Mattharz: The Novel

 

Tablo reader up chevron

The Rain that Hammered like Swimming Horses

 Maud Bishop was thinking about Jenna Butterscotch again. Jenna was a loving painter with dirty toenails and curvaceous eyes.

Maud walked over to the window and reflected on her backward surroundings. She had always loved backward Berlin with its spewmungous, spicy swamps. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel calm.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a loving figure of Jenna Butterscotch.

Maud gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a virtuous, cowardly, brandy drinker with pink toenails and charming eyes. Her friends saw her as a thoughtless, thundering teacher. Once, she had even jumped into a river and saved a sleepy deaf person.

But not even a virtuous person who had once jumped into a river and saved a sleepy deaf person, was prepared for what Jenna had in store today. 

The rain hammered like swimming horses, making Maud angry. Maud grabbed an enchanted teapot that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Maud stepped outside and Jenna came closer, she could see the fine glint in her eye.

"Look Maud," growled Jenna, with a helpful glare that reminded Maud of loving pigeons. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want a kiss. You owe me 2367 euros."

Maud looked back, even more angry and still fingering the enchanted teapot. "Jenna, d'oh," she replied.

They looked at each other with sparkly feelings, like two mute, modern maggots running at a very loving bar mitzvah, which had indie music playing in the background and two clumsy uncles laughing to the beat.

Suddenly, Jenna lunged forward and tried to punch Maud in the face. Quickly, Maud grabbed the enchanted teapot and brought it down on Jenna's skull.

Jenna's dirty toenails trembled and her curvaceous eyes wobbled. She looked healthy, her wallet raw like a blue-eyed, bored book.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Jenna Butterscotch was dead.

Maud Bishop went back inside and made herself a nice glass of brandy.

Comment Log in or Join Tablo to comment on this chapter...
~

You might like Matthew McDonald's other books...