“I never thought cold could radiate from something like that...”
“Huh?” replied Seth.
“Sorry, it’s nothing.”
“No, seriously Nathan, what is it?”
“I said forget it.”
I never thought about how cold could radiate from something, though. Not until I met her. From the moment I laid eyes on her everything she did showed a steel heart.
It’s not, you see, a bad thing to have a heart of steel. It’s not cold or blank or unfeeling. It feels too much, it burns hot and freezing. I never thought I’d see that coldness emanating from her, and happy person that she was, it was even more dramatic than what hotness had infectiously burnt us all. But I was too loose with my fists, and too in denial of what happened. That’s not an excuse, by the way, I could never forgive myself for that, and of course like steel she was truthful – too hard. I think when I felt that emanating coldness, the piece of her heart she’d given me splintered in my chest and stayed there, freezing a little piece of me too. I have no idea how she tolerates it.
I’ve been trying to make it up to her ever since, I suppose, that’s why I was there. Or maybe I’m just trying to warm that icy shard... I know she works in the army. I’m not sure that counts as helping people, but I’m sure that’s why she’s doing it, and I’m sure she’s burning because of it. Even if she’s not really helping people, I think I drove her away in such a direction, she can’t find any other outlet for her burning. As for the opposite side, I’d like to clarify it’s not just freezing, just burning in the other direction. Cold flames. I hope no one else makes her burn that way again.
The first time we met we argued like cat and dog. Not the most romantic meeting. But slowly the months passed and, well, it still wasn’t immediate. I saw her burning at a boy she who took the piss out of her but, once I was friends with Anna, I realised it took a lot to make her glare like that. The coolest Ceris’ flames ever were was when she was with Anna, looking after her, trying to sooth for once. She never did it with me. Even comforting me she burned with a passion of fierce protectiveness. She was right. I certainly was not that fragile.
I feel pretty fragile now, though. I guess I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, she’d hate that, but I’m so thirsty... If you are in the army, maybe you’re in this country? It wouldn’t be surprising if you didn’t rescue me really. I don’t know what else to say...
Thank you, Ceris Blevins.
2015 - 2016