It's crazy how things can change in one simple night. One day you are laughing with your friends and then the next, you life is over and your are crying all night. I felt dead inside. I felt as if someone was holding my heart and squeezing it. Everything was being crushed in me, both physically and mentally. I felt so broken. I felt like the whole world was weighing on me, pulling me down deeper and deeper into the ground. I felt like crying all day and night. Why did this have to happen to me? Have I done something wrong? I wanted to scream and cry and plead for an answer. I wanted a cure. I was frozen on the spot as I watched the doctor in front of me, his mouth moving, but I could not hear the words he was saying. My parents are sitting next to me, both of them had frighten and sad eyes. My mother though had tears falling while my father was trying to stay strong. I didn't think that me being sick would result to this. I couldn't feel anymore. I couldn't think anymore. The world around was falling apart. And now, my soul is cracked.
My mother squeezed my hand so tight, my hand was turning red. My father was hugging the side of my mother as he tried to comfort her even though nothing will. Everything was falling apart. All because of this illness. And there was no cure to it. The doctor was explaining my illness and the things I will have to experience, but all I wanted was to be in bed and sleep. I wanted to sleep until I was no longer sick or at least until I could go back to where things were. I wanted to just...sleep. Oh how I wanted to just sleep. "Allison, I know this is hard for you but you must understand that there treatments out there for this. We are going to try our best to cure you and make sure you don't ever get the disease again. I just need you keep with me and make sure you are on board." the doctor says. Treatment? I have heard of the different types of treatments and I know that there will be symptoms to these treatments. I know my parents will do their best to treat me and cure me. I know they will do whatever it takes to get this disease out of me, even if means to spend every last dime. I do not want that though. I do not want my parents to spend money on me and go through the many problems they will face if they do so. I wanted them to just stay with me. "And...if I don't?" I ask. My parents looked at me with horror. "Allison, you have to do this. It is the only way to cure you!" My mother says her voice chocked up and hoarse.
I gave her a small smile. "But mom, there is a large chance that I won't survive and that I won't live." I say. My mother was tearing up more. The doctor spoke up before my mother could say anything. "Your mother is right, Allison. This is the only way to cure you. If you are on board, we can start right away. I know you are scared and I know that you don't want to go through all of the different treatments, but it is the only way." I wanted to just scream at him, tell him that I was not scared, but afraid of the idea of dying; of disappointing my parents. I was afraid of the idea of this. Of all of this. I wanted to scream at him tell him that there has to be another way, another unpainful way. I didn't want to go through any of the treatments. I was afraid that if I do, they won't work; that I won't ever get better. My whole life won't ever be the same. It won't be what I wanted. I won't get to grow up. I won't get to have the future I have always wanted. I will not get to see the world or get a job or get to fall in love. Everything will just end...in a sad story.
"Okay. Fine. But, what will happen? What will I have to do? What will I have to expect?" The doctor looked at me and then at my parents. "Well, soon, you will be get a very bad couch and will not go away for a probably a few weeks. You will have chest pain when coughing, laughing, or when breathing deeply. Your voice will get hoarse and you will have a loss of appetite, meaning you will lose weight. You will have a shortness of breath, feel tired and weak, you will get infections that will come and go, or won't go away. You will also be wheezing and you will cough up blood. Sometimes, your spit will have this rust-color when you cough. If the cancer spreads though, it will get worse. I won't be telling the symptoms of those though. As for how your should go on with life, well, I do suggest to be home schooled or have people look after you. You can not run a lot or walk for long periods of time. You will have to start eating differently and at some point, we will be getting you some extra oxygen. You will be having more daily check ups in case the disease gets worse or if there is any progress. And for the treatments, we can start whenever you and your parents are ready." The doctor says. I look down at the medical bed I was sitting on my parents near me and the doctor in front of me. "And if it get's worse?" I ask with a bit of fear. I held in breath even though I now know it is bad to do that because of my disease. The doctor had his lips in a thin line. "How about we just think about treating you? We do not know if it will get worse." He is avoiding it. He knows that if I do get worse, I will only end up in the hospital and have my last moments in it.
"Okay." I say. He nods his head and then turns his body towards my parents. "I know this is going to be hard for the both of you. I will need you both to be there and keep an eye on her. I going to give you the medicine for her. I need you both to make sure that takes the medicine both in the morning, before she eats, and before she falls asleep. I will also need you both to make sure she is eating the right food and that she is still active. You can call my office at any time if she does get worse. And if you really do need to, you can bring her here. If you both are on board and want her to feel better, I do need you to follow these instructions. This disease is hard to fight and the only way to win this fight is to make sure you train and are prepared for what will happen. If you don't. Well, there will be nothing I can do." He says. My mom had more tears streaming, fear striking her. Aren't doctors suppose to make them feel better, not worse? I feel like I am in an episode of House. "We will whatever it takes to make my daughter feel better. I just need her to get better." My father says, my mom nodding her head. I was clutching onto the sleeve of my long sleeve shirt, trying not to break down and stay strong. The doctor looked at me and sighed. "If you need help, here is number to someone you can help you." He then dug into his chest pocket of his doctor's coat and pulled out a card. He handed it to me and I then examined it. 'Doctor Johnson. Therapist and counselor. A number and an address was printed on the card under the name. "A therapist? You want me to go to a therapist to help me?" My mom looked at me with confusion. "I know you might not want to go, but I need to make sure that you don't also do anything rash. This disease can be hard to work with and people have gone through a lot. And so, I have to make sure that you know that do have people that can help you." Wait, so he thinks I will probably self harm or something?
"I will use it if I need it." I say even though I really wanted to tell him that he is crazy and that I won't ever need this. The doctor gave me a slight nod and then put his clips board up. "I just need you both to sign some papers and then I will get you the medicine. Alright?" My parents nodded and then the doctor gave my parents some papers to sign. I sat on the medical table, wanting to just leave. All I wanted right now was to leave and stay in my room. I just wanted to be alone and away from here. I just wanted peace and health. Not this. The doctor was talking to my parents as they signed, telling them what to do and all such. Oh how I much I want to just leave this place right now. I was thankful that my parents signed the paper quickly and now the doctor was getting the medication. I am going to hate taking these pills. I hate swallowing pills. I guess I have to get used to it though. Getting used to all of this. To my disease. "Everything is going to be okay, Allison." My mother tells me even though I know she is having a hard time believing her own words. Everything is not going to be okay. Not when I am sick. Not when I know what will happen to me. "Your mother is right. Everything will be okay." My father says, sadness in his eyes. Yeah, like that will ever happen. This world is just filled with sadness and pain, rarely any happiness. How is everything going to be okay when I am sick? "Okay." I say event though I really just wanted to tell them that it is not going to be okay and that me being sick is going to ruin my whole life. The doctor then came in with a white bag. I could hear bottles and pills hitting each other as the doctor moved the bag around. "This is for you. Remember. Take this in the morning after you wake, before you eat, and before you sleep. Okay?" I nod my head and then take the bag. I then opened it and saw two bottles full of pills, each of them having my name on it and the reason for the pills. I am really going to hate taking these.
"Your parents and I are going to discuss about what treatment we should do and when we shall do it later on tomorrow." The doctor says. I nod my head, dying to just leave. "Okay then. You may leave. Just check out at the front desk and give the front desk this paper." He then handed a piece of paper to my father and then gave us a nod before leaving. I then sigh. "Let's get going." My father says. My mother nods and then we head towards the front. I guess I will be seeing that person at the front desk more often. I dragged myself to follow my parents as they walked towards the front desk. The woman at the front desk looked at my parents as they stood in front of the desk. My father handed her the piece of paper. The smile on her face was wiped off as she read the paper. She then glanced at my parents, and then at me. She must now know of my disease. She types in a few things in her computer as my father signed in name int eh check out box on the paper on the desk. My mother was just standing there, probably thinking of what she will do now, now that I am sick. "Are you ready to go, Allison?" Ready? I was born ready. "Yeah." I say and then we head out. Yesterday, I was fine. I was happy. I was free. Today, I am sick. I am depressed. Am, I am feel as if I am in a tight box that is suffocating me.
All because of this lung cancer. I really do hate my life.
I groan as I hit the button on my clock, waking me up for school. It was just yesterday I found out that I had lung cancer and now I have to go on with life knowing I might day any moment now. I glared as I saw the two medicine bottles on my nightstand next to my bed. It's only seven o'clock on a school day, and now, I have more of a reason to be grumpy today. I have to take these pills and look forward to the many symptoms of my cancer. I got up, grumpy and not in the mood of leaving this room or my bed. I rubbed my eyes, yawning as I stretched. My door then open, raveling my mother and her holding a glass cup full of water. "Hey honey. Are you awake?" I nodded my head as she looked at me. "Did you take your pills yet?" I shake my head. She then walks towards my nightstand and grabs one of the bottles. "Do I really have to take those?" I ask her not wanting to take the medicine even though it might save my life. "Yes. If you want to feel better, then you have to take them." She says. I know my mother is afraid of losing me to this cancer. I understand. I just don't want to take the medicine. "Fine." I say. She then pops open the bottle and grabs a pill. She then handed me the pill and the cup. I grabbed the both, looking down at the pill. It is medium sized and it had this look that says, 'hey! eat me so I can save your life and also ruin it' on it. I then pop the pill and quickly take a sip of the water, the pill going down with the water. My mom then popped opened the other bottle and handed me the last pill. It also had the same look as the one before. If only someone found out another to treat this disease. I really hate this.
I took the pill and drank it down and then gave the remaining glass of water to my mom. "Go get ready for school. Your father is down stairs making breakfast." My mom says. I nod my head and then she exits my room. I then groan. My life just keeps better and better my the minute. I get up and walk towards my white dresser that had the many of my things on it. I took out a black and white flannel shirt and a pair of boot cut jeans. I do wonder how I will look by next month. I would probably look like one of those zombies in the Walking Dead. I do love that show, but it would be sad if I do end up looking like one the zombies. I must say though, not a lot of people take credit on how great the actors who play the zombies play. The zombies play great roles and without them, they would be no Walking Dead. I head towards my bathroom to quickly change. Getting ready for me as always be quick because I am not really into whole image thing at school. I don't want to be that girl who whines about how they look and I don't want to be that girl who just wants to look good because everyone will probably judge them. My mother used to be that, but she got over it and now she works as a baker at a bake shop.
Quickly changing and do all the things to get ready in the morning, I go down stairs towards the kitchen. There, I can see my father putting a thing on scrambled eggs on a plate and my mother pouring orange juice. The doctor explained to my parents of the foods I can and can not eat. Which pretty much means, I have such a terrible life seeing how in order to be healthy is to eat healthy. No sweets and no fun foods. Fruits, vegetables, meats, and dairy is big. I can't have a lot of one though or else it will make the balance tilt and that is not good. But, seeing how I will be having a lost of an appetite and I will be losing weight to it, there will be no point in following that rule. "Hey honey. How was your sleep?" My father says as he finishes making the sausages. I just shrug my shoulders. Sleeping was fine. I had no problems. Usually in movies, when they hear they are sick, somehow, they instantly start to feel bad. It is like hearing those words turned on this switch in their body to go bad. They will start to go through all the symptoms and such, and then they die. I am fine though. I do not feel as if I am dying or that I will be dying. I feel normal. "It was fine." I say. My father nods his head and then walks towards me with a plate full of food. "The doctor said that we will need to go talk to the principle about your illness to make sure that the teachers keep an eye on you. We also need to them about the medicine so you don't get into any trouble about it, okay?" My mom says. I nod my head and start to eat my breakfast.
After everyone has finished their food, I grabbed my bag full of my school things. My mom grabbed her keys while my father grabbed his wallet. I walked towards the car, entering in the back seat on the left because it is the quickest way to exit and arrive in class at time. My mother quickly got inside in a rush while my father was still inside the house, probably forgetting something. My mother sat in the passenger seat, but put the keys in the ignition so it would be quicker to leave then wait for my father to start the car. I looked out towards the front of the house to see if my dad was coming out. He came out in a rush with some things in his hand. When he entered the car, he turned towards me. "You forgot your pills." He says and then hands me the two bottles of pills. I mentally groan as I see them. I really do hate pill. My dad turned around and started to drive as I put my pills in my bag. If only he forgot about them. We drove to my school in silence, no one talking. I stared outside the window as I watch houses go buy and a few stores. The town is what you might say, an average sized town. It has people in it, it is well known, and yet it still has that lone some vibe on it. People come here and visit and people come here in the summer as a vacation. We have a big lake that people go to and some sightings. We also have a city near as people call, down town. There are also places that are fun to go to and there are a lot of see.
I lived in this town all my life. I have never ventured out of town besides to the city. I never really traveled. That is why it has always been my dream to travel. It has been on my bucket list since I have been young. My parents always told me that they just didn't have the money to trouble even though they are willing to spend as much as it takes to cure me. I would rather die knowing I got to do the many things I wanted to do then die knowing the only thing I got to do in my life time is stay inside a house and take medicine and get treated with things that I know will fail. I would just want to at least a life I am proud of, not a sad one. My parents though, I know they won't do it. Now that we know that I am sick, they will not let me do anything that will involve getting me more sick or putting me in danger. I do hat this. I sigh as I see the school up a head, seeing a lot of cars to it and kids walking towards it. High school is not fun as everyone should know. It's harder than anything. You have all of these to do in order to pass it. If you fail one class, you fail the whole grade, or at least that is how it is here in this state. But, still, high school is hard. Plus, you have the final test to know you passed and then you have to keep a good record and such. High school is going to be hard. Very hard. But, I already know that there is pretty much no point in trying to pass high school because I don't even know if I will live to through it.
Pulling up to the drive way of the school, my parents and I exit the car and heads towards the front doors of the school. Evelyn High School is a well known school in town. Most of the population in the town and near, go to this school. I wouldn't say though that is well known in the state or country. There are all sorts of people that come here. There is a sort of a social ladder in the school. I wouldn't say that you have the groups that people talk about though. Yeah, you have people the people who are popular and you do have the cheerleaders and sports guys, but don't every high school? We do have the people who love Star Wards and Star Trek who we all the 'Geeks' and we do have the people who know more about science and math who we all call the 'nerds.' We also have the girls who think that they are all that, but every school has them. They are there. It doesn't mean they hang out in their groups as one. You have several groups of them. Not all the cheerleaders like to hang out with each other, at least two of those cheerleaders are good in math or science and probably you have at least five of the sports guys are good in some sort of subject and probably one of them is a geek. You never know. What I am trying to say is that, we all mingle together. Yeah, some of the popular people hang out as one group, but that is because society says so. But over all, we all just mingle.
Me? I wouldn't say I am popular or a loner. I guess, I am just there. I am just there. I study, I go out, I do teen stuff. I don't talk to any of the popular people, but I do talk to some guys that are in a sport. I also know some people who are geeks and nerds. I do have friends or well, a friend. And, I do talk to others. I am just well known as others. I am just there. People in school don't really know me, but they still talk to me. I don't hang with them as if they are my friends. School is okay to me. Subjects are also okay. I get normal grades in them. I only get grades that have A's, B's, and C's. I have gotten a D before, but haven't managed to get an F. I study and I go to school. I hate school as any other teenager would and I don't enjoy it. But, I still have to go because my parents tell me so as any other teenager's parent would tell them and that is where we get education. But now though, that I know I am sick, I could probably do whatever I want. I could sleep in class and blame it on my illness. I could probably ditch school and make up an excuse. I could also probably not do my homework for weeks because I could blame it on my illness. I know I shouldn't use my illness as an excuse to do whatever I want and get away from it, but like I have said, I would rather die happy and not regret anything than die a boring person.
My parents and I walked towards the office, some people looking at us as we passed by. It isn't everyday someone's parents walk in and goes to the office looking all serious and everything. I bet they think that I am in trouble or something. We walked in the office, the front lady behind the desk talking to someone behind the phone while the other people in the office spoke to some students and were also on their phones. The lady looked at us and then at me. She put down the phone and then looked back at my parents. "Hello, how can I help you?" She asks in a polite voice. The office lady isn't really that old as people may think office ladies look like. Actually, she is in her mid thirties and looks awefully young for her age. Her hair has no gray hairs in her perfectly made bun that is blond and her skin looks young with only a few wrinkles. She does wear glasses, now that people are getting into the looks, she has those modern glass that people wear. She is also wearing a shirt that had stripes on it. My mother smiled at the woman and put her hands on the desk. "Yes, we actually came here to speak to the principle. Is he here?" The lady then looked down at her papers and smiled. "No, he is here and he is not busy. You can go right in. His office is to the right." She says. My mother nodded and then we walked towards the principle's office.
Is it sad that I don't know my own principle? I know his name, I just don't know him. I have never spoken to him and I have never made any contact with him. I bet though, that he will know me in about a few weeks or in a month seeing how I am sick. My dad knocked on the door and once we heard someone say, "Come in." We entered the office. There, we saw the principle sitting behind his huge messy desk. "Hello. Please sit." my principle says, his pale hand motioning towards the chairs in front of his desk. My parents as I sat down, my parents looking stiff. My principle had a smile on his face, his black hair neatly combed and his suit looked as if he bought it yesterday. He probably did, but I really don't care. "So, what do I owe to see you?" he says, his voice ruff and professional. "Yes, I just wanted to inform you about something. You see..." My mother started. "...we went to the hospital yesterday because my daughter, Allison, was sick for a couple of weeks, so we finally took her there. When we went, we really didn't think that we would hear anything bad, but we did." The principle nodded, his hands on together on his desk and his back straight. "We heard some very bad news." My mom says in a low voice. My father takes her hand and rubs it with the other. "We have this paper that the doctor wrote on regarding to it." My mom then pulled out a piece of paper from her purse and gave it the principle. He read and it and then his breath hitched.
I sigh as I sat there, watching as my principle clear his voice and put the paper down. "I see. I am very sorry about what you had to hear. I guess you came in here to inform me about this and let me know that your daughter..." My mother spoke up. "Allison. Her name is Allison." She says. He nods his head. "Your daughter Allison is sick. Well, something like this has not happened. But, we will discuss as to what will happen. I just need to know of there are any medications that Allison will be taking and when she will be taking them. I also need to call the doctor and learn as to what I should regarding to her illness. I also need you to fill out some paper work. I will call each of the teachers that Allison has and inform them about it as well as the staff. I will also need to inform some students...." I then stopped him, my hands clenched. "No!" My parents and the principle looked at me. "What?" I then breath out and looked at them. "No. I don't need anyone besides my teachers and the school staff to know about me being sick. If you do not mind, I would rather keep this a secret from the students." I say. The principle looked at me and nodded his eyes. "I understand." I sigh in relief and then back in the chair. "Well, I will inform the teachers and staff. I put your numbers an emergency contact just in case something does happen. I will have the staff keep an eye on Allison and I will try my best to make things easier for both you and Allison." the principle says. My parents nods and then they start to discuss the things they need to talk about while I watch out the window the office has, watching people pass by.
It took about half an hour to finish talking to the principle. I know that this will suck. Being sick and being pitied by the school staff because knowing that I might die makes others sad. Death is sad and knowing you will die is sadder. But, we all die eventually. It's just one sad ending for everyone. I look at my parents as they turned towards me, prepared to leave. "I know you won't like all the changes happening, but this is for your own good. Please know that we do love you and we do want the best for you. Try to get used to all the changes. We do just want you to be safe." My mom says. I nod my head even though I really wanted to bang my head against the brick wall until I fell unconscious. I restrained though. My father then patted my head and my mom gave me a peck on my forehead. "You do have our phone number and you do have our work cell, right?" My mom says. I nod my head. "I have have all the information I need in any case of emergency. Don't worry about me so much." I say. My mom nods her head ad then pecks my forehead once last time before she and my dad walk away out of the school and towards the car. I then sigh and head towards my locker. No one looked at me as I walked which is good. I do hate attention when it comes to the school. I may know people, I just don't like attention as much as others do. I like to have a low profile.
Being school, surrounded with people who are healthy and