“Jamie, I am pregnant.”
Every color the pale boy had in his face left upon hearing those words and he gasped for air. His first instinct was to run, run away from those words, but his legs would not move and they felt like a mixture of lead and jelly anyway. Pregnant! Jamie was in shock. He was barely sixteen years old and he had never been intimate with a girl before. And now, the one he had been intimate with, was pregnant. The meaning and the consequences of that word reverberated inside of him, and he started to tremble involuntarily while cold sweat ran down his spine. He was going to be a dad, a father, a parent. If Lauren wants to keep the baby, that is. A small ray of hope appeared on his horizon, maybe Lauren would not want the baby either. After all, they were so young. Too young. Almost children themselves.
He hadn't meant to get Lauren pregnant, he had only wanted to make sure he wasn't gay, and his quick romp with Lauren in the bathroom at that boring party made it pretty clear to him: that he was indeed more attracted to boys than to girls.
Everyone at school knew how easy Lauren was, and when Jamie began to fantasize about several boys of his swimming team, he needed and wanted the confirmation that he was normal and not gay. Lauren had taken the reins from the moment he had approached her and she had never pulled away from him and his groping. Instead she had cheered him on and encouraged him to undress her further and to sleep with her. But now she was pregnant and he couldn't even remember if they had used protection and it had failed, or if they had not at all. And in the end, it didn't change his desire to be with men, it even strengthened his feelings. And it didn't change the fact either that Lauren was pregnant. With his child.
Jamie sighed audibly. He didn't know what was worse – telling his parents he was gay or telling his parents that, in order to be really sure that he was gay, he had gotten a girl pregnant.
That word – he saw it in front of his inner eye, like a blinking neon sign that was mocking him. Pregnant.
“You got me into this situation. You are going to pay for my abortion. I don't want a child and certainly not yours.” Her words stung. Jamie understood that she was desperate too, but what was so wrong with having his baby? And why wouldn't she want it? She had a human being growing inside her body. The greatest miracle possible was happening inside of her and she was ready to simply throw that growing life away. Hearing her talking about abortion sounded wrong to his ears and although, mere moments ago, he had hoped she would say something like that, he now couldn't stand those words. Bile rose in his throat. Abortion. It was wrong. He couldn't and wouldn't let Lauren kill his child and Jamie felt tears running down his cheeks. He might have made a mistake, be he would own up to it.
“Oh, come on. Why are you crying now? This is my body and your reaction makes it pretty clear that you are still a child. I don't want children. Not now, not ever.” Jamie knew that Lauren was right and that he was too young to be a father, but he didn't want to let his child die. “Let me think about it. Maybe we can come up with something. Maybe our parents can help...”
“Are you kidding me? I am nineteen, my parents will say that we need to marry and settle down. I don't want that. And certainly not with you. You're a kid. And gay.” she spat out furiously and turned on her heels. The clinking of her high heels slowly faded in the distance and Jamie sank back against the wall that had been keeping him upright the entire time. His knees gave in and he found himself sitting on the floor, hugging his knees and weeping, like the baby he had conceived. Jamie's shaggy hair fell into his face and hid his tears. Gay! Pregnant! The words repeated themselves inside his mind over and over again. The neon sign inside his mind continued to blink and it got brighter and brighter.
Jamie wiped his nose with the sleeve of his sweater and got up. He straightened his back, and with a deep breath he was suddenly very sure about his future. He would be a good father – the best father this child would have, without denying who he really was. In this moment, Jamie had made a decision about his life, and it was the moment he stopped being a child and became an adult. He was aware that every future decision he made was linked to this child and he was determined to not fail at parenting, too. Too many failures where his already. Jamie knew that his destiny had been changed and took courage in both hands to come out to his parents and tell them about Lauren and the precarious situation he found himself in.
Somehow, after many long conversations with Lauren and promising to her that he would be solely responsible and that he would take care of the baby alone, Jamie managed to convince Lauren to keep the child. He started to work two jobs to pay for everything, from medical bills to baby furniture, while trying to keep his good grades up in school, so he could go to college later.
Lauren's parents were proud grand-parents-to-be, though they didn't stop harassing them about a wedding, just like Lauren had predicted. They moved Lauren's father's home office to the living room to make it a nursery, and helped in every way possible. Jamie's parents, on the other hand, weren't as supportive and made it clear from the first time they ever heard that Lauren was pregnant, that they didn't want to see the child and didn't want to have anything to do with it. Funnily, the fact that Jamie had also told them that he was gay was not as important as the fact that he would be a father.
“You are ruining your life, son. You are an excellent student and now you neglect your education for a child you don't even know is yours. This is not right, James. Think about your future.” After that, the relationship between Jamie and his parents became more and more disastrous and strained, to the point where they simply stopped speaking to each other, to not hurt each other more than they already had.
Jamie was miserable, he missed his parents, he had never wanted to be estranged from them, but the closer the birth-date came, the worse the situation and the fights at his home became, and Jamie found shelter at Lauren's house. They became friends during the pregnancy and Lauren and Jamie knew that they would never have more than friendship and mutual respect for each other. Lauren also had learned more about Jamie's homosexuality and was okay with Jamie being gay. She even encouraged him to act on his desires and find lovers of his own.
The day Lauren went into labor, Jamie didn't leave her side. Just like he had done for the last months.
The birth was relatively easy and short for Lauren. Jamie supported her in any way he was able to and when the baby was finally born, he couldn't hold back his tears of emotions anymore and cut the umbilical cord proudly. Lauren, however, refused to name the girl and she also refused to hold her. During the last weeks of the pregnancy, she had warned Jamie that this was going to happen and that the child would be Jamie's and his alone. She didn't want to be a mother and although, she loved Jamie, she never was able to have feelings for the growing human inside of her. Jamie had a hard time understanding her, but he tried to accept Lauren's feelings and her situation. As soon as the child had left her body, she didn't want to have anything to do with it, and Jamie stepped in taking his responsibilities. He was immediately in love with the little girl and he knew that she would be his one and only female love. He swore to himself and to his daughter that he would never leave her and that he would always love her.
Once alone, Jamie felt like someone had just pulled the rug from underneath his feet. Here he was, feeding a small baby that was peacefully sucking at its bottle, while his sixteen year old friends where playing soccer and taking the usual slow route to being an adult. He had skipped many of the milestones of typical teenagers and when he changed his daughter's diapers, he realized that this was his life, his reality and he was all alone to deal with it. His daughter – Agnes – yawned and held on tightly to Jamie's finger. It was hard for Jamie to sort through his thoughts. He was so proud, but also so very scared.
Jamie's pride was clouded when he wanted to take Agnes home to his parent's the following day. His parents stuck to their word and didn't allow Jamie to step into their house with the child. Jamie couldn't understand that reaction. He felt left alone.
When he walked with Agnes to Lauren's parent's house, he felt welcome, but also out of his comfort zone. Lauren's mom hovered over the child, while Lauren still refused to even look at it. By the time Agnes was four weeks old, Jamie had had enough and needed his own space and his own walls to be with his child. Sleep deprivation added to his growing irritation towards Lauren's parents and he made the hard decision to move out before this relationship would suffer as well. It was difficult to find an understanding landlord and a decent apartment that he was able to afford, and at some time, he considered accepting Lauren's parent's offer to move back in with them. His pride kept him going and he didn't give up and finally his persistence was rewarded and he was able to rent a small apartment near his school. His first home with Agnes.
Jamie managed, with the help of Lauren's parents, to raise Agnes alone for most part. Lauren's parents took care of Agnes when Jamie was at work or at school and they saw their grand-child every day. They never interfered with Jamie's parenting style and they let him make every decision there was to take. They saw how Jamie grew up and how dedicated he was to his little child.
Lauren still refused to bond with the child. Jamie still worked his two jobs and went to school. He finished high school with his peers and started college a few months later, never losing focus of his goals. It was a lot of organization to have it all – school, work and the child, but he wanted to be a good role model for his little girl and was full of ambitions. The only thing Jamie didn't have was a social life, with friends and lovers.
Agnes was three years old at that time. Lauren finally became a sporadic babysitter, but she never developed any motherly feelings towards Agnes. She was more like an aunt. Still, it enabled Jamie to breathe for a few hours every week and to be free. To act like a normal man his age. He made casual friends with some men, went to parties and had one-night stands, but nothing was ever serious and none of the men in his life ever met his most precious gift—Agnes.
Life was okay for Jamie and his little girl and with some support from other people, he was able to study and work only one job. He and Agnes never lived in luxury, but they weren't missing anything important either.
Unfortunately, Jamie's biggest support, Lauren's parents, fell away soon after he started his fourth and last year at college. Until then, even when he hit a rough patch once in a while, his life had been good. Lauren's mother had been diagnosed with malicious breast cancer and died only four months after getting the diagnosis. Lauren's father died shortly after his wife from a heart attack. Lauren was hurting so much that she withdrew completely from Jamie and even blamed Agnes for her parent's deaths. The gap between mother and child grew and grew and Jamie's life was now turned upside down by it too.
He dropped out of college, to be a full time father and consecrate his entire life to now six-year old Agnes and her well-being. His carefully built up support system broke down from one moment to the next and he found himself alone and broke with his little girl once again. His dreams about being an architect were buried, and as if life had not been hard enough on him already, he lost his job too, because the video-store, where he was able to work shifts was closed down.
Countless nights, Jamie cried himself to sleep, not knowing how to go on with his life and how to be a good father to Agnes anymore. He saw his savings slowly melt away, while doubts ate him from within and added to the anxiety that someone from child services might notice them and come to take Agnes away from him. Every sideways look from a neighbor or a teacher enhanced Jamie's paranoia and he stopped going out entirely. You can be poor as dirt, as long as nobody else knows and notices, was his logical thought.
One night, when all Jamie had left were ten dollars in his pocket, he decided that the only way out of his financial misery could be found at the corner of the street. For months, he had thought about it and every time he had managed to push the thoughts away again, because he had not reached rock bottom just yet. But now, there was no other way out anymore. He couldn't find another way out of the mess he had brought upon himself and his daughter anymore. Nobody wanted to hire a single parent. A gay single parent without a degree. It wasn't for the lack of writing applications, but he was never considered for an interview and every rejecting letter cemented Jamie's self-loathing even more. How can I do this to my own flesh and blood?
With Lauren's help, he was able to make a deal to make his new 'career' work. She was not pleased with his choice, but she didn't offer any other form of support for him. She didn't want him or Agnes moving in with her. She didn't want to assume the role of full-time mother, but she came over every night and made sure Agnes wasn't alone. Instead of being a mother for her child, she was a baby-sitter. Nothing more, and that was how she wanted to keep things. She wasn't cold hearted, but she never was able to develop deeper feelings for her child. She solely did this for Jamie, a friend in need. Not for his child. She didn't even consider Agnes her own child anymore. She was Jamie's and Jamie's alone.
For a few hours every night, Jamie would work and sell the only thing he had left – himself. His body and its orifices where now available to buy at a moderate price. Every night, when he came home after his work, he gave Lauren some of his earnings, as a compensation for her own lost time. The rest was for him and Agnes. It wasn't much, but paid the rent and three meals a day. It also helped keeping Agnes well dressed and prying neighbors and teachers away.
Pimps didn't like Jamie, because he preferred to work alone, without them. He was one of the very few hustlers who wasn't under protection from a pimp, and he didn't need to leave most of his earnings behind, but to his own surprise no one ever approached him wrongfully, he was never threatened after the initial introductions, and he was left alone once he had found 'his' corner between an adult bookstore and a Chinese dry cleaning shop.
The business was much friendlier than it had been depicted in movies he had seen or books he had read. Nevertheless, he did his best to not step on anybody's toes and to stay carefully guarded. Maybe, the people who ran these streets where not as violent or threatening in their approach as others, but that didn't mean that it couldn't change at any moment.
Jamie's first customer ever had been a young over-weight man, who simply had wanted a blow-job. And although Jamie was nervous, shy and shaking, he managed to perform well and the man became a regular customer. His second client had been a top, like most men who stopped to pick him up. He needed to insist on protection, but everything else was okay, if only a little rough. It only reassured Jamie that he had made the right choice. It was easy money and he always had the choice to climb into the car of a John or not.
Jamie hated the reality of his job and how it was conceived by most people, but if it was able to offer him a little time with his girl and make it appear as if they had a normal life, it was worth it. Jamie knew he would do anything for his child, even if he was dying a little inside with every man who touched him. Jamie felt how he slowly became dulled by his job and how he gave up on his fantasies to meet the One for himself. He didn't have the time, or the wish to meet other men anymore anyway.
Jamie's life was dictated by his daughter and his job and in between, he tried to stay fit, trim and a little vain too. Little did he know that his life was about to change and be turned up side down soon.
Loud pounding at the apartment door made Jamie freeze with his morning coffee in hand. He instantly knew who was at the door and what it was about. Jamie motioned Agnes, who was sitting at the table shoveling in her cereals, to keep quiet, while an angry voice boomed through the closed door. He still held his finger in front of his lips and craned his neck to listen to whatever was coming his way. Jamie didn't even dare to move or breathe audibly.
“McCarrick! I know that you are there. I heard you and your child. Your rent is overdue. Again. If I don't see my money by tonight, you are out! Is that clear? I'll change the locks. I want my money. All of it.” Jamie and Agnes listened, careful not to give themselves away, as heavy steps walked down the hall, away from their door.
Agnes looked at her father with big eyes. She was clearly as shocked as Jamie and by the look of it, she waited for an explanation, as well as some reassuring words from her father. Jamie couldn't bear looking at her scared and disappointed face and turned his back to Agnes. He put his mug on the counter, trying to compose himself. He felt like crying, but at the same time, he didn't want to lose it in front of Agnes.
“Dad?” her voice was shaking and barely audible. Jamie gulped and turned around to face her. Jamie looked into big inquisitive eyes. By now, Agnes was fourteen and she knew more about Jamie's job than was good for her. For a brief moment, he wasn't sure what to say to her, but then he straightened up and smiled tiredly.
“It's alright sweetheart. Now, go get ready for school. I will sort everything out tonight.” Jamie knew that this night he would need to work late and maybe even start earlier, too. It was mid-January and the nights where going slow. Not many men were out and about to seek a quick satisfying thrill at that time of the year. Winter months where always the hardest to get by, and this time, it was no different.
“I don't want you to go to work tonight.” Agnes said gruffly, while clearing her bowl and taking her backpack and coat. Jamie didn't know what to say, other than a quiet “But I have to.” The girl kissed her father's cheek and nodded curtly.
“Why can't you have a normal job? We could move away from Gabefield and start anew. Somewhere, where nobody knows us. You don't have to do this. Not for me.” Agnes's eyes were pleading and it tore at Jamie's heart, but he believed that there was no other option for him to gain money.
For six years, he had been doing this every day, even when he had had a cold, and now he was approaching his thirtieth birthday without knowing it any other way anymore. He wished his life was different too, without ever once having regrets about Agnes's birth.
“I am not a child anymore. You can't keep everything from me. And I know that you know how much I know. Please dad, please consider it.” Jamie nodded, wondering when his little princess had grown up so much. She kissed him again and left for the school bus, leaving Jamie alone with his conflicting thoughts.
The moment the door fell into its lock, Jamie let go. His shoulders sagged and his tears flowed freely. He was desperate and tired of his life. Wearily, he rubbed his face, shaking his head hopelessly. Jamie was suddenly very aware that his daughter was right. Of course, this was not the way to raise a child or a teenager. He sat down at the table, his head in his hands. Agnes was right, he needed to turn his life into a different direction, before he took her down with him. But he didn't know how to change it. He had no real job, no experience in any other real job either. He was lucky that he didn't have an addictive personality, or else he was sure that he would have succumbed to drugs to numb his feelings. But as it was, Jamie's biggest problem was money, and that he felt alone and lonely. He had nobody in his life whom he considered friend enough to burden with his problems.
However, his self-loathing and – pity party didn't change the fact that he needed to start his daily routine. He needed to make money and what was more important, he needed to make more than on an average night. He took his keys, his phone and went out for his daily jog. He ran miles and miles every day, to clear his head and to stay in shape. Running was a cheap sport and over the years, many men had come to appreciate his build. There was not an ounce of fat on his body. Everything was lean and tight muscle, partly from running and partly from watching his diet closely. Jamie had always been proud of his looks, but recently, he had started discovering gray hair in his otherwise black mop. It made him feel old and self-conscious; most of his clients preferred younger men and not worn out street-whores. My time is up! He pushed the thoughts away and ran faster.
At home, Jamie made a few calls, one to ensure that Lauren could be in earlier to be with Agnes and another one, to order food for them. He cleaned the house and scrubbed the kitchen spotless and then went to the bathroom to start his daily beauty program. His looks were what made him earn money; he always needed to look his best, regardless of his inner wars. He needed to look better than the other boys on the streets, well groomed, clean and prepared for his clients.
It was still fairly early to take his usual place under the neon lit sign at the corner of the Chinese dry cleaning shop and it wasn't completely dark yet. Jamie knew he would look suspicious, loitering there, but he also knew that this street was known to be the most popular pick-up place in Gabefield and everyone would simply look away instead of conjuring up trouble with the law. Gabefield was a small town after all. People minded their own business and more than once, they turned a blind eye. What I don't see doesn't exist! It had always been like this for Jamie. Not once in the six years he had come to this place daily, had he had encounters with the police. He was lucky. Others weren't and he couldn't help wondering if this had to do with the fact, that he wasn't affiliated with a pimp. Maybe, he flew under the radar.
It wasn't the first time Jamie stood here, at this time of the day either. Some months were harder to make ends meet than others, and December and January in particular. Jamie loved to spoil his daughter for Christmas and for her birthday, even if that meant working harder and longer hours for a few weeks before and after these events. This time, it was one of those days when money needed to come in and fast. There was no time to revel in the memories of his child, he needed to switch to hustler-mode and get into the right mindset. Jamie had no other choice, he needed the money to pay his rent or his landlord would not hesitate to throw him and his fourteen-year old daughter out on the street. Jamie didn't doubt at all that the landlord would act true to his words. His time was limited to four hours every night, to make as much money as possible. Lauren had made it very clear that she would not spend more time with Agnes, and lately had commented on Agnes's age too and how she was old enough to stay home alone. Jamie couldn't agree at all. He still saw the toddler she once was, the child who needed assistance with the most trivial tasks; for him Agnes was far from independent and if he would have his way, she would never grow up at all. But as it was, Agnes was turning from a child into a young lady who acted more maturely than her old father on occasion. Jamie smiled to himself. He loved his daughter so much and most memories with her were happy memories. Now, he could also laugh about the nights he spent with a crying, teething child, now, he could laugh about the temperament she had had as a child. Agnes understood well from an early age on what her father did for a living, and she understood why she was with her mother every night. A mother who insisted being called by her name – Lauren – because she didn't want to be a mother to a child. She understood that they struggled to make ends meet every month and she knew that she was not to tell a soul what her father did or they would come and take her away from her father. It was ingrained in her brain. Her friends liked her young father and commented on his good looks or how fun he was. If someone asked her what he did for a living she always said that he was a salesman, which was only a small lie. She knew, how dangerously her father lived and recently, she voiced more and more often that she wanted him to stop doing this. It was a hard life for a child and Jamie knew it. He did his best to raise a good girl and be a good father, to protect her from his job, but he also knew that she was not naive. And while she seemed to be carefree and a normal fourteen-year old, complete with first period, first bra and first crush, Jamie knew that, inside, she was more mature and more grown-up than she let on and was good for her.
Jamie dreamed of leaving this life behind and giving Agnes a better start than this. Jamie didn't like the fact that life was getting harder and harder, and he knew that he couldn't keep doing this for the rest of his life. He needed a serious, grown-up job and still have time for his girl. He needed a chance and some support, but there was nothing and no one.
Jamie remembered the last words his grandfather had said to him: “Every choice we make helps us become a better man. Every road we take leads the way to a new future. Never regret your choices and never question the roads you took. Everything happens for a reason.” the old man had patted Jamie's back and walked into the house. Two days later, he had died and the last ties Jamie had had with his own family were cut. Those words though, he heard them loud and clear every day and they helped him to stay sane and to walk on.
Jamie checked his cell-phone for a text from Agnes or her mother, but there was nothing. He sighed and leaned casually against a cold brick wall and waited. It was freezing cold, and standing still like this made the cold penetrate his body. He could have worn a thick coat, but then the clients would not see what they were buying, so Jamie stood there, with a light, opened leather jacket.
Somehow, he still had that dream – that Pretty Woman-dream that someday, a rich handsome man would pick him up, he would fall in love with Jamie and Agnes and take them away and all of Jamie's problems would be solved.
Reality was very different. Very different. Jamie rubbed his cold hands against each other and blew on them. He stepped from one foot to the other, to move a little. But it was cold and Jamie prayed for a car to stop sometime soon.
Car after car drove by, some slowed down to look him up and down, some asked for his price, but none of them invited him inside their car, and none of them paid any money.
Jamie didn't like the feeling he got, being eyed like a piece of meat, but this day was not very different from his other days at work, and it was, after all, part of his job description. Still, Jamie was more nervous than he usually was, partly it came from the pressure he was under, partly, it came from the doubts and the wish to change his life, which became louder and louder. No clients, no money, no home. Eviction.
The pressure rose and made Jamie nervous and restless, almost anxious. He checked his phone again. This time he had two texts:
One from Lauren:
Don't forget to pick your daughter up.
And one from Agnes
Be safe daddy. I love u
Jamie sighed again. Agnes had sent him the very same text every single night for the last four years, and it reassured him. It was like his lucky charm. Maybe the feeling in his stomach was not anxiety, maybe everything would turn out to be fine and he was simply in a silly mood.
In order to draw more attention to himself, Jamie decided to show a little more skin. Freezing or not, he needed Johns tonight. He took of his jacket and threw it casually over his shoulder, then he opened his shirt, revealing his bare skin and he even plopped the button on his jeans, revealing that he wore no underwear. After all, sex sells and Jamie sold sex for a living when the night was not as slow and cold as this one.
Finally, a luxurious red car stopped and a tinted window rolled down. Jamie approached the flashy car and took a look inside the passenger window, scanning the driver like he always did before deciding to get into a car or not. Warmth streamed out of the car, soft music played, while the motor was still humming. Not giving himself time to over-think the situation, he approved of the John, he seemed to be okay and even if not, Jamie would have taken him on anyway, if only for the money and to warm up a bit. Beggars can't be choosers. The John appeared to be in his mid-thirties, muscly and tanned, certainly coming from the gym, judging by the tank top and the shorts. No one would walk around like that in this cold. The man was definitely handsome with a manly face and big hands, but cold unemotional blue eyes. Handsome clients always made the job easier, though.
“Get in, boy. I pay good money for a blow-job and a fuck. Of course I'll top. No arguments permitted. Now get in, I don't have all night.” Jamie patted his pockets, making sure he had protection and lube. He never barebacked with a John, even if he could easily make the triple of what he was earning now. What he did was dangerous enough, no need to add unnecessary health risks to it. Hesitantly, Jamie opened the door and got in. The heat felt good on his skin, but nevertheless did he wrap his shirt tighter around himself.
Alarm bells rang in the far corner of Jamie's mind at the rough tone in the John's voice, but he needed money and judging by the car, this man would pay well.
“Where are you taking me?” Jamie asked a bit out of his comfort zone. Most men just drove around the corner and got over with it, not this man. And no matter how many times he got in the car with clients, these firsts moments where always awkward and unpredictable. Expectations and anticipations only fueled the awkwardness.
“To a motel. Something wrong with getting a little more comfortable than being cramped in this car?” the man said evenly, winking at Jamie and letting his hand rest on Jamie's thigh. Jamie shook his head and carefully took note of the road and the way they were taking. Time was money and after leaving this customer, he needed to be back on his corner as soon as possible, to score the next trick. The hand on his thigh, however, was warm and strong and Jamie had a feeling that he would enjoy this client. He melted against the seat and waited to arrive at their destination.
The man drove into a parking lot of a shabby looking motel and turned to Jamie:
“Wait here! I'm going to get a room. Don't move. Wait!” he insisted and Jamie only nodded. He saw the man walking towards the reception and took the opportunity to seize him up. He was big and bulky. His tank top and shorts revealed his muscles, he was cute though, but also intimidatingly tall and it made Jamie wondered, if he had done the right thing in getting into this car. For a brief moment, he considered running away and letting good money go to waste. His hand was grabbing at the handle and just when he wanted to open the door, it was opened for him and a firm hand grabbed his wrist, pulled him out of the car and spun him around.
“You did not want to leave me unsatisfied, boy, did you?” The man's breath was visible in the cold and he pressed his hard body into Jamie's, pushing him back against the car and trapping him effectively, towering over him. Jamie was not short, stood six foot two, and still, this man was much taller than him. Intimidatingly so. Jamie smiled charmingly, wanting to sooth the John.
“Listen, I had a call. Um... I'm sorry, but I need to leave.” Jamie lied and tried to get passed the man, who easily pinned him back to where he was. Jamie wasn't sure how to react, fear crept up inside him, his heart pounding hard in his chest. This is not good!
“You are mine for the night.” The man growled intimidatingly and kissed Jamie's neck with surprising tenderness. He then stepped back and guided Jamie by the arm to their room.
“I... I'll just take the bus. Let me go!” Jamie struggled and tried to get free, but the stranger kept an iron grip on his arm and dragged him into a dark motel room.
It was dark at first and Jamie felt his heart beat even faster and faster. The blood pounded in his ears. He was scared. There was no other word to describe his feelings. He was not excited, not anticipating what was going to happen.
This was one of those situations he always dreaded, but maybe he could get out of it unharmed by being as submissive as possible, and charming too. Don't let your fear show! The stranger found the light switch and Jamie was momentarily blinded by the bright light. He quickly adjusted his eyes and glanced around the room. It was nothing fancy or extraordinary, but it wasn't rundown either. It was a simple room, with a king sized bed covered with a floral patterned comforter. The carpet was light gray and Jamie thought that it might have used to be white, back in the day. The only other furniture were two matching nightstands on each side of the bed, a stuffed chair and a sideboard with an outdated TV.
“Undress here for me! Slowly. And then go take a shower, I want you clean. Leave the door open. I want to watch.” The request to take a shower first was not new to Jamie and he was glad that the man, whose name he still didn't know, had not asked to join him.
Jamie walked into the bathroom and left the door open as instructed, before he reached into the shower stall to let the water run and heat up first. He made a show of sliding his already opened shirt off his shoulders and throwing it back at the stranger with his most seductive smile. Jamie had switched now completely from father to hustler-mode. He knew exactly what to do and how he was supposed to act. Slutty but submissive.
The man nodded and Jamie saw his eyes darken with apparent desire. Jamie also noticed that the man was already hard and his cock tented the front of his shorts. He turned around again, facing the wall and undoing the zipper of his jeans. Putting on a show. He slipped his thumbs inside the pants and slowly lowered them, while pushing his ass out and bending forward, offering a view of his ass, balls and cock. Jamie didn't see the man approach and jumped, startled, when one of his now naked ass cheek was slapped hard. Jamie wanted to stand up straight, but a strong hand at back of his neck held him down, while Jamie heard the water being turned off.
“Let's skip the shower” the John growled huskily, while spreading Jamie's ass cheeks and probing his hole with a dry finger. Many thoughts raced through Jamie's mind and he knew he needed to find a way to gain control again or this would end ugly for him. Fear was his foremost emotion. Only outshone by the will and hope to not be damaged beyond repair.
“Play nice, big boy and I'll blow you for free.” Jamie said, looking at the stranger over his shoulder and licking his lips seductively. He was disgusted with himself, but he only did his job.
“My money, my rules, you filthy whore.” with that, Jamie felt himself big pushed none too gently against the cold tiled wall. His face was flush against the wall and the man had an iron grip on him, making it impossible to move. Jamie tried to push himself away from that wall, pushing his flat hands against the tiles, but it was to no avail, he only pushed his backside against the John's front even more. Jamie started to panic and begged to be released, but the man didn't want to hear any of it and grabbed him by the hair, only to slam his face against the wall again. Jamie felt a sharp pain and heard an awful crack. Was it his face, his nose, a tile? He didn't know, but by the pain he felt in his nose, he feared it had broken. Blood and snot were running down his face, over his mouth and chin, slowly dripping to the floor to form a puddle at his feet. He tried to push himself away from the wall once again, but all he achieved was being slammed against the wall harder still. All the while, the John had a couple of fingers well up Jamie's ass and the other hand held him steady by the neck.
“You're mine now. Spread your legs!” the man demanded, growling against Jamie's ear, while nudging his legs apart with his knee. Jamie knew what was next and he tried to relax his muscles, to make it hurt as little as possible, but nothing had prepared him for the excruciating pain he felt when the stranger impaled him roughly and without any hint of gentleness or lubrication. This John was huge. Jamie gasped and screamed in pain, while he felt like being torn in two.
“You like that, you dirty little whore?” Jamie whimpered and wished himself away, but the pain was too much to be ignored.
Usually, once a client had penetrated him, he simply shut down and let everything happen, like a robot, but this time it was impossible to shut his mind up and maybe it was best this way. Jamie's antennas stood on end, trying to anticipate the man's next moves, to make it less painful for himself.
“Stop, please stop” Jamie finally begged, when he couldn't take any more. It hurt too much. But the man kept fucking him mercilessly.
“You are so beautiful when you are begging like that. You turn me on like no other. You like my big cock, don't you?” he groaned while thrusting in and out of Jamie. His balls slapped against Jamie's thigh. The sound made Jamie feel nauseous.
Jamie felt the John's cock thicken in his ass and hoped that his ordeal would be over soon and for the first time since meeting the man, he was right. With a loud groan and one last violent push, he shot his load and collapsed against Jamie, crushing him under his weight. The man's limp cock slipped out of Jamie and he could feel semen running down his thighs. His legs gave in and he slid to the floor, where he was shocked to see that he was sitting in a puddle of blood and sperm. No condom! Jamie wiped his nose and breathed through the throbbing pain in his ass. His bloody hand ran over his face and into his hair. This is not the time and not the place for tears. Get up! Get out! For Agnes!
A shadow appeared in the doorway and the John was back, already dressed and ready to leave.
“Get dressed, or do you want another round?” He hissed and threw Jamie's shirt into his face. The man pulled him up from the floor, to rush him and to get him moving. Jamie pulled his pants up and slipped into his shirt, under the steady gaze of the client.
Once Jamie stood up straight, the man hit him hard in the stomach. Jamie instinctively held his stomach and doubled over. The air rushed out of his lungs and he coughed, gasping for air. The man crouched down in front of him and grabbed his chin with a bruising grip.
“If you call the cops or anybody else, I will find you. I will fuck you inside out and then I will kill you. Are we clear?” Jamie felt the man's spit hit his face and he nodded slowly. “Good boy. Now stand up straight and get outside and into the car. Don't try anything funny!” Everything in Jamie was reluctant to get into that car again, but he had no other choice. He had no money for a cab, since the man hadn't paid him yet, and he wasn't able to walk home, because it was too far. And too painful!
“Move!” the man yelled and pushed Jamie, who lost his balance and hit his head against the sink. The next thing Jamie registered was his surroundings fading to black, and someone cursing colorfully.