Fantas Drunken Tales

 

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Tale I: Jordan and the Dragon

 Jordan peeked over the edge of the giant fence. His legs dangled down like worms below. Which was an unusual image to flow through his mind at that moment. Honestly though, it's up to you dear reader to imagine the gigantic earthworms sprouting down from the hips of a fully grown slightly immature thing man. Not sure what would make us believe he was immature but moving on. 

The dragon slept on the edge of the large pond just beyond the for some reason wooden fence. The dragon farmer never thought for a second that a seven foot tall fence might not be enough to contain a fully grown fire breathing monster. Still despite insecsant warnings from both Jordan and the other residents of the village. Farmer Morgan still insisted that not only a seven foot fence would be enough. He trusted that the fence itself should be made of wood in order to establish an implied trust between him and the dragon. Considering that it would literally take a split second for it to either fly over it or burn it down to ash. At any rate, Jordan's arms were starting to get weak holding onto the fence as his mind wandered about all kinds of nonsense like the need for the fence in the first place. 

Jordan regained his conscious mind and started to observ the situation once again. Only to notice that the school bus sized black skinned dragon was staring directly at him. 

"Back again Jordan my boy?" The dragon said. His voice came out surprisingly high pitched and pleasant than one would have expected. His eyes were those of a carving fourth grade teacher. The type who would actually show an interest in helping the ADHD kid rather than just pump him full of expensive and admittedly amazing drug. 

"Morning Drban," Jordan replied. The dragon slowly crawled its way to a position to face his sneaky little friend. Drban the dragon always enjoyed Jordan's unique style of dressing. Especially considering the village they lived in. He dressed himself in fancy dress attire no matter the day. The pantsuit he worse that day way a rhinestone covered pink mess of an ensemble designed to make even the most unobservent passer by stare with either reverence or contempt. Either way was fine with the live and let live philosopher Jordan. 

"You are looking loud as always my sneaky friend," Drban said. Moving his large reptile skinned mouth to form the closest thing a dragon could to a smile. 

"Don't nobody tell me what to put on in the morning," Jordan replied. 

"Best not to try that fake repor with me young one," the dragon said calmly. 

"You see right through me."

"You came here after a few cocktails imbibed did you not?"

"You dishonour me my reptilian friend."

"I can hear you slurring your words..."

"One to talk you are!" Jordan raised his hands into the air. "You speak from a giant mouth not even arranged to be capable of speaking the human young. Yet you recite the old English flawlessly."

"Hashtag confusing?" The dragon spoke up. 

"Don't ever say hashtag, as a mythological creature of legend you are above that," Jordan said judgementally. 

"You say the same every day. Since you hum,and discovered me I have learned nothing but the current lifestyle of your world. In what other way am I meant to speak. Most of you don't respond top my, as you say, old world of speaking."

"You also imply that every day the concept of my being slightly inebriated is a decent enough reason to downplay my reasons for coming here in the first place."

"Is it not?"

Jordan hauled himself over the fence and jumped into the pen with his dragon friend.

"You know me," he said. "Despite my state I would never do anything towards you that wasn't totally genuine. Honest to god you simply both scare and exhilarate me."

Drban stared for a few moments. His red glowing eyes filling with a slight twinge of tear. "You tease me Jordan. How am I meant to react to this happy intrusion every single day?"

"Perhaps we truly have the connection you've been asking for the entire time since you arrived here. The never ending quest to find your rider could be over now."

"Why should I believe that's true? This could all change in an instant if you came withoutt an ounce of liquor in your system"

Jordan stepped back a few feet. Stared for a few moments and then began to advance. 

"Please don't..." The dragon begged.

Jordan continued to step forward.

"No..."

Jordan reached the dragons proximity and then reached out his arm. Drban was easily the size off all the many school buses that Jordan had come to know so well in his time growing up with the lesser humans of society. 

"Don't be afraid," Jordan said while giving Drban as cute a smile as he could muster. 

"Nothing will come of this."

"Or will everything?"

"No..."

Jordan touched the side of Drban's front left arm. The dragon reacted to the sudden rush of emotion. It seemingly tried to pull back from the pushy human but couldn't bring itself to do so with any convincing motion. 

"I want you to choose me. Please," Jordan begged. 

"Bourage morish ta jurio tor bajout," the dragon mumbled under its consistantly burned breath. 

"One flight. Then you'll know if this was meant to be," Jordan said frankly. 

Drban though to itself for a moment. To choose a rider was more important that even a lover. For this is the kind of relationship that could not be broken as easily. Drban cringed at the idea of watching this young man moving his stuff out of an apartment they had purchased together. It imagined the loss of something more important than life itself. Something deep within said to him it would be worth it. But how could it possibly know?

"Why should I trust you?" He asked. 

"I have the American Netflix," Jordan said confidently. Raising his hand up in the air. 

Drban smiled. It leaned in and connected the front of its snout to Jordan's hand. 

"Don't make me regret this," it said. 

"Ditto..."


Within the hour the small town in which Jordan was raise stared up to the sky in disgust. The monumental and as far as they knew only dragon every discovered chose to make its first flight with not a warrior. Or someone of political power. Or someone of high monetary stature. Or one of fine respect. No. What they observed was a smiling dragon. Aboard its back was the local waste. A boy who had not once passed a test nor been accepted to a college. No one they saw as special. Jordan laughed boisterously as he traversed the landscape aboard the potential last living dragon. Drban knew it has made the right decision. It was the hope that Jordan would not disappoint. 

"I want to see what those cloud shapes look like for real!" Jordan shouted to his new companion. 

Drban smiled and flew quickly higher into the cloudy sky. Simple was not a bad thing. Perhaps this boy was the right choice after all. A slate in which to pass on the old way. Sans the hashtag...

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