I wrote this book not to hurt any of my family members but for many parents out there that are willing to read this book, I wrote this book not to feel sorry for myself but I wanted to say my story through a child’s eyes, through a child’s emotions. , I often wonder why I relived my past by writing this book but I felt the need to share my story. What if I lose a child or a teenager that might be going through the same abuse?, or I might miss a mom or dad that are unaware, or what if my story helps stop an abuse in the future?. Moms, Dads future families, you can change a child Destiny through awareness, Abuse is abuse no matter what kind it is, It’s doesn’t matter how much or how little it seems, it is detrimental to a child’s well being, especially when they think they’re all alone and there’s is no one they can confine in. No child Should feel unprotected.
Once upon a time I had many dreams as far as I could remember even as a child, I picture myself in a large house with a large backyard, and it even had an elevator pretty vivid for a child of eight. The house had a gym, where I envisioned myself working out. The house was big and spacious and it had different levels, that was my Dream house. Yes I was a dreamer, just maybe someday I would own this house. I was born and raised in the Bronx , I was Classified as a New York Rican , I don’t even know if that is a word, My parents were from Puerto Rico and I was born in New York. We were the typical Hispanic family but very dysfunctional, My mom had me when she was 16 years of age, raised in Puerto Rico and came here at the age of thirteen with my Grandmother, for what I can remember, I was told that I was the 26th grand child and I was my grandma’s favorite and I was the youngest, and with my mom being so young, My Grandmother took care of me most of the time..
My grandmother die when I was 2 years of age from a Stroke and my mom was left on her own with me.
I remember my Dad being in and out of my life, I didn’t have too many memories of him, but I use to remember him beating up my mom most of the time, and my mom running from him in the middle of the night. I remember sitting in the floor and just hearing glass breaking all around me, that was my father throwing glass cups at my mother, and I felt helpless watching as my mother got abuse, I was around 3 years of age and can still see those images in my head can . Growing up was tough, Finally my mother separated from my father and she would go on to live on her own with me. It got really tough on my mom, she was a young single mom, at the age of 18, she had to join the welfare system in order to support me My father, would sometime visit, and I actually enjoyed his company, at that time, he would bring me toys and candy, and the best part of the visit was that there were no more fights between my mom and my dad. In my eyes everything seemed perfect.
As a young child there was something about me that I quite did not understand, I was always day dreaming and was very much to myself and I was perfectly fine with that, at the same time I always had the sense that someone was watching over me.
I couldn’t quite comprehend it, I would usually have vision of my Grandmother and other things, but I did not quite know what to think of it, It was never a big deal, I just forgot about it and life continued.
As child I remember seeing both my mom and dad having sex while I was running around the apartment playing. I can still see those images in my head. I saw this quite often almost every time my dad came to visit
I don’t know if seeing my mom and dad having sex most of time would be considered my first sexual encounter but it did open up new sexual desires in me, I started touching myself, at a very early age, I would say at the age of six,
Touching myself was very comforting and often would fall asleep doing it. My mother was still single and often had my older cousin stay with us . One day My Cousin Viola, stood over my house, I was around six years of age and she was around 11 years old and
When we both went to bed she started to touch and rub me in my private parts, I was scare and did not want my mom to bring her over anymore, but I could not get myself to tell my mom what happen.
I was never to tell anyone That was our little secret as she told me not to tell . My mom continued to be single for at least one more year, Until she met My step dad, I was around seven years of age and my life changed.
My mom was very happy when he was around, and he was very nice to me and would play with me often making jokes which would make me laugh.
Life seem quite normal at the time, we would go out to eat and they would take me out to play, we seem like the perfect little family.