THE TALE OF ARCHIBALD, WHO ATE WHILST FEVERISH AND CAME TO REGRET IT
The subject of this tale, a youth
Of sturdy health, but quite uncouth
When dealing with his ancient Mum,
(In his teen-aged opinion),
When she advised him on his health:
Of such advice she had a wealth,
Dispersing it quite liberally,
Though Archie, being young, thought he
Knew better; and would tell her to
Desist! and did what youth will do
When he did catch the 'flu one day:
Ignored his Mum when she did say
"You feed a cold, but starve a fever;
Fast, dear son!" But Arch, an eater
Who, though quick to help himself,
(In that sense) could not help himself;
He set out, not to just ignore,
But flout his mum's advice before
The day was done;
That foolish son
With friends conspired a fast-food jaunt;
Retiring to a favorite haunt
To feast on fat and salt, a slew
Of it, not telling them the 'flu
Was in his system, fully rampant!
Suffered doubly, Arch, the errant;
Friends and he dispersed with lots
Of 'flu and Arch now has the trots.
Leonard, it is sad to say,
Unfortunately liked to play
At pulling dreadful faces when
Observed, or not, by kith and kin,
Who, though they loved the little chap,
Desired much his face to slap!
And this not in revengeful spite;
Their professed aim? His face to right
Before a change in wind should come.
For they were taught one would succumb
To Gurner's syndrome, faces wound
In hideous knots, if they were found
By change of wind with face distorted!
But in vain this fact reported
They to Leonard, who retorted,
"Humbug! Nonsense! What a load..."
He then began to cross the road
To leave their presence and their nagging,
As he saw it, with a cracking
Grimace set upon his face;
So, he could not see the pace
Of traffic coming; but he felt
The change in wind they made: one spelt
A coming Nappy Service van,
Which changed, forever, our young man!
THE TALE OF MONTAGUE, WHO LICKED A KNIFE: THE CONSEQUENCES LEFT HIM SPEECHLESS
When Monty was a little lad
His habits drove his parents mad,
Especially that of licking knives!
The stress would give his mother hives!
She treated this with ginger, Tabasco
And chilli soaked in vinegar! Oh!
The smell would quickly travel far
And set one weeping! But a jar
With screw top lid retained this mess
Quite well ... I fear I do digress.
Our Monty did survive childhood,
Despite the doom his parents would
Describe to him: "You'll cut your tongue,
Right off!" Young Monty was not stung
By these rebukes, he'd just persist
With all his woeful ways. The list
Remained capped off by licking at
The cutlery. Even that
In use by others at the table!
Change the man? No one was able.
Mother had got over hives
Some years ago. Now other lives
Were blighted by this Montague,
His most of all
For he appalled
The people he would like for friends.
He saw his need to make amends
So asked his favorite aunt for aid.
Aunt Bertha knew his Mum had made
The hives concoction. One jar left
She found, it was of smell bereft
And looked like jam, but Bertha knew
That after years the taste was true,
She did not tell what was her plan,
She just invited our young man
To morning tea and toast.
A treat he loved the most!
Montague had marmalade
On his toast, Bertha: "jam she'd made",
Then put her knife down on her plate.
Monty later married; many
Happy years ensued, merry
Times, he and his wife enjoyed
And hard times, where they both employed
A skill an aunt had taught years hence:
Be speechless; listen to the sense
The other has. Be speechless; think
A lot and long, before you link
A few words, chosen very well
Only what's important tell.