Time

No one really explains time to you when you’re growing up, you just know you have a limited amount of hours in a day to do what you want/need. Use your time wisely don’t give too much of it away too things that don’t deserve your time, use it for yourself do something you’ve always wanted to do, stop giving it all away when you don’t even get to keep some for yourself. Stop being emotionally available all the time for others...You never have time for yourself after you’ve given it all away to everyone else’s emotional well-being, who hears you crying at night when your all alone with just an hour left in the day, With just an hour left in the day for yourself you need to think critically about your life and the things that pain you, You need to figure out the next steps of your journey before you fall, one step at a time is what you tell yourself, you need to cry away all the pain from yesterday the tears you’ve had to fight because you’ve used all those other hours for everything and everyone else...You only have one hour left now before today ends and you’ll do it all again tomorrow with just one hour to spare before a new day begins.

 I love the old, I love the old that I’m used too the old that makes me feel safe, the old that feels familiar, Im in love with the old inside me that curls up into a little 3 year old girl when I get scared. I get scared of trying the new. The new that is going new places, the new that says “do it Rann you’ll be proud of yourself once you’ve done it “ the new the big and scary adventure that I would love to go on, the new house I want to move into, Change...it makes me uncomfortable it has me scared is it the ‘unknown’ that scares me. Change...where my stomach ties it self into knots, my head starts running wild with all that could go wrong I fight with my self back and forth back and forth “what am I going to do if this happens and I don’t like it” it’s always more difficult than it seems. How do I escape from my own head when I live there and she lives in me. How do you run away from your shadow and expect it to never catch up. Change am I scared of you because of my childhood, am I scared of you because I’m weak. She’s screaming for me to let her out she’s screaming for me to embrace the new but I keep running away I keep hiding. Come out and face your fears. I keep finding excuses so that I won’t have to be brave. I live in the old that I’m used too the old the keeps me safe.