No one said it was going to be easy! Life is like a box of chocolates, and look what I got! I begged them, I got on my knees and begged my parents not to move! That I had friends here, that leaving would make me want to die. But they didn't listen to me. Probably cause I had no friend, and I have no friends. Mum reassured me that it would be good to have a fresh start, something to start a new with! 

But I knew why they wanted to move. It was cause they were having problems with our old church, and with family. I never liked the conflict between people, or family. It would always send me into another stressful fit.

We have lived here for about four years now.  Living in the same house. Going to the same church. The local baptist church, the type with the passionate worship sessions, and long listed sermons. Along with the jumble of youth that all sit together up the front. 

We all-ways sit at the very back.  Mostly cause I don't want to talk to anyone, I find it a safer place to be! And the back is also a good place, cause I can get a good view of the worship team. Being an only child, my parents tend to bend to my will more often. That's why we sit there.

I was twelve when we moved towns. That makes me 16 now. "Sweet 16 and never been kissed!"Chanted my mother the morning of my 16th. And for a fact, it was very true. I had never been kissed before then, and right up to this day, I have never been kissed! All that comes down to the fact that I never had a boyfriend. No one really wanted to go out with someone like me! Even if someone did ask me out, I would more than likely say no! But I've never had to worry about that, cause no one ever has, nor will they...

I always get slightly annoyed when Mum says I should get one! Like having a boyfriend is owning something! She says that it might help me break out of my shell. Mum and Dad had made this rule: No dating till your 16!

But after my 16th I really didn't care much about it. Cause it was never going to happen. I was not going to do it, not for my optimistic mother, not for my peers, not for anyone.     

Three knocks come to my bedroom door. Alyssa pokes her head round the corner. "Come in."I say straightening out my duvet cover. 

Alyssa steps into the room. She's wearing light blue jeans and a white Te-shirt, that stretches out due to her ever swelling belly. She is five months pregnant with her first baby, and she's glowing with it!

I pat the space on my bed. She comes over seating herself down. I cross my legs in front of me. I move over, leaving her loads of room on my massive double bed. Her soft blonde hair is pulled back into a ponytail, she wears it well!

"Hey Lacy!"She says chirpy. She is much like a bird, always chirpy, always happy. But never annoying, not like Mum.

She grins at me as she tries to make herself comfortable. I like Alyssa, I like her more than many other people I know. And a lot of that comes down to the fact that she treats me like the 10 year age gap between us is not even there. Unlike most of the people her age, who treat my age group more like children. Alyssa just treated me like I'm a friend, even though she is my mentor! 

Alyssa had studied to be a counselor, then married Martin Grey a youth pastor. Their relationship worked with not just each others vibe to work with people; but their jobs went along perfect as well. So now they both work in the youth ministry. And Alyssa is now my "counselor." After about two of my heart felt drive to stay home and never face the world again, mum thought it would be best that I talked to someone. I didn't like the idea! But then she found out about Alyssa Grey, and got me into contact with her. I feel like that was the best thing mum ever did for me. 

"How's things going?" She asks. I fiddle with the fabric of my duvet cover, its a light blue with patches of faint white clouds. She asks the question ever time. We had struck a deal that I would answer honestly. And that I was not aloud to say, I don't know! or shrug my shoulders and look the other way! She had told me it was a habit we could break together! 

"I've been okay..." I say, maybe okays not the right word, "I had another panic attach yesterday."

I really don't like talking about it. But I have learned to trust Alyssa. "What over? Do you remember?" 

I think over what it was, there was no point in keeping it from her. I was going to be honest with her, just like always. 

"I thought you were in trouble. Cause mum told me that you rang. And I thought something was wrong, so I started to panic."  I try hard to keep my mind clear, I need to stay calm.

"I'm alright Lacy." She says, spreading her arms out wide, then placing them back to her side, her hands resting on her lap. "And everything is fine. I promise you, I would let you know first hand if something was wrong... you don't have to worry about me." I smile, I like her optimism in my silly little circumstances. 

"So!" she says, I'm just glad we're moving subjects, "we are having a games night at youth this Friday. If you want to come along, I can give you a ride!"

She was always doing this, always encouraging me to go to youth group. I was going a little more often, but never enjoyed it like I should have.

She had said games night. By all means, I hope its nothing to physical. I don't do to well with it. "What kind of games night?" I inquire...

"We are thinking of doing board games. So we'd just set up the youth lounge full of game like activities. Some of the others can play sports in the hall. We are pretty flexible about it."      

I think over it. I could do it, I could go. Would it really be that bad? "Okay," I say, twisting my mouth into a knot. 

"Good!" She says clapping, "I can pick you up, around 6:00, you can give us a hand with set up!"

"Lacy Mary Weber!" Cries out my mother! She likes using big words; and my name just happened to be one of them. I slam my book shut, after making sure there's a book mark in, so I don't loose my place.

"Lacy!" she calls out again. All the yelling is coming from the kitchen. I carry my book with me. It's like my shield that I can use to block the words of fire from her.

"Yeah?" I say leaning across the counter. Her back is to me, as she works at the stove. Steam comes out flying angrily out of one of the pots. The lid rattles with the pressure. It annoys me that she doesn't get it fast enough!

I cough loudly, so that I can get her attention. "Mum!" She turns around so I can see the front half of her. Her honey blonde hair is tied up in a tidy bun. She wears a bright pink apron. She likes to wear it when she works in the kitchen; which I think is a little eccentric! Your just preparing food!

"Ho Lacy, there you are!" I stand a bit straighter. She's always had this thing about posture, and how is I slouched to much I would turn into a hunch back!

"Alyssa just called, she said she would be coming round tomorrow to come see you." Alyssa, Central Baptists Youth-Pastors wife. My only friend, even though she's 26!  

"And?" I ask, wondering why there's not more. Trying to come to grips with what she is trying to say here. "I just thought you would like to know you were having some company." She says smiling sweetly, placing the casserole dish on the  bench top.

"Mum! Alyssa comes round all the time!" It was true, Alyssa  has made a lot of time over the last couple of months, simply to get to know me.

Mum sighs, "Know sweet heart! I just wanted to give you a forewarning, that's all..." All of a sudden my head starts to spin with worry. My palms start to sweat. What's wrong? What happened to Alyssa? What is Mum not telling me?

I take a tight grip to the side of the bench, trying to maintain my composure!

"Mum! What's wrong? What happened to Alyssa? Is she okay? Please tell me!" My words come out in a flurry of panic. Mum drops what she is doing, and rushes over to me. I was having another one of those attacks again!

She pulls out a chair from the dining room table, then helps me into it. 

"Lacy Its okay." I try to focus on her words, "Alyssa is alright! Trust me sweetie!" There is trouble in her speech pattern. She's trying to stay calm, trying to sound as normal as possible. Cause she knows when she sounding worried or panicked, it will only make me worse. She runs to the sink, fill up a glass of water. I take the cup and engulf the water in one large gulp, leaving me dying for breath after. Then I start to calm down.