By

                                                Lynn Welles

From a new Mother, Lynn Welles to Drug Smuggler MaryJane. My life has been a turmoil. From a young woman, to prostitute who married a Hooker who use to beat me, also to a Business Owner, to Deputy Sheriff, to a Drug Smuggler, Prison Inmate and Writer. Amazing my readers with all the events I have experienced. From Dysfunctional Families to cruel punishment.

So much in my life has happened. I had the passion to write it in hopes someone else who is in the thralls of this kind of volatile life, and could use the help of sharing and wisdom. Maybe just to share hurts with you. Some were good, most were bad experiences.

This book has been along time coming, how I threatened everyone with the story of my life of drama. Well here you go….

 Growing Up

I sat there shaking, listening to Mike yelling, cornering me with his anger, and terror. He had a bad temper. He just got through pinning me against the wall, He is very strong, with those large hands, around my neck choking me. I love him but I wonder why he resents me? He had the look of a demon on his face, fuming. Mike Hooker was 6’3” Long hair to shoulders, wonderful, and good looking when happy, like a demon when drunk. He had stature, was strong, could make or fix anything. The only thing that saved me is I was a cop. he was afraid of that. I could not hurt him, even tweaking his arm, bringing him to the ground, but if it was someone else they would be in jail. How did it get to this point? Did he dislike me for years earlier when I was a prostitute? He had always, hurt me, always scaring me. Even when we first met. I can see him on that forklift. It was an instant thing, but I would not admit that for any reason. I believed I could stop him from hating women. I believed I could change him. “Why do women think that they can change men?” But I tried. It was my fault I thought, like I deserved this? I pull these words from my heart. I love Mike Hooker to this day and for always, he is my soul mate. I know. Let’s start where I started.

At three years old, I sat on the porch in the hot sun, waiting, with my new dress on, made by Mama. I had long blonde hair in pigtails and bow to match my dress in a pink flowery pattern. My name is Lynn Welles. Mom was on the phone yelling at someone, saying, “You always promise and never do it.” I was waiting for my Daddy I could almost see him driving up the road. He could do no wrong, I wanted him to pick me up in his big white car, with the top down. He had promised he would be here. I want to put my arms around him and squeeze his neck. He was very good looking. Dark hair, but he was shorter than most men. A great sense of humor, And he would do anything to help anyone. He was a great guy. He was an alcoholic . My Dad was marvelous, he was kinda sexy, I can see why Mom liked him.

Mom came outside and told me that my Daddy had called, and he was so sorry, he was not going to be able to pick me up. Mom had a nasty look on her face, a frown.There was tears running down my pink face. Mom and Dad were not together anymore. Maybe Daddy does not want me around.

As I grew up there would be lots of times when Daddy was not around, Mommy too. Mom worked for lawyers. She always had to be dressed up, every thing matching, the proper attire. Tiny woman. 5 foot, 100 lbs wet. Brown hair always short. She could drink coffee, answer the phone, take dictation and type so fast, at the same time, you would not believe it. It was like a hand vacuum cleaner’s whirring engine. Mom had a lot of dates. My friend Linda, same age as me, but she had short blonde hair, taller then me, she had stayed over, and we use to pretend we were asleep when Mom got home. It was very dark in the house, so we could see the lit up porch, and the mosquitoes, by the light bulb, buzzing. She was kissing someone on the porch, we could see her arms go around his neck. Then the door shut, I guess it was a good thing. I had been out on drive-in dates with her also. I would fall asleep on the floor, in the back seat. But I can remember how loud the movie was and the smell of popcorn all around me.

I lived pretty much with Granny, at her house. Playing princess in my room, covering the bunk bed to look like a tent and outside in the bushes, I made my princess tower. I tied a lacy shawl around my body, and twirled and twirled around it, I was the most beautiful princess. Granny was so warm with me. She was a loud lady, not too tall, average size lady, reading glasses, verbal, always dressed matching too, wearing her jewelry. Dark hair and always wore sun glasses. She was a Rock Hound and had all types of jewels, rocks, jewelry she had made. She had diamonds, big ones. Display cases of beautiful stuff, swirls of gold wire holding them together. Case after case, some gold some silver. She spent years collecting rocks from rivers, to volcanoes. She would tumble them in a drum to make them shinny. Put them in the drum, turn it on and it rolls and tumbles till the rocks are round and smooth, for hours and days. Some rocks you break in half. They were like ice entrances to caves. I always wanted her to give me some jewelry, but she never did. Guess I was too little for it.

I had an Uncle Cliff who was a rock hound too. He was tall and scary, I remembered, he lived in Hollywood Hills. I use to go visit him with Granny. His house was so like the Gingerbread House, of course I did not know what Hollywood was then, but he had a big property, different layers of flower beds full of a various flowers, and blue grass. It was gorgeous.

We would drive to town in Granny’s big beautiful green Cadillac all shiny , top down, you see her husband, my Grandpoo worked at the Cadillac dealership. She drove with her dog Petit, behind her neck, in an open box she built, Behind the drivers seat. A black poodle who like to viciously hump on my leg, and he was always panting and tongue hanging out with slobber all over it.

When I was 8 years old, I started running away from home. Why does any kid runaway? If they are older there is a reason, as a small child I did not know what or why, just go. Life may be better some where else. I had no place to go, I walked through town and all around, hopeless. I was hopping the police were not called. I had my black licorice I would not starve to death. Maybe I should just go back home? “Does Mom want me?” One time we had moved away from a brown horse friend of mine, I was so sad, he was the only one I could talk to. I went to see the horse, on one of my runaways. I hated my Mom, and she scorned me. Some of the looks I got from her I will never forget. Of scorn, hate, inconvenienced, wishing I had never been born. Even at this young age I knew how she felt towards me, I was in the way.

She would break out in a rash when she got upset with me. It was red all over her arms and hands, I think I remember being happy that she was so sad and crying over her skin. She would have big plastic bags on her arms, looking like a bubble person with stinky stuff on her skin, all wrapped up. I know she would of rather I just stayed at Granny’s house.

We all live in Ventura, California then. I always loved Ventura, It was a nice clean town, nice people. I was a California girl. I loved the dark blue, deep ocean and the thundering waves. Watching the sun go to sleep, or sunrise waking up. All the waves were crashing. Certain times of the year the grunion ran. Little fish that sparkled like silver in the moonlight, when the water breaks, you can see them in the surf. People would catch them, but I do not think they are edible.

We lived a regular lifestyle. I know it was hard for Mom to make it, being a single mom, I do remember that. I barely survived, lived for a few more years. Once I started a fire in my room. I had a matchbook collection, everywhere I went I collected matchbooks. I was so proud. One day I decided to dump them all out to see how much I had. There was a big pile of them, when I got them all dumped out in the middle of the floor. I swear to this day it was an accident. Well I started yelling fire…fire. There was a nice little bonfire, only the very top of the pile was lit. Mom came running out of the bathroom, her pants still down. Well Mom got the fire out. I am so surprised she got it out before the whole pile was lit up. All those matches, I could of very easily torched the house down. They catch fire so fast. Wow, Seems Mom was on her period and there was blood everywhere she had traveled in the house. I still remembered I was so scared of getting a spanking, I passed out in the bathroom. When I awoke Mom was not mad, too much.

Mom never talked to me about life and sex, I was like hidden under red covers. I wanted to know what it was about, since it was such a secret. Maybe that explains some of my life’s drama.. Mom was always so secret in things she knew. Attitude was a lot. Mom use to try to buy me clothes, I never liked them. They were so dorky. There was no way I was wearing them to school.

Strange thing is once my step-father, Timothy, my sisters Dad invited me to fly over to Catalina, Just me and him???? I was twelve years old. Well Mom let me go, to this day she does not know why? She told me she had fears he would mess with me. If she was not sure of him, why let me go? 

Later we did speak of it though, she had always wondered if anything happened. I don’t remember, I told her.

We went on a seaplane from California.This plane was small 4 seats. As the plane took off the water covered the  back windows. Freaked me out a bit, but then it takes off and we are flying. Upon landing with a splash in Catalina, we checked into a hotel room.

He would take me to the bar with him, an alcoholic, and I never saw him with anybody, but he was friendly with every one. You could tell he’d been around for awhile. Most of the time he was gone from the room. I asked if I could go horse back riding, he said, “Sure but don’t be too long.” I went riding around made me feel free. Someone had locked the gate on the path back to the shabby looking barn. I could not get out, to go back to the barn before dark. So I turn my horse around and haled ass and jumped over the gate. I did not know the first thing about making a horse jump. The next day I remember sitting on the edge of the bed. Timothy came and sat beside me. Well that’s all I remember. I cannot remember going back home to Mom. It’s been proven if you have a rough childhood, you can grow up having problems. I think it is understated.

My sister Peggy, Timothy’s daughter, was born when I was nine. I hated the way Mom doted over her. Peggy’s room was the brightest yellow you can possibly look at without going blind. Like golden spikes attacking you’re eyes.

Peggy turned out good-looking, tall, long legs about 5’7”, long brown hair. Cocky attitude, perfect body. She was beautiful. Big Boobs too. Although I think I was always jealous of her. I use to pull her in a small red wagon and dump it over to see her cry. God, I was mean to her, but I took care of her too. We always had to have matching dresses. Mom was an excellent seamstress, she could make anything. Every year she would make our Halloween outfit, for me and Peggy. I learned sewing from her hand, and I had taken homemaking in school. We had a little dog named Herman, I remember Peggy holding that dog.

Peggy grew up on drugs, Heroin and an alcoholic, almost killed her liver Peggy was into prostitution. She had a studio I worked at also. I left my brand new husband to come back to Ventura, to help her clean up the studio. I painted and worked. I have no room to talk. I have tried every kind of drug there was. The only good one so far is weed .

Peggy was married before her current husband. His name was Herman also. Kinda a weird guy, and hippie biker. He was good to her. I can imagine that Peggy told mom she needed a liver transplant, so Mom would feel guilty. I paid $75 dollars to get my blood checked, and when I told her I was compatible, she said she did not need it anymore. Why had she not contacted me I was a sister, I should be compatible. In the mean time she was laying a guilt trip on Mom and crying. I knew it was bull crap. Mom always was trying to buy friendship. I remember when I was 7 years old. I took all the one dollar bills out of the cookie jar, went to elementary school, and was giving the money away, so people would like me.

I remember one time going to her house to visit when Sierra was a baby. She was running around naked and dirty. The house was a mess and it smelled. I never knew Mom turned her in till years later. Then no one in the family was able to take Sierra. Mom stayed in touch with Sierra and her new family, she was adopted out but Mom stayed her secret Grandma. Peggy never new all this time, Mom was working behind her back. Sierra got trips to Hawaii to see Mom, she was showing off her Honolulu, I don’t blame her. Eventually Mom admitted what she had done, by keeping it from Peggy, and felt guilty. Mom was really closed mouth about it all. I can imagine how Peggy feels, never knowing?

( As I write this book I got a e-mail from Jon, Peggy’s husband, She had died on March 20th, 2019. “She could not breath.”Jon said.) That's all the information I got. I cannot put my mind around it yet. She’s not gone. I tried to respond, but the e-mail never went through. I kept trying, Even though she was my half sister. She was the only sibling, I had a half brother too, all I know is he shot himself when he was 5 years old.

I was doomed from the get-go. Does everyone in the family shoot themselves?

My Mother has a sense of superiority over the whole situation. I was so busy with my life. It was like, I did not care about the situation, it was a bother for me. Normally I would jump into the problem. At this time I had all the kids, from everybody, having dogs and family was overwhelming. The kids loved it in Riverside, back yard kennels, horse, cow and dogs. We raised a steer to butcher.

I was not a virgin since I was 13 years old, I would hang out with guys, I did not like girls.

One night I sneaked out of my bedroom. I had the convenience of a back door in my bedroom. I went to a party at the beach, blazing fires all around a nice warm windy night. I was hanging around

Joey at this time, tall, blonde, surfer, kind of snotty. He had friends there that were talking me into being with Joey this night, he loved me and I needed to show him I loved him too. That was what I was hearing. But I know I was being used. So in the sleeping bag I showed him how much I cared. I do not recall having missed my virginity in my growing up. It seemed like something that I would not miss at all.

To this day I do not like light colored hair, no blonds guys.

When I came home early in the morning sun just glowing it’s light on me. Door was locked.

Oh, shit! Mom knows I was not in my bed. I tried the window, after getting the ladder from the garage. Locked too. Finally the lights came on and I knew, I was busted. Mom and I got into a big fight. Her new husband was there, in shock, I’m sure. Her new husband had been a friend of my dads. Willy, was such a kind man, always good to me. I don’t remember when it occurred but Willy, Moms last husband, shot himself one day while Mom was at the pool, at her condo in Honolulu.

I was trying to call granny to rescue me,but Mom grabbed the phone out of my hand, I grabbed it back and tried to hit her with the phone. Oh, Lord what now. She called the cops on me again, saying I was encourage-able and off to jail I went. Cold green colored walls, lots of bitches, and ones that want to fight, YES I was scared.

When she came to visit me 2 days later, in Juvenile Hall, she says she did not want me back. She told the judge that I was the reason she was all broken out. She just let me go that easy. 

I’m surprised she did not give me away at the time of her divorce from my Dad, Roger Welles. No regrets. I’ve learned to turn off the light of reality. Pretend it’s not real. Hide it…push it inside. I guess I deserved all this abandonment for being such a bad girl. Daddy was gone, Mama did not want me. Granny was too old to care all the time for me. I was a teenager now. The next beginning love was Rodney. We would hang and ride skateboards at the high school. There were ramps there, the perfect place. He was so cute, brown hair over his eye, tall, such a good height and a quiet demeanor. He was pretty shy, and did not hang out with anyone.

I think he was 19 years old then. You see Rodney loved my friend Linda, not me. But now, wait. I did have someone who loved me. Bill, now he was nice to me, he use to sneak into my bedroom door and be with me for  2 hours. We were just making out. He was about 6’3” nice body. Dark hair regular cut. Very nice guy, he made me promise that I would wait for him. He went to the army. But when I got there, some years had passed and he was gone. Died of an overdose of some chemical drug. I’ll see him in heaven I’m sure. Mom sent me the obituary about Bill, when I was out of town. Go with God Bill. I still have your picture.

I was placed in a foster home in Ojai, Califonia. A Mom and Dad one girl 16, one boy 21.

What!! That’s a man! OK baby boy. Ironically the son was hot to trot and I was there.. We use to wait till every one else is asleep and make out on the kitchen floor. It was amazing no one heard us.

The 16 year old was Miss Ojai, was named Linda too. I always thought I was special, because my Dad said I was. My Mom always said when I walked into a room, the room would glow. I knew how to get attention. I don’t know how long I was there, I ran away from those people. If I was not already sick, their family beats it all. A good looking truck driving father was cheating on his big fat wife . And the wife was pathetic. Fat slob like I was, not now..not ever again. I use to watch the guy across the street mow the lawn , up and down the grass. Next thing I knew we were going out in his green truck called,”The Orgy.” Sam was Greek and looked it. He would give me pills and say it was OK, good. Pills and Weed first then LSD. I enjoyed the LSD it took me away from all the people who did not love me. I did not want anyone close to me, it hurt so bad. I went to school, walked in on drugs. Did not care, walked out on drugs. I never did graduate. Left in the 11th grade I was 17 years old.

I remember doing Acid at a party. I hid in the closet and everyone was looking for me. I would not come out, guess I did eventually. Just like locking myself in my room and watch the flowers grow outside the window. Stayed awake all night tripping, get up and go to school. Mom got a letter from Sam to me, opened it and read about the LSD. Called the cops and there I go again. This time I was going to Camarillo State Hospital a Crazy House. I could take all their tests and they could see I was messing with them..Just like the movies, weird people run at you with their hands waving in the air. Yes, there are other kids my age there too. Which I was hanging out with. All into sex and drugs at the Hospital. I missed Sam, he came out on his motorcycle, picked me up and we cruised for awhile. Then he brought me back again. No one even missed me.

I was there this one kid stole the car keys from his Aunt, 4 of us went cruising, I was driving, no one else knew how. Just drove around for no reason scary, but it was fun They never charged me. I was driving.They had it with my game playing. So I was released, thanks. I don’t think I will ever know how you can come and go from a mental hospital. I acted out once to see what they would do. They gave me Thorazine. Stuff is great. It is the court ordering an evaluation, because Mom told them I was doing drugs. It’s still amazing there is no security outside the Loony Bin, plenty inside.

Then I got to go to Dads. I was so happy. I could not believe it. We had a great time. My stepmother was a hateful bitch. Always giving me dirty looks. Jerry, I know she did not like me coming between her and my Dad. But I was so happy to be with him. But not for long. Sam and I planned to run away. He came by and got me. I had everything packed and ready to go get married in West Virginia. We would stay at his sisters Susie in a finished garage, and get married. I spoke with,Sam and he was stationed here now. My pregnancy was bad. I had a lot of problems. Like 18 hrs in labor. Sam had wanted to be with me but he was in the Vietnam War. I needed him home, I was going crazy. So they gave him orders to go to Thule, Greenland. He got discharged.With a lot of help from me, I got him out of Vietnam I helped him so much with his schooling. I could land a plane.

I was 19 and a Mommy. Tully had a bad problem.She would never want to go to sleep. She screamed bloody hell, I would let her cry herself to sleep. We tried all we knew, driving around and then some. They all said let her cry. Poor little thing was peach colored and red cheeks I felt I was not showing her motherly things. Seemed I only cared for myself. I was looking for something that made sense. I started burying my emotions deeper.

During this time I was Head Cook at an old folks home/hospital. I would get up at 3 o'clock, even before the birds were waking up, in the middle of the night to cook for old people. I was having medical problems. I could not stop bleeding down there. My stomach hurt bad all the time, and suddenly I would pass out, but still kept working, and Sam was directing traffic, in a tall tower. I have been in a few, really have a view, if you can walk up all those stairs.

Seems they did not know what was wrong with me. Finally they did exploratory surgery, and found I had Endometriosis, a 7 inch appendix and a cyst on an ovary, which they removed. I was just living through the pain. We had been in a duplex, I left, he kept his Mom and I took my daughter.

Soon we had a nice little apartment in San Jose. That’s where I decided to become a Hooker and gave Tully to her Dad. Apartment was plain decor, meaning nothing. Now I have a job and a new friend named Linda, of course. She lived next door. She was short like me and had a daughter 1 year older than Tully. She was 6 years old, and I hated her. She was snotty all the time, and spoiled, like her Mother. Friends with my now 5 year old daughter. Linda and I were at the bar every night, left her daughter and mine with sitters. I found a hunky guy, Mike.(another Mike) And he had a friend with him. I swear I have little antennas that poke out of my head, they attract no good men…I wanted nothing for real. No true feelings, certainly, not my feelings. I just picked someone to go home with, always hoping his name was not Mike. The guy was Mike, another Mike, he’s probably in prison now. He was a big boy. A hairy vest and straggly hair and cute. He was a strange one. Perverted. One day Mike and I decided to drive to Las Vegas. We stopped at a station on the way and I saw this cute guy hobbling on crutches. I asked where he was going. We left there with this guy. Well to find out he was a junkie. I can’t remember where we dropped him off.Stupid stuff like picking up strangers. Of course it was the 70’s.

In Las Vegas, we got a hotel and went to gamble, win some money, we were not very lucky. Later we returned to the room. Mike’s friend was still around.He was a goofy guy, hardly ever spoke.

We started to have sex and he wanted his friend to watch, so he did, I was a little weird-ed out. I had started my period, and was bleeding all over. The sheets were full of blood. I thought I was dying. We left those bloody sheets for the maid. Mike was a weird guy. When we split, I grabbed all my worldly goods, I left.

About a year later the cops came to find me, I was living in Hayward, and asked me about him.

They said he was calling up other women, and some girl was jacking him off while they are talking. I really hope it caught up with him.

Linda and I applied for new jobs. I got one working for the auction, George my boss. I did things like paint touch up, siding on station wagons. He was a married guy who just liked me. It was a cool job, met a lot of people. Use to deliver brand new Ford Mustangs. From San Jose to Vegas. They were giving cars away, with giant jackpots. We drove on the highway side by side across the freeway. It was so cool.

                                       Chapter 2

Unnamed                                

One day I was bringing a Camaro to the auction. I was on the freeway, not too packed, and had just taken the off ramp.I had no steering something was wrong. I remember I flew off the road heading for an enbankment of concrete. When I woke up I turned off the car, crawled out of it, started climbing up the muddy hill to the road. No one would stop to help me. Finally a man stopped, it had been raining most of the day. The gentleman wanted to take me to the hospital, I stated I just wanted to go back to work. Upon arriving at the hospital, they did stitches on my forehead, I was asked, “Was I thrown off a horse?” I told him," no," “Car accident”.

I was covered with dirt and blood, wearing cowboy boots, That was his deduction. I was released and went back to work. Had a headache.

George was getting on my nerves. It was like he was drooling over me. Made me sick. Like a animal in heat. I quit and we had interviews for jobs the next day. We got the jobs. You know in your 20’s your are only living the moment. No concerns, no fears, no doubt. We are going to make boxes, heavy work putting in piles of cut out cardboard, that the machines put them together. So they are ready to go to the client. When you do raisin boxes it is awful. You miss a beat and they will fly everywhere, like playing with cards.

One day I spotted this major guy driving a fork lift, I kept looking at him and he at me. Nice body, big boy, I like. One day after work, he walks up and says. “Hey leave your number on the dash of my truck.” The arrogance I said, “F.Y.” he was a snot and proud, like he was all that. Well he was all that! My soul mate. I assumed I could fix this guy. He drank a lot. Finally my friend Linda was playing cupid…got us together at her house for dinner. I don’t know what happened but we had sex in a sleeping bag, in the middle of the front room floor. I remember it being very nice. Seems I do my best work in sleeping bags. All during this time I visited the Country & Western Bar, I would just walk in and pick the one I wanted to take home. Every time I thought I could have any guy. I kept giving it away, "Why not get paid for it.” While we were at this apartment complex, Cindy and Tully were playing out front, someone actually kidnapped her, she was no where to be found. Called the police and they were everywhere.Questioned everyone there, no one saw anything. The cops came all the way to Hayward. Thought because I was a Hooker, and Mike was a felon, we were kidnappers too.

For God sake it was the middle of the day, people outside sun shinning, Saturday….No one saw anything. It very easily could have been both girls. I would never get through that. They had a neighbor who was acting out, seems he and his wife had a fight. They had a son Cindy’s age, she played with and a baby. He was upset over something, he had slammed his baby against the wall, swinging him around. Can you picture that, a bloody, beaten baby. He locked himself in his bedroom. His wife called the police. Neighbors said he had a stroller box he was caring with him, could of weighed 50 lbs .Lou weighed 50 lbs. Got into his car and drove to the dump, Police could find nothing. He went back to his house and shot himself. He left a short note saying he could not live with what he had done, what did he do? Rape and kill her? We will never know. Linda went on to move and go to Nursing School. She always kept a room for Cindy, in case she ever comes back home.

I went to visit Linda in Idaho. Not too exciting. She was heavy like I would become.

I had met this girl named Flowers, she was a Hooker. She got me in the door. They sent me to work in Hayward, by San Jose, in a massage parlor. Not a nice place to be. The first guy was a friend of the owner lady. I know he was. I had a kidney infection so intercourse was brutal. Then I went to work at a dance studio, where we took all our clothes off. And danced at a wide distance. Most of them just told you what they wanted, like a candy store. You line up and they pick whoever they want. You lead them to a room and they usually told you what they wanted. They had to pay for the room first. Then I would let them get undressed. If they don’t strip something is wrong. Then they will tell you what tickles their fancy. Most were pretty cheap but sometimes we got really good tips. I remember one night, I came to work, was with a customer and Mike, came in the front door yelling for me. He had gotten drunk and came to pull me out of this line of work. I ran out of the room with a sheet wrapped around me. I ran out the back door when I heard him trashing the joint and yelling for me. I knew I would get a beating from him. So out to the parking lot I ran. I found a little sports car and it was open, I hid on the floor, till Mike was gone. I was so scarred. Ya know he was only showing he cared, I am surprised he waited this long before he blew up. He hated me working.

I called Sam and said come get your daughter, I’m going to be a Hooker. I did not want her around that life. I loved her that much. I had deserted her. I had been doing a lot of deserting lately. Mike, had been doing drugs and drinking a lot. We were living together, with a white German Shepherd. Mike liked to shoot heroin, so I thought I would try it. Every time I moved, I threw up, even a finger moving made me sick. Oh, this is a great drug. His favorite was crank.

We moved to a better apartment, I was working, he was not at the time. We got a nicer apartment in San Jose. I would go to work looking just like a Hooker, trashy, stockings, short skirt, revealing top, no underwear ever, just stockings.

I left Mike at home every night, to go off and be with other men. What was in his mind when I did that? I was supporting him also. I left heading out into the night. In my day hours I would Macrame. I did a big owl and hung it on the wall of my apartment. Mike was a bad alcoholic. Sometimes he would drink 3 fifths a day of whisky. He tried to stop drinking but he could not. It caused so many problems. I can’t imagine how he felt. He was falling in love with me, and I was making a lot of money, selling my ass!! I use to hide so much money I was elated when I found it.

One night while I was at work, Mike,  drank the Nyquil out of the cupboard. When I got home at 4 am, I asked him where the Nyquil was. He stated, he dropped the bottle and broke it. Well the rug in that room was still on the floor. I asked and he said he washed and dried the rug. Well if the rug was there the bottle would not break. He said he washed and dried the rug. Yea Right, what men do you know that wash and dry rugs in the middle of the night? Always Mike was mean, I could not speak my mind to mike, I resented that he was always rough with me. Mike was jealous and possessive. As he should of been.

One night, like several, Mike and I were fighting. Sitting on top of me to holding me down, and  I could not move and was terribly claustrophobic, he started choking me again. I remember blacking out, going into a fog with twinkly lights. I thought I had died. He always said he was sorry and it would never happen again. That was after the last time he said it. Still the age old question, “How can you hurt someone you love?” I always wanted to hide inside of Mike for safety. I never did squeeze him hard enough for that to work. So confusing, I was scared of him. This Hooker will never have a pimp. One guy tried once. Mike never even thought of it. I guess sorta, He was living off me.

Now time had passed and I knew he was never going to be able to handle me still doing this kind of job. I wanted to settle down. He had been in some kind of trouble, before I met him. He had been living in a rented room. I mean a bed and 4 walls. I took him home with me. To fix, to love, to change for the better. Mike was about a rugged as any man I knew. He was a bad boy. He told me he was on probation and that he had been in prison for 5 years. Kidnapping and assault in L.A. His parents were out there. They knew he was trying to get his life together, so we moved to Anaheim.

Mike had trouble with hookers, probably because I was one. I myself took him to a place and told the girl to get him off. All the time I was with him I knew he saw Hookers, while driving truck. He would come home with his dick smelling of hand lotion. I questioned him but he would get angry, before I got angry. I was asking him about this and he said, It’s my dick and I will put on it what I want. But wasn’t that, MY DICK to?”

I quit my job and we moved to Anaheim. My dad was there, with Jerry, my step Mom. She use to bleach her hair.Trying to look like me. Dad helped us get a house. Now Dad was close. He always felt like he had let me down, like Mom. My Dad was an alcoholic too. He was so excited to help and be there. I really enjoyed that part of my life.

We got married about 4 years after we met. Mom and Dad both came to the wedding. Mike looked gorgeous, and me beautiful, with our wedding day picture is my favorite. I wish I had his strength. By the dance studio, in Hayward, where I had worked, in a small shop, I found a blue lacy dress. I paid for it a little at a time. I did not know why I had gotten this dress. Well I was married in it. I still look at that wedding day photo and fall in love again. I cry. What a love this is. If I just had a hug right now….I think I could chug on. 

After this we moved to a house in Norco. I was pregnant with Mesha. Mike was driving truck. He would deliver bean bag pellets. Ya know, the ones that fly everywhere, and so full of electricity you cannot clean them up.

The night I went to the emergency room to have a baby, 1975 Mesha was born. A day after my birthday, I really did try to deliver on my birthday, guess I did not push hard enough. I was walking across the parking lot, my water broke. I was walking slow because I did not want to have a baby on the asphalt. Mike had said, “If you don’t hurry up and walk, I’m going to carry you".Why he did not drive up to the emergency room, I don’t know. Well we got there that was November when she was born. At Christmas we took pictures of the most beautiful Mesha, and the most beautiful tree, I have ever seen. Blue flocked and blue decorations, and the people around it were in love. Mike’s Mom had bought the house in Riverside. One acre I think. We moved in.

Well Mike had no job, and I was pregnant with Micah. My little boy. He was born 1976. November also. One week short of a year apart from Mesha. We had such a nice family going on.

Well Mike started studying hard, getting classes, books, and on the job training.We both worked together. We started a business, California Protection Dogs. We got special dogs to train. We had area dogs for business protection, personal protection and obedience too. I would even deliver the area dogs at sunset, as pregnant as I was, to a motor home manufacture company. These dogs will eat anyone. One night the manager called us because, he had locked himself in with the dogs. He was up on top of a big mobile home calling us to let him out. It made for dirty looks having the kids in one cage and the dogs in another. Never would we have tolerated aggression toward children. The kids loved riding in the truck. Sticking their fingers through the cages. Dogs barking and growling at others and the kids laughing. Hey they even tried to bite me, while I am holding their leads. If I dropped my hands they would attack.

People came every day to work their dogs, even cops.

One day a gentleman came by and wanted to get his dog trained in exchange for property in Durango, Colorado Well we checked it out. In the middle of no where. Wish I had that property now. We sold it, needed the money. We sold the house at the last minute to one of our friends.

Avoided foreclosure for his Mom. On the sale we received $800 dollars. We departed with only that money in our pockets. We trusted God at this time to watch over us. We were going to move to Colorado. Ya know it was amazing that I was forgiven. I’d asked Jesus in my heart several times. I did not believe it worked on me because I was so bad. Peggy was at the house for a short time. We had a friend who liked her and prayed with her all the time. We were church heavy then. Everyone trying to impress everyone else. My Mom accepted the lord. And she was a die hard Catholic. Mike was the pillar of the community. Everyone fooled by his smoothness. Checking out the women in his classes, and being able to spend time with them, all in the muse of training their dogs. Guess Mike thought, I did not know. We packed all we were taking, in a trailer and left California. Durango was a wonderful, beautiful town, but now it is yuppie city, tree hugging, young people everywhere, they legalized marijuana, and everyone and their brother is moving there. It is too crowed with people now, no place to park and wall to wall people.

We found a small trailer in Ignacio upon arriving in Colorado, both kids and 4 dogs. Mike drives off into the sunset, to drive truck to make money.

The kids got lost one day. There was a blanket of snow on the ground, so we followed tracks. I heard Nikki (my Collie Dog,) barking right over the hill. Seems the kids went over and those other people had dogs too.We went back home with kids in tow. I had no money, no dog food. The

neighbor down the road gave me old deer bones out of the freezer, to feed the dogs, they loved those bones.

Finally Mike came back. A paycheck in tow. People came by to look for the dog trainer, police too. When Mike was home one night while we were sleeping.The cold woke us. The heater was not working. We were so cold we were shaking so bad we could hardly get the pilot to light. It was only blown out. About 30 below. It was so funny. Even the light bulb in the pump hose blew up.

By then we were working at the Kennel in town, we were friends with the owner. He was tired so he asked if we wanted to lease the house and the kennel. We did training seminars and running the kennel. Rented the trailer next to the kennel. Nice, had a fireplace in the middle of the front room. I groomed dogs and ran the kennel during the day.

Mike picked up a hitchhiker one day and brought him home. He was a dog trainer for the Army. He was good with dogs too.We had big seminars and flew people in to speak, and get their certification for police dogs, and show off ours. We filed bankruptcy. Gave the kennel back to the owner. Dog Farm Kennels…gone. Managed to put $5000 down on a house and took over the payments. It is there I decided to get a divorce, after a fight with Mike. When he started his terrifying drill on Micah. I decided this is it. Hurt me but not the kids.I just seemed to rub him the wrong way. I never knew when he was going to go off. Whole family now, very religious, dogs, kids and horses. We even had all the kids together, at one time in California. Mikes previous daughter Shannon, Tully, Mesha and Micah and Jimmy, Sue’s son. Then we got exchange students from Germany and France.

No one knew all these years Mike had tried to stop drinking. Beat me and put me down. He had no respect for me at all. The kids got terrified, when Mike’s truck pulled in the driveway, If the gravel flew, we were in trouble. He use to hold me down, he knew I was claustrophobic, and it scarred me so bad. If you have this problem you know what I am talking about.

The kids were too young to know what was going on. Mike  was so good , he could fix anything.

He loved his family very much. He was big and strong. No one else could fill his shoes. I think about all the stuff we went through together. I thought he was true to me, but he was not. Hate and love are very close. It’s hard to accept. I trusted him for so many years. Your lover has gone somewhere else. Even all those times I told him to go bother someone else. I’m not adequate, he needs something else. The funny thing is Mike was not looking for another wife in the middle of this, but he got one. He only wanted different sex when he wanted it. He use to force himself and rape me, Rape is anger. A seething hatred from down deep. I seem to hold grudges well and secrets better. Way can I not have a peaceful life, no problems. All was great when Mike was not drinking. He told me he was part Indian, alcohol and Indians brains do not go well together. If your ever in Gallup, NM look on the side of the road. Lots of drunk Indians get hit there all the time. They just can’t handle the alcohol.

Serving the Public

When Mesha was 3 years old, we were told she had a heart condition. She would cry and turn blue. She needed surgery to close a valve, that should of closed at birth sent to Children’s Hospital. They were going to pay the bills. Thank God. During surgery Mesha had an allergic reaction to the anesthesia. What she has is called Malignate Hyper Pyrexia. She got a really high fever. Poor little thing laying on a bed of ice, and ice all around her. Screaming and crying. Finally a specialist came and did surgery for the port to close. We were so scared. during this time. It’s like the world stopped when she was going through this. The hospital even gave us a place to stay during all this.

Mesha healed, but can’t take any Cain drugs, anything that end or starts with Cain, medication for her lifetime. Just to have teeth work done, she had to be screened. They said it was hereditary. But we could find no one who had it or died from it. Ironic I suppose Mesha could not be around cocaine.

All this time at the kennel. Training the dogs had me riding along with the police dogs. I became a reserve officer. I use to ride with Robin, my sergeant a lot. I miss her, she was a good teacher. I was going to the academy. I had one thing on my record, that was assault.

One day a tow truck driver came to repossess my Blazer. I had just paid it too. I was so angry I swung a dog lead and chain.You should have seen the look on his face. Missed the guy, but I still had assault charges on me. Upon the background check, I was cleared. I then applied to be a full time officer. Mike was never happy about it. I think the threat was too close to home. At the academy I was fixated on another Mike. He was in the P.D. not the Sheriff’s Department. We had a lot of clean fun at the academy. I was getting divorced. I worked hard at my classes. Came in first place on the Driving and Sharp Shooter. I had a wall of achievements. But Mike Hooker hated it. I was disconnecting from Mike, The same question, “How can someone love me and abuse me like that." I tried so hard to be the perfect wife and I was. Cooked, cleaned, raised kids, became a cop, had my own business too. I could do everything well. Now is that not what every man needs, a maid. This other cop I liked was married. So we were good. We kept our distance, until finally we spent a few hours together. After all, Mike H, had always cheated on me……How could he???

I was tired of being afraid and not respected at all. I thought I was enough for him. I rebuked all the signs of him cheating. God I loved him so much. I rebuked all the signs of him cheating. I use to be able to just look at Mike or touch him anywhere and he would get hard. I loved that.

Once right before I retired from the S.O. in Durango. We had a double murder. Two little girls, sisters, were butchered. One little girl was cutting cheese for a snack.The other was outside catching butterflies. Things like this never happen here. A neighbor kid, who knew the girls came over and sliced the oldest one, all over her back. The one in the kitchen was sliced up also. Seems he was jealous of them. We found his clothes behind a bush, bloody. The boy had discarded them and the knife.We could not find the knife. So Mike went and got Rotten, he was our dog (the puppy that someone stole, and then the puppy found his way home anyway.) Rotten was trained in full obedience, attack, search, everything, even silent commands. They searched, finally they drained the pond, Rotten kept hitting on the pond. Well they found the knife once the pond was empty. Then the family moved away. Funny part was this boys family had Moved to Durango to be out of the violence. Enjoy country life.

Those little girls had beautiful red hair. Blood all in her beautiful Hair, freckles and innocent. It was terrible.

I went to a lawyer and $800 less I had gotten my divorce. I did not care about belongings, or house we were in. I had to get away from Hooker, I had to throw away everything. If I saw Mike with anybody I would of lost it. I gave up everything I had worked for I had to turn myself off. I loved him so much, I always will. I worked so hard to become a cop. I could not believe I was a Deputy Sheriff. My area was 1800 miles to cover sometimes on patrol, working grave yard shift. It is hard to believe. I even worked in the Jail for a year, then went on patrol.

Everyone called me Hooker, no body called me Lynn, We always wondered about which one of us, they were speaking with.

I had gone on a police cruise with 200 other cops from everywhere, it went to all the Bahama Islands. We went to classes all day and partied all night. . We also got college credits on this cruise. I was dressed up. It was cool wearing a dress, that split to the waist, and split from hip to feet. I was pretending to be special, you can be who ever you want to be. She did my hair and also put a hat on me. I pretended I was a glamorous movie star.

One tall black guy said to me,”Let me bring the helicopter on board, pick you up and take you away." "Also, you will never want for anything again." I refused….took college classes on this ship and got credit for it. Fell in love with Miami. Came home and retired from the S.O.. I spoke with Hooker. He would keep the kids until I got settled in. Mike was good with them, but scarred them because he was crazy. Boy that was an experience. I moved to Miami. Had a friend on the P.D. there, I liked this cop. My whole life was changing for the worst.

Upon departing Durango, I stopped by a friends home, and spent the night. This was a Mike too. This guy was a State Trooper, and a friend of Mikes. I have always liked him but not in this capacity. His wife was gone for the weekend. I left when to sun arose in Colorado. Beautiful Durango, I will miss you. Why do I have to change my whole life because of you Mike. This I know will always tug at my heart, what is left of it, It is pretty chewed up. I loved it there.

All was gone now, all was over and I continue to cry. Mike why? Why did it half to be like this? Why did you have to keep hurting me, and scaring me. I love you so much. I fight with myself while thinking, my husband was the best in the world, yet he was cruel to me. And he cheated on me. I was a great wife. I left Durango and my life. I could not handle him being with somebody else. While on patrol one night. I pulled up on his girlfriend’s yard and shined my spot light in on the bedroom window. Too bad I didn’t have any empty beer cans to throw on the lawn. (Yea that is a country and western song). Yes, I got reprimanded by the Sheriff, but it was worth it.

Drove over Wolf Creek Pass, in the winter storm. Me in a Camero, pulling a small U-Haul trailer. I swayed and slid over the Pass. It’s pretty scary. Six feet of snow on the sides of the road. Everyone was playing bumper cars. You have to dodge, other vehicles sliding in the snow. 12 thousand feet up. If you go over the edge there is no retrieval. But it’s a crazy drive.

Upon arriving In Miami, at Tony’s Miami P.D., my friend. I had to park the trailer on the street. But they watched it for me. I met a girl who knows Tony for years. Told me, he loved his brother more than he liked me. He was gay! I could never get him in bed. That was totally absurd, no one ever said no to me.

I moved on. Thought of joining the prison system. Work a few years, then retire. I was free of Mike. But never stopped thinking of you Mike. I was alone and scared of my new territory. But I was not being abused. Not scarred of the rocks flying as he pulled into the driveway. That sound terrifies me.

In Miami, I had started driving limos, super stretch limos. Real fun to drive in Miami, drug dealers, rich weird people. Sometimes I would drive for days with the drug dealers. They would go on a coke high and party for 3 days. When they ran out of drugs, then they went home.

Everyone in Miami had a hot car, nice clothes and money. I wanted that.I was living in a 1 bedroom apartment, no food, behind on the rent with Mesha. She was a tough girl. She held on the whole way. I was constantly scarred for her. I wanted her to have everything that I didn’t. I got a job at Turnberry Island, working for the Limo Company there.When I first started working there, I had to go to drivers school, get special permits and a hack license. I met Raphael there. He was a valet at Turnberry. Very high class suites, rich people.

I met another guy who owned a driving company. I was talking to him and said I had been hired at Turnberry. I needed to get a suit outfit for work, he offered to buy them for me. I could not believe it. After this job I got a better one working for Cars of the Rich and Famous. I was hired as office manager, driver and dispatcher. We had 4 walls of movie stars, actors, entertainers. The boss guy was a coke head. I have never seen somebody change his mind as much as he did. I dispatched 100 drivers and cars. When we had a big event, like when Madonna came to Miami Arena. Madonna came in an ambulance. All the limos were double parked around Miami Arena.

No matter what I did he was always angry. He would call me always, making sure all was right. Hoping all the cars found their people, OK. After awhile I left cars of the Rich and Famous.

I still wanted more. Then I settled for working at a High Line Leasing Company. Our only Limo, I kept it booked. If I had the Limo at home I could get to the pick up faster. I also got to change cars all the time, for my personal vehicle. I always leased from Jules.

One day Mesha and I went to the drugstore, parked in front. Mesha waited in the car, doors locked. Mesha told me some black guy came to the door touched the handle. Mesha thought it was me. The car had a really dark tint on all windows. He had my purse and was trying to get my cell phone. . My shield and wallet were taken. But Mesha had a gun in her face. She said you cannot take Mom's phone. I saw the car leaving. I saw the car and pursued it, hauling ass, I followed him through town. I was automatically, driving like a high speed chase. Must be the cop in me.

One day the Mafia guy came in. Seems he had a penthouse to rent on the 22nd floor, all chrome walls, roof, furniture. It was right across on Williams Island. It had a princess blue and chrome bed, with swag curtains on the edges of the bed. Even the light switches were chrome.

I had made friends with a married couple, they lived on the inter coastal. One day he asked to borrow my, 380 Iver Johnson. I let him take it. I reminded him it was registered to a ex cop. I had already sold my 357 Nickel plate, upon arriving in Miami. A dispatcher in Miami loaned me money for an apartment $800 dollars, why was I always haggling with $800? My friend got busted for robbery, and he had my gun. Got him 5 extra years for having the gun. So much for that.

I met this one girl. She had mink coats, nice car, nice apartment. I told her I needed to make more money. She hooked me up to a 6’5” Black guy who brought me a key of cocaine . I hid it on my body. Wrapped tight. I was sent to Niagara Falls. Sometimes I would carry money home. This is great, easy money, but what degree of trouble I would be in .I had disregarded any respect I had for myself. Mike had taken that from me. I was sleeping with a few of my drug dealers. I have to say I loved the color contrast. I did that a few times, made 2 grand each time. Then realizing I don’t have to work for any one else. I can do this myself. I would strap it to my body. Airport security saw nothing. Now a days. We have different machines. And they show everything. It was 4000 thousand a kilo. I will sell for $36,000. If it had been Levis, I would have sold them too.

I worked through different people, to find how they worked and contacts. Mississippi, Bahamas, Jamaica and Aruba. They called me Maryjane because I loved smoking weed. It killed the pain, physically too. All my contacts were black. I was a mule. No one cared about me, just move those drugs for them. I really thought I was “hot shit.” Money in my pocket and Mesha’s pockets. I wanted her to  have everything. I was raised without.. Now I had a gold Porsche, gold wipers, buttons, trim, lock buttons. Blauepunk radio, with a slide bar, because my nails were too long to turn the dials. Rims BBS, Perellie tires. I live in a penthouse on the 22nd floor, that was all chrome. I really thought I was incapable of doing anything to give myself away. I would be so friendly. What would someone like me, Miss Rich Bitch, doing smuggling, I looked so rich they never questioned it . We overlooked Cigarette Race Boats, from the terrace and the intercoastal and on the blue ocean.

I also started a call girl service I had three girls. My best girl Sandy, tall blonde, sweet. I would stay at the titty bar, looking like some kind of gay girl watching them dance, and drank until my girl was done, Then I go to pick her up. Williams Island which is the same Island I live on. Two blocks from Sophia Loren down the street from me. I loved it at the penthouse, I miss it. But it was too close to Mafia for me.

I took several Cruise Ships. Once I was to be strapped with weed. We docked in Jamaica. I was rushed to a little house where all the weed was strapped to me. We barley made it back to the ship, before they departed. When cruise was over all the drugs were off of me, in a suitcase. There was suppose to be someone to pick up the bag. I looked around, and decided no one was coming, and no dogs around. All the porters were busy, so I picked it up, Richard had been parked right up front, So we grabbed the bags and went for the door. We loaded them and took off as fast as possible. They could of x-ray it and set it there to see who would pick it up.

Richard has to be mentioned. The most devoted friend I have ever had in my life. Richard loved me and would do anything for me. He was always abused by me. I’d ask him to go get me some weed, Champagne, Pizza and a Movie and then I asked him to leave. Richard had warned me of the people I was hanging with, He was mad because, I was being used. Whats new? All my life people have used me. He was always there for me. I paid his way. It was nice to be mean to Richard. Someone had to handle my attitude of retaliation He had worked for me at Cars of the Rich and famous. He was there when I got busted. He sold his only car for the money I needed. I sent my daughter to one of my contacts for some money. They were scarred when she went to the Car Wash to get money to help. Had all their guns on the table, and here was my poor daughter at 17. Move and survive. Mesha had to move from the penthouse, no money to live there. I was so scared for Mesha through all this. I was not there to watch over her. She was smart, and started a life, so brave, so strong, I was so proud for both my Kids. I don’t get to see my son as often as I wished for. Has weird hours. And he is in Texas right now working.

I was sent to Mississippi a lot to pick up money. I would put some strapped to me, some in the luggage. Sometimes 1 to 13 keys. Airports now have different security. But I use to breeze through customs. I always stood the chance of getting busted. Then I started thinking, if I can get the coke, I would get the profit not just the pay.

While I had clients still calling me. Still turning tricks.

Most of the time it went smooth but sometimes no. My contact did not contact me, so no pay and a waste of time and money. I quit my regular job. I was too busy going to Aruba twice a month. Met a cutie there, who would sell me a key for $4000. I can resell at $36,000. seems this gentleman had 300 hundred keys berried in the sand. Boy did I want in on this action. All I could see was profit.

Mesha and I had discussed if something happened to me. I would go away for a long time. Nothing would happen to her. She said she was along for the ride. Danger seemed far away. I knew it would end one day, but I had asked her permission. I had arranged to have those 300 keys, 99% pure coke, pushed through by baggage helpers, in the luggage area coming from Aruba.

This cute guy came to my hotel room to take me to the airport. I was still packing in the bathroom. Seems my cute friend had put three keys in my suitcase. Nothing was suppose to be on me. Unknown to me this was the plan. When arriving at customs door, there was a man checking ID’s. I gave him mine. As soon as I got threw that door, I went to pick up, my one big suitcase.

Something called the holy ghost said to me, “Do not pick up that suitcase..stop..I kept hearing it over and over. But I have new clothes and shoes, I had to get it. My vanity took over and I ignored the warnings. My greed ruled out everything. They pulled me off to the side and said come with me. Sure enough when the suitcase was opened in Customs. There were 3 keys in a bright orange bag, right on top of my clothes. I could tell what was in it just by looking. Are they going to believe me

when I say those are not mine. This cute guy had put them in there so I could be a decoy. My drugs were suppose to be, all 300 keys were going through as we spoke. The luggage people had passed it through. Surprise, surprise.

The officers put me in a small room. I watched as they switched tags on my suitcase, I only had it on my smaller bag, they put it on the bag that had the drugs in it. The one I had checked. I screamed for somebody to come see this officer was switching tags., no one came. I was so angry this was going to be my one and only deal, then I could quit. They did not get what they wanted.

Meanwhile Mesha is working on a bond for me. A couple of days went very slowly in jail. Which is worse than prison.I saw all the crack hoes, laying in beds beside me. I knew I had added to this problem. Jail is awful, full of women that want to be tough, they are scared too. Is this trip to jail going to ruin my life just because I was uppity, they hated me. I flashed back on the times I wanted to die. I could not handle it. I tried again. On the top of the bunk bed. I had gotten a razor and took it apart to get the blade. I pushed hard to cut myself, it did not cut. I tried and tried, nothing. Why does God not let me die? I had tried before.

When I was with Mike before we got married. I took off driving with my Bible on my lap. I headed towards a brick wall, but did not crash. I recall being lifted up in a big hand and set down. Lord did you do this? Do you want me in trouble? Why did you let this happen? Why can’t I die? I did know the reason that God did not save me. Cause I have left his side.

Another time I took a bunch of pills while Mike was sleeping, I was talking to myself in the mirror. The only thing that taking sleeping pills does is make you pee and poop the bed. That’s all I remember. I awoke and carried on.