There are some echoes in my head as I walk down the aisle towards the empty chapter of my life. The words continue to play over and over in my head as I take another step; as I take another step closer to…

Two years ago….

The entrance of Pretty Palace is lighter than the city of New York. I had my total freedom at all times because I am single and free. I go out when I want to and I am always myself with my best friend Kevin. Kevin was a looker and had fantastic rhythm. We dance the whole night together.

I turn around and wave thank you to the taxi that just dropped me off at my favourite night club. I had to work late today hence the taxi ride this evening. The man at the door opened it as I got closer. “He is sitting in the dining area this evening.” he said as he pointed towards Kevin. Everybody knew us. We have been friends from a very young age. As I reached the table, he had our drinks already lined up before the dance floor officially opened. “Kev my best friend… you know just how to put a smile on a girls face.” I said with a smile as broad as the London Bridge. He looked at me and said “You talk too much. Let’s do this!” he said as he stood up and we started our count down. “One is for pleasure, two is to make sure and three is for treasure.” We shot down the shooters like water. The DJ opened the dance floor with the first night of the evening. I normally started dancing the next song. “Kev, do you want some water?” I asked as I made my way to the bar counter. There he was, sitting and sipping a beer like a king. He sure had good taste. Oooo that man is hot; sad thing is, he knows it all too well. I stood at the bar with my extra tight skinny jeans, white skimpy shirt and legs loving high heal boots on. I can feel his eyes on me, but I do not pay any attention. He had his chance in college and now that he is single, he wants to know me again. Nope, he is definitely not going to be a damper on my mood or my evening. I grab Kevin’s hand as I made my way to the dance floor. I trust Kevin with my whole heart. Kevin has never tried anything else but be my best friend. I know where I stand with him. Kevin made it very clear that he is my friend and that is the way it must be. “I love this song” I shouted at the top of my voice. Kevin started his foot moves and I followed. This man can dance. He definitely has his dancing shoes on tonight. I lifted my eyes off the floor and saw that we were surrounded by people staring at us. This is fascinating and exciting all in one. The people clapped their hands when we walked off the dance floor as the song ended. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. “We were awesome” he said all out of breath. “We certainly are Kev, we certainly are!” I said. The evening continued with a lot of dancing and swirling and just having fun. As the DJ started a slow song, Kev and I walked towards the exit of the dance floor. I felt a hand grab my lightly. “May I have this dance?” the familiar voice said. I was not sure whether I should say yes or whether I should just walk away. “Go!” Kevin said and nodded. I know he was watching me to make sure he does not take advantage of me. “So how have you been since college?” Miguel asked. “I have been fine thank you. Working and partying as a young lady should.” I answered him politely. “What are you doing on this side of town?” I asked. “Well, I had a feeling that you might be here.” “Oh please, don’t even go there.” I can feel the blood rush to my head. I just want to punch the daylights out of him. I have never fallen in love so hard with a man and no one has ever hurt me this bad like Miguel did. The nights of crying and being angry at myself, are over. “Miguel, I am not going to fall in your trap again. We can be friends and that is all this is. Friendship!” I said firmly. “Relax rosebud, it is just a dance.” He said pulling me closer to him. I pulled away and thanked him for the dance before I walked off the dance floor. I would rather walk away now than slap him. He really pushes me to the limit. It takes all the will-power in the world to keep my sanity near him.

“What was that all about?” Kevin asked. “He just makes me so mad. I told him that we will not be more than friends again yet he still chose to call me rosebud and pull me closer to him. Can he really be that thick skinned?” I kicked off. “I wonder if he has any brain cells. Really, he just drives me so fucking mad… URGH!!!” Kevin laughed out loud and looked at me. “You do know that you are giving him the exact reaction he wants from you. Anger, tantrum and then you storming off the dance floor looking like an idiot.” He said. By now I am really fuming. Kevin is right; this is exactly what he wants. “Well his little game has just turned. I will show him a thing or two.” I said sitting at the table with a huge grin on my face. “Don’t do anything you will regret Jane.” He said looking into my eyes. “Just be careful.”

Watching him dance with another woman made me even more persistent to get back at him. He is twirling her and swinger her from side to side. I can see that he is looking around for the next girl to con into his little love trap. But before he does, I want to get to him first.

As he walked towards the bar; I reached his normal spot first. I could see that he hesitated to continue his walk to get another beer. I think my smile convinced him to come over. “Hey” I said but he tried to ignore me as he pulled the chair out to sit next to me. “I just want to apologize” I continued as I place my hand on his knee. He turned to me slowly. “What is your actual game Jane? I really don’t get you” he said. I looked at his face which expressed confusion at this moment in time. “Miguel, do you want to talk?” I asked him. He looks moody and his alcohol consumption is more than usual. “Do you really want to listen to me?” he asked all sarcastic. “If you need to talk, you know where to find me.” I stood up and walked back to the dance floor. That is the only place Kevin will be with this kind of beat playing. I joined him and started dancing. There are so many things that keep on twirling in my mind. Do I move on and forget about Miguel, or do I give him the benefit of the doubt? Kevin pulled me in as the song changed to a slow song. This is the first but clearly he was either running away from another woman or he is going to give me the talk. “Miguel?” he asked. “No, it is not what you think. I just want to be friends. I don’t want enemies Kev, honestly…” I explained. “Jane, you know him better than anyone. He will hurt you Jane, you need to be careful.” Kevin has always looked out for me. I am so grateful to have him in my life. “Thank you Kev, I know you only mean well.” He gave me hug as the song ended and whispered “You know I care about you Jane. I am just worried of mending my best friend’s broken heart again.” I pulled him in closer and replied “You know how much I care about you too Kev. You are irreplaceable.” He let me walk off the dance floor first by showing the way with his arm. As I pass him I can feel his hands on my lower back. He really knows how to send shivers through my body.

As usual we enter the restaurant area and order the next line of shooters. It is amazing that we walk in with money and we still leave with some change. With the amount of shooters that we normally drink, I would think that we would leave with nothing more than receipt slips. “This is for you Kev… One is for pleasure, two is to make sure and three is for treasure.” We shouted at the top of our voices. The restaurant is normally full of drunken people by this time of the evening. It was totally buzzing.

“Can I talk to you now Jane… Please?” I heard Miguel behind me. I can feel Kevin’s eyes on me. He turned around to face Miguel and stared at him. If he had laser eyes, he would have been cut into a million pieces. I put my hand on Kevin’s to reassure him that I am fine. “Sure” I answered him. “I will not be long Kev. Have another shot for me okay.” I said as I walked towards the pool room door. It has been closed because they need to repair the mats on the pool tables which will be attended to sometime soon. I lean with my bum against the pool table and he is standing in front of me.

“What is bothering you Miguel? Spill the beans…” I said.

“I just wanted to thank you for being who you are Jane. You really know what buttons to press to get me talking.” He said.

“I have always just been who I am.” He really knew me and that scared me. He knows that it takes me forever to get over a man that hurt me hence Kevin’s concern.

“I had my heart broken Jane. The woman that I love moved on.”

He was truly sad. I pulled him closer to me and hugged him. “You will find someone that will love you for who you are. You just have to be patient.” He moved his hands up and down my back, bringing back memories of the erotic nights still spiralling through my veins. He smells so divine; His muscular arms around me tightened and he turned his head towards my neck. Biggest mistake I made is to try and get his head out of my neck by pulling away and facing him. He moved slowly towards my lips and kissed it gently. I had nowhere to move. I was trapped between his fabulous body and the pool table. I cannot fight this. I had nothing to fight against. He tastes so good. I opened my mouth and kissed him passionately. My hands move into his hair, slowly behind his ears and the stop on his muscular chest. I want to push him away but on the other hand I am enjoying his tongue mingling with mine. The familiar taste of the musk bubble gum floods my mind with passionate evenings spent with him. He is massaging my back as we kiss. He picks me up gently and placed me slowly on the edge of the pool table. I opened my legs for him to stand closer to me. At the same time I knotted my legs around him. I can feel his hard pecker through his jeans and it is pressing straight onto my wet crotch. His hands move under my skimpy white shirt as he made his way to my perfectly firm and perky breasts. I can feel how wet I am and I can feel how turned on Miguel is. This is not a good combination. He moves one finger under the body part of my bra strap and slowly lifts it up and over my erect nipple. The grip of my legs tightened even more. He moves his hard penis up and down my panty line as I pull him closer with my hands. I lift his shirt slowly out of his pants as I start unbuckling his belt to get to the button on his jeans. His hands cup my exposed breast; he runs his thumb over my nipple as he continues rubbing himself on me. Oh gosh, I need this to stop but I do not want it to stop. I stop after I undo his button. I am about to pull his zip down and stopped again. I am so turned on; all I want to do is jump Miguel there and then but the consequences are too severe. He is kissing me neck and fondling my perky breast. He has not even realised that I stopped moving. The moaning coming out of my mouth due to the pleasure still exits my lips. I throw my neck back and moved my hands behind me so that I can look at him. “Miguel, I am not who you want.” I whispered. He lifted my bra up over my other breast. I laid there knowing that I want him to penetrate me with his whole manhood. I want him to give me multiple orgasms only he knows how. I want to have passionate sex with this man so badly that my wet panty feels completely soaked. He ignored my words and continued to fondle my breasts. I am lying flat on my back on the pool table with my skimpy shirt and bra lifted. I take my thumbs and move it under his palms and gripped his hands. He pulled me up and looked into my eyes. “Tell me you do not want this and I will walk away.” Oh for fucksakes, how can I do that if all I want is for him to be inside me on this pool table? “Tell me you want to stop.” He said in a subtle voice. His hands move between my legs. He started rubbing my wet spot over my jeans gently with his thumb. I grabbed his hard pecker in my hand over his jeans and started jerking him off over his jeans. “You know I want you. You know I will have sex with you right now, but if it is not me you want, you need to move away.” I am playing with fire I know, but after this, I will know where I stand with him once and for all. He unbuttoned my jeans and attempted to put his hand down my pants. It is too tight. He lifted me to my feet and repeated it again. I am so wet. I pulled down his zip and pulled his underwear down to free his huge pecker. He plays with my clitoris with his middle finger in circular motions. He passes my swollen clitoris and inserts a finger… then another. I tightened my grip on his penis as his rhythm in my wet vagina starts. I arch my neck back as he inserts it as deep as he can, as fast as he can and as hard as he can just like he would with his penis. My jerks are getting faster and faster as I get closer and closer to my orgasm; an orgasm only he knows to give. He inserts his fingers again and rubs my clitoris at the same time. I can hear myself moan louder. He captures my moans with his mouth as he starts moaning too. Standing next to him with his fingers thrusting me and my hand jerking him off, he explodes onto the floor the same time I exploded in his hand. I can feel my landing strip pulsating as he pulled his hand out. I let go of his limp pecker and started pulling my zip up and fastening my button again. Standing in front of him this time he put his hands under my shirt, rubbed my nipples for a last time and pulled my bra back into position. “Now do you believe me when I say I got my heart broken by the girl I love?” he asked as he placed another kiss on my lips. “Miguel, we will have to talk about this when we are both sober.” I answered him trying not to commit myself to something I know I will regret later. “I know that you are scared of getting hurt again but I promise you, I only hurt myself.” He admitted that he has done something wrong. This is too good to be true or it is just the alcohol talking. “Are we going?” I heard a voice said as the door opened. “I’m right behind you Kev.” I answered. I looked at Miguel again. “Phone me tomorrow and we will continue this conversation.” I hugged him goodnight and walked towards the door. “Thank you for the chat Jane, I truly needed it.” Was the last thing I heard leaving the pool room.

Walking back to the car, I could see in Kevin's face that he was really upset. "Come on, spit it out" I said. "Jane, what are you doing? You know Miguel better than anyone else yet you still fall into his traps" I can hear the anger in his voice. He put his jacket over my shoulders and explained "I'm not going to be here forever to pick up the pieces J.J; you have to learn to look after yourself especially your heart." I tried to pull the jacket closed. He opened the door of his car and paused for a moment, staring into my eyes, and shaking his head. What was that all about I wondered. As he drove us home, I put my hand on his hand. He is always so gentle and he really looks after me like a partner, a boyfriend or even a loving husband. "Jane, I care about you. You know I do." He said as he pulled his car into the drive way of our little two bedroomed flat that we share. I had no words because whatever is about to come out is to protect me and to ensure that he would back off. I don’t want him to step back. I want someone in my corner guiding me in the right direction. I want someone to care about me and accept me for who I am. I want to be loved and I want to be someone’s last thought of the day before they close their eyes for their nights rest. Best of all, I want to be wanted.

I opened the newly replaced door and hooked his jacket on the hanger as I stepped into the little place we call home. “You have not said anything since we walked out of the club.” He said as he stepped in front of me. “Kev, I had a great time this evening. Can we talk about this in the morning?” I mumbled as I retired to my room. Closing the door behind me and sitting with my back against it, with tears rolling down my eyes, made me realise just how much I love Kev. Tonight was one of the needy nights that I would just jump in Miguel’s bed rather than coming home and masturbating; blowing my own mind with all the fantasies running through my head! I cherish what I have with Kevin. I would rather have him as my best friend, than not having anything at all. The littlest of touches send shivers down my spine. His sense of humour and laughter is contagious and his happy free spirit inspires me to get out of bed every morning. I finally stood up off the floor and placed my semi-intoxicated ass on my bed. Falling backwards made the room spin so I sat up quickly again. When will I be able to tell Kevin how I feel? I need him to know how I long for his touch.

I woke up with the aroma of freshly made filter coffee. Kevin grinds the coffee beans every morning, come to think of it; I have not heard a thing this morning. Putting on my bra as I waltz’d out of my room. It is as if he knew that I was awake. He poured my cup to the brim and stirred one teaspoon of sugar in it. “Mmmm, you spoil me Kev.” I said with my croaky voice as he handed me my cuppa. I put the coffee on the side table and saddled myself into a comfortable position. I was not planning on moving from it for a while. I started drinking my coffee as Kev placed himself on the lazy boy opposite me. “So?” he said. “What do you mean; so?” I said trying to hide myself under the blanket. “You and Miguel?” he raised an eyebrow. That is never a good sign. He normally preaches to me when he does that. “What about Miguel and I?” I asked innocently. “I want to know what happened in that pool room last night. I know something happened. You were totally flustered when I stuck my head in.” he continued. “Do you want to know everything or just the basics?” I teased. “I want to know everything.” He demanded. I gave a teenage giggle and explained to him that we kissed and one thing lead to another. “What do you mean you untied his button?” he asked. “We were both hot and turned on and like I told you, I haven’t had anything in months and I needed to get rid of this huge melting mini dinosaur in my pants.” He can hear that I am getting irritated. “I think that I have told you more than you should know actually. Let’s just leave it there.” I said trying to get out of this whole thing. As I got up, Kev jumped up and stood in front of me. “Do you need the morning after pill?” he asked. “No, Jesus Kev, he fingered me and I jerked him off. That is all that happened.” I stormed into the kitchen to rinse my cup out. What the hell? Why is he all in my face these days? What has come over him? He pulled me into his arms and apologized “I am sorry J.J; I don’t want you to get hurt. You know you mean the world to me” I just want this man to acknowledge me. I want him to love me as much as I love him. The fear in my soul of losing him fills my eyes with tears that I wish I could explain, but choose to hide it instead.

There is nothing more refreshing than a shower in the morning. Kevin is on the phone; “Hey bro, want to hook up a little later? I just want to hang out.” Kevin said as he placed his phone between his ear and shoulder while tying his shoes. “Sure, see you at Lizzie’s in a while.” he said and then put the phone in his pocket. “I am going out to give you some space okay. I am really sorry for hurting J.J. See you later okay?” was the last thing he said as he picked up his keys and shut the door behind him.

I wish Jane would really start looking after herself better. I need to move on, but I will feel so guilty if anything has to happen to her and I was not there to protect her. Getting into my car I realised that Jane forgot her keys in my car. I trundled back up the stairs and unlocked the J-lock with my keys. I did not expect to see the image imprinted in my brain. Soft music was playing and so was Jane. Her soft naked body on the sofa with her back to the door is all I could see. I walked closer; dying to touch the woman I love but dare not to make her feel uncomfortable. The soft moans erupts her beautiful red lips as I take a step closer. I can feel my own manhood turn hard. The buzzing of the vibrator becomes a reality as I stood behind her, watching it penetrate her wet crotch. She has a beautiful clean and well maintained landing strip. She is moving up and down and her rhythm is becoming faster and faster. I can see her bulging clit as she pulls the vibrator in and out. I dare not breathe or even touch myself. Her moaning becomes intense and her neck pulls to the back making her erect nipples visible to me. She thrusts herself with the lubricated silicone penis and screamed as she reached her orgasm. I am so hard that I can feel the pre-cum seeping out of me. She opened her eyes only to find me standing behind her, watching her all this time. She jumped to her feet, hiding the vibrator behind her back and asked “How long have you been standing there?” I don’t think she realised that she was standing stark naked in front of me. She could not see that I was aroused. I am not one of the unfortunate to have a small manhood. “Not that long” I replied thinking that I actually stood there long enough to witness the screams of pleasure expressed by the pulsation of your body. “Uhm, this is a bit awkward.” I said trying to take my eyes off her perfectly shaped body. She had perky breasts with rose pink nipples that were still erect after relieving herself. She had an hour glass figure and very muscular shaped legs that completed her package. She turned around and bent to pick up her tiny blanket. She has a firm ass that complements her beautiful vaginal lips. Cleanly shaven well maintained lips that I have been dreaming to see. “Kevin, you are staring” she said with a smirk on her face as she turned around to face me again. “Uhm uhm… sorry, just brought your keys back. You forget them in my car.” I said blushing as I turn as red as a clown’s nose.

I could not get out of there faster. All I want to do is worship every inch of her body, spread her legs and make sure she begs for more when I suck her clit. My penis is still as hard as a rock. Shall I continue to my car or shall I pursue the magazine under my mattress. Jane will know that I came back to jerk off so avoid the embarrassment, I think it is best to meet Shane at Lizzie’s house.

I could not help but think of that gorgeous body while driving. Jane has had her heart broken so many times and I am always there to mend it, hoping that she would see me; notice me. I have tried so many times to get close to her but I get the feeling that she would rather stay friends. I don’t think Jane sees me in the same light as I see her. As I parked outside of Lizzie’s house, I take a deep breath in and out. My penis is still as hard as a rock. I guess that I have to pull my shirt over my pants to hide it.

“Hello ladies…” I said jokingly as I walked into the lounge where they were relaxing. Shane got up and shook my hand and Lizzie jumped to her feet to give me a hug. Lizzie is Shane’s sister. Shane pops in now and again to visit his sister since he moved to the other side of town. He lives forty minutes’ drive away from all of us. I guess he had to break away from all the city madness. Lizzie on the other hand lives a couple of blocks away from our little flat. I normally see her at six o’clock every morning as I get out of the shower. She is one fine piece of ass; tall, blond and slender. She really knows how to turn men on and then walk away, leaving them hanging. She has played this game with men since I can remember.

Shane walked to the kitchen to grab us each a beer. A beer is just what I need to calm this anaconda down after seeing such a gorgeous meal. “Cheers” I said and they lift their beers to acknowledge it. “Where is Jane today Kev?” Lizzie asked. “She was still in her pyjamas when I left earlier. I will go back in an hour or so to pick her up.” I said trying to cover for her. I know she must have thought of what a douche bag I am standing and staring at her as she masturbated. If only she knew I would give anything in the world to cum with her. Some time went by and I excused myself to make a phone call. “Hey, would you like to join us?” I asked Jane as she answered the phone. “Where are you Kev? I am not in the mood for a lot of people today.” She answered. “We are having a couple of drinks at Lizzie’s. Shane is here so it is basically just the four of us.” I explained. “Okay, give me ten minutes then I will be ready.” She said. “Okay, see you in ten” I answered and ended the call.

“Kevin, I will pick her up if you want. I am going to get some more beers.” He offered. “Thanks that will be great. It saves me a trip.” I said and laughed out loud. Lizzie got up and said she is going to the kitchen to put the coffee machine on for some Russian coffee. At the same time, Shane headed for the door and said he will be back in ten or so. I decided to follow Lizzie to the kitchen to keep her company while she prepared the ingredients for the Russian coffee. She had a t-shirt on that was cut in half and tracksuit pants. I could not see if she was wearing a bra. With or without a bra, her breasts are always firm and perky. She is stretching to the top of the cupboard where she puts her little coffee machine. As she stretches I can see that she is not wearing a bra today. She just cannot reach. I walked forward and stood behind her and stretched to take it out for her. My hard manhood rubbed against her. I can feel the blood rush to my head as I put it down. Stretching like that did not hide my erection with my shirt. It moved up when I stretched for coffee machine and I am sure Lizzie saw it. I pulled my shirt over my pants quickly and moved to the other side of the kitchen. “Are you still in love with Jane?” Lizzie asked out of the blue. I remember telling her once that I love Jane but did not think that she would remember it. “I guess so. I actually don’t know whether it is love or lust these days.” I said trying to cover my feelings as I handed her the rest of the ingredients. She walked towards me and locked her lips with mine and I responded by kissing her back. Her hands went straight to my hard-on and started rubbing it. I moved to the side “Lizzie, I am not playing your games.” I said seriously. “I am not playing Kev; let me have my way while we are alone.” She said. She moved closer again and this time she tightened her grip on my penis. She is moving her hand so fast that I thought I was going to reach my orgasm there and then. She pulled my tracksuit pants down as I pulled a condom out of my back pocket. I allowed her to put it on seeing that she is so gentle with her hands. I pulled down her tracksuit pants and realised that she was not wearing underwear either. I lifted her up against the wall and put my full hard penis in her dripping wet vagina. I penetrate her hard and long and with every insertion it feels a bit deeper and deeper. She is so wet that I can hear every thrust I give her. I put my hands in her long think blond hair. I can feel her nails scratch through the skin on my back. Our rhythms became one and I explode into the condom. I dropped my head into her neck and kissed it gently. “You will never understand how much I needed to cum.” I whispered in her neck. “No strings attached okay.” Lizzie said as she made her way to her bedroom. She pulled out a mini jean skirt and a white netted blouse. I stood at her bedroom door watching her put her bra on. I was biting on my lip and holding myself back not to throw her on the bed and have sex with her again. She bent forward to put her shoes on, showing me that she did not have any panties on, in case I missed it. I walked into the bathroom to clean myself up and to make myself presentable again. Jane knows me all too well. She will see that I had sex just by looking at me. This is going to be awkward; the woman I think of while fucking my friend’s sister. I watched the condom go down the toilet as I flushed it. I could hear Shane enter the house as I opened the bathroom door. Lizzie walked passed me and ran her index finger over my lips with the meaning not to say a word to anyone. This is going to be either a wonderful afternoon or a very uncomfortable one.

After a couple of beers and the Russian coffees we were all buzzing. Jane was sitting between my legs on the floor where she always sits when we are at parties or socials. I was leaning against a couch behind me as she moved her head back to make sure I am still comfortable with her sitting there. I rubbed her back gently as she bent forward to pick up her cup of coffee. Her coffee seems stronger than mine. I wonder how much vodka Lizzie poured into Jane’s cup. It certainly smells very strong.

I got up onto my feet and excused myself as I made my way to the bathroom again. I can feel that I am intoxicated and think it is best to probably head home. As I opened the door of the bathroom, I walked straight into Jane, almost kissing her. I stepped back and Jane entered the bathroom. “Madam…” I said swaying my arms into the bathroom. I can hear Lizzie telling Shane about my feelings for Jane. “Why has he not done anything about it then?” he whispered. “I guess he does not want to lose her. He would rather have her as a friend than not having any contact with her at all.” She answered him. “Do you want me to say anything to Jane? Who knows, maybe she feels the same?” he said. “Nope…” I said giving them a fright. “She sees me as a friend yet all I want to do is be the one she longs for every minute that we are apart.” I confessed. “I love this woman so much, but she does not know because I am to shit scared to tell her. I’m a total loser right?” I said playing with my beer bottle label. “I will tell her all in good time.” “Tell me what?” I heard her sweet voice say. “Tell you that we should go home because we are both drunk.” I said, hooking my arm around her neck and pulling her towards me to place a kiss on her forehead. “Thank you for your hospitality Lizzie. It is much appreciated.” She said. Lizzie said I need to pack some pizza and take it home with us. She walked to the kitchen and I followed her. She stood next to the fridge and pulled me towards her. I kissed her passionately and ran my hand up the inner of her thigh feeling her wet swollen clit. “You make me this horny Kev, just you.” She said as she sucked my lips. “Everything alright?” Jane asked from the porch. “I’ll be right there.” I answered as I finger Lizzie and she jerked me off for a last time before leaving. I closed her mouth with my other and as she started reaching her orgasm. I reached my orgasm at the same time. I had to grab the full box of pizza and run out before the cum runs down my boxers. I came in my pants and she came in my hand.

Reaching home I told Jane to open the door in the meantime while I pull the car into the garage. I walked straight to my bedroom to grab my PJ’s and ran to the shower. Undressing myself, I could not believe I had sex with my friend’s sister and she jerked me off all in one day. I showered for a while thinking about this afternoon. When I eventually decided to get out of the shower, I found Jane fast asleep on the sofa. I covered her with a blanket and climbed into bed. I do not know how much longer I can walk around with these feelings. I have to tell her.

Is it really Monday already? It is time to get my ass out of bed. Kevin just got out of the shower. It is probably time for me to wash the weekend off and put it behind me. I can smell the filter coffee as I step out of the shower. I am contemplating whether I should take the bus to work or inconvenience Kevin again. I need some time to think so I guess I just answered my own question. Slipping into a formal grey shimmer blouse, black pants and silver high heels, my thoughts run away with me. Flashback's tremble my mind as I think of the weekend. Miguel did not phone me but that is not a surprise. I guess he got what he wanted; lesson learnt, or is it? I don’t even want to think of what Kevin saw or did not see. That alone is a horror story itself. I stood naked in front of him but he did not even bat an eyelid. I guess he will never feel the same for me as I do for him. I really think it is time to move on but hardest of all, accept my future with someone else that will love me. "Good morning" I said as I walked into the kitchen. Kevin started pouring my coffee as he greeted back. "Sleep well?" he asked trying to make small talk. "I can do with another half an hour" I answered him as I added sugar and milk to my coffee. "Can't we all" he said. I would give anything to know what he is thinking. He has been acting strange since our visit at Lizzie's. "I see that you and Lizzie click nicely?" I can see an eyebrow lift which confirms his weird behaviour. "She is Shane's little sister and I’ve known her for years.” He answered all defensive. “I am just asking, you don’t have to bite my head off.” I said while rinsing my morning cup. “I will see you tonight” I said as I slammed the door behind me.

I need to focus on what I need in my future. It might even be time to settle down or think of having a long term relationship with someone to get over my feelings for Kevin. This is totally ridiculous loving someone and they don’t love you back. My thoughts trundle back to Saturday when he walked in on me masturbating. All that I could think of while thrusting myself with the vibrator, I was imagining making love to him. I dream of kissing his neck and whisper cute words in his ears. I want to tie him up and just have my way with him, but I guess he would rather want Lizzie to do to him. I know he fucked her while Shane picked me up. I could see it in his eyes. I sat opposite Lizzie, in front of Kevin, when she exposed her naked wet vagina to him. I was not meant to see it but I did, and yet chose not to say anything. I did not want to hurt Shane nor embarrass Kevin. Lizzie is known to turn men on and leave them to get blue balls. She definitely got a reaction from it because I felt his penis get hard on my back while sitting between his legs on the carpet. What does she have that I don’t have? I stood stark naked in front of him and did not even get a response from him. He chose to rather run away and go to her. OH! I am so angry at myself. What am I doing?

The bus finally reached my stop where I normally get off. Walking the last stretch cleared everything up. I need to be like the wind and blow to where I should be; go as far as the wind takes me and put myself first for a change. I scratched in my bag for my ringing phone. As I lift it, I can see that it is Kevin that is looking for me. I am not in the mood for an argument now. I put it bag in my bag and headed for the entrance of my well deserving job. I travel everywhere; from city to city to capture beautiful moments. I am a professional photographer that loves to capture the moments that will last forever. A memory can be recalled with a snapshot.

My phone started ringing again. I placed my bag in the drawer of my desk after taking my phone out. “Hi” I said. “Hello...” a voice said. “Who is this?” I asked. “Uhm, I am standing with a man that collapsed and pressed the recall button.” The panicked voice said. “Where are you?” I asked as I pulled my drawer open to grab my bag. “They are taking him to the nearest hospital; St Clare Hospital that is.” She said. “I am going to climb into the ambulance with him.” She said. “Please tell him that I am on my way.”

Rushing out the door I realised that I will have to run six blocks to get to the hospital or catch a cab if there are any in sight. Luckily for me there was one that just stopped to drop someone off and I jumped in quickly. “St. Clare hospital please. Step on it.” I said. The cab driver could see that I was in a hurry and had to get to the hospital urgently. The mere thought of Kevin being unconscious almost gave me anxiety attack. I can’t get through to his sister. The phone keeps on cutting out. I luckily have all his personal details on me if the receptionist needs it. I feel sick to my stomach and ran through the emergency doors after paying the cab driver. I had no idea where he was. I ran to the receptionist “Can you tell me where Kevin Moore is lying?” my eyes are full of tears and the fear is overwhelming. “Down the hall, first door on your right.” She said. I ran down the passage thinking the worst. As I entered the room, the shock took over. I burst into tears. He was so pale. He had rings around his eyes and he had an oxygen mask on. I pulled the chair closer to his bed, held his hand like so many times before and just cried. I cried my heart out. “Please Kev, please be okay.” I sobbed. I felt a hand on my shoulder. The lady had Kevin’s phone with her. “Are you Jane?” she asked. I stood up slowly as she handed me his phone. “Thank you so much” I said as tears still flowing from my eyes. “He asked me to tell you to go home and find his file. He mentioned something about it being under his bottom drawer.” She said as she held my hand. “A file?” I repeated after her. “Yes, a file. He said that the doctors will need it.” she said. Thank you, I will. I picked my phone up and dialled Lizzie’s number. Thank goodness she knows where we hide the extra key. I explained to her what had happened and asked her to pick the file up on her way to the hospital. I did not want to leave Kevin’s side because I know he would not leave mine. “Kev” I whispered. “I have something to tell you okay. Please get better.” I was interrupted with doctors bombarding the room. “Are you his next of kin?” the one doctor asked me. “I am his roommate and best friend” I answered. “Mam, can I ask you to please step outside.” He said as he showed me to the door. What the hell is going on? “Please, tell me what is wrong with him?” I said trying to get information out of them. They closed the door as I exited the room. I stood looking at them through the window. They pulled the blanket off him and started feeling his stomach. I cannot remember him complaining of any pain over the weekend. The one doctor turned to me and apologized as she closed the blinds. I turned around and leaned with my back against the window. It feels as if my body were too heavy for my legs to hold it up. I sank down to the floor, holding Kevin’s phone. I unlocked the screen only to find a photo of the two of us. We actually look in love in this photo, me more than him. I tried to unlock the phone to get to his parent’ number but if I try once more, I am going to block it. I tried all the names under the sun but there is one more left. I started to type “J” “A” “N” “E”. “Please please please let it be the right one” I said before pressing the enter button. It worked, his password is “JANE” I went through his address book to look for his family’s numbers and finally found his mother’s number.

I am shaking from top to toe; okay, dry your eyes and press dial. “Hello” the voice answered. “Hi, is this Mrs Moore?” I asked politely. “Ah yes, this is she.” she answered. “Mrs Moore, it is Jane speaking. I phone with bad news. Kevin has been submitted to the St. Clare’s hospital.” I said, trying to keep calm. “Oh no, what is wrong?” she asked concerned. “I am not sure mam, the doctors will not tell me anything because I am not family.” I explained. I can see the handle of the door go down. The doctors called me back in. “Can you please stay on the line, the doctors called me in. You can also hear what they have to say.” I asked. “Certainly child.” She agreed. I walked in and stood by his side again. “Can you contact Mr Moore’s family?” the same doctor that showed me out asked. “I actually have his mother on the line. Can I put her on speaker phone?” I asked. “Yes, that will help.” I placed the phone on the eating trolley. “Mrs Moore, this is Dr. Brent.” He introduced himself. “Before I continue, can this young lady stay in the room as we discuss your son’s illness?” he asked before continuing. “Yes, that is fine.” She confirmed. “Mrs Moore, your son has a swollen stomach just like his previous case. I would like your permission to go ahead and do some tests. At the same time, I would like to view his previous hospital records. I think that will speed things up.” There is silence; all I could hear was a little sob. “Please do whatever you can.” The crying lady said. I started crying again. “Doctor, what do you think is wrong with him?” I asked again. “Let me first run a couple of tests. I do not want to give you any false information. Time will tell.” He said as he walked out of the room. I sat down next to Kevin knowing that he must be really sick if he is not even responding. Holding his hand while the tears run down my face, makes it even harder thinking of our empty home. “Kevin, I am here for you. I am not going anywhere.” I whispered as I placed my lips on his hand. I put my head on his hand while holding it. I while later I felt him move. He cupped my face with his hand. “I am so glad to see you by my side.” He said. It does not matter how horrible he feels, there is always a smile on his face. “I am so glad you are conscious now.” I said as I kissed his forehead. “You really scared me” I continued trying to express my feelings. “I have to tell you something okay?” he said. “Shhhh… you need to rest. Close your eyes. I will be here when you wake up, I promise.”

Lizzie opened the door slowly as she popped her head into the room. “Hi” she said as she placed the file on his eating trolley. “How is he doing?” she asked really concerned. “He woke up but he is still very weak.” I answered. “Thank you for bringing the file. I am not sure what that is all about but I am sure that is what the doctors need to speed up his test results. Will you stay with him so that I can take it to them quickly?” I said as I stood up slowly kissing Kevin’s hand as I place it slowly on the bed. I picked the file up and see that this is dated back from he was still in high school. I opened the door and walked towards the floor receptionist. “Can you please page for Dr Brent. I have the medical history files that he requested earlier.” I asked as I feel the blood rush to my head. Why did he not mention that he was ill? I trusted him with my life yet he does not trust me enough to share this information with me. I can’t breathe; it feels as if someone has stuck a knife into my heart. I heard the receptionist say something but I could not hear her. I will stay next to Kevin’s bed as I promised him but I need an explanation when he is well enough. I put my hand over my own mouth as I sobbed. I closed the file and handed it to the receptionist. “Please see that Dr Brent get this very urgently.” I said over and above the sobbing. “Can I get you some water mam?” she asked. I realised that the shock on my face expressed the seriousness of the matter. “I’ll be fine, thank you.” I answered her. I walked back into the room. Lizzie sat with a book in her hand trying to read it but she kept on looking at Kevin to see if there was any change since the last glance just seconds ago. “Is everything okay?” Lizzie asked as she placed the book on her bag. “Yip, the doctors will run their tests to find out what the actual problem is.” I reassured her. “I need to run off. Please tell him I was here when he wakes up again.” she asked politely. “I certainly will.” I said as I hugged her goodbye.

Kevin finally woke up properly and had a bit of colour in his face. I have so many questions but this is neither the time nor the place to lay my cards on the table. I will wait for until he is well enough and for him to return home. “Hey” I said all happy to see that he is much better. “Water… a drink of water” he said all croaky. I placed the straw on his lips. I have been pampering him with lip balm while he was sleeping. His lips looked so raw; I can’t just imagine what his throat feels like. He sipped it slowly to wet his throat. He pulled his eating trolley closer to see what is on it. “Typical, not even awake properly and you are already thinking of food.” I said. He smiled from ear to ear “You know me better than anyone else.” He said. Do I really? I could not bring myself to argue with him; not while he is still so weak. I started to cut his meat and veggies up and placed the plate in front of him.

“You gave me quite a scare there Mr Moore.”

“Nothing to be scared of Jane. Everybody has to die some time in their lives. Some sooner than others.”

“Kev, this is not a joke.” I said annoyed.

“Jane, I want to tell you something but...”

“What is there to tell Kev? We have been best friends for over three years; what is there to tell?” I laughed as it came out of my mouth. Besides of what is in that file, I am sure I know him inside out.

“Jane, I… uhm” he paused because there was a knock on the door. Lizzie popped in to see how he was doing. She kissed him square on the lips and then wiped her red lipstick off his lips with her thumb. “Hey” he said giving me a confusing look. “I popped in yesterday but you were sleeping most of the time.” She said as she sat beside him. “Jane told me you were here. Lucky me.” He said.

I excused myself to buy some coffee. “Would you like a coffee Lizzie?” I offered. “No thanks just had one before I came here.” I am not sure how to feel about that kiss. Was it to make me jealous because if it was, it is working bloody well? What was Kevin going to tell me before we were rudely interrupted? It could have been anything. He could have told me that he is moving back to his mother or even that he decided to date Lizzie. Who knows what was on his mind at the time? I guess time will tell.

Returning back to the ward, I saw his door open and Lizzie walking out. I quickly walked back into his room to see if everything was okay. “So what were you going to tell me just before Lizzie arrived?” I asked as I sat on his hospital bed. I took his hand and placed it on my lap, rubbing his knuckles with my thumb. I want to tell him how I feel but the chances of him rejecting me are too great. I don’t want to take that risk.

“Can we talk about that as soon as I get out of here.” He said as he rubbed my leg. Butterflies are fluttering in my stomach as I take his hand, close my eyes and placed a kiss of passion on it. His hand opened and he cupped my jaw. He rubbed my cheek softly with his thumb and said “I promise that we will continue this conversation at home. Just hang in there.” I turned my lips towards his hand and kissed the palm of it. “Okay, I will wait.” I said making him believe that what he was about to tell me would be fine.