Wacky Races 2004


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I first started writing this fanfic around 2003 and I am a little ashamed to admit that it is still in progress. I do intend to finish it at some point and I will do little bits and pieces as often as I can. (Work and such sure gets in the way!)

The story was originally intended to be like a new TV series for the show. I wanted to keep the old characters for nostalgia, as well as including a set of 3 new characters for a little freshness and character development.

It's actually a common thing for me to have OCs in each fandom I create that have a similar appearance and the exact same name of Rachel Prince who has a mother called Julie and a brother called Ryan. However, they (The Rachels) each have a unique character flaw. This incarnation is too clingy and nervous.

As for plot, it was always supposed to feel like watching an episode, only without the harsh voiced announcer and a lot more detail. It was also to follow a small love-triangle plot between Rachel, Max and Dick. This was intended to be only a small fraction of the plot, but it proved popular and became larger than intended.

I steered clear of making it a crossover, as I felt that it would take the focus away from the nostalgia of the old characters. And people would have to be familiar with every show added to appreciate it. So, the characters included are pretty simple in nature, each having a different mix of personality traits and flaws to enhance the existing canon characters.

With this said, I will now add a warning. The first batch of chapters were written back when my writing skills were not exactly tip-top, so please don't leave crit on it. It'd be a waste of your time. If I add new chapters, however, feel free!

Cartoon: Wacky Races

Genre(s): Action/Romance/General/Drama

Age Rating: M (For swearing and possible future... You know. AHEM!)

Love Interests: Triangle - Red Max, Rachel Prince and Dick Dastardly. Penelope Pitstop and Peter Perfect. (Possible inclusion of a surprise romantic interest as a shock ending option.) Onesided Pat Pending and Julie Prince.

Gore: Mild

Sex: Possible in future chapters

Violence: Mild to moderate (May change in later chapters)

Drug Use: None

Canon Characters: Dick Dastardly, Muttley, Peter Perfect, Penelope Pitstop, Pat Pending, Rufus Ruffcut, Sawtooth, The Gruesome Twosome & 'pets, The Anthill Mob, The Slag bothers, The Red Max, Sarge, Meekly, Luke and Blubber bear.

New Characters: Rachel Prince, Julie Prince, Ryan Francis Prince.


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Just Like Old Times


Chapter 1

Just like old times.

The crowd cheered loudly, the sound echoing everywhere.

It virtually drowned out the din of the engines that were revving up ready to race.

Everyone was there.

The Slag Bros., The Red Max, Penelope Pitstop, Peter Perfect, Luke and Blubber Bear, Rufus Ruffcut and Sawtooth, Prof. Pat Pending, The Ant Hill Mob, The Gruesome Twosome, Sarge and Meekly and, of course, Dick Dastardly.

There were also some new comers.

In car No. 12 was a woman called Julie Prince. Her car was called the Princess Cut. In car 13, the Harlequin Star, was a Girl called Rachel Prince. In car 14 was Ryan F Prince (F for Francis, he so hated that name.), his car being the Black-Hand.

There they all were, sparkling in their brilliant White, Crimson and British Racing Green. Cars made of steel, glass and Wood.

Roaring with eagerness, they perched just before the Starting line.

The race began.

Off they went, as fast as they could.

The Army Surplus special was in the lead, followed by The Red Max and Peter Perfect.

Pulling up the rear at a steady pace was Rachel Prince, Luke and Blubber Bear and Penelope Pitstop.

Everyone was having the time of their lives.

The Newbies were exited with the new experience and the Originals were thrilling at the nostalgia.

Something that HADN'T changed though, was Dick Dastardly's cheating.

He still thought he could win with his sneaky methods.

He had taken a short cut and ended up in first place.

That always seemed to happen, he would take first place with no trouble at all. It was staying there that was the problem.

If he didn't stop to set up traps and whatnot, he would probably win with ease.

In the last Wacky Races, he didn't win a single event.

But this time… Maybe things would change…

"We must hurry, we have to get a decent lead before we can set up my new cunning trap", he sniggered leaning towards Muttley, "I didn't win a single event in the last tourney, but THIS time… It will be different! I have changed my strategy."

Muttley snickered loudly.

He pulled up to the side of the road and got out his car.

He held up a wire.

"This, my dear Muttley, is what is known as a 'Fibre Wire'. I have made an extra long piece to go across the road.", he smiled devilishly, "I will tie one end to this tree here and the other will be tied to that road sign… When the cars come along, anyone who has a convertible, or a regular open topped car, will have no head."

Muttley looked surprised at the plan.

Dick tied one end to the tree.

"Well, come along then! Don't just stand there! Tie the other end to the sign!"

Muttley grabbed it in a rather unwilling manner and tied it round the sign.

"Quick, here they come! Hide!"

They both dived behind the nearest rock and peered out awaiting the bloody carnage to unfold.

Unfortunately for them, Prof. Pat Pending was now in the lead and had spotted the Fibre Wire.

"Oh My", he exclaimed, "That could do some serious damage! I'll just convert into a pair of wire cutters using 'Wire-Cutter Power'."

He raced past, cutting the Fibre Wire in the process.

Dick emerged in a furious rage.

"THAT STUPID PROFESSOR!", he boomed, "He is the one who ALWAYS ruins my best schemes!"

He kicked a nearby rock and ended up bashing his toe really hard.

"Ooch, ow, eek!"

"Hee-Hee-Hee-Hee", snickered Muttley.

Dick threw the rock at him and it hit him on the head.

They clambered back into the car again, injured already.

"I don't know.", said Dick in a moap-ish sort of way, "We have only just started racing and we have failed again."

He rubbed his toes.

"You would have thought that, with all the years that have gone by, I would have gotten better!"

He started the engine up again.

It roared in a thunderous way. It clearly was quite a beast.

Now in last place, they continued driving.

Dick suddenly had another Idea.

It was quite an old scheme, one that had been tried and tested… and failed.

He knew that there was a small underpass nearby. If he could get on top, he would be able to push the rocks onto the road.

He exited the road and headed for the underpass.

Back in first position, Peter Perfect was busy hitting on Penny.

But his car ended up falling apart like it always used to do.

Penny apologised as he shrank into a little dot on the horizon and ended up in last place.

Penny now had the lead.

Rufus Ruffcut stopped to give Peter a hand assembling his car again.

By now, Dick had reached the underpass and had taken first place.

He climbed all the way to the top and peered towards the horizon.

He could see the racers approaching rapidly.

"Quick Muttley!", he said handing him a metal rod, "Help me push these rocks onto the road!"

Muttley grabbed the rod and heaved and strained at the pile of rubble before him.

It collapsed in wards, sending dust and debris flying everywhere.

Penelope had to stop very quickly, or she would have ended up looking like a pancake.

"OH!", she exclaimed, "Well, I never! How are we ever gonna get by now?"

The Boulder Mobile pulled up and the Slag Brothers climbed out.

They walked up to the mound and started to clobber it.

But, it was no use, no matter how hard they tried, the just couldn't move it.

By now, all the Racers had stopped and had got out of their cars to investigate the delay.

Rachel pulled up in her car, peered at the mound and all the cars in a queue and got out.

"What's going on?" she asked Rufus Ruffcut, who was busy leaning on his car.

"The roads out due to a landslide", he said raising his eyebrows, "There's no way past it and we can't exactly go back now."

"Hmm…", she said eyeing the mound.

She suddenly saw movement up on the top of the underpass.

It was Dastardly jumping for joy that his plan had worked.

"Hm? Who's that?", she asked pointing upwards.

Rufus looked up to where she was pointing.

"Oh no.. It's Dastardly! He must have caused the landslide!"

Rachel raised an eyebrow.

"Why would he want to do that?", she asked.

The Red Max walked over.

"Because he is a cheating weasel. He cheats all the time, just to win."

"Does it work?", asked Rachel looking up at Dastardly, who was leaping around still.

Rufus laughed raucously, which made most of the racers look round in shock.

"Nope!", sniggered the Red Max.

Peter Perfect strolled over.

"You see, the thing is… He has one of the best cars in the race. Apart from mine of course… Mine is perfect."

Suddenly, Peter's car fell to pieces again.

He clasped his palms to his face and ran over to it to fix it.

Rufus laughed loudly again and everyone followed suit.

Rachel walked forwards to the mound and prodded it.

She looked up again, only to see he was gone.

She ran back to her car and started the engine up.

Backing up and turning round, she raced off the way she came, passing Prof. Pat Pending on the way. (He had a flat so had to stop.)

She exited the road and followed Dastardly's tire tracks in the dust.

Eventually, she caught up with him.

Her car was going as fast as it could, but she still couldn't quite keep up.

Dastardly checked his mirror and saw her car behind him.

"How!", he thought to himself in a rather puzzled manner.

He clicked a button and out flew a grenade from the rear of his car.

Rachel only just managed to swerve out of the way before it hit her.

She pushed her foot as hard as she could on the accelerator and just managed to over take.

Dick peered into the drivers window to see who this insulate person was that had managed to get one over on him.

Rachel peered back, in a rather surprised way.

"Why do you cheat?", she shouted, over the din of the engine and the wind as they tore across the roads.

Dick looked puzzled by this query and raised an eyebrow.

"What?", he called.

"Why do you cheat?"

Muttley looked at the road ahead and saw an oncoming truck headed for them.

He whimpered and tapped Dick on his shoulder.

But Dastardly took no notice, that is until Rachel shrieked and swerved violently.

"ARGH!", he shouted swerving too.

They closed back in and continued with their shouting.

"If you don't mind", hollered Dick, "I have a race to win! I have a lot more traps to set up yet and I can't spend my valuable time talking to you!"

Rachel seethed inside, but tried her hardest to keep it in.

"I don't know whether you have noticed at all, but it is because of your cheating that you lose", she called back, "You always start off in the lead and you would stay there if you didn't stop off to lay traps!"

Dick thought about this new way of thinking, then hit the turbo.

He sped off, leaving Rachel eating his dust.

She rolled to a stop, her engine steaming.

"Oh great", she thought.

Suddenly, on the horizon could be seen the racers.

They had managed to get past the mound of rubble.

Rachel was leaning with her back against her car roof when they approached.

Penelope and Peter stopped next to her car and got out to see if they could help.

"Where did you shoot off to in such a hurry", asked Penny.

"Oh… I just wanted to have a word with Dick", replied Rachel.

Peter opened her bonnet and got blasted with a load of hot steam. "Cough!"

Rachel laughed. It did look hilarious.

"Did you catch up with him?", asked Penny curiously.

"Yeah. We exchanged shouts", laughed Rachel.

Peter fiddled with some things in her car, nearly getting knocked over by the passing racers.

"So, how did you get past the obstruction", asked Rachel inquisitively.

"Oh, good ol' Prof. Pat Pending used his instant tunnel maker again, just like last time we had something like that happen", replied Penny giggling.

Peter closed the bonnet and smiled.

"There we are, good as new".

Rachel laughed and pointed at Peter.

"Are you sure I should trust him fiddling with my cars engine? It might fall to pieces, HAHA!"

Penny giggled and Peter stuck his nose in the air… Then saw the funny side of it and laughed along with them.

They all got back into their cars and continued racing.

Dick was busy driving really fast and was fuming.

"Drat that Racer! What does she know?", he boomed, "You lose because you cheat… I mean, how can she be certain?"

Muttley shrugged and covered his ears, as Dick was virtually shouting down them.

He came to the spot that he was going to set the next trap up in and stopped.

He took out everything he was going to need and barked orders to Muttley.

Muttley, the poor thing, had to do all the work.

Thankfully for him, he got to have a real good laugh when it blew up in Dick's face and they ended up in last place.

Rachel stopped and pulled up beside the heap that was the Mean Machine.

She got out, wondering where the owners were.

Suddenly, there was a groaning sound coming from within the mass of mangled metal and smashed glass.

Rachel peered inside and saw a very bruised and battered Dastardly.

She offered him a hand and she pulled him out of the wreckage.

He rubbed his head and tugged his hat on properly.

Rachel couldn't see Muttley anywhere and started getting concerned.

"Where's your dog", she asked craning her neck to see if she could see him.

"Who? Muttley? I… I don't know", he said realising Muttley wasn't there, "Muttley? Muttley! MUTTLEEEY!"

He ran around the wreckage, trying to find Muttley, but couldn't see him anywhere.

Suddenly, there was a whimper coming from behind a rock that was just in front of the heap of metal.

"MUTTLEY!", called Dick, "We are going to lose if you keep on moping about like that!"

Rachel frowned and swatted him out of the way.

"Stop shouting! I think he's hurt."

She picked Muttley up and placed him on the bonnet of her car.

Dick followed, trying to wipe his wounds clean with his jacket sleeves.

They both looked at Muttley, who was obviously in pain.

"I think he has broken his leg", said Rachel prodding Muttley's left leg.

Muttley howled in pain.

Dick suddenly looked worried.

He was actually worried!

"Muttley old pal! Speak to me! Are you ok!"

"He'll be fine!", said Rachel, trying to swat his hands away from Muttley's wounded leg, "Just be careful not to touch his left leg!"

She got out her first aid kit and bandaged his leg up securely.

"You see! That's what you get when you cheat! Be thankful it was just a broken bone. It could have been a lot worse", exclaimed Rachel.

Dick looked up at her with a look of worry on his face.

"Are you sure he's going to be fine?"

"Yes!", she said picking Muttley up carefully and placing him in her car, "I will look after him until we get to the finish line."

Dastardly didn't like the idea, but he had no choice.

"Just do one thing for me…", she said.


"Just… TRY to race without cheating. Please! If not for me, do it for Muttley."

He frowned.

Mumbling, he twiddled his thumbs.

Then, he looked at Muttley, who was asleep in Rachel's car.

So pitiful…

"…I will try…", he mumbled.

"Oh thank you!", she shouted jumping on the spot, "You'll see that you can win by not cheating! I promise you won't regret it!"

Dick eyed her suspiciously.

He really didn't like the idea at all, but if he had to, well then he had to.

He stared at Muttley. He looked so helpless with his leg bandaged up.

Rachel opened her car door.

"Don't worry! I'll take real good care of him, I promise."

Dick frowned and walked to the wreck of his car.

"Sure you don't need any help with that", she called.

Dick turned his head, frowned even more and said no.

He clambered in and his car magically appeared back to normal.

He started the engine and Rachel followed suit.

She strapped Muttley in nice and tight and started back on the road.

Dick was going at around the same speed and was neck and neck.

"And remember", called Rachel, "No Cheating!"

"Humph", he seethed.

He then pressed his foot as hard as he could on the accelerator and was gone.

Rachel grinned and set off herself.

Behind her, the Crimson Hay baler was fast approaching.

The Red Max smiled as he overtook on the left.

"Hi", called Rachel waving.

The Red Max waved back and pulled in front.

Rachel was now in 3rd position, Dick being in 1st and The Red Max in 2nd.

Behind her, in 4th place, was Julie.

Julie was actually Rachel and the other new Racer Ryan's Mom.

The road was a long, dusty straight road and had just started to curve ever so slightly to the left.

The Finish line was only a few miles away now and it looked like Dick had taken her advice.

He was sat in his car, speeding down the road at about 130 mph.

He had a massive frown across his face and was thinking about Muttley.

"She had better take extra care of him. If she hurts one hair on his head, I'll… I'll…", He then realised, "Wait a moment! I'm in 1st place! A-a-and there's the finish line!"

He stared in shock and looked behind to see if the other racers were gaining on him.

But they weren't and it was a clean sweep to the finish line.

The crowd was silent, all in shock at what they had seen and at what they were seeing.

His car roared past the finish line.

The crowd erupted in a mass of cheers, hooting and whistling.

Dick got out of his car, wide-eyed and speechless.

The other racers finally crossed the finish line after about 5 minutes of waiting.

In 2nd was the Red Max and 3rd place went to Rachel.

The Red Max got out his car, as did Rachel and walked up to Dick.

They both shook his hand.

"I-I Don't know what to say", exclaimed Max, "congratulations Dastardly!"

Dick stood there, having his hand shook, in silence.

Rachel shook his hand, smiling brightly at him.

"SEE! I TOLD YOU!", she exclaimed.

Dick, who seemed to be in a trance, looked up at her with tears in his eyes.

He tried to say something, but his mouth wouldn't let him.

Rachel's smile grew wider and she found herself welling up.

"Congratulations", she said giving him a great big hug.

He accepted, even welcomed the hug and smiled too.

Peter Perfect, who had just crossed the finish line, leaped out of his car.

He raced up to Dick with an expression of surprise and alarm.

Shaking his hand, Peter smiled and nodded his head.

All the other racers crowded round him, congratulating him.

Even though he was a cheater, everyone was happy for him.

Muttley, who was in the nearest medical centre, hadn't found out about the win.

Dick turned his head towards Rachel, who was busy wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

"T-t-thank you", he whispered through his own tears.

All the other racers noticed his words and were quite puzzled.

"If it wasn't for her, I probably would have lost", he explained.

Everyone looked astonished.

It really was a wonderful day.

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Hilarity In The Hospital


Chapter 2

Hilarity in the hospital.

A while after the celebrations, Dick went to see Muttley with Rachel.

He got in his car, trying to hold back his tears.

Tears of joy and also tears of worry for Muttley.

He then snapped out of his trance and looked up at Rachel who was walking towards her car.

"….Want a lift?"

Rachel, surprised by the offer, swivelled round.


She clambered in and examined her surroundings.

"This is… such a beautiful car…"

Dick, who was busy starting it up, smiled and turned his head to face her slightly.

There was a silence, which was followed by the monstrous roar of the engine.

It was a cold night, very icy. When people spoke their breath could be seen clearly.

Dick waited a bit, then, turning round a bit more he smiled ever so slightly.

"…Buckle up…", he muttered softly.

It was very dark. The night had an eerie feel to it.

Switching the headlights on, Dick turned his head back round to face the road.

Rachel smiled inwardly and buckled up as asked.

He took off the handbrake and roared off into the night.

"WOW!", exclaimed Rachel, "It's so fast! You don't really notice when your racing against it!"

Dick said nothing, but took it as a complement and swelled with pride.

There was a very long pause.

All that could be heard was the engine roaring and the snow that was just beginning to fall hitting the windscreen at a fast rate.

Rachel shuffled around a bit, pulling her big red coat tighter around her.

"…Cold?", asked Dick.


He leaned forwards and clicked the heater on.

Hot air blasted fourth, thawing the pair.

"Mmmm… Thanks", she said closing her eyes and enjoying the warmth.

Dick just nodded.

Rachel leaned forwards to get a better view.

She put a hand on his shoulder, which actually alarmed him.

"EEYARGH!", he shouted, "You made me jump!"

"Sorry", apologised Rachel sitting back, "I just wanted to see the front a bit more, that's all…"

Dick grunted and tugged on his Jacket collar nervously.


Rachel smiled and leaned forwards once more.

There was an array of knobs and switches, different dials and meters, which glowed in the dark.

Dastardly shifted nervously in his seat.

He wasn't used to having someone's hand resting on his shoulder.

He started sweating.

The silence was unbearable.

Suddenly, Rachel broke the silence and whispered something softly in his ear.

"…What's this switch for…?"

Dick swerved and nearly hit a tree.

Rachel sat back and giggled to herself.

Dick heard her and started to laugh himself.

The car erupted in laughing.

They eventually arrived at the medical centre, where Muttley, who being treated as a human patient, was recovering.

Getting out the car, Dick took off his hat momentarily and brushed his hair back.

He then put it back on and tugged on the sides to pull it on tighter.

Rachel lifted hers up so she could see better.

The medical centre was a tall 7 story building, with a big red sign at the front above the big glass entrance doors.

It shone on the pair as they approached the doors, illuminating them in a sinister, yet wonderful way.

Dick pushed open the heavy doors and held them open for Rachel to walk through.

Rachel thanked him and walked to the reception desk.

"We are to see, err, Muttley?", said Dick nervously as he reached the desk.

The receptionist, who was pretending to look busy and was leafing through some files and typing up some things on the computer in front of her, didn't respond.

"Er… excuse me? I said.."

Rachel softly brushed him aside.

"I'll handle it"

She slammed her hands on the desk and leaned forwards.

"Hello? Are you deaf? We are here to see Muttley!"

The receptionist finally looked up and over her spectacles and blinked in an infuriating manner.

Dick was surprised.

He never expected that.

She was an oldish woman, perhaps in her late 50's early 60's with half-moon specs, gingery hair (Obviously dyed as her roots were showing in all their silvery glory.) and reddish brown lipstick that was pasted on a tight lipped mouth.

She also reeked heavily of perfume (The kind that all grannies wear when their grandkids come to visit. That chokingly Musky sort.) and had eyes that, if looks could kill, she would have killed you twice over, buried you, dug you up again, burned you with fire from her mouth and stamped on your ashes.

She looked back down at the monitor in front of her and raised her nose a little bit so she could view it out of her half-moons.

Rachel, by now, was fuming.


She was then interrupted by the receptionist, who never took her eyes off the screen.

"Visiting hours are 9 am till 5 pm. Please go home!"

"Look!", exclaimed Rachel furiously, "We need to see Muttley! We have checked with the Doctors and they said it was fine to visit! Muttley is an important perso… er, Dog, even!"

"I don't care who or what he is and I don't care who you said told you what! Curfew was over 5 hours ago!"

Dick was stood to one side and was blinking in surprise.

"GAGH!", shouted Rachel, "Can't you just tell us what ward and bed number he is in?"

"Certainly, but that's all I can do.", croaked the woman peering at Rachel with an evil glare, "He's in ward 11 Bed 16."

"…Oh man…", sighed Rachel clasping her hands to her head, "THANK YOU!"

Dick and Rachel started heading for the wards, but the receptionist called out to them.


Rachel stopped and turned round.

"If we are wrong for going, then I would prefer that a DOCTOR told us that. But as I have said before, we have permission to come… so shut your pie hole, file all that crap in front of you and get on with the job you were assigned to do!"

They then headed down the corridor, ignoring everything the receptionist said afterwards.

Dick turned his head in astonishment.

"T-that was really something you did back then! I was very surprised! You'd make an EXCELLENT bad-guy.. er, Woman."

Rachel laughed and slapped him on his arm.

"No! Before you ask… I am not going to team up with you…"

"Awww!", he replied, "Drat! I thought I nearly converted you then…"

They approached the lift and Dick pressed the button.

"Oh..!", exclaimed Rachel backing away, "Do we have to go in there? I HATE lifts!"

Dastardly peered around to see if he could see any stairs.

"Sorry, there's no other way. No stairs!"

Rachel sulked and started to sweat.

The doors rolled open with an almighty clatter and the two stepped inside.

Dick pressed the button for the 5th floor and waited.

The doors slammed shut, but it was a while before anything happened.

"So!", said Dastardly, trying to make conversation while they waited for the lift to move, "How come you don't like lifts?"

"I dunno", she replied while starting to shake a little, "They make me feel funny…"

Suddenly, the lift jolted violently and started to move upwards.

Rachel shrieked and grabbed hold of Dick's arm.

She was clearly scared, as she was squeezing his arm really tightly.

Dick, who wasn't sure what to do, patted her hand.

She slowly released her grip and walked away.

"…sorry. I didn't hurt you did I?"

He shook his head and smiled ever so slightly.

"I, er, never said thank you for looking after Muttley."

"Nah, it's ok… I wanted to."

His smile widened.

Suddenly, the lift shuddered to a halt, making Rachel topple over onto her butt.

"UGH! OW!"

"You ok?"

Dick helped her to her feet and helped brush her down as the lift door swung open.

"Yeah", she replied fiddling with her hat, "I'm fine. Just seeing stars now, that's all."

Dastardly chuckled to himself and walked out the doors, Rachel following close behind.

"Now, where's ward 11?", he exclaimed twisting and turning his head to see if he could see any signs.

Rachel joined in and soon spied a sign pointing to wards 8 – 15.

"Wards 8 to 15 are down there, so ward 11 will be too!", she exclaimed pointing towards a corridor up ahead turning left.

They headed down the corridor but found a dead end.

"Drat! Now what", asked Dick, who was now very irritable.

There was a door to the right that had the number 11 painted on it in big fancy letters.

"Maybe this is it", he said reaching for the handle.

He turned it and opened the door, only to find an old lady getting a Mammogram done.

The old lady shrieked and tried to turn away.

"YIKES!", shouted Dastardly quickly shutting the door and blushing brightly.

A Blonde Haired doctor, who looked rather like Peter Perfect, strolled by in the corridor opposite holding a clipboard.

"EXCUSE ME? HELLO?", called Rachel waving him over.

The Doctor smiled and asked what the matter was.

"Can you tell you where the REAL ward 11 is?", asked Dick, still glowing like a tomato.

The doctor grinned.

"Ah yes.. We need to change those signs. You see, the hospital was just refurbished and the wards have been moved… well, not the wards themselves, just the way to them."

They both stared at the doctor in amazement.

He really looked and sounded like Peter Perfect.

Dastardly stared at his identity card that was pinned to his shirt.

"Ralph Perfect?", he exclaimed, "Do you know Peter Perfect?"

Ralph blinked and stepped back ever so slightly.

"Why yes, he is my brother."

Rachel and Dick looked at each other in shock. (Rachel in a happy way, but Dick in a horrified 'Can't-believe-there's-another-Peter-in-the-World' kind of way.)

"How do you know him?", asked Ralph smiling.

"We are contestants in the Wacky Races", exclaimed Rachel.

Ralph put his finger on his chin and eyed them both.

"Ah yes! Your that Richard fellow that always loses aren't you!"

Dick frowned and sighed.

"Well, it's darn good to meet you!", said Ralph shaking his hand.

He turned to Rachel.

"Although I do believe I have never seen or heard of you… you are?"

"I'm Rachel Prince… and don't worry… I DON'T cheat.", she laughed, nudging Dastardly sarcastically.

"Oh yes!", exclaimed Ralph starting to chuckle, "I get it now, ha ha, you both look the same, ha ha, you don't cheat, ha ha ha yes! Very good!"

Rachel and Dick looked at each other in a puzzled way.

"I, er, wasn't referring to that, but ah well", replied Rachel raising an eye brow at Ralph's discovery.

"But you do! Jolly smashing couple too, if I may say so."

"Were NOT a couple!", roared Dick in an almost, mortally offended way.

"Oh, I do apologise my good man!"

"Good man my eye… Where is Ward 11?"

"Right this way", said Ralph leading the way.

Rachel was following in silence.

It was as though she was offended that Dick was offended at being called a couple.

They walked down a very long corridor, which curved right at the bottom.

The hospital's décor was the same as all other hospitals.

Beige walls with a strange border in the centre of it.

Floors with a strange plastic coating that looked like marble, in either green or a pinky colour.

And, of course, the florescent strip lighting.

It was all a bit much for Dick, what with the décor, the humidity and the usual 'Hospital-Smell'.

"Here we are!", said Ralph pointing to the ward Muttley was in, "Ward 11!"

Dick and Rachel thanked him and walked into the ward.

Ralph showed them to Muttley's bed.

"Here he is."

"MUTTLEY", exclaimed Dick really happily, "OLD BUDDY!"

Muttley leaped up and started licking his face.

"Take it easy Muttley, you'll do your leg in again", said Ralph smiling, "Oh! I best be going."

He looked at his pager.

"One of my female patients has just gone into labour."

Dick hugged Muttley, but was met with a huge waft of antiseptic cream odour.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to call! I work on this ward and the maternity ward", called Ralph.

Dick slowly pulled his head away from Muttley with a queasy look on his face.

"Er… ERK! Brug!… You wouldn't happen to know where the toilets are do you?", asked Dick green faced.

Ralph chuckled and pointed to a door at the other side of the ward.

"Thank you!"

Dastardly ran over as fast as he could, holding his mouth.

Muttley looked puzzled and then turned his attention to Rachel.

He smiled and wagged his tail.

"Aww! How sweet.", said Rachel stroking his head.

Muttley grabbed her hand and kissed it a few times.

Rachel giggled and Ralph smiled.

Ralph started walking off as Dick came out of the toilet with an ill looking face.

"Your dog likes her", winked Ralph, "Watch out he doesn't start matchmaking, hehe!"

Dick made a sound, which sounded like 'Bleh' and walked towards Muttley's bed.

Muttley was busy hugging Rachel.

"You ok?", she asked upon seeing how rough he looked.

"I-I'll beh thine", he said heaving again, "It'sh thish playce, it'sh makin meh feel sl-sl-slick."

Muttley released his grip and Rachel walked over to him.

"Try these", she said handing him 2 round pills, "They are travel sickness pills, but they do the job."

He took them out her hand and put them in his mouth.

"How do you take theshe thingshe?"

"Just chew them", replied Rachel.

He chewed them and swallowed.

"They tasted like cardboard."

Rachel chuckled and turned back to Muttley.

Dick walked over and stared in shock as Muttley suddenly leapt onto his back.

"Oh no! I'm not going to do it!"

Muttley pointed to his leg and whimpered.

"Oh alright…", said Dick sighing, "But just this once."

He tickled Muttley, making him stick his tongue out with satisfaction.

Rachel smiled and patted Dick on his shoulder.

"How very sweet of you", she said rather sarcastically.

Dick blushed bright red and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Muttley snickered.

"We had better go, it's very late", said Rachel.

Dastardly's head darted around.

"Do we have to leave", he said in rather sad manner as he stared at Muttley who was actually asleep.

"Afraid so, Muttley needs his rest", she replied putting a hand on his shoulder trying to ease him away, "And so do we! We have another race tomorrow."

Dick sighed and walked over to Muttley.

He took the bed sheets and tucked him in.

Looking around to make sure no one was watching, he gave Muttley a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Get better old pal."

Rachel, who was stood by the ward door, noticed what he just did and thought it was awfully cute, but decided not to say anything.

They stood outside the ward, but had forgotten how to get out.

The corridor in front had been closed off for the night.

"Hmm..", exclaimed Dick scratching his head, "What now?"

"Where's Ralph?", asked Rachel, "He will know and he did say to call him if there was any trouble."

Dastardly sighed and nodded in a rather hesitant manner.

Just then, Ralph came wandering round the corner.

"Ah, Hello! You still here?"

"Yes", exclaimed Dick in an irritant way, "because we can't find the way out!"

"Ah yes!", chuckled Ralph, "I forgot to tell you that they close that corridor after 12 o'clock so patient's can sleep better."

Dick sighed and turned round in a huff, his back facing Ralph.

"So, how do we get out", asked Rachel.

"Well, the only way out is through the Maternity ward, down the steps and the elevator at the end", replied Ralph clasping his clipboard under his right arm and combing his hair.

Dick's eyes flew open, followed by a strange gasping sort of gulp.

He swivelled round hastily.


Ralph nodded.

"You see, we don't have many visitors at this time of night."

"Obviously…", huffed Dastardly putting his hands back in his pockets and turning round.

They headed out of ward 11 and followed Ralph to the Maternity Ward.

Dick screwed his face up and covered up his ears.

Babies were crying left right and centre, followed by the sound of desperate Mothers trying to quieten them.

Rachel was in heaven.

She loved babies and went all gooey whenever she saw them.

Ralph was calmly walking through the ward, followed by Dick who had his hands over his ears.

They walked down the stairs and got to the elevator.

Dastardly uncovered his ears and turned to face Rachel… who wasn't there.

He looked around frantically, but she was nowhere to be seen.

He turned to face Ralph, who was busy pressing the elevator button with a calm expression on his face.

"Where's Rachel", asked Dick scratching his head.

Ralph was silent.

"HEY! You deaf?"

Ralph turned his head.

"OH! I DO apologise..", he said plucking out a pair of ear plugs, "You were saying..?"

Dick blinked in surprise.

"You could have given ME some ear plugs…", he moaned, "Anyway, Rachel is missing."

Ralph blinked.

"Oh, how very strange, she was here a minute ago."

"Yes! IT IS!", shouted Dick flailing his arms in alarm.

They retraced their steps and peered into the maternity ward.

There was Rachel standing there with big watery eyes holding a little baby.

Dick and Ralph blinked.

They headed back into the ward, Dick very reluctantly.

They approached Rachel who, spontaneously, let out a shriek of delight.

"Cooome oon!", said Dick trying to coax her away and make her hand the baby back to its mother.

Eventually, after much persuasion, they headed for the elevator.

"OK, here it is! See you around some time!", said Ralph waving.

The pair walked into the elevator.

"Just, try and restrain her", chuckled Ralph, "Tell her that she can hold her own as long as she wants when she has one."

Dick patted Rachel on the head.

"Don't worry, she isn't going anywhere."

Rachel got fed up of him patting her head and so she grabbed him and held him in an armlock.


Ralph laughed again.

"As I say, see you around sometime. Never know, the next time we meet, you two may be married with your own little bambino's"

They both stopped in their tracks and Rachel released her grip on him.

"Some how...", frowned Dick, "I doubt it.."

Rachel blushed wildly over what Ralph said and just kept quiet.

The elevator doors started shutting and the pair waved bye.

Doors slamming shut, Dick started swaying back and forth.

"Hmm?", asked Rachel, "What's the matter?"

"That guy is the matter", moaned Dick, "He is the most irritating guy I have ever met."

"Just like Peter really, but I don't find him irritating", smiled Rachel.

"HOW?", exclaimed Dick in surprise.

"I dunno. I find him quite intriguing actually."

Dick eyed her suspiciously.

"Never mind, hehe", laughed Rachel noticing his face.

The lift ground to a halt and the doors opened.

Walking past the reception desk and towards the main entrance, Rachel turned round to face the old lady still snobbering at the desk.

She stuck her tongue out and pulled her bottom eye lid down.

Dick laughed when he saw what she was doing.

"HOOLIGANS!", cried the old lady shaking her fist.

The pair exited the hospital, laughing as they went.

They got to the car and tried to cool down by wafting themselves with their hands.

"Blimey, it was hot in there", exclaimed Rachel wafting herself frantically.

"Agreed", said Dick unbuttoning his coat a bit.

They climbed into Dick's car.

Dick turned to face Rachel.

"What time is it?"

Rachel looked at her watch.

"Just gone twenty past one."

Dastardly let out a big sigh and took off his coat.

The pair were that hot it was steaming up the windscreen.

"Gah!", shouted Dick in alarm, "I'll never be able to drive in conditions such as these!"

He took off his gloves and tried to wipe some of the condensation from the window.

Rachel nodded.

Dick turned back round to face her.

She took off her hat revealing her purple hair.

Dick stared awe-struck.

She then proceeded to take off her coat.

She was wearing a navy blue and white long sleeved tie-dye top and navy blue and white designer tie-dye jeans.

Dick, as per usual, was wearing his red shirt and black trousers.

Rachel blinked in puzzlement as he stared at her.

"Erm… Shouldn't we be going now", asked Rachel, "It's really getting late."

Dastardly shook his head to try and wake himself up.

"Eh? W-wha..? OH! Yes… uhm, but the windscreen is steamed up to the eye balls", he exclaimed drawing a little face in the condensation.

Rachel smirked and pointed to the heater.

"AH YES! Of course… silly me", blushed Dick switching the de-humidifier on.

The condensation started to slowly disappear, so Dick started the engine.

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The Drayton Hotel

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Race Number 2

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Max, Muttley, MEDIC!

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The Hotel Braevout

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Max or Dick, Which Would YOU Pick?

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