Three days. Three days and he hasn't come out yet. He needs his prescription . School called. They want to know where he is.

The last time Norma went into her son’s room he was hunched over his desk, fingers clacking against the laptop keyboard, TV on mute in the background.

Norma crossed the lounge room to her son’s door. I have to go in. A thin slit of light flickered beneath the door. He needs me. One hand clutching a bottle of pills, another on the door knob, she pushed the door ajar.

She peered in. The blinds were drawn; the only source of light coming from the TV that was playing black and white re-runs. She pushed the door open further and took a step inside. Crunch. A pill was grounded into the grey carpet. Norma lifted her foot back out of the room and swung the door open all the way.

Ed?

Tucked in the far corner of the room, he was still in front of his laptop, head resting on the desk with a dark blue blanket wrapped around him. Only this time there was no clacking of his fingers on the keyboard.

Ed.

She edged inside, setting the pill bottle next to the alarm clock. She tentatively placed a hand on her son’s shoulder.

‘Ed?’

She wheeled his desk chair around. The dark blue blanket slipped from around his head, revealing his greasy mahogany hair. Ed’s hand slipped from the table edge and another empty pill bottle rolled across the floor. Norma hugged her son’s limp body. His face was sallow and pale, yet somewhat content. His fringe covered the … green eyes that she would never look into with motherly adoration again.

Ed’s laptop lit up. A little chat box in the bottom corner flashed.

Martin Lawney: ‘are u there? or have you killed urself already faggot?’ 8:58pm.

‘it would help talking to people if you don’t want to be called a loner you emo faggot’ 9:01pm.

Norma clutched her son’s hand and scrolled through the page, tears brimming in her eyes. Unfamiliar names flashed across the page, Martin, Laura, Hayley, Ben.

‘kill urself, srsly’

‘stop trying so hard no one likes you’

‘I bet your family doesnt even want u’

She closed the page, buried her face in Ed’s neck and begun to sob. Sobbing turned to wailing and wailing to whimpers as Norma Waldron grieved the loss of her son.

He didn’t stir. He didn’t move. He didn’t breathe. He didn’t exist.

*

'What kind of floral arrangements would you like for the bier?'

Norma's nostrils flared at the pungent smell of lavender and incense wafting from the funeral director. 

'I honestly don't even know. White ones? Blue ones? No! Something nice, but subtle, not over the top, simple ... please.' Norma rested her elbow on the table and put her head in her hand. She wanted to leave. The warmth from the heater made her tired.  I'll pass out any second. She let the funeral director waffle on while she would mmm and mhm whenever they fell silent. After what felt like hours, Norma was finally able to leave.

Head spinning from th abusive incense, she made for her car. A group of teenagers ambled off the bus across the street. Anyone of those kids could have made Ed kill himself. They wore maroon and gold blazers with their school's emblem emblazone across the breast pocket; an eagle in front of a shield. Ed's school.

Norma made her way across the street, following them into the school grounds. She wandered up the front steps and into the main corridor. Which form was Ed's again? She walked past seemingly endless classrooms. Form A2, B7, E7, which one was his again? She stopped outside a classroom door when a hand grasped her shoulder. Wheeling around, she found herself face to face with the school's Principal Arbour. A smartly dressed man with a clean buzzcut, her wore a black armband with the same school logo sewn onto it.

'Mrs Waldron! What are you doing here?' He gave her a worrisome look. 'We are endlessly for your loss and hope you will accept out condolences, Edward was a fine student and a lovely boy.'

Only on the occassions where you paid attention.

Norma collected herself. 'It's Ms Waldron actually, and thank you Principal Arbour.'

'Please, call me Alan. Just so you know, we are ore than happy to offer you anything to help cope with your loss Ms Waldron. We're sure you're in a fragile state at the moment.'

Leaving me be would be a great start. She said nothing, and peered into the window on the classroom door. A young woman in a pink fleece cardigan and knee-length pencil skirt was carrying a clipboard, evidently checking off the student's names. Miss Yerney? This is Ed's class. She won't be marking his name off this time. Norma had met her once before at a parent-teacher meeting. She wore the same ridicuous cardigan that she wore today.

'Edward is a great student, an absolute delight to have in class, but he often comes to school some mornings looking frazzled, upset and tired. He's fallen asleep in class several times. I've essentially asked you here tonight Mrs Waldron out of concern for his life at home, and the effects it has on his school life.'

Norma remembered that day with an appropriate amount of rage. How dare she! Just because he's prescription medication it means I'm unfit to take care of him. Nosey cow! Ed loved his father as much as his father loved Ed. He was so young, how else was supposed to deal with the death of his beloved father?What was I supposed to do? Pat him on the back and tell him he'll be alright? The pills were the counselor's idea and now they're blaming me!

Norma's reverie was broken by Principal Arbour clearing his throat. He cocked an eyebrow at her.

'What? Sorry, I'm a bit of a mess at the moment.'

'Understandably. I've heard you've organised the funeral for the 7th? We'd be more than happy to represent Edward's presence by having some of his friends and teachers in attendance.

'Yes, yes that would be wonder-' she paused. Norma was peering into Miss Yerney's classroom when she saw him. Ed. His empty chair in the front row was now occupied by flesh. A maroon and gold blazer freshly ironed, just as she did for him every morning. He sat straight in his chair, eyes forward.

'Ms Waldron?'

She threw open the classroom door. 

'ED!'

She hurled herself toward his desk. Her baby boy was right in front of her eyes. Days ago she was sobbing over his dead body. Now he's here with me.

The entire classroom fell silent, all but for Principal Arbour shouting something inaudible. She fell onto her knees infront of his desk.

'Ed.' She whispered. 'Ed talk to me, please look at me.'

He sat still, eyes to the front, looking straight through her. He didn't move. He didn't blink. He simply sat.

She cupped his head in her hands and brushed his fringe from his face. 'Ed, talk to mummy, come on, tak to  me'.

Norma felt hands on both of her shoulders, trying to pry her away. 

'No! Leave me alone, I want to talk to my son!' She threated through gritted teeth. 

'Ms Waldron ..' Miss Yerney interjeced, 'Edward, he's not here, he's gone, remember?'

Norma sobbed. She clutched either side of the desk, tears falling from her eyes. 

'HE'S NOT GONE HE'S RIGHT HERE!' She screeched.

She looked up at her son again. His face wasn't as pale and sallow this time. It was full and youthful. He looks happy. Just as he used to be. Norma could feel the hands digging into her shoulders.

'Ms Waldron, it's time to leave, let's go. Principal Arbour lifted her to her feet and tried to escort her out. 

'No, Ed is here, let me talk to him I'm his MOTHER!'

She took one last look at her son as she was torn away from him once more.

‘I know today will be tough for you, it’s tough for everyone else as well, but no matter what we’re all here to support you today, okay?’ Norma's sister Janice was brushing her sister’s hair while she stared blankly at the bathroom mirror. I don’t want to do this.

‘I know Janice … I know. Thank you’.

Janice set the brush down and smiled at her through the reflection. ‘You look lovely. Ed has a beautiful mother’.

‘Had a beautiful mother’ Norma frowned.

‘We need you to be strong today, Ed would want you to be. Now grab your bag and jacket, we’re going to be late.’

Houses, buildings and streets all blurred into one when as Norma stared out the car window. This is it. It’s real.

They pulled up to a small white chapel with bright flowers lined along the path. A small group of around twenty people dotted the path; all were cloaked in black. Norma was swarmed with ‘You poor thing’ and ‘be strong’ as soon as she stepped out of the car. She smiled warmly and they were ushered into the chapel by the funeral director. The heavy scent of incense and lavender filled her nostrils again, making her feel ill.

A mahogany coffin sat at the front of the tiny chapel. Three rows of benches lined the room, and Norma’s family scattered themselves among them. Janice took her place next to Norma and held her hand.

‘You can do this’ she whispered.

She stared at Ed’s coffin until the dull chatter faded out. The funeral director stood behind a small podium and addressed the family.

‘ … we are all deeply saddened by the loss of Edward Waldron …’

Norma could feel a prickling in her eyes. She straightened her back and listened half-heartedly as the funeral director, who she finally learnt that her name was Alice, waffled on.

‘ … a presence in our lives that will be sorely missed …’

Norma straightened her back and remained silent. He’s right in front of me and I can’t even look at him one more time. Hidden away in that mahogany coffin to match his greasy mahogany hair. She came back to reality when she felt the warmth of Janice’s hand leave hers as she took to the podium.

‘Ed was definitely my favourite nephew, well, he was my only one, which is probably why I loved him so much more’ Janice began.

A small round of laughter came from the family. Norma watched Ed’s coffin again when she felt a warmth in her hand again.

Ed.

He was in a crisp black suit; hair gelled back, and a sombre look on his face. He clutched his mother’s hand as he stared at the coffin in front of them.

‘Ed?’ Norma squeezed his hand. She wanted to see his emerald green eyes again. He didn’t turn his head, but instead kept his eyes to the front.

‘Ed?’ she got up from her seat and kneeled in front of him, still clutching his hand.

‘Ed, talk to me. Don’t leave me, please’ she whispered. She graced the side of his face with her free hand. ‘My beautiful boy, what are you doing here?’

This time he looked her in the eyes. Norma felt a tear roll down her cheek when he looked at her once more.

‘I’m here so you can let go’ he whispered.

Norma was confused. ‘What?’

He kissed her on the cheek and whispered once more in her ear ‘I have to go now Mum. I love you’.

The entire room fell silent.

‘No. NO. Don’t leave me again, Ed. Stay with me, stay with me, PLEASE!’ she shrieked. She hunched over the bench, weeping.

Janice tried to haul her up with the rest of her family. Norma convulsed at her touch and wailed. ‘Don’t touch me!’ she threw off all the hands and arms that tried to hold her down. ‘Don’t touch me!’

He can’t leave me again. She looked at the spot where Ed sat and felt the warmth leave her hand once more.