Am I going to be ok? Don't be a little bitch of course you will it's just a relationship. But she didint give me a reason, what was the reason? I need a reason so I can move on. It was so sudden I didn't even see it coming at all. How could she just want that, and without any warning to. She lied to me. I was forced to believe that everything was ok. How do you just lose interest? There has to be a reason for it. How could things just plummet down without my awareness, was I so ignorant towards you? But I did my best didint I?If my best wasn't enough than what does it take?I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I didint want to seem paranoid so I over looked any speculation. But than you called it off and with so much conviction to. As if you were bottling it up until it became unbearable. I just don't understand. Why? Why did you leave me? Was I not good enough? Did I not pay you enough attention? What did I do to hurt you? Why now?

Finals had just started my last year of highschool and I was stressed out as it was. But two years ago today my stress levels did a fifty. I got a text message from Kerin my girlfriend.

❤️💘Kerin💘❤️- Hey wanna web cam?

Me- Sure.

I did find it strange because we usually did that before going to bed and I would usually talk to her till I fell a sleep and she hung up. This time was different. 

I got on and I saw her there,crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"I...I wanna break up." She said. 

When you hear those words after you thought you were in something so solid you immediately become flooded with so much emotion,  concern, confusion that the first words to come out your mouth is

"Why?"

Why now? Why not earlier? Why aren't we doing this face to face! Why are you the one crying?

"I'm sorry Jaden. I really do love and care about you." She said turning her head.

"If you care so much than..." I stopped I felt my eye and I couldn't believe it but I was crying. 

I felt so many things. But what I felt the most were two things Pain and betrayal.

She looked shocked than she started to whimper than sob. If I was being honest I wish I could just jump through the camera and hug her. Hold her so tight whisper the words "Never leave me?" But

I wasn't going to beg her. What was there to beg her about. She made her decision.

"Is that all you wanted to say?" I asked turning my head now.

"No Jaden I..." She started.

"I'm sorry but that's all I want to hear." I said I could feel more tears ready to burst out my eyes.

"No Jaden wait." She begged.

"DONT BEG ME! I didint beg you so don't...please just don't beg me for anything." I said. 

At this point it wasn't my decision if I was going to cry or not it just happened and I couldn't stop it.

"B..bye Kerin." I said with a small whimper.

"Please Jaden wait..." I hung up.

It hurt so bad. I felt so much pain. I never felt before. I cried and cried. My mom came and knocked on my door the next morning and I didint answer. "Jaden your late for school." She said as she opened the door softly. I didint bother try and hide my face I just layed there with a dazed expression. 

"Jaden honey what's wrong?" She asked.

Hearing her soothing voice made me burst out in tears once again. "Mm...Mom. Why does it hurt?" I asked. 

"What hurts?" She asked sitting on the bed and pulling my almost lifless body to her. 

"Shes gone mom she left me... She left me." I said.

"Who Kerin?" She asked looking me in the eyes. 

"And she had the nerve to cry about it. It hurts." I sobbed once more.

"Jaden I'm sorry." She said.

I cried and cried as my mom held me in her arms rubbing my back and I feel back asleep.

Ever since that day I haven't thought about any other girl the way I thought of her. It sucked I'm sure there was another girl out there even better who I could love with all my heart as well. I just didint want to find her or let her come to me. I almost made less contact with girls than I made when I went to an all boys middle school. I planed for it to stay like that. But like every thing else in life it changed.