I have to be honest and say this isn’t a book about how to find love.

It isn’t the next instalment in cosmic attraction theory theory and neither does it pretend to be a guide to the perfect relationship for perfect partners.  I’ve seen too much life for that and the lessons of karmic relationships should never be trivialised. 

However, it is a romance. It will teach you how to love, not in the small singular way where someone is right and someone is wrong, but in the grand expansive way where it does not matter who did what, when, or who did not do the right thing then, because you can let it all go and move on.

It is a book about pulling those prickles of resentment and guilt out of your backside and finally being able to sit peacefully with yourself. It will help you realise that too many people are hurt by your hanging on to pain and not the least of these people is yourself. Your true self.

Mainly, it is a book about coming out of the frozen sleep in which you believe the dramas of your life are real and waking to the lessons behind the events, the love behind the hurts, and the opportunities for forgiveness waiting for you like unopened gifts.

None of it is easy. All of it is beautiful.

Of that, you are the ultimate judge.

Disclaimer

Finally, a disclaimer.  All insights offered are my own and are not intended to offend or replace any spiritual beliefs you may hold. I respect faith in its many expressions.  Hold true to what feels right for you; that is what each of us must do.

Likewise, the responses in the section Love On the Other Side - Responses to Frequently Asked Questions are my own, and developed after many years of spiritual reading, conducting past-life regressions (in which I am qualified) and talking with people during my years in spiritual ministry.  They are my opinions only and should not not to be accepted as proven facts. Until each of us passes into the world that meets us when we die, we cannot know the full truth of what awaits.

Inspiration from Spirit:

Do not be afraid, for all that comes has already gone before you.  The tides of life must flow, and to wish otherwise blocks the cycle of renewal to which you belong.   

It was an overcast morning and heavy with Summer’s humid breath. Birds sang with what energy they could still muster by 8 am, and there was the promise of an afternoon storm.

I had never felt so afraid.

A cough sounded from the bedroom and the man of my dreams emerged- the man of my broken dreams whose bed I had sworn I would never share again. We were ex-partners, ex-lovers and exited from relationship, or so I had told myself.  Yet here I was, in his house and about as far out on a limb as any petrified animal could crawl.

Thoughts like ‘What on earth were you thinking?’ and ‘Girl, you should run for your life!’ tumbled through my mind. I felt helpless and terrified at the same time.  One theme drew these threads together and coursed through me like a stream.  

‘I can’t go through this again!’

It was then, as I looked out of the living room window, I saw it. One lonely sunflower, straggly and untended grew on a patch of earth across the street. It stared at me in a silent challenge, urging me to wake up and recognise its signal.

And I did.  My mind flashed back ten years to my first morning in a rented home after leaving my husband. That was another hot, sticky day, and with teenagers squabbling in the kitchen and the burden of a failed marriage on my conscience, I stepped into the front yard to catch a breeze.  I’m not ashamed to admit I was crying. I had never felt so confused and sad. I had entered my marriage with the confidence our love would last a life time, but petty struggles had become major wars and the damage was enormous.

Keen to distance my tears from the kids, I walked towards an overgrown garden bed. It was a mess of weeds and prickles; yet, standing defiantly among the chaos was a single sunflower, fully in bloom, straining its heavy head towards the sky.  The symbolism of its beauty and courage was not lost on me. Despite its surroundings, the sunflower just stood its ground, lifting its face to the sky, being the best it could be.  I smiled through my tears in gratitude for its courage and its lesson.  From that moment on, sunflowers became my personal emblem for endurance and faith. 

Back in the present, it was as if a switch had turned on and I knew everything was going to be okay.  Not okay in that glib, easy way of pretending that a painful past has never occurred.  I’m not that naive, nor at forty- eight, was I that young.  However, as I turned to see my companion calmly putting on the jug to make a cup of tea, and then turned again to look at the sunflower, something in me acknowledged the significance of the moment. 

Everything had led us to this. The fading flush of first love, the loss and pain of separation, the coming together again, more than once, that was smashed by more pain and more separation- all these experiences led us here.

I paused, feeling strangely calm after the recent moments of fear. Could I really trust my emotional survival to a sunflower?  Was my inner guidance calling me to be courageous one more time?

‘Are you ready for breakfast?’ I heard him ask with a newly found tenderness.

‘Yes.’ I replied. ‘But first you need to know why. Come to the window. I have something to share with you.’ 

And so, our real journey together began.

Inspiration from Spirit:

Some minds sleep for many life-times, but it is always their destiny to return home to the womb of the Creative Source and finally be awakened to their Light. 

It may seem strange to begin a book about love with an anecdote featuring a sunflower and a decision that could have been a crazy risk.

Actually, there were two signs in that twenty-four hour period indicating that my partner and I had turned some indefinable corner and were ready to recommit to a relationship. 

The sunflower was the second sign, occurring as it did the morning after we spent the night together.  How I had ended up staying the night also hinged on a sign.

It wasn’t the fact he had told me he was ready to spend the rest of his life with me, although he had. I had listened to his words wearing my invisible raincoat because I was too afraid to let them penetrate.  I had heard words like that before.

It was the tone of voice with which he spoke to my dog. 

Although we had remained close friends since our most recent separation, I drew the line at spending the night together.  I was too fragile, too broken to survive the kick-back a temporary fling would offer.  We’d tried it and I’d already paid the price. 

So, after a very pleasant meal at his home, I casually called  my dog to join me at the car. Sally is a rescue-dog who often accompanies me on outings. Being in her older years, she was in no hurry to move and I found myself there without her.

Then I heard a voice.  ‘Come on, Darling,’ he said to Sally. ‘Mum’s waiting for you.’

He spoke softly and kindly, not for my ears, because I was some distance away. His voice floated over me as I stood with my hand on the door-handle. 

I can’t tell you what happened next because there are no words to describe it.  Some shift in energy, some kind of recognition stirred in me.  He was no lover of dogs and the man I had committed to and lost would never have called Sally, ‘Darling.’

I turned to face him, searching for the words to fit my confusion. The best I could manage was to point out the obvious.

‘You just called Sally, Darling,’ I said incredulously. 

‘That’s right,’ he smiled. ‘You’re my first Darling and she’s my Darling as well. Do you have a problem with that?’

I let that sink into me for a while. No, I decided, I didn’t. In fact, I didn’t have a problem at all.

‘It’s okay,’ I replied. ‘Leave her where she is. I’ve decided I can stay.’

Obviously, it would be irresponsible to advocate staying in a broken relationship based on the way your partner talks to your dog or because you saw a sunflower growing across the street. 

What I am saying is that our inner guidance offers us signposts or signals if we are open to recognising them. 

These are our wake-up calls, the subtle reminders that something significant is occurring.   Our inner guidance whispers, ‘Slow down. Take notice.’ 

Sometimes these signals present as events of synchronicity. We might think, ‘What were the chances of that?’  Excuse the pun, but chances are it was not chance.  

Once you begin to consciously tune into your life, taking the time to be aware of how you feel about people, places and events, you will realise that your inner guidance speaks with you, often. 

You will become aware that you have a relationship with Divinity, (with the Source, the universe, your higher self, God, the Divine Spirit or whatever name you want to give it), and with a range of spiritual beings who are helping you experience the lessons you came to earth to learn. 

These are our loved ones, guides, angels and teachers who, with the speed of thought, draw close to support us. It helps if we ask for their assistance but whether we know it or not they send us healing energy, love and practical help. 

In order to communicate with us they use many different channels, including our intuition, our dreams, meditation, prayer, and even our sense of ‘knowing’ what feels right. All this information contributes to our inner guidance; it gently leads us towards healthy, positive decisions and gives us courage when we fall or feel we have failed. 

It is important to remember that our spiritual guides encourage us; they do not control us or enforce their will. We are responsible for the decisions we make and the paths we choose. That’s what free will is all about. However, we are never unloved and we are never alone. 

The hard part is that while our spiritual friends see and hear us, our perspective is limited by our immediate environment. 

If you find this hard to imagine, picture yourself sitting at the edge of a pond. You can see into the pond and observe small fish swimming below the surface. It is easy for you to watch them as they interact and forage for food. However, the fish cannot turn their heads upwards to see you.  Unless you cast your shadow over their pond or put your hand into the water, you simply do not exist in their dimension.

Like these fish that cannot see us, most of us cannot routinely see into the spiritual world.  Events we cannot explain may seem like miracles; usually, however, it is our spiritual guidance at work.

Think about this carefully.  Many of the signposts you will encounter during your life are markers you set while you were still in the spirit world. You will recognise these markers by an inner awareness, a knowing that something has just ‘woken up’ inside you, as I did when I saw the sunflower across the street and heard the tone of my partner’s voice. 

Much earlier in my life, I had recognised my first husband the moment our eyes met. It was the acknowledgement of a karmic contract even though thirty years ago I did not know what karma was.  In just a glance between us on a crowded plane, I felt an exclamation mark in my energy field.  In that brief contact, two contracted souls recognised each other.  It was different from sexual attraction and neither one of us was looking for a relationship; yet, within two months I told my mother I’d met the father of my  children. 

Perhaps you can now reflect on similar incidents.  Have you felt you have lived particular moments before?  Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes and recognised them immediately? Have you chosen to love someone for reasons even you could not fathom? Have you just known you had to make a certain decision because you were compelled to do it? 

If so, you may already be following the invisible signposts you anchored on your timeline before you entered this life or the subtle messages of your spiritual friends. 

With so much guidance available, you may wonder why relationships are so confusing.

Well, as the saying goes, ‘This is your life.’  And guess what? 

You chose it. 

Activity                                                                                  

This exercise will help you connect with your inner guidance.

Inner guidance covers information from a variety of sources. The different sources merge like tributaries joining a stream. Sometimes we don’t know exactly how the information comes together, but we receive a stream of guidance that provides insights when we need them.

The channel to receive this inner guidance is often our imagination, so being open to receiving messages which may feel like your own imagination is a good start. These messages may come in the form of symbols, so if you want two-way communication you need to establish a language.

Shortly after my close girlfriend friend died, I asked her for a symbol that would prove she had heard me talking with her.  In my mind I saw a white dove. I affirmed that I would look for a white dove in the very near future as confirmation she had sent this image. Since during an average week I am either at work or home, this was harder than it seemed.

In the next two days, I saw three white doves. One was in an email from an acquaintance I rarely heard from. The second was the first song in our church service (On the wings of a snow white dove) and the third was on a poster at my doctor’s surgery. I knew my friend and I had made contact, and my heart felt lighter. She had known in advance that the white dove would cross my path in several ways, and so the symbol was meaningful and timely. 

In addition to a friend in spirit sending a symbol to represent them, you can choose symbols for your spiritual helpers to use when communicating with you. These symbols might provide guidance when you have a question.

Sit quietly and choose just a few images that have a specific meaning for you. Keep your symbols simple and direct.  Let your spiritual helpers know the messages these symbols will represent. Eventually you will be able to ask a question, and a symbol of guidance will come into your mind or manifest in your life.

Relationships are always evolving, so be open to receiving new symbols as you continue to communicate. However, most importantly, be open to the signposts that you set before entering this life.

With practice you can use symbolic language to receive guidance during meditation. Here is a straightforward example. My symbol for, ‘Be careful,’ is a yellow traffic light.  If I received that symbol when considering a new job offer, I would make sure I did more research before I accepted that position.

Keep your symbols simple, direct, and available in the physical world.  Draw or write your symbols in a journal. This is the beginning of a rich relationship that will continue to evolve.

Your spiritual helpers can hear your thoughts any time you choose; however it will be easier for you to receive their messages if you are peaceful. Meditation is an excellent means of achieving a peaceful state of mind.

Preparing for Meditation

In meditation your energy is as close as it can be to the higher vibration of the spirit world. This is the ideal time to ask a spiritual friend or guide to send you a symbol to confirm they are with you.

Sit or lie in a comfortable position.  Focus your attention on your breath and feel yourself relaxing.  Visualise your heart centre opening and see your inner light expanding and shining brightly.

Now feel yourself filled with the brilliant White Light that comes from the Source (God, the Divine Spirit or whatever name you prefer). Allow it to begin high above you, and feel it travelling down into the crown of your head, pouring through you and out the soles of your feet.

See or imagine this White Light filling your entire house. Say to yourself: The Light protects me. The Light surrounds me. I am Light.

Ask your spiritual guides to protect you so that the beings who enter your vibration come for your highest good.

Let your inner light and the Light from the Source become one.

Allow yourself to relax. Scan your body, gently, releasing each of your muscles in turn.  Breathe the White Light down into the core of your being and relax deeper as you exhale.

When you feel ready, mentally ask that you are connected with the spirit world.

You may feel some tingling around your face, neck and hair or a subtle ripple in your energy field. You may feel a gentle, warm pressure touching a hand.  Your spiritual helpers will try to let you know they are with you in loving, non-invasive ways, so do not be afraid. They only blend with your energy field and thoughts; they never enter your physical body.  It is mind to mind communication.

Should you ever feel uncomfortable, ask them to retreat so their vibration feels less intense.  This is unlikely to happen, but it is useful to know you have this ability.   

Your spiritual friends will not intentionally alarm or frighten you; however, a loved one may be excited to make contact and their vibration may surprise you.

Please understand that many people communicate through thoughts alone, and do not feel changes in vibration. This communication is equally valid and real. 

Meditation

Once you are relaxed, ask to connect with the person you want to hear from; say their name and visualise them clearly.  If you hold an item they owned or a photo, this will enhance the connection. 

If you wish to communicate with your teaching guides, then ask for that connection instead.  It is also very natural to ask for spiritual assistance from those who watch over you, without specifying their identities.  You have a team of spiritual helpers working with you throughout your life.  On any occasion, you want the best spiritual guidance possible. 

Next, request that they send you a mental picture of something you will come across in the next few days. This symbol will be straightforward so that you can recognise it when you see it. When you receive an image or even a word, record it in your journal and wait for it to manifest.

In the next step, you can respectfully share the symbols you have chosen and their meanings.  Do this by visualising each image and sending clear thoughts about what it means.  It is best to build your language slowly so that each symbol is firmly understood before adding a new one.

This communication allows you to speak to your spiritual guidance, including your own psychic intuition, any time you choose. The symbols that are impressed on your mind will help clarify your issue or problem. 

When you have completed sharing your symbols, remember to give thanks and bring your attention back to the present moment. Stretch, and make sure you are completely alert before you stand or resume usual activities.