much its crazy how much i do. I tried not to be stressed about it because i dont want nothin happening to my child.

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Life goes on

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