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If only I had known, if I only had understood, maybe I would have made a very different decision that day.  Yet life is unpredictable as are family secrets. Most family secrets are not dangerous, but some, well some are like mine.

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Sirens wailed through the air, as cop cars and ambulances and two fire trucks pulled up to the scene of the car pile up.  Ariana watched dazed through one eye, blood dripping over her other eye.  She was so cold, so very cold.  She needed to get to work or she would lose her job.  Yet she was stuck, her body not willling to respond to her. Ariana's mind seemed sluggish and her hands did not want to work.

'Am I going to die?' Ariana asked herself.  She closed her eyes, breathing deeply.  There was a knock one her window.

"Hey can you hear me?"  Ariana opened her eyes, it hurt, but ever so slowly she turned her neck.  She blinked furiously, her vision blurring.  She couldn't form the words.

"Shit," the man said he then yelled out, "I need help over here stat."

With a strange detachment, Ariana Moore watched as the EMTs and the firemen worked together to break open the vehicle and get her on a stretcher.  She laid there as they rushed her into the ambulance, her eyes staring at the snow falling around her.

'I wonder if in death I'll become a spirit and a grim reaper or angel will take me to heaven or if it is a light...' Ariana wondered.

"Hey stay with us Ariana, you'll be okay, you hear me?" An EMT spoke to her.

"Uhnn...." was all she managed to garble out.

"Relax you are in good hands," the same EMT spoke.  Ariana could not not, instead she settled on closing her eyes, as pain washed through her.  Everything hurt making her mind feel just as numb.  She was so tired too.

"Mommy, where will you go when you die?" A child like version of Arianna asked, sitting in the chair next to the medical bed.  She looked at her mother with big brown eyes.

"Where did you hear I was going to die?" The mother asked gently.

"The doctor said it to daddy, said your cancer has spread everywhere," Ariana said.

"You'll see my dearest daughter, I am going to survive.  Do you know what it means to be a fighter?" The mother asked her daughter.

"What's a fighter?" Ariana asked innocently.

"It is someone who never gives in, no matter the odds.  They keep getting back up."

"They always win?"

"Maybe not always, but they try hard to.  You see Ariana, when you got knocked down by that bully what did you do?"

"I got back up and I hit him."

"Right, that is what is being a fighter is about.  Even when life knocks you down, even when others knock you down, you get back up."

"But mommy, where will you go when you die?" Ariana's voice asked breathlessly.   Her voice jolting her back to reality, the familiar sound of the heart monitor, mixing in with her dreams and reality.  Ariana opened her eyes slowly to see her father standing outside the door talking animatedly to a doctor.

"There's my fighter," her mother said reaching over and clasping onto Ariana's hand.

"Mom," Ariana croaked out.

"We got the call a week ago!  I told the doctors you would pull through!  They did not believe me!" Her impeccable mother humphed looking smug and glaring out the door towards the doctor.  Her father chose that moment to look into the room, his face visibly lighting up into a giant smile.  He rushed into the room.

"Oh my baby! You are awake!"

"Well this is a surprise.  Ms. Moore, it is good to see you are awake.  It is a miracle that you are alive, let alone awake. You have defied death itself."

"Uh thanks?" Ariana said.

"We need to discuss her care, Mr. and Mrs. Moore," the doctor said.

"I will step out honey," Ariana's father said.

"You are just like your mother, shouting your defiance before death," Ariana's mother said.  Ariana gave a small smile at her mother.  Her mother leaned down close to her ear.

"We have to get you out of here," she whispered in Ariana's ear.

"What?"

"Your existence is in danger."  Ariana stared at her mother in confusion.

"What?"

"I am sorry, but what mother?"

"Just trust me Ariana, but you can't return to college."

"No mom, I need to go, I have class..."

"You listen to me Ariana Lynn Moore.  You will do as I say and not question me," her mother said sternly, her expression serious.

"You will agree to come with us and be discharged and we will take care of you at home, alright?"

"Mom, what is going on? Why are you-"

"I will answer your questions once we are at home, not here, not like this."  Ariana studied her mother, seeing the signs her mother was not only tense but really nervous.  The hand that held her trembled ever so slightly.  Her father and the doctor entered again and her mother's expression soothed out, once again leaving her flawless mother.

"Ms. Moore I would advise you stay in the hospital for a longer period as you have just woken up from a serious accident," the doctor said.

"I would like to go home sir.  I have doctors at home who I know personally and would prefer to treat me.  Please don't take offense but I do not like strangers and I would like to recover in the comforts of home," Ariana said putting on her best performance.  The doctor sighed and handed her the paperwork.

"Here, you must sign here," the doctor said and he rattled off to her.  Ariana ignored the doctor's talk and signed it feeling strangely conflicted.  She knew the doctor was right, but she felt fine.  Her mother's behavior was worrying her too.  Still, she had no intentions of going back home.  It was like when she decided to go to college, her mother had held such reservations, Ariana had left home with a screaming match at the airport.

"Did you bring spare clothes for her? Her other clothes are trashed," the doctor said.

"Of course," Ariana's mother said with a smile.

"Then let me get her all disconnected and then you can change Ms. Moore," the doctor informed Ariana politely.  Ariana watched with disinterest as the doctor and a nurse unplugged her from the machines.  The removal of the heart monitor made the air feel with silence, a sense of breathless waiting.  Ariana was left alone with her mother to change.  She sat up and swung her legs over the side and waited.  She slowly stood up and breathed with relief at being able to stand without help.  Her body however did ache and the world felt off.  Ariana hadn't notice it before, but she felt different, she felt off somehow.

"You feeling alright Ari baby," her mother asked concerned.  Ariana glanced up at her mother noticing the tight lines at the corners of her mother's eyes, how her lips pressed together, and how her mother twisted a tissue in her hands, back and forth.

"I am fine mom, just checking if I can stand correctly without being dizzy," Ariana said nonchalantly.  She slid the hospital gown off her and grabbed her socks first, then her sweats.  It was a slow process as Ariana was inspecting her body.  She had no stiches anywhere.  Ariana felt her face and there was no stiches there either.  She remembered blood covering her eye.

'Strange,' Ariana thought to herself as she bent down and slipped on her shoes.

"So mom what you were going-"

"I told you not here," Ariana's mother said stiffly.  Her mother paced back and forth impatiently paying Ariana no mind. "Hurry up."

"I'm already dressed," Ariana said.

"Good, let's get going," her mother said handing Ariana a coat.

"Thanks," Ariana said.

"It's cold out and snowing," her mother sniffed.  Ariana followed her mother out of the room and was instantly enveloped in a giant hug from her father who had been once again in discussion with the doctor.

"We have much to talk about," he whispered in her ear.

"The bill should be arriving in a couple of weeks," the doctor finished looking impatient.

"Thank you for taking care of my daughter," her father told the doctor and then practically dragged her away.  It didn't take long for them to slip through the maze of corridors to arrive to the parking lot.  Ariana stared at the snow, shivering. Her mind instantly flipped back to her accident. It started several cars ahead of her, a car slipped on the snow and spun, smashing into another car, which crashed into another.  The flashes of memory mangled with the present making Ariana tremble with fear.

"Maybe I should wait..." Ariana found herself saying.

"Don't worry we won't get into an accident," her father said serenely as they walked to the car, his grip on Ariana firm.  He opened the car door and she slipped in, trembling.  Her father started the car and glanced back to Ariana, before pulling out.

"So when are you going to talk to me?" Ariana asked eyeing her parents in the front seats.

"Well..." Her mother began looking forlorn.