You'll never believe what my little sis did this morning!
Well, I was putting on my makeup, getting ready to go to school when I realised that my lucky mascara was gone. And you can guess what I did immediately.
"PAIGE!" I shrieked.
You see, it just has to be my little sister. She always messes about with my things. Clearly, Paige can't read, because the sign on my door says:
GET OUT PAIGE!!!
In thick black Sharpie.
And if she gets as far as into my bedroom, the black paint on my bathroom door reads:
DONT COME IN OR I'LL KILL YOU IN THE SHOWER, PAIGE!!!
No really, I actually painted it on. But I guess revolting six-year-olds are permanently blind, paint or no paint.
Paige came running in, ignoring the sign (again) and forgetting to knock (that girl must have memory loss, yet she remembers to not read signs on doors that say GET OUT).
I didn't even bother to correct her; I simply grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and said, "Give me back my mascara or I'll choke you to death!"
And Lexie just had to come in at that exact moment.
She gasped. "Paige, baby!" she shrieked.
Paige ran into her arms, screaming, "Mummy!"
I glared at her but said nothing.
"Frankie, what on earth was that all about? Stop threatening my daughter... And take down those stupid signs!"
I didn't say anything. I simply gaped at her.
Paige chuckled and hugged Lexie tighter. I gave her the evils and said to Lexie, seething with rage, "She stole my mascara. And anyway, you can't tell me what to do, cos you're not my mother! You and Dad aren't even married yet. And Paige isn't your daughter, she's Dad's daughter. I'm not going to school until I get my mascara!"
Lexie didn't say anything. She stalked out of my bedroom, Paige on her hips.
And I got my way, because I didn't go to school today, despite Lexie and Dad's consistent begs.
I found my lucky mascara in Paige's toy box. Of course it was her. My instincts were right. I was lucky for the rest of day after I'd found my mascara.
Cos I'm a drama queen.
Everyone at school misses me. I can't believe it, but then again I can.
I'm the cutest and coolest girl in the whole of London Gate High. You need to see the texts my best friends Marie-Louise and Lynette sent me on Instagram this morning (aka two mins ago).
@MarLou - why were u not in yesterday?
@Jellybean - Mar and I couldn't survive
@Frantastic - Don't exaggerate
I was certain that Lynette was exaggerating cos there was a day I caught a bug and wasn't in for a week, and they both seemed just fine the following week.
So I had no idea what that was all about.
@Jellybean - she wanted ur autograph
Someone wanted my autograph?
@MarLou - it was Harriet Croly
Harriet Croly? Who on earth...
@MarLou - she's in Year Seven cos she's only 11
@Frantastic - but I'm in Year 11. U c? I'm 15
@MarLou - she said cos she wants to go to ur wedding
I replied immediately.
@Frantastic - WEDDING???😮
@Jellybean - r u ok
@MarLou - Lexie's getting married to John
What? No she isn't! They can't. They just can't.
After a big swig of Pepsi, I returned to my Grape Phone 7.
@Frantastic - no way
@MarLou - gtgt school 😒
@MarLou has left group chat
@Jellybean - same. C u in school, Fran
@Jellybean has left group chat
O. M. G.
I'm definitely going to school today.
I must be in a nightmare...
That hurt, but it seems like school today was real!
So, like, I met up with Mar and Lynn on the field, and then everyone crowded round me, asking for invitations to my "parents'" wedding, and I couldn't correct them.
My friends and I dashed into the outdoor toilets and locked ourselves in a cubicle.
"Lexie says she's marrying John," Mar said to me. "She says that her 'daughter, Frankie' will provide invitations to all those who are interested."
I stared at her.
"Yeah," Lynette replied, tossing her long, glossy, black hair. "I was hoping for an invite yesterday, but you weren't in. Everyone thought that the wedding was happening cos you weren't in, and we were eaten alive by questions!"
I sighed. "How will I get through the school day?"