“Regrets collect like old friends

Here to relive your darkest moments

I can see no way, I can see no way

And all of the goons come out to play”

                        -MGK

“Thank you,” Lu took her hand, sandwiched it between his and looked into her wavering, lid flinching eyes, “so, so much!”

            Shuddering, she pulled away, tucked her purse beneath her arm, and hustled towards the door held open by two clones that watched the waiter with bamboozled stares. As the pastel, oversized shirts wandered out into the cold, Lu raised a bird mounted fist. Unfortunately, the sisters didn’t look back inside and, even if they had, they couldn’t have seen through the mist that fogged the diner’s windows. He shook his head, left the register, and began to straighten up their table.

            “No tip?” Alan asked.

            “Not even a clue.” Lu replied.

            Now that his table had made their exit, the Waffa Ho was empty aside from Alan and Lu. The third member to the Dream Team was out back, catching up on some studying. As the name might suggest, the place was no five star establishment. Booths lined the walls with their rosy cushions torn here and there so that the plush seeped out. There were no tables. Customers sat at either the booth or the bar which worked as a barrier between the customers and the kitchen. This meant that Alan worked his magic in front of the customers. The kitchen was split in two, one side for the cooks and one side for the servers. Two large fridges stood on either side of the cooking station between which was the drink fountains, two flat grills separated by two eyes, a grid of metal bins full of hash browns and their toppings, then a strip of counter top were the waffle irons sat. Across from Alan’s domain, beneath the bar, was the dish pit, a few cabinets, and a register that was the technological equivalent of a type writer – any sort of calculations were to be done with pad and pen or in the waiter’s brain. Drains were dispersed across the floor throughout the restaurant so that at the end of the shift what food they didn’t sweep up could be bashed through the drains by their slip-resistant soles. On any other night, the Waffa Ho looked like a warzone, but not tonight – not with the Dream Team on deck.

            Lu’s last table was a wasteland. Syrup glossed the plates having dried to encase biscuit crumbs and bacon bits like amber around prehistoric mosquitoes. Coffee mugs rose from pools of creamer overlooking tumbleweed crumpled napkins. Sighing through his nostrils, Lu stacked the plates, pried the menu place mats free, and headed to the dish pit. He nearly ran into Jay.

            “I got you.” he said, taking the plastic menus and dishes, “You have some reading to do.”

            “I could use a book break!” Alan had to yell to be heard as he scraped the grill with a brick of pumice stone.

            “Save him some, Lu.” Jay said.

            “Damn, I was gonna smoke it all…” Lu scoffed.

            “Sometimes it’s a real page turner.” Jay defended.

            “Just wanna read it all in one go, cover to cover!” Alan added.

            “Ha, alright, fiiine…I’ll leave a chapter or two.”

            He was half way through the door into the backroom when Alan called after him, “Or three!”

            As soon as Lu got the job at Waffa Ho, he started nagging the Goons to follow. After a few months of a good work ethic, his manager was more than pleased to hire anyone he brought in and, after another month of excellence between the three, she awarded Alan, Jay, and Lu with “Dream Team” labeled name tags and a promise, which was seldom broken, to schedule the three of them together. Profits increased, complaints decreased, and her trust in the three-Goon Dream Team sky rocketed. Before long, she was leaving Lu the keys when they walked in so that he could change the drawer and she could stay home until the next shift change at seven in the morning. Zero supervision, aside from the roof-mounted eyeballs that could spot a hair in a waffle and had sight on every corner of the store, was the fruit of their labor. If the house was empty, they allotted themselves with as many reading breaks as they pleased and, as you’ll come to see, Lu and his comrades were quite ardent readers.

            Lu opened the back door, slid out the bolt lock, and let it close to a crack behind him. There was a little cubby in the back where the building made an L against the fence that enclosed the parking lot – an ideal spot to enjoy literature. The wall of the Waffa Ho was concrete brick coated with globby red paint yet somehow employees had managed to carve pencil-sized holes into the façade. These holes were perfect for leaving shorted cigarettes and, in the Dream Team’s case, unfinished books. This particular book was wrapped in brown mango flavored tobacco paper and consisted of Green Crack, pure breed cannabis sativa.

            Sparking it up, Lu rested his rear on a crate and pulled out his phone. 8:20, less than an hour to go. He closed his eyes, inhaled, and decided to distract himself by attempting to launch a smoke ring within a smoke ring. After only three puffs he heard a car pull into the lot. Be a to-go, be a to-go! He prayed as he stood and pressed his ear to the back door in a feeble attempt to hear the verdict.

            “Trick or Treat.”

            The voice, though it sounded more like a growl, came from behind and sent shivers down Lu’s spine. Flinching, Lu spun to face the prankster but the sight of him only served to scare him more. The figure could have just as well been a she for there wasn’t an inch of skin visible. It was dressed in a black gorilla suit with a snaggletoothed mask, plastic nipples half the size of baby carrots, and a small glock in his hand which was pointed at Lu’s chest. Lu collapsed against the door.

            “Don’t piss yourself,” he was obviously faking some sort of demonic voice, to either scare Lu or cloak his own, but either way Lu could barely hear him through the ape head draped over his face, “we only want money.”

            “Wanna hit?” The shock had finally decreased to a numbness and with the return of speech to his tongue it was the first thing that came out. The gorilla laughed. Lu felt ridiculous but his mind refused to think straight, he couldn’t get over the tiny black barrel pointed at his chest. The firearm urged Lu to redeem myself. “Let me put it out.”

            He did his best to shove it back in its rightful hole but only partially succeeded, Lu bent the poor blunt so badly it dangled from its other half like a broken limb. The gorilla had opened the back door by the time Lu turned back and, with a wiggle of his gun, he motioned for Lu to go inside. With eyes as wide as the waffles he served, Lu marched into the store with the tip of the glock rubbing his spinal column. The ape led Lu towards the door to the kitchen then opened the door to their left – the mini-office. Smaller than the bathrooms, it consisted of a column of drawers housing paper work and pencils on one side and a one-sided window which sat above the computer which sat above the printer which sat above the drawer safe on the other.

            “I want the drawer for the next shift.”

            He knows an awful lot about Waffa Ho, Lu thought as he fetched the keys from his pockets and knelt beside the empty manager’s stool, He’s lucky I had the keys. Even without a gun in his shoulder blades, the blasted lock on the drawer always took a bit of key jostling before surrendering to unlock. Yet, the gorilla made no effort to hurry him. When Lu stood to hand him the drawer, he wasn’t even paying attention to him. Run! But Lu quickly thought better of this. He seemed to be in no real danger and fleeing would probably make things worse. Instead, he re-examined the gunman. His fur was matted in places and, either the man within or the costume itself, smelled sharply like musty pits. In his rubbery-fingered left hand he held the gun, a lefty¸ Lu noted, like me, and his right hand was balled into a fist at his hip. His attention was focused through the window of the door that led onto the kitchen floor. Holding onto the drawer – which held exactly three hundred dollars – Lu followed the ape’s lead and gazed out the one-way office window into the store. As he’d expected, the gorilla had not come alone.

            Jay stood with his back to the register, emptying the current drawer into a trash bag held by Batman, who didn’t even bother to aim his firearm at Jay. Moving slow and fluidly, avoiding sudden movements, Jay seemed far less flustered than Lu, Alan too. A man in a green morph suit had Alan lock the front door and was leading him back into the store where he had him sit in a booth. Neither Jay nor Alan trembled. They kept their eyes on the guns but aside from that their posture appeared relaxed. I guess I really shouldn’t be scared – all they want is the money. It’s not like I’ll be losing my job. After all, this same thing happened earlier this week at the other Waffa Ho’s. No one was hurt, no one was fired, and, obviously, none of the culprits had been caught.  Lu turned back to the weapon wielding gorilla and reoffered the drawer.

            “Hold on.”

            The gorilla backed away from the door and in came Batman and Green Man.

            “In the bag.”

            Lu dumped the contents of the drawer into their bag.

            “Now put the drawer down.”

            Setting it on the stool behind him, Lu turned back for more orders. Batman and Green Man were already heading out the back. The gorilla stared at Lu. He had set his gun down on the sign-in table behind him and now held out a closed fist. The ape reached out his hands and he clasped Lu’s, as he had done to the sorority sister only moments before, then the ape spoke in that same, mysterious growl.

            “Thank you…so, so much!”

            Then he let go, grabbed his gun, and followed his hooligan compatriots out the door. Lu’s nose told his brain what he’d been given even before he looked. Though, the smell was unmistakable, Lu also had never smelled anything close to as fruity and pungent as the small ball of weed wrapped in the torn corner of a Ziploc bag resting in his palm. Hastily, Lu closed his fist and shoved the marijuana into his apron. As the back door shut, the double action door beside him was kicked open and Alan sped through, nearly bowling Lu over.

            “Jay’s calling the Boss Lady,” Alan said then he paused and looked Lu over, “you alright?”

            “Yea, did you see the gorilla?” Lu asked.

            “Caught a glimpse through the window but that was it. It seemed like they just wanted the money so I figured you’d be fine. We left the front door locked and I’m gonna go smoke some before she gets here if you wanna-” his speech stopped abruptly and his nostrils flared, “WOOH! That’s not our stuff!”

            “No, the gorilla gave it to me.” Lu said.

            “Well wasn’t that thoughtful!” Alan laughed then he pointed to the glass sphere hanging from the roof above us, “Too bad it’ll be on the cameras.”

            “Yea, but it doesn’t look like much more than a gram.”

            Alan stepped around Lu and opened the backdoor, “Then I doubt they’ll care. Those boys stole over five hundred dollars, the last thing the cops will be worried about is a twenty sack. Besides, after having guns shoved in our faces, we deserve some kind of payment.”

            “Still down to crash that Frat party tonight?”

            He thought about it for a moment in the doorway before responding, “I think I might stay home with the woman, aren’t you a little shook up?”

            “Enough beer and reefer and I’ll forget this ever happened.”

`           “True, if yall need a ride home just let me know.”

          “We should be able to walk,” Lu replied, “you’re gonna want to smoke with us after work though still, right?”

            “Of course!” Alan crowed, “Goon Squad bra.”

            “Goon Squad,” Lu said and Alan strode out the door.

            Leaving the back, Lu pushed through the double action doors and walked back onto the floor. Jay was beside the register talking on the phone so Lu went silently to finish up moving dishes through the sanitizer. Jay paused when he walked in, smiled and shook his head then continued his conversation with Boss Lady.

            “No, I didn’t call the police.” He smacked his lips. “I don’t wanna call the police…Ha!” He scoffed, “You call the police!...Fine…FINE!” He hung up the phone and turned to Lu chuckling, “This bitch…Is there even a point in cleaning up? You think the cops will want to shut us down to investigate?”

            “I don’t know but if Boss Lady has her way, they’ll put another three hundred dollars in that drawer and the Waffa Ho’ll keep running like nothing ever happened.” Lu stated.

            “I’m surprised they didn’t want our tips.”

            Lu opened the sanitizer, slid the last tray in, shut it, and then jerked the handle locked. As the machine began to hum and whir, he sat on the edge of the dish pit and looked at Jay, “I didn’t even think about that. Dude, so, you know how I patronized those sorority girls?”

            “Your last table, yea?”

            “I said something like, ‘Thank you…so, so much’ right?”

            “I don’t know, I was out back. Alan might know. Why?”

            “Well, the guy in the gorilla costume, before he left, he did the same to me. He even grabbed my hands like I grabbed the girls and gave me a little bundle of bud.”

            “What?”

            “It could be coincidence I guess…”

            “It couldn’t have been those girls, they were too short!”

            “I know,” I shrugged, “but it was weird.”

            “Maybe they were watching from outside?”

            “But no one can see through these windows! Look how fogged up they are.”

Jay knew Lu was right. He rubbed his forehead and the two brooded in silence for a moment. Alan’s return to the kitchen broke the spell.

            “Lu, you won’t believe this.” He said.

            “Believe what?” Lu asked.

            “Your car is gone.”

            “No!”

            Jumping from the dishpit, Lu sprinted past Alan through the back, out the door, and into the parking lot. He always parked in the far corner, right next to Jay’s jeep, but his beloved gold Honda wasn’t there. He heard Alan and Jay come to a stop behind me.

            “They took your car?” Jay asked.

            Lu dug through his pocket and retrieved his keys, “What’d they do? Hotwire it?”

            “I guess so.” Alan said.

            “Well, fuck.” Lu cursed.

            “Don’t worry,” Jay said, “my car got stolen in High School and the cops found it within a week. That’ll be their own undoing.”

            Lu still couldn’t get past it. There were a few things he really liked to do in his spare time. One was smoking. Two was backpacking (because no one cared if he was souped up on drugs when in the middle of the woods).  And three? Driving. Specifically, driving his car. He and that old - though come to think of it, she wasn’t that old, in fact, she was almost ten years younger than Lu – Accord had been through hell and back, a trip he planned on taking many more times, but now she was gone! Before, he’d felt no hard feelings against the bandits but after finding his car gone, Lu wanted blood.

            A squad car rolled up quietly with its lights flashing. The three didn’t budge from where they stood in the rear middle of the lot. The cops parked parallel to the store, managing to block three parking spots in the process – one being a handicapped. The lights went off, the door opened, and out stepped two officers. The passenger was a dumpy fella with pouty cheeks, a bulbous nose, dull black eyes, and a large forehead emphasized by his receding hair line and low hanging brows. The driver was tall and scrawny with thin lips, a goofy open mouthed grin, and tiny blue eyes that had the same puzzled innocent look of a toddler. The taller one spotted the Goons first and waved. They glared back motionlessly.

            Ordinarily, the Goons had nothing against cops. Well, that was not entirely true. They despised cops. Especially cops in southern Alabama. The quota-filling, racial profiling, pigs didn’t see on the same page as the Goon Squad who considered themselves active and influential members in the local drug culture. Cops in the college city of Tiger Town bumbled around aimlessly pulling over those with darker skin or slanted eyes rather than pursuing drug smugglers and gangs of burglars. You’d think that would make them a friend of the Goons, but it didn’t. Druggies understand the risk that comes with usage and so even potheads like the Goons understood that when someone got busted for dealing, cops were just doing their job. While they may talk loads of shit, spit on their cars when they aren’t looking, and flick them off as they escort their buddies away, it was just a formality. They understood more than most that you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to make money, to provide for your people, and besides, these poor pigs didn’t concoct these bull shit rules. The real reason they despised police officers was not because they occasionally arrested druggies, it was a moral issue. It was because they targeted minorities who did nothing but be born to be put on these scumbag’s radars.

            The cops were about to head their way when a tungsten metallic Chevy Silverado thundered by, nearly clipping the stumpier officer. The truck’s windows were rolled down as he coasted by and the driver observed the Goons with cold, brown eyes. He curved the vehicle around the Goons slowly, like a shark circling his pray, then pulled into the parking spot that had, not long ago, been filled with Lu’s Honda. The door was flung open with such force that it bounced back closed but not before a man hopped out and strode out of the way. He moved fluidly, gliding across the concrete with his scowling face set on the three. His nose, though bruised and squashed so that it drooped over his golden mustache, was tilted to the air. As he walked, his right hand stayed on a gun in his holster and his left hand opened his coat to reveal the shiny golden badge pinned to his bullet proof vest.

            “Detective Anslinger.” He stated, “How much was stolen.”

            Even with their hatred for the Law, they had learned to at least comply with the officers they came in contact with but there was something about this punk that turned their stomachs sour. His upper lip curled as he spoke to them and his brow furled with what the Goon’s read as contempt. Whatever their first impression was of this Anslinger, it seemed it was quite similar to his impression of them. Between the three of them, no one spoke a word.

            “Nixon, Bush,” Anslinger addressed the officers behind him without peeling his eyes from the faces of the Dream Team, “we’re going to need to run these boys' licenses.”

            “Sir, I don’t think they’re the guys we’re after.” The tall officer said.

            “Yea, looks like they work here.” The short one said.

            Finally, the detective looked away but only to press his demeaning gaze upon the policemen.

            “Have either of you heard about what happened to the other Waffa Ho’s?”Anslinger growled, he paused for a second but cut the cops off just as they began to reply, “Their drawers were taken from their registers, not from their drawer safes. Now what’d Boss Lady say when she called in?”

            “They took the next shift’s drawer too!” the tall one exclaimed.

            “We’ve assumed that whoever’s been responsible for these heists,” he turned back to watch the Goons, slowly orbiting around them with long, stiff strides, “has had experience within the franchise due to how quickly they are in and out and the ease at which they adapt to the layout of each different store.” Still his hand rested on his firearm, his index finger tickling the shaft. “Now, we’ve got the same three thieves robbing another Waffa Ho but this time – they got the next shift’s drawer. How? Well, one of our servers here was given the key by the manager. Now, that brings me to a new question. How did our bandits know they had the key?”

            He had a know-it-all air to his voice and it ground the nerves of the three boys. Alan and Jay stood resolute, defiantly glaring back at the scumbag before them, in fact, they stared with such intensity that they no longer heard a word he uttered. Lu, on the other hand, couldn’t take it. He couldn’t drown out the pedantic theorizations of the detective. All he wanted to do was steal the wind from his sails, “You ever thought they coulda just got luckly.”

             “Lucky? Hmmm…” his eyes scanned the Dream Team. When they scanned over Jay and Lu’s aprons they stopped. The two boys' pouches bulged with tips. It had been a busy night. “…looks like you two got lucky! Get a lot of tips tonight?”

            Jay and Lu looked at each other. It was killing Lu not to reply but he had already betrayed their values once. Lu was determined not to give this Anslinger one more word.

            “Did you know that at all five of the other Waffa Ho’s, when these hoodlums broke in, they made sure to steal the tips too.” Anslinger’s mustache pulled back to reveal a mischevious grin, “We’re gonna need to search your car there boys.”

            “Nope!” Jay yelped.

            Now, as far as they knew, they had played no part in this break in. There would be no incriminating evidence in Jay’s jeep. It wasn’t even the principle of his right to privacy that caused Jay to cry out. It was the fact that they had hot boxed in the parking lot before the start of their shift and it was very likely that as soon as his jeep doors opened, a plume of pungent marijuana smoke would uppercut Anslinger in the chin. Unfortunately, Jay’s outcry only excited the detective, but before Anslinger could press further, Boss Lady arrived.

            She zoomed by in her VW Beatle and slid into the spot beside Jay’s jeep. Out she hopped, dressed in slacks, a body-hugging button up, and a tie. Nixon and Bush nearly swooned. Anslinger was unfazed – though he was about to be otherwise. Boss Lady was a hard woman who took zero bull shit. If you were lazy or ignorant, she would not be your friend. If you did your job and worked hard, or even just worked above the bare minimum, she would watch your back as if you were a cub and she a vicious mother bear. The Dream Team included three of her many cubs and she had been woken during hibernation.

            “He wants to search my Jeep!” Jay declared indignantly.

            “Alright, who am I dealing with here?” She demanded.

            Nixon and Bush leapt forward with extended hands and grins so wide their tongues hung out. Before she could shake either’s hand, Anslinger beat them out of the way. He made no move to shake her hand and looked at her with the same, spiteful manner he had watched the Goons with.

            “Your employees are now suspects.”

            Boss Lady’s eyes narrowed, “You’re not serious.”

            “Do you think it’s a coincidence the thieves hit your store the one night you give these boys the key?”

            What the detective didn’t realize was that Boss Lady gave the Dream Team the key every night and they worked five nights a week. She had lied about that small detail so as to not look overly negligent. She responded with tact, “And your two officers aren’t suspects? How the hell did they not see?”

            “If your employees had called the police immediately, we could’ve caught the scoundrels before they left the parking lot!” Anslinger roared.

            “Five other Waffa Ho’s have been hit in less than a month and you’ve got these two idiots watching from across the street?” Boss Lady fired back, “Across the fucking street! Plant them in the God damn parking lot!”

            “You better watch it!” Anslinger trembled with rage, his hand clamped on his holstered gun. Boss Lady stepped up to him and slid a hand around his side so that it rested over his. She lowered her voice and brought her face so close to the detective’s that he could feel her breath, “Was that a threat, detective?”

            Snarling, Anslinger whirled away from her and marched back towards the store. Nixon and Bush stared at the manager for a moment, blinking like love-struck infants, until the detective called after them and they scurried away. Boss Lady turned to us with her hands on her hips.

            “I’ve got to go show him the tapes, anything I should know?”

            Lu looked to Jay, who looked to Alan, who looked to Lu, then they reversed the chain.

            “Good,” she said, “Tomorrow, two oclock, be here.”

“And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself

I like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn”

                        -MGK

            Thanks to the godless heathens that stole Lu’s car, Alan and Lu hitched a ride from Jay. Their apartment complex, the Veranda, was less than ten minutes away if it wasn’t a home game weekend. The streets of Tiger Town became New York City when the Eagles were playing. The RVs started rolling in on Wednesdays, by Thursday the white tents were going up on every scrap of green space on campus, and on Friday a line of alumni as long as the Trail of Tears and as slow moving as a paralyzed tortoise clogged the interstates of south Alabama like the arteries of a Texan. It was Saturday but, fortunately, the game had been at noon and so the traffic had practically disappeared by the time the boys got off around nine.

            The Veranda was a nice enough place for off campus living. The occasional shooting, drug busts, incessant towing, and littering were typical characteristics of off campus living no matter where you went. It was the price you paid to have your own bedroom and not have to sneak around to smoke a little chronic. Surrounded by woods, the Veranda was situated in an alcove just off campus and just out of the way enough to keep the police from maintaining constant surveillance. The buildings were structured in a rectangular ring around a courtyard divided into thirds: one third devoted to the tennis courts, the second devoted to a cubic plot of forest, and the third consisting of the pool and volley ball court. The buildings were identical twins (technically, septuplets). There were two open-air stair wells that divided each building in half – one set of stairs faced the courtyard and the other faced the parking lot – and four apartments per floor with two models for each abode, the two bedroom or the four.

            All the best people lived on the third floor. Between the Goons, their territory in the Veranda consisted of three apartments: Alan’s, Alex’s, and the Brotel.  Alex and the Brotel were located in Building E which stood between the squared-section of well-groomed woods and the parking lot that their domiciles faced. Lu lived in the Brotel with his brother - Job, a high school buddy - Christmas, and his cousin - AJ. Out of the three apartments within their domain, Lu’s housed the most Goons and thus it had become a rally point and crash destination for visiting buddies which led AJ to give it the title “the Brotel”. It was to the Brotel that Jay took them, leaving his jeep in guest parking to protect it against the bastards at AET – to avoid diverging into a ferocious rant on the character of those associated with this acronym, just know you will hear about them later.

            Hopping out of the jeep, they were only half way across the parking lot when AJ saluted them from the Brotel porch.

            “Yall got back early!” 

            “Wait til you hear why!” Alan yelled back.

            AJ, Christmas, Alex, and Bear were waiting for them on the porch. The Brotel porch was the ideal spot for smoking cigarettes. Not only was it equipped with four foldable tail-gating chairs but they had recently acquired a new couch which allowed them to move their old couch outside to be used as a stoge couch – it was the envy of all their neighbors.

            “Have yall heard about all the Waffa Ho robberies recently?” Lu asked as he rounded the corner and joined their comrades on the porch.

            “No!” AJ and Christmas gasped simultaneously.

            “Yall got robbed?” Alex exclaimed.

            The Dream Team nodded.

            “By the same guys, too. Glock toting tricker treaters.” Alan said.

            “Damn,” Christmas remarked.

            “They were actually kind of nice.” Jay said shrugging.

            “Yea, until they stole my car!” Lu said.

            “Seriously!” AJ yelped.

            Lu nodded.

            “Damn,” Christmas said.

            “What’d the cops say?” Alex asked.

            “About my car? Shit, we didn’t ask them.” Lu muttered.

            “You might wanna get on that…” AJ laughed.

            “Yall don’t understand,” Alan spoke up for Lu, “we were dealing with this detective and I’m telling you, this guy was a complete tool.”

            “He tried to say we were accomplices.” Jay added.

            “We just wanted to get out of there.” Lu admitted, “I’ll call the police tomorrow. I just wanna get high and forget all about it.”

            “Did they take your tips?” AJ asked.

            “Nope!” Jay and Lu said.

            “I’ll match if yall want to buy some.” Christmas suggested.

            All eyes turned to Alex.

            “Let’s make it quick.”

            He smeared his cigarette out in the ash tray and got up from the couch. Bear got to her feet and the two headed back around the corner to his place and the others followed. Of the two females that lived with Alex, there wasn’t a Goon in the Squad that didn’t prefer Bear. Bear was thick and strong, with gorgeous blonde hair and big, chocolate brown eyes. They weren’t sure, after all Alex had found her on the street, but they assumed she was a pit bull-lab mix. As for the other bitch, well, she was a human named Stacy.

            “Heeey baaay-beee!”

            This was the greeting Alex received at his door. Alex gave her a peck on the lips and Bear gave a grunt of disapproval. The rest of the Goons gave her the minimal amount of greeting required of one’s friends towards one's significant other. Inside, there was a discreet, but very real, race to the chairs surrounding the kitchen counter. Alan and AJ managed to snag the two high chairs around the table and Jay grabbed the stool in front of the bar. The losers were forced to stand or brave a seat on the couch alongside her.

            Christmas and Lu lost the battle. As Alex collected money and weighed out the bud, Christmas and Lu plopped down on the couch next to Stacy. Both of them were determined to keep their gaze straight ahead, intent to find whatever was on TV intriguing even though the channel was trapped on MTV. Unfortunately for them, they arrived during commercials.

            “So how was work?” she asked.

            “Fine!” Lu blurted.

            “They got robbed.” Christmas said with a grin.

            “Oh my Gaaahd! Alex! They got robbed!”

            A monotone response drifted out from behind the bar. “Isn’t that crazy, baby?”

            “Are you okay?” she scooted closer and began to rub Lu’s arm. Her hands slid up his back and began to need his shoulders. “There’s so much stress here! You need to relax! I can’t believe it! Were you scared?”

            Twisting free, Lu shoved her hands into her lap and patted them as one might pet an over affectionate puppy that won’t stop trying to lick one's face. She was emotionally unstable, every day of the month, and it didn’t take much to set her off. It was best to keep contact and communication to a minimum.

            “No they were actually pretty cool…” Lu glared at the TV in search of an escape, “Hey look, vampires!”

            “Pretty cool?” Lu had failed. “They were pretty cool? They robbed you!”

            “They left our tips…” Lu muttered.

            Christmas was playing the devil’s advocate. “They took his car.”

            “Are, you, serious?” Her jaw dropped and she leaned towards Lu, offering a treacherous view of her cleavage. “Do you think you’ll get it back!”

            “Doubt it,” Christmas interjected, “he didn’t even report it to the cops.”

            “Are you insane! Here!”

            In an instant she whipped her phone out, dialed 911, and began the call. The phone was on speaker and everyone in the room heard the first ring. Chaos ensued. Alex sprinted around the bar and as Lu snatched the phone from her hand Alex dove onto the couch. His fast reaction was unnecessary, Lu would’ve been able to end the call before the second ring but he hadn’t seen Alex lunge. As he landed, he knocked the phone out of Lu’s hands and it sailed across the room. With Alex on top of them, neither he nor Christmas could move. Luckily, Jay reacted with the agility of a rabbit. He jumped the coffee table and fell to his knees in the corner, grabbing the phone just as a feminine voice asked:

            “911, what’s your emergency?”

            The room was filled with a dead silence. Alan marched over to Jay, took the phone, took it off speaker, and raised it to his lips.

            “I’m very sorry, but my little girl was playing with my phone…Yes, I realize that mam, I apologize…Yes, mam, I’m sorry, it won’t happen again…Yes, mam, thank you.”

            Closing the phone, he turned to her with fire in his eyes.

            “What?” she snapped, “They stole his car, he needs to tell the police!”

            “He wants to get high, not file a police report.” Alan growled.

            “Oh my God, you people are so stupid!” She stood up and snatched her phone back from Alan, “You guys think you’re so cool. ‘Oh, we’re the Goon Squad, fuck the police!’” She pranced about the living room rolling her eyes. “Alex, you need some new friends. These guys are going nowhere fast.” With that, she spun on her heels, bumped past Alan, and strode out the door, slamming it behind her.

            The Goons were silent as they listened to her footsteps drift around the corner and out of earshot.

            “Well that was surprisingly calm for her.” AJ stated.

            “Wait til tonight when she comes back hammered.” Alex sighed and got back on his feet.

            “I thought you were getting rid of her man.” Alan said.

            “I’m working on it. Get off my dick.” Alex said.

            “Get off hers!” Alan retorted.

            “Fuck off!” Alex said.

            “We gonna smoke or bitch about her all night?” AJ asked.

            “I vote smoke!” Jay said.

            Despite all the shit his friends gave him for his girlfriend, Alex knew they sympathized with his struggle. He was caught in one of those off-and-on, never ending relationships. Almost all of his friends had been through one of the like, they’d just been lucky enough to break it off. At times Alex and Stacy seemed wonderful together. In fact, in the early days of the Goon Squad when the now close friends were mere acquaintances, the Goons were convinced the two we were meant to be but as time passed they began to realize that Stacy could bring the worst out of Alex. Alex was well aware of this but he had known her for so long it would be nigh impossible to keep her out of his life.

            “Alright, I got Alan and Jay, Lu are you buying tonight?” Alex asked.

            That’s when Lu remembered the weed gifted to him by the gorilla.

            “Yo! I forgot to mention, the robbers gave me some bud.”

            Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved the bundle and tossed it to Alex. Alex pressed the plastic up to his nose and inhaled. Blinking like a strobe light he staggered back and would’ve fallen if Jay hadn’t caught him by the shoulders.

            “Holy shit!” he crowed, tossing back the baggy, “That’s loud as fuck! Let me get you a grinder.”

            Their little book club was ready to start. AJ got to work on Alex’s bong which deserves a paragraph all to herself. The glasswork made his piece a thing of art. Under the late brand name of Zong, this nearly two foot tall water pipe was jagged like a lightning bolt.  Instead of standing straight up like a graduated cylinder, it zig-zagged. When you pulled, the smoke shot from elbow to elbow, billowing like rolling storm clouds, as the water bubbled with a sound reminiscent of distant rumbling thunder. Half of Alex’s customers bought from him simply to smoke from the Zong.

            As AJ emptied her and filled her up, Alex scraped the bowl into the trash. Jay, Alan, Christmas, and Lu ground up their dro then dumped equal portions onto a bent ace of spades. As they waited for all the pieces of the puzzle to come together, Lu asked Alex about the new found chronic.

            “Have you ever smelled something like that before?”

            “Honestly,” he paused, looking up from the trash can to look Lu in the eyes, “can’t say I have. I’d thought I’d smelled em all, but never have I ever…it smelled peachy.”

            “It really does!” Lu agreed, pausing to sniff what he had left in the baggy, “I’ve never smelled weed like it before.”

            “Shit, I’m excited!” AJ cried, bouncing up and down as he brought the Zong over to the coffee table, “That bowl ready?”

            “Ready.” Alex said, handing it to Alan.

            Alan filled the bowl, put it in the Zong, then handed Lu his lighter, “You first, Lu. If you hadn’t driven me, it would’ve been my car that got jacked.”

            “Thanks bro.”

            Lu took the lighter, grabbed the Zong, sparked it, and pulled. The smoke hit him like a freight train, which surprised him. He had always thought of himself as a well experienced smoker, after all, he spent more time high than sober, but this reefer struck him like it was his first time. Doubling over coughing, he couldn’t even finish the hit. If Christmas hadn’t grabbed the bong from his hands, it might’ve crashed to the floor and shattered. Sliding off the couch and onto his knees, Lu pulled his apron up to cover his mouth but the coughing continued and when it finally started to subside, it hit Christmas. By the time Lu could finally breath, he was surrounded by a chorus of hacking. Christmas lay on his belly, forcing his head between the cushions of the couch. AJ trembled over the sink while Alex stood over the trashcan like an ostrich with its head in the ground. Alan was stooped in the corner, pounding his fist on the wall. Jay writhed on the ground in a fetal position. Poor Bear wandered from Goon to Goon, her eyes fraught with worry.

            Exhausted, Lu fell onto his butt with his back to the couch and Bear wandered up to him, kissing him on the cheek. He grinned weakly and began to pet her when she suddenly reared back and sneezed, covering his face in a thick film of mucus.

            “I’m sorry, honey!”

            Lu jumped to his feet and the lights went out.

            “Who hit the lights?” Alex cried.

            “Lu?” Alan spoke in a whisper.

            The room was quiet enough for Lu to hear, but he didn’t. The world around him had ceased to exist. His hands twitched at his side and his fingertips trembled. He could feel his heart clenching and the blood pumping through his veins but that wasn’t all. He could feel the energy in the walls surging through copper wires, flowing to the light bulbs, the TV, the fridge, the microwave, the clock on the oven. The energy in the cell phones that hid in the Goon’s pockets and the carbon-zinc batteries in the scale on the counter pulsed in rhythm with his heart, whispering to him as they powered their attached devices, asking him for their orders as if they were his limbs and he their brain. Lu didn’t know how, but he knew he had turned off the lights. Pointing at the switch on the wall across the room, Lu turned them back on.

            “Lu, how are you doing that?” Alan repeated.

            “How’d he do what?” Alex demanded. Looking at Alan then following his gaze to Lu, Alex gasped, “Lu, you alright?”

            Lu still stood with his finger pointing at the light switch. His eyes were wide but what blue had once engulfed his irises was now painted over in red – as was his pupil and sclera. Both eyeballs had turned completely red. Jay lay on his back by the door, he was the first to look away from Lu and the first to notice that Lu was not the only one with red eyes.

            “Look around,” Jay said as he got to his feet, using the wall behind him for support, “that wasn’t just weed we smoked.”

            Christmas emitted an unintelligible grumble and began to claw his way wildly out from the couch cushions he’d burrowed into.

            “He’s gonna puke!” Alan roared.

            “Trash can!” Alex shouted.

            As soon as Christmas got to his feet, his body convulsed. He stood frozen for a moment, one hand over his mouth and the other over his stomach. Alex grabbed the trashcan and was only a second away when the second wave hit Christmas. He jerked again and this time he couldn’t fight it. Eager warm vomit spewed from between his fingers, ready to soak the Zong and her half smoked bowl that rested on the coffee table below him – but it never did. The throw up swirled into a ball and hovered in the air in front of Christmas.

            “What the fuck?” Jay muttered.

            “How the hell?” Alan’s question was directed to AJ.

            “I don’t know.”

            AJ still stood by the sink but he stood stretched out, as though reaching for a football thrown too short. His right hand was aimed at the hovering vomit, his wrist twisting with the swirling orb. Walking on his tiptoes, afraid any sudden movement might cause the stomach-acid-churned globe to fall, Alex slid the trashcan beneath it. AJ, with sweat beading on his brow, guided the bile into the bag then slouched back against the counter.

            “It isn’t weed.” AJ said, “And it isn’t any drug I’ve ever heard off.”

            “Alex.” Alan said quietly.

            “Yea?”

            “Go ahead and slide that trashcan to Lu.”

            Christmas staggered out of the way and Alex pushed the can forward a yard until it rested at Lu’s feet. Pale faced and trembling, Lu fell to his knees at the can’s arrival. His stomach heaved and up came a waffle-hash-brown smoothie. When the deed was done, Lu wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand and looked at Alan with a raised eyebrow.

            “I think I’m reading your mind.” Alan admitted.

            “What am I thinking?” Lu asked.

            “You don’t know.” Alan said.

            Lu flopped onto his butt and scooted against the wall, “He’s right.”

            “Fuck.” Alex dropped suddenly and blew chunks into the trashcan.

            Alan finally got the urge and he ran to the bathroom. The only two who hadn’t spewed yet was Jay and AJ. The sudden realization of this sent them over the edge. AJ spun around and shoved his head into the sink. Pinching his lips shut, Jay frantically fumbled with the door. He would’ve turned and heaved all over the floor if Christmas hadn’t zoomed in – and he really zoomed in. Though he was only a yard or two away to begin with, he dashed to the door so quick that no one saw him move. He was by the TV one second and the next by the door and in the third second he’d gotten the sucker open and placed a gentle hand on Jay’s back to propel him outside. Jay stumbled out, grabbed the railing, and released three pounds of liquid Waffa Ho.

            For a moment, there were two miracles: the first being the strange powers the Goons were beginning to comprehend and the second the fact that not a single one of them had thrown up on the floor. The latter only lasted for a little. Between the smoke exhaled by the six of them, Alex’s living room had grown quite hazy and Bear, even from where she was on the ground, had inhaled a good bit of the mystery marijuana as well. Her shoulders stiffened, her head lowered, and she burped up a wad of half-digested kibbles.

            Alex looked up from the trash can and cursed, “Damn it.”

            Bear gave Alex a big brown eyed, sulking face and said, “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

            “Holy shit!” Alex exclaimed.

            “I knew I heard her talk!” Lu cried.

            “You can hear me!” Bear yelped, jumping up and down.

            “Honey Bear!” AJ said as he finished washing his regurgitation down the drain. Grabbing paper towels he walked over to the dog and knelt down, patting her lovingly on the head and saying, “You’re so high you can talk!”

            Bear winked at AJ then said in her smooth, deep, but still definitely feminine voice, “No need, honey, I’ll clean it up!”

            “No. AJ, go ahead and clean that up.” Alex said, bringing over the trashcan. He smiled down at his dog and his voice traveled up a few octaves, “You can’t eat food off the ground, it’s dirty.”

            “Yes, Daddy.” Honey said, rubbing her head against his knee.

            “STOGE!” Alan bellowed as he strode back into the room.

            “STOGE!” Alex and AJ cried as they put the paper towels and trashcan up.

            “STOGE!” Christmas and Lu chimed as Lu joined him at the door.

            Even Jay, outside hunched over the railing, answered the call, “STOGE!”

            They piled out one by one and trotted across the open-air hall to the Brotel’s porch. Everyone pulled out their packs and those without were given one without even asking: AJ supplied Christmas, Alan supplied Alex, and Lu supplied Jay. Everyone took their respected seats and sparked their cigarettes, passing the lighter to those without. From the time that Alan started the call until the first couple puffs were taken, not a soul spoke a word though all brooded over the events that had just taken place.

            Only Alan didn’t get to enjoy the first inhale in silence. His eyes were drawn to the faces around him and as he scanned them over their thoughts whispered in his ears, some louder than others. Finally, he looked away and stared at a street light in the parking lot. The longer he stared, the quieter the thoughts became. I can tone it out. He realized. The dulling didn’t last long, because Jay broke the silence.

            “So we smoked some strange bud.” He said, then he asked, “Are these things really happening or are we just high?”

            “Let’s see.” Lu stood from the couch and left his cigarette in his mouth. Pointing both hands at a street light, he closed his eyes. The light began to blink, flashing off then on, off then on, off then on, off then the light above the Brotel door – a light which had been out since Freshman year – suddenly came to life. Opening his eyes, the light bulb died and the street light went back on. Lu turned to Jay, “It’s real.”

            “Yup.” Christmas spoke. As he stood and walked to the end of the porch, he watched AJ’s arm extending, a cigarette with an inch of ash hanging onto the end was pinched between his fingers. When he made it to the edge of the porch, AJ’s hand hadn’t moved more than an inch. To his friends, he moved quicker than Usain Bolt but to him he moved no quicker than normal. The entire world slowed around him, even the words that drifted from his comrade’s lips were drawn out and muddled by the sluggish passage of time. His one syllable “Yup” hadn’t even been heard. He’d moved so quick that no one had noticed him get up. Then, as soon as they realized, he flashed back into his spot and did his best to slow his speech, “It’s real.”

            “Yea, guys, watch…” AJ stretched his hand out in front of him, holding his cigarette perpendicular from his fingers. Focusing, he could feel the universe. The slight vibrations of the matter that made up the concrete deck, the metal railing, the cloth cushions of the couch, all hummed in his brain just as Lu had felt the electricity. For a moment, he held still and reveled in this new found sense, this absolute awareness of his environment, then he spread his fingers. The stoge didn’t fall, it levitated. Under AJ’s direction it rose above his hand and hovered over to his lips. Taking a drag, he exhaled and sent the cigarette back to his outstretched hand. With a grin, he said, “I’ll never have to wipe my ass again.”

            “Imagine jerking off!” Lu exclaimed.

            The two cousins chuckled. Alex was not amused.

            “Well fuck you guys, Jay and I haven’t had shit happen to us!” he said.

            “I think you might be by yourself.” Alan said as he watched Jay who was staring at the volcanic tip of his cigarette, “Tell them what you feel.”

            Suddenly, a flame whooshed into existence on the end of Jay’s stoge. Pinching the fire from the butt of his cigarette, he pulled it away so that the flame danced across his fingertips. He rolled the fire across his knuckles then mentally herded it into his palm. He balled his fist, lifted it to his mouth, and inhaled the fire. Despite the surprises already endured, AJ, Lu, Christmas, and Alex stared at Jay with wide eyes and slack jaws.

            “Fire,” Jay said, “that’s my thing.”

            “This is insane.” Lu remarked.

            “This is bullshit.” Alex grunted.

            “Yurrottabumby!” Christmas blurted, then blushed, and spoke slower, “You’ve got to have something! Just think really hard. Do you feel anything different?”

            “I don’t feel shit!” he crowed, “I don’t even feel high!”

            “I feel like I’m on coke.” Alan stated.

            “But without the jitters.” AJ added.

            “Speak for yourself.” Christmas said.

            “Look around,” Lu suggested, “maybe you can control water and there’s just no water here.”

            Despite the annoyance swelling within him, Alex gave it a shot. First, he looked at the sky where swirling clouds drifted over the moon. Nothing happened. Then he stared hard at the metal railings. He squinted and strained his muscles but to no avail. Just as he was ready to give up, Jay jumped from his seat and pointed across the parking lot.

            “The trees!” he cried.

            The woods that lined the apartment complex were somewhat minimal, growing thicker the further you delved. The bushes and shrubberies that sprouted between roots were kept at bay by maintenance’s constant weed whacking. As for the trees themselves, the majority were young, having been planted in the last five or so years after a serious of storms equipped with ferocious winds ravaged the woods’ past tenants. Yet, as Alex now stared past the railing, the young hickories, oaks, and pines were rising to the height of the older survivors. Their trunks widened and their branches stretched until the entire tree line stood at a uniform, gargantuan height. Alex’s toes and fingers tingled when he looked away, trembling as he took a puff on his cigarette.

            “Holy shit,” Alan said, slapping Alex on the shoulder, “do you know what we could pull off with a power like that?”

            “The biggest, quickest, grow up,” Alex exhaled, took another puff, then exhaled again, “in the history of marijuana.”

            “We’re super heroes!” Jay muttered.

            “Hemp Heroes!” Lu cried.

            “Super Stoners!” AJ chimed.

            Christmas said, “Shit, I guess we aren’t going to that party now though.”

            “Why not?” Lu asked, a smirk sliding across his lips.

            “Bro, that’s a bad idea.” Alan warned, “Look at our eyes! We look possessed!” Staring hard at Lu, he heard the Goon’s thoughts as if he’d spoken aloud: It’s Halloween! We’re supposed to look satanic! Alan replied aloud, “Yea but…it seems like a bad idea.”

            “We’ll dress up like demons.” Lu shrugged, “We can claim they’re contacts.”

            “Lu, you’ll end up in jail if you go out like this.” AJ said.

            “I’ll keep it on the down low. Imagine the stunts we could pull!” Lu’s grin grew wider, “Imagine the girls we could pull! Just think about playing beer pong when you have the ability to control shit with your mind!”

            “We don’t know what we’re dealing with here, Lu.” Christmas said, “We smoked this stuff a few minutes ago, it could get stronger.”

            “Like LSD,” Jay observed, “it could build.”

            “Or it could fade away in the next thirty.” Lu said but as he glanced from face to face he saw his friends were unconvinced. “Am I the only one that sees this as a golden opportunity for the most legendary Halloween night ever?”

            “All I know is, I’m not going.” Alex stated, “After the drug bust two weeks ago,” he was referring to a buddy of the Goons that had been arrested after neighbors complained about excessive traffic coming and going from the apartment, “the last thing I need is to make a scene.”

            “I said I’ll keep it low profile!” Lu was practically begging.

            “Sorry bro,” Alex said, shaking his head.

            Lu turned to Alan. He raised his hands in defense, “I’m with Alex but yall go ahead. I’ve out grown my partying days. Besides I don’t want to even think about the head ache I’d get from a party.”

            “Not to mention having to cope with the thoughts of a fratboy.” AJ added.

            “I think I’m going to have to get used to this for a little before I can go out in public.” Alan said, “If I ever can.”

            “I’ll go.” Jay said.

            “And you?” Lu asked Christmas.

            “Only to keep you two out of trouble.” He said.

            AJ released a drawn out sigh, “I’ll go too then.”

            “Awesome,” Lu said, paused to pull out his phone, then continued, “It’s about 9:30, which gives us at most an hour to find something to wear. I hope this shit doesn’t wear off!”

            Satisfied, Lu went inside. The rest of the Goons stayed put, finishing what was left of their cigarettes in anticipatory thought.

            “If he’d jump of a cliff, would yall follow?” Alan asked.

            “No,” AJ said, “but I’d try and catch him before he hits the bottom.”

            “He’ll behave.” Jay said.

            “He better…” Christmas muttered.

            “If the shit hits the fan and yall need a ride, give us a call.” Alex said, “We’ll be at my place.”

            “All these pretty lights, can't you see em?

Endless nights in my life's museum

Where we see our heroes and pretend to be em,

And we seize the day, Carpe Diem.”

                        -MGK

            “Guys,” Lu said as he climbed to the top of the ridge. With the posture of a Spanish conquistador, he gazed at the shenanigans unfolding before him and handed his flask to the homies behind him, “who wants to finish her up?”

Between the four, enough vodka had been consumed in the last hour that no one need drink another drop. Lu had led them on a short trek through the forest to the back of Fraternity Row. Branches battered them as they staggered single file through the woods. Sticking right as the trail forked, they came out in a wide pasture that ended abruptly with a steep incline which marked the edge of Greek territory. Under a purple sky of scattered, silky clouds, the Goons wandered towards the lights blinking over the ridge. They were outcasts, barbarians if you will, in a forbidden land and their scarlet eyes twinkled with the greedy thrill of rebellion.

Their sneakiness was wise. The possession of Y chromosomes made getting into a Greek party quite difficult and the dark pigment of one of the four’s skin made valid, legal, entrance impossible. The angle from which the four approached was the one and only way into the party and even still it was risky, that is, if you arrived early. The Goons reached the perimeter an hour after the festivities began, not exceptionally late but definitely not early, and already overly-intoxicated students were wandering up the sheer slope the four were perched upon. Plastered pop stars puked prostrate in the pasture. Shitfaced superheroes squatted to shit in shrubs. Masked monsters humped wasted witches barebacked behind tree trunks. A garrulous ghoul gaped at the Goons’ eyes, applauded them for their creativity, and accepted the unoffered flask still held at the end of Lu’s extended arm. After taking a swig and a belch, the stranger handed it back, slapped Lu on the back, then staggered off to pee. Aside from with the hobbling goblin, the four’s meager costumes that, other than their glow in the dark vampire fangs, consisted of nothing but jeans and hoodies, allowed them to slip by completely under the radar.

            “Yall ready?” AJ asked.

            “What’s our primary objective, Cap’n?” Christmas asked.

            “The beer pong tables!” Lu said.

            “And the rally point?” Jay asked.

            “Pick a tree.” Lu said.

            “Over there where Katy Perry’s takin a piss.” AJ said.

            “Everyone good? Everyone ready?” Lu asked.

            “Let’s do it.” Christmas said.

            They descended upon the outskirts of the party. The four attempted to stay together but were quickly split as soon as they infiltrated the dance floor which separated them from the ΦΑΨ Brother’s house. They weaved their way through the maze of gyrating students with their eyes set on the yellow glowing windows, glossed with spilled beer. In the midst of the chaos, Lu found himself sandwiched between two grinding couples, preventing forward progress and retreat, it was either right or left. At his left, there was a fedora wearing Indiana Jones, one button still holding his sweat soaked shirt which had slid up his bulging belly – Lu had no intention to squeeze by him – so he turned right. A slender pathway carved through the jungle of drug and music induced dry humping. Before it collapsed, Lu took it. He pushed his way towards the stage and stopped ten yards out from the middle-aged, local rock stars. Where was I going? Glancing down from the band, his eyes came across a group of girls jamming. Girls! Why am I not dancing! He tapped a girl, one of a group, on the shoulder and shouted, “Yall wanna dance?”

Though his words were not heard, the girls had no trouble reading his lips. He received all positive responses but none stepped forward. Lu was too blitzed to be phased. Looking from girl to girl, he decided he’d have to make his request specific. Their costumes weren’t terror oriented aside from the blonde dressed like a gangster rapper with a makeshift grill that reminded Lu of a particular Bond villain’s set of metallic jaws. Alongside the female doppelganger of Riff Raff was a flower-head-banded hippy and her friend who looked like an alcoholic track coach – tights beneath a sleeveless shirt that revealed the sweaty strap of her sports bra topped with a thick coating of makeup – needless to say, she took Lu’s breath away (No joke, she really did). She carried herself with a determined hype that convinced Lu she was in costume and not straight out of the gym. There was a wink in her lips, a smile in her eyes, and, as she rocked about, Lu had to have her. He stepped towards her and repeated his question.

            “Wanna dance?”

            “Sure!”

Lu put his hands on her hips and did his best to follow her lead. For the first couple songs, the two tested one another, finding the other’s groove and syncing up. With each passing moment, they became more relaxed and soon both were lost in the thumping bass and flashing lights. When the band paused to give a shout out to a few fraternity brothers, Lu leaned over her ear and asked, “What’s your name?”

“M.”

Her voice sent shivers down his spine. He turned her to face him but she avoided his eyes. Cupping her chin, he lifted her to his gaze but still she looked away.

“You should go…” she muttered.

“Huh?”

Despite her comment, she finally looked him in his scarlet glowing eyes. They leaned forward and their lips met. His arms moved to wrap around her but she put her hands on his chest, he loosened his grip, and she pushed away.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, then she hurried off.

“HEY!”

            The yell came from on stage. Turning, Lu didn’t recognize the voice but the face, or mask rather, he did – it was a snarling, crooked toothed ape.  The gorilla stood amidst the band and when Lu turned to face him, he dropped the microphone and pulled off his mask. His blonde hair was pasted to his head with sweat and his mustache twisted in opposing directions. His eyes were glossed over and glaring at Lu. Silence swept across the dance floor like a breeze.

            “Let’s get this kid a drink!” The gorilla cried and hopped down from the stage. Two frat brothers grabbed Lu from behind and began to drag him towards the house. Puzzled and terrified, Lu fell limp as a rag doll.

- - -     

Jay saw Lu stray but he stayed the course. Ahead he could see AJ and Christmas’s heads bouncing through the crowd, nearly to the house. Yet, something else caught his eye. A neon green figure crossed AJ and Christmas’s path, leaving the house and stopping at the edge of the dance crowd. Though he had only been able to see the man for a second, he was sure that he wore a similar, if not the same, costume as the one worn by one of three thieves he’d met earlier that night. Fueled by curiosity, Jay pushed through the unconscious dancers with renewed vigor. Every two or three yards he’d catch another glimpse of the familiar green fabric until finally he burst from the mass of dancers and staggered on to the strip of lawn between the stage and the house. Edit here

            Not only was there Green Man, but Batman and the gorilla too. Jay’s jaw dropped but he never got to react further because a hand latched onto his wrist and spun him around. Jay found himself face-to-chest with a massive, stern browed rent-a-cop.

            “No wrist band.” He said.

            “Come on!” Jay begged.

            “No.” The man replied. “You’re coming with me.”

            The security guard would’ve dragged Jay all the way through the house had he not complied. Though the giant refused to release Jay’s wrist, he allowed Jay to walk alongside him as they squeezed through the flock of party goers within the house. As they passed, everyone looked up to catch a quick glimpse of the captured intruder. The negative attention would’ve embarrassed Jay normally but he didn’t even notice. All he could think of was the unexpected coincidence. What are the chances that those three fiends came to the same party? The guard was escorting him through the ranks of beer pong tables, their shoes half submerged in a vast pool of spilled beer that stretched wall to wall, when Jay saw AJ and Christmas sink a ping pong ball into a plastic red cup.

            “AJ!” He shouted, “Christmas!”

            “Keep moving,” the guard grumbled, grasping his shoulders and forcing him onward, “you can call them when you get outside.”

            Writhing about, Jay tried to twist around in order to see if his friends had heard him but the officer’s grip on his shoulders was firm. He planted his feet but they could find no traction on the alcohol lubricated floor tiles. The guard whisked him away into the next room, down a narrow hall that passed the stairs, and out the front door – releasing him at the edge of the stairs so that he almost fell flat on his face.

            Jay caught his balance, stormed towards the street, and popped a squat on the curb. His mind mulled through theories of how the appearance of the thieves might not be mere coincidence, yet every hypothesis seemed irrational. You’re over reacting, he told himself, the last thing those guys would want to do is be seen by us. His thoughts were disturbed when two giggling, red-faced girls sat beside him on the curb, one on either side. After scanning them over with his peripherals, Jay made no acknowledgement that he noticed their arrival. He could tell this bothered them.

            “Waiting for the drunk bus?” One asked as she squirmed to get her face in front of his eyes.

            “No,” Jay shook his head and intentionally avoided her gaze. Lifting his wrist for both to see, he elaborated, “I got kicked out.”

            “That’s no good!” The first girl exclaimed.

            “Those bastards!” The other cursed and slid an arm around Jay’s shoulders. Pulling him towards her, she attempted to whisper into his ear though it came out somewhere between regular volume and a yell, “You can party with us!”

            Hearing this, the first girl tagged along, gnashing her teeth, “Yea, we looove vampires!”

            “I can’t.” Jay replied, looking straight ahead so as not to be seduced by the stupefied-succubae, “My friends are inside and they might be in trouble.”

            “You’re no fun!” The second girl pouted, crossing her arms.

            “Well today is your lucky day,” the first girl said, “because I am feeling generous.”

            Jay had little hope for what her generosity might entail but was greatly surprised. The girl yanked her lightning-bolt-yellow band and it snapped off her wrist. With a poor smile, she handed it to Jay.

            “You’re the best!” Jay cried with wide eyes, instantly forgiving her temptress-like behavior and embracing the stranger in a grateful hug. Then he looked down at the torn paper strap and asked, “How can I put it back on?”

            A large white van with black tinted windows and flashing yellow lights on top slid to a stop in front of the three. The drunk bus had arrived. The second girl slapped Jay on the shoulder then spit a wad of gum into her palm. Offering him the saliva-soaked clump, she proclaimed, “Stick it together with gum!”

            Jay was less eager to accept this gift but he did what had to be done. The two girls got up and approached the bus. They paused at the van door and offered Jay good luck then blew him a kiss before they stepped in and closed the door behind them. As the bus drove off, Jay stuck his new-fashioned bracelet together and headed back into the fray.

- - -

            A scrawny cowboy lifted a Solo cup to his lips with a trembling hand and finished the last gulp of beer. Slapping the cup back down, the rancher rolled the ping pong ball across the table and staggered away after his partner. Receiving the ball, a pirate held it up to his one good eye, as if inspecting it for defects. Satisfied, he flung it back at the table then demanded of the room:

            “Who is next?”

            “We are!” Christmas said as he approached the other side of the table and caught the ping pong ball. AJ and Christmas had watched the two cowboys face off against the savior and the swashbuckler. The latter pair was pretty good but the Goons were certain they’d be helpless against their new found strengths.

            “Eye to eye.” The pirate stated as he stepped aside to allow his buddy, a toga wearing white Jesus, to step forward.

            “Ready when you are, Christ.” Christmas said.

            “Three, two,” Jesus paused to give his bearded chin a quick itch then continued, “one!”

            Though Christmas and Jesus couldn’t look at the cups, AJ could. As soon as the ball left Christmas’s fingers, AJ honed in on it and guided it – ever so slightly – to the left so that it splashed into the cup at the head of the opposing team’s triangle. Unfortunately – though it was no surprise, after all, for his first miracle he turned water to wine – Jesus managed to sink his ball as well. The first two stepped aside then AJ and the pirate stepped up. Shit, AJ realized, if I can’t look at the cups, even if I controlled the ball I’d be doing it blind. The pirate and AJ glared at one another, cocked their arms, then threw. AJ was spot on. The buccaneer’s missed the table and Christmas caught it without glancing down. Silent in their defeat, the privateer tossed the ball back and as he did Christmas jabbed AJ in the ribs then shot a bounce-shot. It was a gamble and the throw was horribly off. As AJ watched it smack the table he knew that if he were to change the ball’s course their opponents might begin to get suspicious, but he never had to make a decision. Jesus Christ heard the bounce from behind the pirate, from where he stood he hadn’t seen the throw was an obvious miss. He lunged past his partner, his shoes lost traction on the beer slicked floor, and he stumbled. As he fell his hands flailed out and his left one smacked the table, toppling a beer.

            “God damn it!” The pirate roared, taking his eyes off the table.

            AJ had caught the second ball and as their two adversaries cursed each other, he threw a bounce shot with near enough precision that he could guide the ball in and arouse no suspicion. The pirate’s face turned red and the Messiah grimaced as he got to his feet. Three cups down. Some of those waiting in line at other tables noticed the play and turned, offering wondrous, “Oooohs!” which intrigued more party goers who were walking by. In a matter of seconds a ring of onlookers had them surrounded. The two brothers at the end of the table were immediately berated by their peers, “Are yall bout to lose to Twilight?” someone cried, “Guys, Martin’s about to get Crucified!” another yelled, “Frat Sparrow’s met his match!” AJ and Christmas looked at each other with their eyes as wide as the Solo cups below them.

            “Alex was right about attention.” AJ noted.

            Christmas spat his vampire teeth on the floor, which caused the crowd to howl with pleasure, then said back, “We got this.”

            And they did. Jesus Christ and Frat Sparrow choked on their first possession – both missing the table. As for the Goon’s second turn with the balls, AJ hit nothing but beer and Christmas plopped his into the last cup on the second row. Another whoosh of, “Oooohs!” swept through the audience as the balls were rolled back. AJ landed another on the back row and Christmas purposefully pitched a fowl. The prophet and pirate took their balls then closed their eyes for half a minute, as if in prayer. After a moment of meditation, they opened their eyes and shot, Sparrow first and Christ second. The pirate was off but Christ would have been dead on if AJ hadn’t given it a mental tap, bending the air just a bit so the ball hit the rim and bounced out. The once blushing faces of their opponents were now pale.

            Unable to suppress their grins, AJ and Christmas took their balls and made their shots – leaving three cups and getting the balls back. Before their second shots, Christmas was turning to AJ to tell him to take it easy when he saw his friend’s eyes. The red was beginning to fade away! Shit! Christmas didn’t have to say it. Not only did AJ note the expression on his friend’s face but his buddy’s eyes were returning to their original state as well! An intense itch possessed them and they doubled over, rubbing their eyes.

            “Those stupid contacts dry out?” Someone in the crowd yelled.

            When AJ and Christmas regained their composure, they looked down the table. The world was somewhat duller. It was like having a clogged nose or a numb tongue, it was as if they’d lost a sense. For Christmas, the world had sped back up. No longer did he have to slow his movements to stay in pace with his surroundings. For AJ, he felt smaller. Before he had felt a close connection to his world, connected to the matter around him and able to move it as if it was an extension of his own body, but now this sense was gone. The mysterious drug had run its course and now the delirium of alcohol and THC crept back over their brains.

            “Holy shit, I’m drunk.” Christmas muttered as he shot and missed.

            “Don’t worry, we got…” AJ said as he did the same.

            “Choke! Choke!” Somebody in the crowd began to cheer.

            Brightening up, the buccaneer went for a bounce shot and made it. His partner followed up by sinking a cup in the back row. In an equally miraculous feet, the two frat brothers both made cups on their second throws. The pirate sunk one more but the Jew King missed and Christmas and AJ got the balls back facing much more even odds – four cups to three in the Goon’s favor.

AJ shot first and he shot quick. The ball bounced off the rim of a cup and into the privateer’s hand. Christmas bounced his on the table, caught it in his hand, kissed his balled knuckles, said, “Island!” then threw. One of their three last cups sat alone on their right, it was the third cup of the third row. For a moment, time seemed to slow around the table, though Christmas could definitely tell it hadn’t, and his ping pong ball hit the mark. According to the rules, the shot was worth two cups.

Frat Sparrow and Jesus Christ drank their beers then took aim. Once again, the crowd grew quiet. The thick-glazed eyes of the frat brothers lining the perimeter didn’t blink as they uttered a low monotonous, “Shhhh!” as if they had some stake in the game being played. With one hand submerged in his beard, Jesus closed an eye and shot.

“Island.”

He succeeded in mirroring Christmas’ move. Now it was the pirate’s turn and, lifting his eye patch to use both eyes, he made a shot as well. AJ and Christmas slurped down their beers and burped, their fingers crossed as their opponents shot again. Both missed. Balls were tossed back down the table. Only two more cups stood – one on either side.

“For the Brotel.” Christmas said.

“For the Goon Squad.” AJ said.

They threw and they scored! Both landed their balls in the same cup, guaranteeing victory unless their enemies could do the same. They tossed the balls back but began celebrating before caring to witness the final shots (which were missed anyways). Blinded by a combination of booze and bud, AJ and Christmas hooped and hollered while the frat brothers around them glared, grinding their teeth and cracking their knuckles.

It was a miracle that Jay appeared when he did, rushing in on the two and quieting them down so that they would listen.

“The gorilla, Batman, and Green Man are here!” Jay declared in as hushed a tone as he could manage in his beleaguered state.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Christmas asked.

            “The guys that have been robbing the Waffa Ho’s, they wear Halloween costumes!” Jay explained, “A gorilla, a Batman, and a Green Man!”

            “A Green Man?” AJ asked.

            “From Sunny in Philadelphia.” Christmas said.

            “Right.” AJ remembered.

            “Exactly! They’re here, at this party, right now!” Jay said, “What if they recognize us! What if we see their identity? I don’t want to have to talk to the cops, do you?”

            “Hell no!” AJ cried.

            “We should leave.” Christmas stated.

            “Where is Lu?” AJ asked.

            Fate decided to answer AJ’s question. The big double doors to the large garage-like hall flung open and smacked against the walls. The Green Man and Batman marched in with Lu, dragging him by his arm pits, and behind them strutted their leader – a mask-less gorilla with a bright yellow mustache. Frat brothers ushered people out of the way while others cleared off a table, flinging cups of beer into the audience. Once done, Lu was slammed onto the table. Immediately and simultaneously, the crowd stepped back and another crowd stepped forward to form a tight, shoulder to shoulder, horde.

AJ, Christmas, and Jay were two tables away.

“God damn it Lu!” Christmas wailed.

“We gotta get him!” AJ exclaimed.

“C’mon!” Jay cried.

They plunged into the swarm of people and forced their way towards their friend as the beating began. The gorilla strode around the table with his arms raised and face lifted to the roof. He stopped at the head and looked down at Lu with crazy eyes and a ridiculous grin.

“Have you got anything to say for yourself before I give you what you got coming?”

Lu squirmed from beneath Batman and Green Man’s grasps and asked, “You’re in a frat and you have to steal from Waffa Ho’s?”

            “Ha!” The yellow-mustached, gorilla-bodied kid laughed, “You try and take my girl then accuse me of stealing?”

            One of the gorilla’s hands balled into a fist. Lu closed his eyes. The frat boy’s knuckles pounded Lu’s nose, hammering his head against the table. Batman and Green Man released him and Lu rolled off onto the floor, clutching his nose. Three brothers ran up to fold the table and cart it off. The gorilla knelt by Lu, grabbed him by his hair and shirt collar then lifted him to his feet.

            “What’s this all about?” AJ demanded.

            He, Christmas, and Jay finally broke into the clearing. The gorilla tossed Lu to the floor and looked at the Goons with narrow eyes. Jay waited for either of the three frat brother’s to recognize his face but none of them seemed to notice. They seemed to observe them with equal suspicion. How do they not recognize me? Jay wondered, They saw us only hours ago…

The gorilla answered AJ’s question, “He was hittin on my girl.”

            “Well he’s our buddy.” Christmas said.

            “We’ll take him home and you’ll never see us again.” Jay said.

            The gorilla’s mustache twitched, “Ha! Yea right!”

            “It’s as much his fault as it is the girls!” AJ countered.

            “I know,” the punk nodded, “and she’ll get hers later.”

            “They all needa get theirs.” Said the pirate the boys had defeated earlier as he and his holy partner entered the circle.

“I see no reason to fight you three. Way I see it, this is simple justice. If yall stay out of it, I’ll let you take your friend home in one piece.”

            “If you’re gonna hit him again,” AJ paused, shaking his head and sighing, “we’re gonna have to fight you.”

            “Well then fuck all of you!”

The gorilla drew back his leg and kicked Lu in the gut. Lu resisted the urge to writhe and pounced on the gorilla’s ankles. Spitting out his vampire teeth, Lu wrapped his arms around his attacker’s legs then bit down on his Achilles. As the gorilla howled, the other Goon’s charged. AJ ran with his fists up at Batman. Once within range, he stopped and ducked below a punch then dove forward, grabbing Batman around the waist and tackling him to the floor. Batman’s head smacked the tile and AJ straddled him. He delivered punch after punch into the super hero’s black mask until the plastic cracked and flaked off. As Christmas ran at Green Man, Jay scooped a half-full beer off the floor and launched it at Green Man. The can hit him square in the forehead while Christmas was already in mid-swing. His punch landed a second after the beer and Green Man staggered then collapsed. Jay ran past his two comrades, trying to get to Lu who was on the ground with the gorilla. Gripping Lu’s hair with both hands, the gorilla pulled Lu’s head away from his leg. The two were rolling about until Frat Sparrow came up and kicked Lu in the back. Immediately, Lu released the gorilla. The pirate kicked him again then helped the gorilla up. Jay was almost to the buccaneer when Jesus got in the way – slugging him in the cheek. Jay stumbled back and was about to return fire when Christmas stepped up in his place.

“Get Lu, Jay!” Christmas said as he aimed a punch at Jesus, “Sorry, God.”

Jay ran past Christmas and came upon the privateer as he who lifting the ape up – the unmasked gorilla’s head still remained at Jay’s knee level. Hopping over Lu, Jay spun and kicked the frat boy across the face with such force that the pirate dropped him. Lu got to his feet and wiped the blood from his nose. Jay stepped forward but Lu stuck out his hand and stopped him.

“He’s mine.”

Striding forward, Lu swung. The pirate ducked. Behind the frat boy, was another brother who had warned his comrade to duck and when his comrade did, he chunked a beer at Lu’s noggin. The can was full and when it collided with Lu’s skull it sounded like someone thumped a coconut. The can hit the floor and exploded. Lu fell back and Jay caught him. Now the pirate strode forward, ready to deliver a mirroring kick, only for AJ to step up and push him back. Christmas joined the other Goons in a line, shoving Jesus into the arms of the privateer.

A tense calm had been reached. The gorilla, having regained his composure, returned to the forefront of the circle. The Green Man and Batman still lay prone on the floor, but the pirate and savior stood at the yellow-mustache’s right and left. For a fleeting moment, hope whispered to the souls of the Goon Squad as they gazed upon what seemed to be their only three opponents but that was until the rest of the frat boys stepped forward from the circle of spectators. Nearly two dozen alcohol flushed faces snarled at the Goons with cigarettes pinched between their teeth and dip wedged between their lips.

            Lu muttered, “Sorry guys.” Then chaos ensued.

            The frat brothers rushed forward, howling like the crazed shrieks of Rebel soldiers during the Civil War. They shoved the Goons back and forth, punching them from one to another, kicking them until they fell, then pummeling them further when they hit the floor. The four managed to get in a few licks, a chop to the neck, a fist to the eye, a knee to the groin, but for each punk they knocked back two more stepped forward. During the beating, the vibe among the bystanders began to change. It went from being a fun, fair, and, in some eyes, justified fight to being a cold blooded jumping. The audience began to wander away, crinkling their noses and shaking their heads. Some spectators even stepped in, pulling the frat boys away from the victims. Finally, a few party goers dragged the security officers in to pry the brothers off the battered bodies squirming on the floor.

            “That’s enough.” The rent-a-cops said.

            “Get them out of here!” The frat boys yelled.

            “They were nothing but party crashers!” They continued, “How’d they get in without wrist bands!”

            The half a dozen security officers lifted the four up and toted them out of the house, into the front lawn while those with free hands kept the few still vicious brothers at bay. Once in front of the house, they took them to the sidewalk then sat them down but didn’t leave their side. The security guards apologized for what happened and reminded the four that they were not affiliated with the fraternity but were merely hired to police the event, adding anecdotes about how it was hard to find jobs to finance one’s family in this day and age, then asked if the four had a way to get home and one even offered to drive them.

            “We can walk.” Lu said, spitting a wad of blood onto the sidewalk.

            “Walk?” An officer muttered, “Are you sure?”

            “We live around back.” AJ said. He sat with his head between his knees, trying not to move as every part of his body was sore. He spoke with a bitter resentment, though it was obvious he was restraining the majority of emotions coursing through his body, “If you could walk us to the edge of the property out back…that’d be much appreciated.”

            The rent-a-cops all agreed with assorted affirmatives.

            “Give us a second though.” Christmas said, “Now that I’m sitting down, I don’t want to move for a while.”

            “No rush.” A security guard said.

            “Well, we do needa get back inside...” Another said in nearly a whisper.

            A new voice said, “Go on inside. I’ll get them home.”

            As the security shuffled back towards the house, the Goons turned to see their deliverer. Only Lu recognized her voice. It was the voice that had shook him to the core back on the dance floor. Despite her being part of the cause of his agony, her appearance filled Lu with life. He sat up and offered a sloppy, split lip smile. M stood with her hands clasped and her head down, watching Lu’s expression guiltily. AJ, Christmas, and Jay looked from her to Lu and, recalling the mustached-frat-boy’s accusation, realized who she was.

            “It’s the least you could do.” AJ muttered.

            “You really fucked us over.” Christmas stated.

            “It wasn’t her fault!” Lu cried.

            “It was, it was.” She moaned, “I’m really sorry-” a van pulled up to the curb in front of them and a man, with long hair and an unkempt beard which contrasted greatly to the full tuxedo he was dressed in, hopped out of the driver’s seat and ran around to slide open the side door. Gesturing to the ride, M said, “This is us, if you guys want a lift.”

            “Thank you,” Lu said but as he got to his feet he nearly fell flat on his face. M, short as she was, stepped before him and stopped his fall. The rugged driver helped AJ to his feet who then helped Jay up. When the man offered Christmas help, Christmas refused. It took him a minute to stand and, once half way up, he had to pause as the world spun around him. Dragging a hand across his face in an attempt to wipe away the blood, an attempt that only served to smear it, he brushed past the driver and into the van with his nose in the air, doing his best to portray his contempt as he shouldered by M without the slightest recognition of her existence. Lu patted her on the back when she tried to apologize again, saying, “don’t worry about them, they don’t play well with strangers.”

            Once the five had gotten into the van, the hobo-esque chauffeur hustled around, hopped back in the driver’s seat, and brought the vehicle rumbling back to life. The van heaved into motion and as they headed down the street, the Goons sighed in unison. The van was empty as far as chairs went, having only the driver’s and the passenger seat. AJ, Christmas, and Jay leaned against one side of the van, glowering at Lu and M who sat opposite them.

            Jay never could see what Lu saw in the girls he attracted but, then again, Jay had a very specific eye. The females he was drawn to were not the type to be found grinding to cover bands behind a frat house. Yet, he never judged and he did his best to understand – which was why he scrutinized M with squinted eyes. Does she always wear that much make up or is that her costume? His glare was innocent enough but when combined with the fierce dagger eyed Goons beside him, it did nothing to console M. Guilt weighed heavy in her gut, she had to make it right.

            “I really am-”

            AJ stopped her with a raised hand, “Don’t even bother. We’re more pissed at Lu then at you.”

            “Should be pissed at those frat guys more than me.” Lu said, his lips puckered partially in pouting and partially due to the numbness invoked by the fists of the yellow mustache.

            “Oh, we are.” Jay said.

            “They just aren’t here to feel our hate,” Christmas said, “so you’re the next best thing.”

            “What were you thinking Lu?” AJ demanded.

            I didn’t know she had a boyfriend, was only a whispering excuse in the back of Lu’s mind. All he could think as he looked at the girl next to him was how worthwhile his beating had been. Her big blue eyes seemed almost afraid to look his way but, when they did, they filled Lu with warmth. He felt as though he could take on a-whole-nother beating with her next to him. And he was more than willing to, if that meant he could feel her close against him – if that meant he could kiss her once again. A painful smile crept across his lips and he couldn’t help but respond accordingly to his comrades.

            “She’s worth it.”

            Christmas threw his hands into the air. AJ could only shake his head with a bitter smile. M blushed and looked at her lap. Blinking, Jay looked at the two with a face that gave away no emotion.

            “Well,” Jay said, “at least we fought well.”

            “Everyone will be talking shit about the ΦΑΨ brothers tomorrow.” M agreed, “It wasn’t a fight, they jumped you guys. There was no honor in that. If anything, you’ll show up to class Monday as heroes.”

            “Oh yeah?” Christmas spat without much appreciation.

            “They’re likely to be suspended for it.” M added, “I’ve got a buddy who snaps pictures for Tiger Times and he was there, I guarantee it’ll be in the paper. You’ll be martyrs for independents everywhere.”

            “Better get suspended.” AJ said.

            Silence encompassed the rest of the journey. Their driver idly hummed an indie rock tune and the Goon’s let their eyes rest. With his eyes closed, Lu reached out and took M’s hand. She accepted the embrace eagerly, rubbing his hand gently with her thumb. When they arrived at the Veranda, AJ was leading the chauffeur to their building when he saw Alex and Alan in the parking lot in front of the office. Slapping the driver drunkenly on the shoulder, AJ got his point across and the man stopped. The bearded tuxedo hopped out to get the door and, this time, all the Goons accepted his help in getting out. Lu got out last, turning to M before he did so.

            “Can I get your number?” He asked.

            “Give me yours.” She said as she got out her phone.

            Lu recited his digits then turned, stopped, turned back around and stole a kiss before hopping out of the van and limping after his friends. M wiped the blood from her lips yet couldn’t help but smile as the driver shut the door behind the Goons. When the driver got back in, he paused for a minute before putting the vehicle in drive.

            “M?” He asked, “What’d you think?”

            “Almost what I expected.” She said.

            “Almost?” The driver asked.

            “Almost,” she confirmed, then elaborated, “but better.”