Something told me to get up. Better yet get the fuck up; don't brush your hair or your teeth, you need shoes and your Id but the rest is for the birds, you have money in your car.

Your daughter is with the sitter, your husband is at work, breath in slow and get the fuck up... so I did..

Pulled out the driveway and did 100 to her house to walk in and see her on the floor, busted lip, tears in eyes and no clue who I was. Picking her up was the easy part but realizing she couldn't walk and was pushing away from me as if I was really a stranger was the worst part. Not to mention the fact that there are pills every where and 10 steps just to reach the bottom floor and out the door. 

1....2...3... I hoist her up and carry her to my car, this is what I call the strength of god. She proceeds to tell at the imaganary cars in my way and once at the hospital she doesn't know her BOB or Ssn, luckily I do. 

They close the curtain and push me out the way, ma'am we have your mother now and she's here to stay... 

what happened to she will be alright or don't be scared, I was just here two weeks ago and then a month before that, it's 2 days before the new year and your telling me I won't have a parent to tell me happy new year or I love you or don't drink to much or don't do nothing crazy...

... I pick up my things from the lobby, get in my car and proceed to work, gotta get back to the money....

 So many people say I'm stupid for being here and maybe they are right but the difference between me and them is I have a child, husband, two mortgages, 3 car notes, insurance, and dreams depending on me... let a lone a mother who doesn't remember the person making her dinner every night and cleaning her home... paying her rent and running to the store at 2 in the morning becaus she likes nothing in the house.

Silly me for coming to work after sitting in the ER for hours, she sleeps she doesn't even know I'm here. She is resting and someone has to be getting this money so when she gets home, she has a home to go home to....

My patience isn't the best so all I wanna do is smack the doctors and nurses and scream my name is not sally mom... all I want to do is drink this 5th and blow this blunt, stop judging me and walk in my shoes. You bragging about the car you didn't buy, that  someone is letting you borrow because your lazy, making up lies like you got a man and even if you did your a lazy bitch with no plans. An ideas here or there but your plan of action is far from clear, going out every day like watching kids is a chore better like you did any with ass dirty and bathroom smelling like old balona.

Anyway... sorry for the rant I just had to get that off my chest because so called sister is sitting home right now nagging me instead of being by the bed side of our dying parent. See my mom is all I have left, dad passed a few years back, family disowned me so all I have is my old lady. My sisters and brothers have a father to look up to, have another mother to lean on all I have is his bottle and this weed I'm on. She got kids she don't care of but has the nerve to be bragging about a car she only use for being a baby momma not someone's wife. Pay your own bills then you can live this lavish life, I do for my daughter with all my might then work on my dreams and don't complain about the late nights.

But I'm crazy for being at work your right. I should be by her bed side, I should be next to her. Counting the few ends I have and wondering should I start back selling drugs...

I should be by her bed side praying to the heavens they don't take her this time. Singing those hymns that get everyone through the night. I sleep alone and wait for a man to come home who says he loves me, where is god when I can't breath, where is the man he promised me. The one sending me messages saying he loves me and trying help me eat. 

There is no i in team but I can't tell cause I hold him up when he fails so I'm dumb for being at work and not by her bed side as she cries and holds on for dear life.