Like every human being on the planet 2017 was going to be my year.Yes I had visions that I would have no trouble in obtaining a yoga goddess body like Jennifer Anniston. Maybe go eventually to Bali and become a fully fledged yoga instructor.Yes the possibilities are endless.However at forty six years of age I had to be somewhat realistic.I had to learn the art first (could be helpful if I want to teach ) So who better to be my lounge room dvd instructor the one and only Mandy Ingber Yogalosophy.
Firstly I put on my new Kmart work out gear.Yes I know I could have gone to Lorna Jane or maybe purchased Running Bare but who am I kidding I am along way off from being a walking advertisment for either of the two.Besides there was only going to be me in my lounge room.Well me and Mandy of course.I must admit that the closest I have ever been to doing the downward dog was retrieving ice from the bottom of my tucker box freezer to compliment my vodka and my idea for meditation was to drink a bottle or possibly two of bubbly (It’s put me in a meditative state more times than I care to remember)I had however promised this was the year to find myself,not that I could be easily lost being a size 16 and all .
So here I was about to transform my body. Mandy was excited.Maybe a little to excited .I proceeded to do the workout with major enthusiasm then Mandy shared her mantra with me “I Have A Great Ass ……I Have A Great Ass.
Thoughts started to run through my head No Mandy I have not got a great Ass, ARSE in Australia we say ARSE and if I had a great ARSE I would not be downward dog with my 14dd breasts swinging down south, frothing at the mouth and praying I dont let one rip in the process…Needles to say I might try again tomorrow…..
I HAVE A GREAT ARSE ……..I HAVE A GREAT ARSE …………….
Maybe one day 😜
A Word Of Advice ....
Seriously ... Never care what people think of you.
You spend half your life worrying....
And the other half of your life wondering
Why you gave a F#@k in the first place
Im A Believer......
Not too long ago myself and one of my good friends decided to go to one of those psychic nights.The venue was held out at a farm house out of town and we had no idea where we were going.It was dark,creepy and basically you had to have a psychic gift just to find the place but we opted for Google and it kinda got us to where we wanted to go after driving past the non signage venue three times.
(Yep we were looking for a sign😜)
The night was somewhat different to my usual Friday night possibly because normally I would have knocked off quite a few cans of gin and tonic by now but by Divine intervention I was sober.My friend had informed me I would be easier to read by the psychic if I had no alcohol in my system.Needless to say it didn't matter because I wasn't one of the people to be picked out from the crowd anyway.I kinda already knew I wouldn't be hence why I should of emerged my spirit in the spirits beforehand.Anyhow I must admit I was a little sceptical but this bloke was pretty good.He made quite a few people find whatever they were looking for and gave them answers to questions they wanted to know.I myself tried numerous times to try to get his attention by moving forward in my chair which nearly landed me on my backside and giving him a wink or two and even resorting to coughing loudly which sounded pathetically like I wasn't to far off from meeting my maker....obviously he only recognises signs from the spirit world.
Still slightly suspicious I kept a look out for hidden microphones and the odd nod of the head or two and even looked around for two way glass.(I have had experience with these types of things watching csi marathons on DVD)
However all seemed pretty normal or beyond normal whichever way you want to look at it and when we left the hall at interval I wasn't struck down by lightening for being a nonbeliever so all was well in the world.
Finally the night came to an end and we hopped in the car ready for the journey home.My friend has a bit of a love affair with the excelerator and off we went with a new found enthusiasm for the world beyond.Not far up the road We realised we were lost again my mate slowed down which is highly unusual and out of nowhere a massive kangaroo stood in the middle of the road staring into the vehicle.It gave us both the chills and our hearts were literally pounding through our chest knowing what could of happened if the car was going that little bit faster....
He disappeared and we had only just returned from the adrenalin rush when only a couple of kms up the very dark road we were met with a white owl with piecing red eyes that looked like something out of a Harry Potter movie staring straight into us in the middle of the road....
Superstition has it that owls are messengers...
Feeling uneasy we crept home that night without hardly speaking a word and realised that someone or something was looking out for us as it could of been a whole different scenario.We possibly could of been joining the spirit world sooner rather than later.Even though it was late at night when we finally could put our feet up we both decided to have a drink or two to soothe the soul ....
Too Much Wild Turkey
Went to a bar last night
It was something new
Had a talk with JIMMY BEAM
and had a round with a Russian bloke named VOLUTE.
All of a sudden another guy sat down
His name was JACK DANIELS
He was from out of town
JACK took awhile to warm up
Quiet type to start with
Then he wouldn't shut up
Then a bloke called BUNDY
Wanted the crew to quieten down
He said the meanest of them all
Was about to come through the crowd
We all started to SHIVER
And act as REGAL as could be
When this WILD bloke nic -named TURKEY
Sent me to my knees
I told him I didn't mean him any HAHN
I was a bit LIGHT headed and could I at least buy him another round
He talked about his travels
VICTORIA was the best
But he was a little BITTER as those EMUS on the road
Put him to the bloody test.
The night as I recall
Ended with a Tia
When I had no more money left for one more drop of beer.
I stumbled home to MARY
What a BLOODY sight to see
Then I awoke the next morning to find
I wasn't drinking with no-one else but me...
1 Everyone has a weakness.....your not on your own.
2 Nobody is perfect ......even if they want you to believe they are.
3 Challenges will be there always .....that is what makes the good times so dam good.
4 Be who you are suppose to be.You are here for a reason....never let anyone put you down or convince you otherwise.
5 Lastly be thankful for who you have in your world.For they are more precious than gold and what makes you who you are .....
Ps : if all else fails have a wine or two.
Grapes are good for you 😁
My Dad Always Reminds Me....
There are plenty of heroes in the graveyard
the world couldn't do without,
No-one is Irreplaceable..........
A little while ago I watched a documentary on drug addiction.I thought about how devastating it would be to have to watch a loved one battle this monster.I thought about how it destroys lives and how it does not discriminate.It does not choose a pacific race.It does not choose a pacific religion.It does not give a rats arse what socio economic group its potential victims are.It has no gender preference and couldn't give a fuck about age or marital status.It has one agenda and one agenda only to destroy...,
It spews its venom in every place within our communities.Hotels.sporting clubs.schools.It is a parasite that sucks the life out of anyone who dares to dance with the devil.The sad part is no one sets out to dance.Mental health issues one such as depression...
Some through no fault of there own are addicted to prescription medication.....
Others have been subjected to peer pressure.Young and vulnerable who made a split second wrong decision swallowed that party pill with there mates at a music concert and the downward spiral begins......
Celebrities by the hundreds.Music Legends.Sporting greats.Hollywood legends.
It has no boundaries.....
What do we do.? We educate.We shock.We show those graphic pictures of drug addiction to our kids.......We demand the government get tougher on dealers and traffickers .We fight back and we keep fighting because in the end who knows who the devil will dance with tomorrow..........
The wolf howls to the witches hour.
The gatekeeper comes out to play.
Its time to assist the souls of the abyss
who have been chosen as the devils prey.
The needle is loaded
Pull the trigger the grim reaper yells
It's time to take you on a journey
Through the fires of hell
You will sacrifice your loved ones
Lie and cheat and steal
Loose every inch of self respect
Have wounds that will never heal.
Come dance with the devil
For this moment will come to pass
Remember there has been others before you
Your not going to be the last.
A little taste to start with
Then your hunger will grow
Loose your life's purpose
Your friends will become your foes
I will take everything
There's nothing you can do
I need to feed my famine
It comes from people like you
Don't try to disown me
Don't be foolish and weak
Your going to want me more and more
I am yours to keep
And when you think you can fight me
You better think again
You will never be the hero
But I will always be your heroin.