Have you ever had that feeling when the person you love is oblivious to your feelings about them but they are youre reson for struggling through the days to get to those midnight conversations. Because they are youre happiness ; well that’s how she felt about you . She was contempt with just being youre best friend because she loved you and would do anything to help you .  

Because you had a secret a secret not many were not told  . The secret about how the dark consumed you at night and how the fog clouded youre brain ; how you had painted your skin with a razor and had dreams about the end . How you felt worthless because of you’re  beginnings and how you would feel better if the endings began .  You will never know and never need to know but she helped you so much through those times she was the one who helped you tell your mother who helped you when you had those dreams and helped you to keep on living she was the one who stopped the end from beginning  for you . 

The closer you two became the more reliant she became on you for happiness because while she heard about your story the more she relized  how her life was a mess and how unhappy she truly was . 

She will always rember when it got hard for her and you were there to comfort her she will never forget how she told you things no one had ever heard jump of the end of tongue . How when social services got involved u told her it would be ok and when she got kicked out of her mums you comforted her and when she didn’t know how to get to school you walked with her even when u did deny it and made her look like a fool . She will also never forget how close she felt with you and how she felt happy while her world was crumbling slowly apart and she was happy because of you . 

 Do you rember when you ignored her , your “best friend” because she had given you another girls number and you were too busy with her . How she would cry her self to sleep cause you proved what she had always known . That she is never good enough for anyone . 

Do u rember how she felt so confused and lonely how she didn’t knwo what to do . Because she trusted you and you turned your back on her and did exactly what you said you could never do to her . 

But some how she took you back she exsepted you back with out a exsplaintion . how she just acted like evrything was normal . Because that’s what she is like and that’s what she does she forgive too easily , cares to much and loves too hard . Do you rember how you didn’t go back to normal because since that time you would never share and never talk to her the same . Because something had changed with you too because she no longer was your best friend , she was an option . 

 This is when things got interesting because you and her began dating in secret you would plan to meet in the bathroom stalls for some “fun” time . How you and her would have late night sexy conversations . But she loved you for you’re soul while you loved her for her body not her mind . 

You finally told people about her and you showed her to your family she felt safe and welcome , unlike most places and with most people because you made her feel at home and home was a strange consept to her . You loved her and you made promises you undoubtedly would not keep and she never understood why you made them in the first place like the night when you promised her that you would marry her , that you could have a nice little house and would leave your pasts  behind . 

But she was nieve and she believed you and she did things for you she didn’t particularly find comfatable with because for once in her life she felt like she had a perpouse and that she had a futer and that she was safe . 

Turns out she wasn’t safe and will never be safe . You shut your self away from her and began to talk to other girls you lied about stuff and she was only a priority when you felt like it. Because she was and had always been an option to you . You broke it off with her and blamed your depression . She would have waited another year or more for you she would have been there for you but you pushed her out and lied again and again . You would try and get back with her and it felt like an on going cycle of happiness and further despair like she would take one step forwards  but two back. 

And then suddenly you compleatly broke it if no cycle no words you just stoped all contact you had with her , this was problay the worse thing you could do to her because she never got a reson, she never got an exsplaination and she never got closer.