I’ve written to you a thousand times but it’s like you can’t see the words. I write to you everyday but to you it means nothing.

I write about missing your scent, missing your warmth. I write about missing my head being laid across your chest and hearing you steady heart beat. I write about our adventures and I write about how I changed into the person you want me to be.

I write to you about our endless love story which started on 29th of September 2016 one than I cannot forget or move on from. Our story can’t be over it’s endless or at least that what we always said?

I write to you about the things you told me and the promises you made. I write to you about how I’m feeling and how I want you back. I write to you about how much I love you.

I write about you smile or how your eyes sparkle in the light. I write about how I miss running my fingers through you short dark thick hair.

I write about what we could have and where our love could take us. I write about the small things which I miss the most and I write about your big surprises.

Mainly all I write about is you and how you make me feel.

But this will be the last time I write to you. This is the last time I’ll write any story. 

 Online dating. There’s nothing like plenty of fish to make you realise that meeting a genuine normal human being isn’t easy these days. I went on there mainly when I was doing a sleep in shift at work when everyone was asleep but I couldn’t fall asleep there. After months of dating guys who just didn’t suit me at all or just didn’t have the same ideology as me I met craig. We spoke online a couple of times, to be honest the conversation was more of a laugh than thinking I want to intentionally date this guy. I’d been dating a guy called Nathan for a few months which had turned into friends with benefits, me and Nathan got on great but Nathan was a troubled person and I was his rock ( surrogate mum even though I was 7ish years younger). I knew things with me and Nathan would never go anywhere but I was greatful for the company and we decided to just be friends. I’d moved to Skegness the year before and not really made that many friends but the ones I had met where great. After a day or two of chatting Craig asked if I wanted to go bowling and without hesitation agreed. 

On Thursday the 29 of September 2016 I was running late I’d been on the phone to my friend Natalie after finishing late from work and was running even later than expected. I text craig to say I was on my way and was running late. I had tried on a truck load of outfits I decided on a top I’d brought a couple of weeks before it was from primark and I loved it, it had a mesh type inch long hemming which sat perfectly along my breast and hug down rather than to me, it was dark reddish purple and I loved it. I paired the top with simple jeans and pair of dolly shoes. 

I’d brought the top whilst being in Nottingham I was there with my aunty who was hospitalised the month before. I thought I was only going for a day or two so I only took one set of clothes. Little did I know she wasn’t coming out of hospital and I’d brought the top in the primark sale to get me through until I could get home to my usual clothes. After being in the hospital for seven days and sleeping there for 6 nights I was wearing this top the day she peacefully passed from a illness called mitonic distrafey. The top didn’t hold a bad sentiment though, it was a peaceful passing and I was peaceful when wearing it that day.

So back to the bowling alley, I was rushing the whole way still on the phone to Natalie who was more excited than me for the date. Natalie told me it was time for someone good to enter my life someone who would take care of me. As I reached the road leading to the bowling alley I agreed one final time the text I would send where she would call me with some urgent news where I’d have to leave if the date was going badly then we said our goodbyes. As I walked into the bowling alley Craig was waiting by the door I don’t think I realised how nervous I was until that moment. I really needed to pee so I smiled ran past and said I really need the bathroom. I stood at the sink hands on the side looked in the mirror and tried to gather myself. Craig was really good looking I thought, I pushed a big smile on and went out to meet him. 

Craig was kind from the moment I met him. He purchased our bowling tickets which came with a free drink. Great a pint to setttle my nerves I thought. As we played Craig would constantly be smiling and it was a beautiful smile. Half way through the first game we finished our drinks and Craig brought another round. I have always paid my own way and was a little uncomfortable with someone paying for everything so I said I’ll buy some drinks Craig told me not to worry but off I went to the bar. It was four yager bombs for ten pounds so I brought four and two more pints. I wasn’t sure what to make of Craig’s reaction when I brought the drinks over but I’ve always been good at influencing people to drink. As Craig got more drunk I actually won the second game of bowling and was so happy as I’m so crap at it and Craig is really good. We sat outside to finish our drinks and talked. We talked for ages and the conversation just flowed so naturally. We spoke about work and Skegness and what life in a small town is like. I spoke about how different it was from Nottingham but I was starting to like it here. We decided to get another drink but the bowling alley was closing. It was a Thursday night which in Skegness meant cheap drinks it was a pound for a vodka and a mixer so we decided to hit the bars. We laughed and we danced and then out of no where craig kissed me on the dance floor. It was the strangest feeling, it was like I’d known this person forever and the butterflies where amazing the kissing didn’t stop we didn’t stop we kissed constantly taking selfies smiling and laughing.I lost craig somewhere between going to the bathroom and the bar closing. I went to McDonald’s thinking he may be there and to get a burger I was drunk and hungry too. Craig wasn’t there I tried to call him but his phone had died. As I got my food from McDonald’s I started to walk home and back past the night club. As I got to the night club twenty minutes after closing there was craig sat on the wall looking around for me. “I wanted to walk you home but I lost you” he said.  I melted inside I handed him a burger I’d brought him and we walked hand in hand to my place. He was the perfect gentleman. As I got back to my house there was Nathan stood on the door steps I could see he had been crying. I looked at craig and kissed him deeply he wished me good night and then walked away. I was worried what he might think about Nathan being there I’d had an amazing night and there Nathan was a state again I didn’t want to deal with it, but being the person I am I did. I pulled the sofa bed out and got Nathan a blanket he cried to me for a while as he drank the bottle of wine out of the fridge, I told him I was going to bed. Nathan begged me to lay with him and comfort him but I didn’t want to all I could think of was craig. I went to bed after trying to call him again and texting him it’s not what it looks like he’s a friend having a hard time. Then I passed out.