The perfect handbook for teachers, counsellors and parents to ensure that their wards succeed and maintian a healthy equilibrium in their prosperous lives in this not-so-perfect world.
By Pradeep Maheshwari
A word from the author.
All my life’s learning and spiritual awareness are laid bare for you; every word is wrung out from my soul to pass on what I have managed to imbibe from an active and varied life. I hope my language is upto to this challenge. I think it will prove to be the perfect handbook for teachers, counsellors and parents to ensure that their wards succeed and maintian a healthy equilibrium in their prosperous lives in this not-so-perfect world. Subjects covered -
Pragmatic Psychology, Occult-spiritual psychology, Therapy & Counselling through Art.
Discussions on Suicide, Children, Consequences of Choices, the Power of words, Destiny & Fate, Success in the material world, and much more.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org :
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Book 1 Pragmatic Psychology
The Psychological Situation in this technological world.
The new life-styles that we are now sporting by the use of technical advancements has isolated our physical dependence on each other and as there is really no need to be there in person to communicate or create or work on a project, we now live bubble lives. The interchange of vital energies that occurs in personal face to face contact is now missing and we now live totally within our own vibes, whatever they are, without stress but also without any refreshing changes entering our atmosphere. There is a certain amount of morbid build-up. We are surrounded in major part by our own prepondent tendencies. This creates a vortex of self-indulgent vibes and pockets in our lives that can be not only limiting but also depressing and fatiguing to the Spirit.
It may be the information age but nobody is reading or bothering to inform oneself. Self-improvement although professed is the last thing on anybody’s mind. Perseverance is weakening and tempers shortening. It is a sad age. There is much to read, easily available but lesser number of people than ever actually bother to make the effort to read – they are happy with the pictures and a few headlines and it is so much easier to lap up the ready-made concepts being dished out by the media. It is as if their growth has come to a stop and they are not interested in growing up further.
Well I am not here to change your world or even advising anything on those lines. Changes bring upheavals and that is definitely not practical or pragmatic or actually desired under these terms.
But yes, with little effort on the personal level, the vibes can be changed to reflect more positivity and openness – without diluting the personal content of our go-getting plans.
1)A good friend to talk to
How things will turn out at any given time is a big question mark and anxiety attacks are common. When hopes do not go to fruition as expected, there is depression in its wake.
Society t is not making things easy. The lack of humane feelings in today's professional attitudes is so unbelievable. And I am not talking of any specific people. Take anyone - a little power over you or your affairs and they misuse it to the full by leading you the honey-trap path.
Every error is capitalised upon. A little error and they take you to the cleaners. Take bankers, lawyers, policemen, doctors even the clerks in the municipal offices. Every fault or small situation is taken with absolute seriousness and the problem is magnified to its full potential. You end up paying to get out of the predicament which out of sheer kindness and humaneness could have been overlooked with a warning.It is demonic when the medical, military, policing people do it for gain as they who are Gods to us and we go to them in trust, yet they play with our health, life and well-being fully knowing the horror that they are inflicting on us.
Parents, Teachers of children, Business bosses, and Successful businesses become arrogant about the power they wield and their self-importance goes right through the roof. Often it translates into careless hurtful behaviour because they know that they are protected by their position or seniority or often by law.
Marriages too are not immune to this effect.But they take refuge in laws, rules and procedures. And we have no protection against this. What gives these people such stone-hard hearts?
We are quite really to blame for the spots we get into. To be happy not much is required. But then our desires never stop sprouting. If only we would focus more on the wishes that have been fulfilled and aspire for more but without agitation.
The healing practices and the policing style of a people give their characters away. Some treat life as if at war.
In India today if we take this as a guideline, then we would look to be - Unfair, Self-profiting, callous, cheats and at the same time kind and helpful but not able to work together.
From the trainer’s point of view, I have seen all training remain a superficial activity as the base nature finally predominates.
There is another method too. Forge alliances. Nourish each other. Grow and flourish. In healing this would be: Care, Compassion, Learning, Self-control, Preventive methods + respect for the body as an entity.
Our thinking of lack of respect to life even shows in the healing sciences as practised in the modern systems. Some of the modern treatments make me think of medieval warfare: Attack castle – breach the wall – burn – leave no place for people to hide – rape and kill and enslave the rest. After total devastation, come home and call it a great victory. Just check on how they treat “cancer” and you will understand the mind-set I am trying to describe.And they actually use the word “battle” for it.
Our greatest efforts go into contradicting. Nothing particular is aimed at. Simply we find it difficult to accept that anyone else be seen in a better light than us.The lower the Emotional quotient and intellectual broadening of the mind, the greater is the effort to first contradict and think later.Why does our envy raise its head whenever we find somebody else saying something worth appreciating? Or doing something so well that it is praise all around? And admittedly better than us!
It is so sad to see people being childishly churlish by looking for faults, errors and even countering with exaggerated personal comments to somehow show another in poor light.I have seen often that comments bubble up in the listener/reader even before the other person has finished saying or whatever he is saying has even registered.
A good game that these people play is by picking on a word or phrase and then going at tangent in a totally unconnected stream and thereby confusing the issue intentionally; putting the other guy in a position to explain and defend his point. How does one deal with this?- By not falling into the trap of argument. Just keep your peace and respond with silence or/and a smile, this puts them off no end. Leave them to their devices. And if it is bosses, just make sure by documentary or other evidence that you made your point and that you are not responsible for the decisions.In personal relations I, often reply with – “I have said what I had to say. You can make whatever you want of it” and in other places like with my wife, I do not even try to make a suggestion…… until absolutely crucially necessary.
Growing up is a process few are aware of.Most of us connect growing up with the wrinkles on our faces and the shape of our figure. Little or no effort is put into the growth of the persona and learning to go beyond one’s own self. Rather all the effort is put in NOT growing up. One wants to remain at a perpetual 20-30 age level.
The effort to stop ageing is the focal point which then becomes such a childish pursuit.
Do you know anyone closely who carry "Resentment" as a crown?
They give the impression that there is no way that the world can ever please them. The commas and semi-colons are always out of place. Their need to put things to right is perennial. They feel superior and even sad by the world’s need imposed on them to keep things in order. The impression they give is that it is their forced duty to be harsh on the world - not that they enjoy it.
But if you ask me they enjoy it supremely. And they maintain this facade because it is so satisfying to see others grovel to keep them in good humour.
My personal observation is that eventually these people lose the most as they end up alienating everybody and as they advance in years, the need for support increases and the opposite starts happening around them.
Some people are really lucky. They have limited needs, simple minds and they don’t suffer with vivid imaginations to bother them with fear and possibilities – good and bad. They always have more than they need and they are quite happy to be left alone to their devices. Their good luck gives them a good job in which they excel because they have no ulterior motives and not much ambition either to compete. Or life provides them in other ways.
It is a life that is full with preoccupations of making the bed and washing the clothes.
This is the reason why their personal relations are at a minimum and they would rather not have people in their lives; yet they are intelligent enough to know that they need others but it is an ongoing battle with their personal world and the world at large.
It is sad to see these people because they allow themselves to be trapped in a limited world in which there is no entry for strangers. They have no need to improve on anything in this particular personalised world and least of all themselves. It is a lovely comfortable life in which they are content, happy at rearranging furniture instead of worrying about interior design and the next castle they will own.
I have met many of these kinds – even have had to live with them. The first thing I noticed was their ability to ignore all inputs from the world at large. They would simply ignore; this tendency also affecting how they dealt with their health. They refuse to listen to their bodies and tend to permit illness to fester to a point of pain before acting on it; which a conscious person would agree is already too late.
They suffer for it but do not wish to see the connection that their illness may have with their attitude. It is a blissful life until the avalanche hits them –and I have seen this happens in older age when the body can’t take the abuse any more. At this point they fall into depressions or suffer from rages which alienate them even more from the world of friends and well wishers and unfortunately also from their own little world that they have created so arduously.
These people have such strong minds that some of us simpletons would be awed. They are good at making accusations, weaving logic with their wishes so elegantly that virtually everyone feels left out as the more worldly types see existence from other angles. The result is that you either listen to them or shut up. They can argue on till kingdom come. You have to finally give up in exasperation. Suggestions in their world become criticisms and even a hint of it can be the start of a “reaction”.
My way has been to leave them alone, go along with them if I have to but emotionally, mentally, if not physically, keep a distance. Something that they enforce literally anyway; yet deep somewhere these souls are lonely and they so wish to be admired and be friends with the world; it is like a sad movie that you can see but not get involved.
The torment is real.
They want to be accepted as they are but life unfortunately is as unforgiving as they are.
The complex world and we.
Most of us aren’t really that well in tune with the Cosmos. We are using largely a very tiny portion of our faculties in a huge world of great variety. The world is complex and most often there are influences at work that we do not understand, rarely even know about and we end up miscalculating our moves. In simple words we can say that we are buffeted by our simple desires and wishes and the problem is that so is everybody else. This results in clashes of wills and destinies. Millions of people living together but alone individually.
The instrument we use to get along is the mind and I feel it could use more input than it usually has to circumnavigate this sea of Creation. The question begs to be asked as to how some of us are successful and content while most of us in deep despair and disappointment although we may not show it; anyway, no one cares and we are wise enough to understand that our lives are not important to others unless we are of use or of some immediate profit to them. Largely speaking much of the world is already organised and we can bumble along in it quite comfortably. Society has been organised, laws of behaviour laid down, products and services designed and made for us – all that we need is some talent to earn a living and we can take care of most of our needs.But the question is - Is that all? NO! We want so much more. Yet few seem to really make an effort to do so. And this is the crux of it all. Our wishes are not commensurate with our readiness and preparation. I can safely say that we have been educated and inculcated with a not-so-correct know-how of this world at large and we have been actually prepared for depression and stress and not the other way round.
To live in this world requires a kind of enlightenment too.
We need to learn and know well:
- The human-made laws
- The psychology of humanity
- The education system
- Laws of physics, chemistry and biology at work
- Logic behind gadgetry and applications
- Know some carpentry. Plumbing and electricals
- When to speak and when to lie low/silent
- Naturopathy and how to maintain health
- How others will & can hurt us.
- The policing system
- The punishment system
- The monetary system
…… and as much more as possible. This nis when the mind starts seeing the “WHOLE” and intuitive faculties start developing.
On what words were you brought up?
What words are you carrying in your subconscious? These words form the base of your persona. Everything you think and do is colored by these words.Have you ever thought how your decisions are modulated by the words that you carry within?
It is now a well accepted fact that our personas are like icebergs. The greater, major part is submerged and remains unseen and yet upholds the little portion that is visible to the world. Every image that we carry since our day of birth is connected with words that went with the images. We interact with the world based on these images imprinted in our memory unknowingly and subconsciously.
Every world carries a little world in itself. It paints pictures in our minds and unleashes emotions in our hearts. So it goes without saying that we should be vary of the words we are bringing up our children on. And we should deeply meditate and focus on the words that we unleash from our mouth and the words that form part of our regular vocabulary. What words and phrases do you use most of the time?
Here is a small example:
A cyclist skids and falls down. These are the comments from passers-by:
Are you hurt?
Watch where you are going.
He wasn’t paying attention.
Hardly the age to go cycling.
He had it coming to him.
You see from above what thoughts got motivated and what words were uttered it is not difficult to understand the state of mind of each commentator – people who care and who couldn’t care less or are just happy to advise and criticise. Why? Because that is how they were made to think when growing up. This is what they heard and saw around them and their subconscious is replicating automatically.
Over 2,500 years ago, philosopher and poet Lao Tzu taught that our words become actions, which eventually become our destiny.
The last century after the Great War, saw relatively a period of technical growth and a unified market at peace. So all countries could manufacture goods and sell in a larger market that had existed ever before. The wars had devastated large populations and there was great hunger for more. This is when with the reach now available to the media, also was growing thru unheard of mediums of travel by air, television and color photography and printing. There was a great jump in the people who could read and earn well. So there were buyers.The marketers immediately saw the potential that was opening up. They centered and focused on sex but couched it in the word LOVE. This is how they made the people see things: to win over “love”, give gifts, make yourself smart and presentable – this translated into gifts, clothes, cosmetics, dine-outs picnics and all things needed to show-off. This would then result in marriages; which in turn gave rise to more sales for the homes, and when the babies came along, it was bonanza for the sellers. It was an unending stream of buyers and a long list of desires waiting and begging to be satisfied. Everyone had to have a car!The aspirations grew but unfortunately most of us are not made for this competitive life and keep up with the Joneses. Envy, rancor became rampant. Individuality, independence & unrestrained freedom was aimed for and aloneness was wanted but at the same time so was “love” - a kind of living in a group without wanting to be part of it.Imagine everyone living precariously on the edge of self-centeredness but depending on each other, knowing well that they need each other but not wanting to acknowledge this fact. A potent brew to bring pain in one’s life is as I see it.Is it a wonder that disturbed souls are now the norm rather than exceptions?The media was becoming more and more refined with better and cheaper gadgetry and dreaming up more and more occasions for happiness. The reach was growing and the middle class was ecstatic with its possessions. They were being bombarded from all sides, specially the movies and the stars to adopt more classy styles of living. The trap was well laid and the whole world fell into it with a thud – never realizing that they had been subliminally manipulated into this state.This gave rise to stresses, poorer health, broken dreams and disappointments and psychotic break-downs. We literally sold our souls and paid for it like we were giving out dowry for the pleasure. This mess now demands clearing up.
Parenting is the source of most problems.
Lately in the past two years there have been many reports of “honour” murders where parents or brothers murder their own. What message is this giving to other children and about the society we are living in; when we are so convinced that we are doing the right thing - even murder is acceptable?
There is definitely a case for bad conditioning in the way the younger people in "too-free" societies are evolving. All the film stories in vivid color, games and programs on TV tend towards self and egoistic satisfaction with violence if needed.
Children are just happening. That is the tragedy. There is no real wanting for a child to cherish and bring up properly most of the time.
We talk of their rights and we pose in our virtuousness, showing off how much value we give to each life. But do we really?
I have been advocating this idea since many years: