This book has some mature content. This is meant for a 17+ year old reader. There are some sensitive themes as well. 

Never hesitate to ask for help. 

        “Wake up, baby. Wake up.” I heard the soft voice of my mom, still groggy from just waking up. 

      “Mom?” It was still dark out. I looked at my little digital princess clock. It was 2:34AM. I looked up at her and saw a suitcase next to her. “Mommy, where are we going?” I asked, thinking we were going on a trip. 

       “No, baby. You have to stay here.” Her soft voice said as she brushed a piece of hair out I’d my eyes. 

       “Why?” I started to get frantic but my mom hushed me. 

        “Shh, you have to be quiet, okay?” I reluctantly nodded. “Now listen carefully, baby. Are you listening?” She asked me as I nodded again. “Okay. Mommy has to go away for a while, but I promise that I’ll come back for you and your brother.” I heard the urgency creep into her voice. I began to get frightened. “Do you hear me, darling? I’ll be back for you, and I love you so so so much.” She wrapped me in her arms the way she did when I was hurt or sick. “Don’t ever forget it. I love you.”

      She let go of me but I tried to hang on. “Mommy!” I cried at her. She shushed me again. Tears were spilling down her face, which frightened me more. She kissed me on the forehead, grabbed her bags, and left. I heard the door shut, so I jumped out of bed, my face still wet from her tears, and ran to the window. I watched her get into her car and drive away. I never saw her again. I still hoped and prayed that she would come back. 

       I fell asleep at that window waiting for her to come back. My dad woke in the morning and carried me back to bed. No emotion showed on his face. 

      I know I was just a kid, but things didn’t seem so bad back then. Yes, they fought, but it was just like every family fought. She could have stayed. She could have toughed it out for her kids. The kids she abandoned with a father that had no idea how to be a father.

      After my mom left, my dad turned into an emotionless zombie. He stopped showing up for work, so he got fired. He would just sit in his chair, drink, and collect unemployment. When I was thirteen, my brother was fifteen and he got a part time job. Even with that extra income, the savings ran out and the unemployment checks weren’t cutting it. We moved to a small, halfway destroyed house on the south side of the city. It was on the bad side of town but we had no choice. 

       My dad’s life consisted of drinking beer, watching t.v., playing poker with his friends, and I’m sure, finding hookers. When I was fifteen I got a part time job as well to give us some extra cash. Basically all my money went to bills or beer. My father took every cent I made. At fifteen, that’s when things got really bad. My dad started to get low on cash and owe people a lot of money. One day he came in my room demanding money that I did not have. He was slurring drunk as he said, “You’ll get me that money, one way or another.” He grabbed my camera and told me to undress. I was terrified, but I refused. That was the first time he raised a hand to me. One way or another, he got those pictures. He scared me half to death most of the time, so I tried to stay off his bad side. The only problem was that when he drank, he only had a bad side. 

       After seeing the money he could get for the pictures, he got a taste for it. This horrific instance occurred on several occasions. The last time this occurred my brother, Sean, walked in, threw my dad out of the room, and threatened to kill him. Sean was always big for his age, and when he said that, I know my dad believed him. Sean ran back in the room, covered me up, and held me while I cried. He was the only person who kept me grounded. He told me to work hard so we could both escape that horrid place. He was my only family, and I trusted him with my life. Sean wasn’t always around, however. He got involved with some bad people, and even though he would never admit it to me, he got involved with a gang. So when he had to go out of town, I had to put up with my drunk dad who wasn’t afraid to hit me. 

   Sean kept me grounded, but he needed something to keep him grounded. He tried basically every drug, and got hooked on most.  I tried to get him to stop but it was relentless, so I stopped trying. 

     Sean and I looked a lot alike. Light blond hair, light blue eyes, and a heart shaped face. All aspects of our mother. I actually liked the fact that I looked like my mom. I felt it somehow made it so I wouldn’t end up like my dad. 

     At school I didn’t really have friends. I studied my ass off so that I could go to a university and get away from my life. Between work and school work, I had no time for friends. People also didn’t want to be friends with he girl who lived in a shit hole and couldn’t afford new clothes. I didn’t mind being alone though, it cut out distractions. Being busy also helped me stay distracted from my home life. Each day was one step closer to freedom, so I went by without complaint. I was going to make it out. I was going to survive, and I would do whatever it would take to do that.