Learning To love


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Chapter 1


I stood there in disbelief, watching the white ball return over the net. My team mates where shouting things at the other team, things I didn’t bother paying attention to because something else had my attention or should I say someone?

The game was over but it didn’t mind. I didn’t look so out of place amongst my team members who were still glaring over the net at the other team. The fact was I wasn’t glaring I was staring, staring at the person who had returned the last shoot. The shoot I made. That was impossible no one ever returned my planned shoots. How did he do that how did he manage? No one has ever done that ever but what surprised me more was I. I wasn’t angry in fact I was far from it. I was intrigued.


I heard a deep but not raspy masculine voice filled with enthusiasm wash over me. I blinked once or twice before coming to the realisation that the person in question was speaking to me and had his body pressed flat against the volley ball net. His bare chest was covered in sweat. How did he do it? Yeah I was still cut up on that but I still can’t believe he returned my shoot.

“Nice shoot” He suddenly said winking then smiled and I soon found myself smiling too. What was wrong with me I was supposed to be furious, mad but here I was smiling and rather impressed? Maybe it was his smile. It seemed so infectious.

“Thank you” I barely mouthed and watched him raise a brow at me, watching me. I watched sweat run down his chin... his chest. His dark hair looked sick at the roots, probably from sweating. He suddenly grinned and I felt a funny flip in my tummy.

The spectators were still shouting and I just realized we were the only ones left in the court. Usually a mini get together came right after a neighbourhood match. It had probably started.

“See you then” He said looking towards the crowd. I suddenly felt empty. Why was he going... wait why did I even care?

He slowly heaved himself of the now bouncing net taking a few steps away before turning and smiling.

I could feel my face heat up from a sudden rush of excitement... anticipation. Why was I behaving like a child? He probably wasn’t smiling at me, why am I so confused. I wonder how at twenty-six I couldn’t act matured. He wasn’t someone I knew. He didn’t owe me anything. Then why did I feel a sudden feeling of lose overwhelm me when he disappeared into the crowd.

I had somehow managed to squeeze myself into the filled up room that smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. The room was illuminated by glow lanterns hanging from the ceiling, bar chairs and side tables scattered carelessly about the bar. I was sitting on one of those random chairs a glass between my entwined fingers. I watched the wine through the transparent glass questionably. My thoughts were not with the crowd but with...him.

I shook my head furiously. Why was I feeling this way? What is he doing to me? I questioned myself setting the glass down on one of the battered side tables around me. The room was stuffy and I was drowsy with wine. Where was Linda? Wasn’t she meant to embrace me after the match? Wasn’t that what wives did?

I must be really drowsy because I couldn’t quite pin down what was happening to me. Why was I feeling this way? Where was he? Why did I even want to see him? Thousands of questions ran through my mind with no given explanations. My mind was becoming a dizzy void.

I felt a spark of electricity run through me feeling a hand on my bare knee. My mouth opened slightly, letting out a silent gasp. Looking up I saw him smiling at me... sitting next to me. Where had he come from? But it didn’t matter did it? I just wanted him to be here...here with me.

“Hello” I heard his voice say. It was so...sensual. It had a hint of foreign accent French? Was it Greek both maybe?

“You’ve been drinking haven’t you?” he said quietly. I squinted at him admirably. His voice was the only thing I could hear in this pit of noise. I nodded opening my mouth to say something but I only gasped.

“I’ll get you some water” He said removing his hand from my knee. I suddenly felt empty; my eyes began to feel watery. Why was I feeling this way? I didn’t even know his name. Heck I knew nothing about him. I felt cloud my vision. Why was I crying? Why was I being a baby? He was going to come back; he said so, didn’t he. But somehow this didn’t stop my sobbing. What was wrong with me? Why was I acting like this? Tears began to roll freely down my cheeks as I sobbed silently. I think the alcohol was getting to me.

“So your one of the emotional ones when not sober, aren’t you?” I heard somewhere between the scraping of a chair on the tiles beside me and a thump that meant it was occupied.

I felt unnaturally happy when I felt his hand on my face, his thumb outstretched to wipe my tears. My face heat up from the simple contact. I sighed in protest from the simple lose of it.

“Drink” He said helping me close my palms over a bottle.

A sudden thought crossed my mind and I blushed. I looked up at his expectant eyes and let my gaze fall to his lips. They were glittery and wet. He must have taken a whiff of the water considering the bottle didn’t feel full.

I felt my tummy ache with a sudden feeling... want? Need? I am not so sure. I looked from him to the bottle and back at him again, unconsciously licking my lips. What is wrong with me?

“Drink...” He said again, slowly this time. His hint giving a hint of...flirting I think. Wait is he flirting with me? Somehow the thought was making my heart ache and the thought he was just helping a drunken man made it fall helplessly.

What is he doing to me?

His hands held both of mine over the bottle guiding them to my lips. I took lousy loud gulps. The thought of him drinking from the same bottle suddenly invaded my mind again and I let out a low whimper.

“Take some more” He insisted.

The sudden feeling to taste him got my mind in a haze. I suddenly trust my tongue into the bottle, trying to taste him... anything left of him. What was he doing to me? Why did it feel so good? I lousily licked the edge of the opening suppressing a moan. I suddenly thrust my tongue violently back into the bottle, repeating the process continuously...Oh my God I was fucking a bottle and I surprisingly liked it.

“That’s enough” I heard bringing my mind back to reality. I pouted I didn’t want to be in reality. I turned thermo red realizing I was still thrusting my tongue into the bottle. I was still blushing as I unplugged my tongue from the bottle a light trace of saliva following...Am such a pig.

I felt the bottle gently being taken away from me. Hearing loud gulps I looked up realizing he was drinking from the same bottle. I vividly licked my lips.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I suddenly feeling hot?

I let out a whispered moan when he stopped. He looked at me his eyes were cloudy green slits. His eyes were so beautiful. I don’t care if that word was for women, they were beautiful and that was final. They were sea green...gorgeous. His eyes had that lost look. What was he thinking about? Was it me? The thought had me all fuzzy inside.

“What’s your name?” He asked almost panting.

“Julian” I said. It came out more like a whimper. He suddenly smirked.

“Julian” He said as if tasting it.

“I like it, mines Zeus” He casually said placing his hand over my knee. I blushed his hand was so soft so warm.

“Tell me about you” I sort of begged. His eyes suddenly widened. Then a smile broke through his face.

So he talked. He talked about his apartment just a few blocks away. He talked about his Dalmatian that had diabetes. He talked about the kind of movies he watched and the kind of music he listened to. He talked about where he schooled, about how much he loved cooking.

I liked hearing him talk. He could talk forever and I wouldn’t get bored. He was so surreal...I wanted to know everything about him am sure everything wanted to know about him too. I don’t know it felt like a necessity. I just had to know him.

He suddenly stopped talking. Why did he stop talking? I looked up at him in confusion to find his brows pulled together in a frown. Why was he frowning? I followed his gaze to my right hand that had grazed over his hand on my knee while he talked. Why is he staring at it like that I don’t understand. Why does he looked hurt... offended. I didn’t like him looking hurt.

“You’re married” He stated. It was not a question just a statement. My eyes suddenly widened in realization he was looking at my ring, my wedding ring. I suddenly wanted to hide it burn it. Why did I want to do that why didn’t I want to be seen as married?

“Yes...” I managed suddenly feeling as if a weight had been dropped on my shoulders. I wanted to burn the ring for doing this, for making him sad... making us sad.

“I see” He said suddenly looking straight into my eyes

“Oh there you are Julian” I heard Linda’s obnoxious voice close by. Why did she have to show up now? Why couldn’t she let me be happy?

“I’ve been looking all over for you!” He screamed wrapping her arms around my neck from behind. Linda suddenly looked down at me and Zeus’ hands questionably.

“Hello, you must be his wife” He said wife as if it was a poison and the smile he gave her looked so...so forced.

“Hello” Linda said with equal scorn. She was looking at him... sizing him.

I felt Zeus’ hand slip from beneath mine and before I could process what was happening he was lost in the crowd. My heart began to feel heavy all of a sudden.

“Who was he?” Linda asked curiously. Why did she want to know?

“It doesn’t matter” I sort of snapped. Her eyes widened then her brows creased together in a frown. I didn’t care what she was going to say to me later about it. I suddenly felt like crying. What was wrong with me?

Some time passed before a slow song began to play. It spoke of two lovers. The man begging the woman to run away with him... it was confusing almost depressing.

“This songs for you”

I heard someone whisper behind my ear. Shivering I looked up behind me to find Zeus hovering over my chair. His dark green eyes piercing my blue ones

“Zeus...” I whispered. He was here, he was still here. I couldn’t believe the sudden happiness that overwhelmed me.

“Call me?” H asked he asked running his hand on my neck, his lips brushing my ear.

“...Yes...” I half moaned. How could anyone say no to him? How could anyone resist him?

A folded piece of paper fell on my lap and a quick ‘see you later’ sent uncontrollable shivers through me.

After starring at the neatly folded piece of paper on my lap I finally unfolded it to find two numbers written neatly in cursive... Even his neat hand writing gave me butterflies

I had no idea what his man was doing to me but I liked it. I liked it a lot.

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I never really understood the concept of relationships and I feel I never will. They were annoying, stressful and utterly pointless. I must have been a hypocrite because I took a part in it anyway. It just seemed at that time a necessity to participate in.

With my bleach blonde hair and sky blue eyes the girls considered me as a ‘catch’, don’t get me wrong am not boastful or proud hearted nether am I mean. Maybe that’s why when gossip spread about a girl being obsessed with me and who did suggestive art works of me I just let it slide, I wasn’t the one to mock people or judge them. I just let her do her thing.

 I was probably misleading her, because not long after I was dating her. I let her ramble about whatever she liked. She wasn’t bad at least I could stand her. I wanted to leave but I couldn’t... I didn’t know why. Maybe it was because I was too nice or the fact she generally gave me no reason to. So when she came up with the crazy idea of moving in together during college I just shrugged.

I don’t know how people engage in these things called relationships. It was like having yourself in some invisible strain jacket with another person.

I don’t like clingy people and I think I never will.

I think it dawned on me what I was gradually bringing upon myself when I found myself reciting vows at an altar, words I can’t even remember. Why did I feel so empty, exhausted? Why did society expect such from people? But I guess it was just how life was meant to be.

Wasn’t it?                                 

But why do I feel so lifeless laying here on the bed. Her on top of me moving her hips rhythmically. Why do I feel as if am performing some sort of chore?

I let her work me as I stared tiredly at the roof counting the boxes on the ceiling. Hearing her moan my attention jerked back to my present activity. I let her wither some more trying to suppress the urge to push her of. She sure took her time, throwing her head back and bouncing on me. Heaving one last time before collapsing on top of me and against my silent prayer held on to me

“I love you Julian” She whispered. Her voice was shaky from the recent activity. She looked up to me with a shy smile her face red with heat. Maybe this was one of the reasons I didn’t leave her. She didn’t deserve it although her bashful pose of innocence irked me I sort of surrendered to it.

I managed a smile at her and watched her hide her face in my neck. I waited silently for her to sleep and at hearing the first signs of sleep I rolled her gently of me and focused my view back on the wall. She keeps saying those words that confuse me.

“What exactly does she mean by loving me?” I whispered to myself.

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Chapter 2


The house phone balanced between my left shoulder blade and ear. I could hear the steady ringing. It made my heart race faster. I shut my eyes tight.

"You can do this Julian." I murmured to myself.

It's been almost a week since he gave me his number. I had wanted to call him believe me I did. I had unfolded and folded the paper countless times cooing over his handwriting it was pretty, clean, mature and rather feminine. I was staring at it now holding it between my right hand fingers, gently caressing the paper

"Hello?" I heard a Zeus voice say from the other end...Zeus...Julian concentrate!

I wasn't prepared for this...I should have practiced what to say...am so stupid. Okay focus. I closing and opening my eyes I finally sighed and spoke into the phone.

"Um hello... this is Julian from last Saturday" I whispered into the phone, holding it with my right hand now. What if he didn't remember me...? I mean it was possible. I mean it has been almost a week... Julian stop thinking you're creating a pit of worry in your tummy.

"Oh... cutie"

I heard from the phone and blushed furiously. Who was cutie? Was he referring to me? I think my face got redder if that was even possible.

"Um... I don't know we played in different teams..." I carried on making sure he had the right guy. I mean, he couldn't be referring to me could he? 

"I know, Blonde hair, blue eyes well... cutie" He cooed from the other end. Was he teasing me? Flirting with me... no that couldn't be possible.

"Oh...um...Okay..." I said. I think I was about to have a nervous breakdown. Was he teasing me? God! I wish I knew!

"How are you?" he said gently. I immediately calmed down I liked his voice it was soothing.

"Fine... you?" I asked. I don't know I just wanted to keep the conversation going.

"Just great... hey do you want to meet up somewhere?" He asked. My head felt suddenly hazy, was he asking me out? Why would a guy do that? Why did I feel like I wanted to go...? Julian get a grip on yourself your married.

I think I kept silent for quite a while because he suddenly murmured an apology for asking.

"It's not like we'll be alone... but if you don't want to go..."

"I do!" I screamed into the phone. A long silence followed along with my blushing face.

"Um...I mean... I want to go" I said suddenly finding the floor interesting. What am I doing? It's not as if he could see me.

"Oh." He simply said.

"What about the cold stone around the country club. It's a bit close to where we had the game" Zeus said enthusiastically.

"Oh that's close I'll be there about six?"I suggested.

"Had a feeling you lived around. See you then." He said before dropping the phone.

'I spoke to him, I really spoke to him.' I thought blushing.

I couldn't wait to see him again. The thought alone had me blushing. Would he look different? I didn't get a good look at him at the bar... 'Julian stop it!' I scolded myself and giggled. Wait I giggled, I never giggle. Is this what it feels like to have a crush... what is wrong with me I've only met him once for pits sake.

I wonder where Linda is. I need to explain to her I was busy tomorrow.



I dropped my phone on my desk still smiling. He called me. I thought smiling.

I yawned suddenly feeling incredibly tired. Running cooperation wasn't easy. Sitting at my desk and taking thousands of calls every day. The requests for sponsorship and support were basically the most annoying. But working was something I truly loved doing. It kind of reminded me that I wasn't a failure no matter what my parents or anyone else thought...

The annoying vibration of my Iphone brought me out of my thoughts. Who would be calling me now? I sighed bringing the phone to my ear. Am sure I transferred all my business calls to my Samsung.

"Baby." A voice slurred in a thick French accent.

"Louis." I whispered into the phone smiling. I missed Louis he was usually the highlight of my day. We didn't talk much when I we were apart. Because he basically didn't like phone calls or phones in general. 'There only good for sexting' he once told me. I smiled at the memory

"Zeus I miss you" Louis cooed from the other end. I rolled my eyes how easy did he think I was? Louis would never pick up a phone just to say that.

"What do you want?" I asked casually.

"Are you accusing me of being deceitful?!" Louis screamed in mock hurt.

"Cut to the chase." I said into the phone casually. I was usually in the mood to play Louis' games but not today I was tired and sleepy. I rubbed my eyes and yawned. I was sure tired.

"Okay am horny! Fly over!" He whined and I laughed. Louis was such a horn dog.

"It's not funny; I might just take it out on the cat!" Louis threatened

"And if you ask me to go get a vibrator again you'll get a personal visit from the devil!" Louis continued whining. I chuckled. Whole heartedly adored Louis he was so silly so straight forward.

"Louis you know I don't have a reason to fly to France at the moment." I said trying to suppress chuckles. Louis was so silly.

I heard Louis sigh.

"I really, really like need this... What about your private jet?" He asked. I groaned. Oh my God I loved the way he rolled his R's

"It's being serviced. Why don't you the edge of a table at the mean time?" I teased laughing.

"I don't like humping the table." Louis said in a matter of fact tone. I sighed. Why was he so insistent?

"Okay as soon as my jet is serviced I'll fly over." I proposed.

"That's too far away." Louis whined

"Okay, will you forgive me for the wait if I sent a present?" I tried to buy him.

"Can I have a jaguar?" Louis asked testing the waters.

"The latest model." I said hearing him sigh contently from the other end.

"Fine just be clean when you get here. I know your humping other guys and hopeless married men out there." He teased. I could imagine his hazel eyes twinkling in mischief. I laughed.

"See you." he said and dropped the phone. I slouched on my chair still laughing. Louis couldn't be more right. I did want to hump a married man.

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