Visions Arabesque Sometimes.... and thoughts and memories tumble like warm sunshine through lacy branches and when that happens, who am I to deny them voice? Mind-images wreathed in purple smoke epiphanies’ in halo’d glow Autumnal whispers in tones of yesterday merge with Winter’s crystalline appearance… footsteps echo in the swell of time that surging ebb and flow that defies reasoning… … the flow of decades meander behind me an endless and well-trodden road… Where did time go? And did I use it well? Who can truly tell when so much seems left undone. Visions arabesque woven in intricate tapestries the curly-haired child I no longer know morphed with ungainly grace into the aging crone I see in puddled reflections memories superimposed over fragile fantasies intermingled fragrances… rain & sunshine… stormy rum… earthy sandalwood the calming scent of euphoric hemp baby-breath-innocence man-sweat-intoxicants blended aromas of life in recall… Revelation in retrospect contemplation bearing no resemblance to the young-girl-dreams of days gone by… hard-won insight carries the crushing bruises of sanity lost in a world gone mad. And yet… where there is dark, so shall there be light from confusion clarity is born… nights reeking of stale bar smoke dissipate in the untainted desert breeze abject loneliness fades embraced by valleys verdant boarders and in moments of sunset solitude I make peace with myself.

Don't for a moment think... you have picked up an ordinary book;

That would be a mistake.

.... Life is seldom how we dream it 

so we change our dreams

adapt our thoughts

learn and evolve.

And through it all we battle our fears;

Real… imagined… minuscule… monumental…. We all have them… 

hidden and not so hidden, fears.

I know my fears well; we have been intimate companions for many decades.

I fear time, and the very real fact that one’s time does indeed run out

and may, probably will, run out before I’m finished with living.

I don’t fear death… why fear something that is inevitable, but I do fear it coming too soon… before I am ready;

I fear it will arrive before I have another grand adventure

before I know the thrill of true adventure again.

I fear I’ll never again live with the sweet joy of being closely connected 

with nature and the natural earth.

I fear I will never find my verdant mountain.

That my strength will fail me 

and I become a burden to those who see me as the strong one.

I fear I’ll cause pain to those I love as they are forced 

to watch me wither and die

And I fear the confusion and pain 

in their hearts as they say their last good byes.

Time is my greatest fear.

*

We uncover truths that lift the confusion a little

and deepen it… confounding our sense of “is” 

unbalancing our equilibrium

shaking the foundations our parents instilled in us;

don’t blame them, but do give credit if credit is due…

they are only human … and believe it or not harbour inner doubts too. 

There is a certain measure of strength that comes with commitment;

committing to a set of ideals or morals

committing to rejecting

the popular mindset of the mainstream…

committing to renounce pain

and not let emotional pain scar the soul….

All that being said, the growing and evolving through pain and confusion,

where has that taken me? Where am I in life?

Do have love? Yes, love of family and friends.

Do I have joy? Yes, every time I know they are happy. But...

.... Life is seldom how we dream it 

so we change our dreams

adapt our thoughts

learn and evolve.

Or something like that.....

*

Now this is not the end. 

It is not even the beginning of the end. 

But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

*

Blinded by the harsh reality

layered into each waking moment

I cling to stone-washed truisms

any scrap

of ancient wisdom

I can find…

… not always easy though

to believe the empires of the future 

are the empires of the mind….

I read once, I recall it now

as I dwell on

impossible futures

where peace reigns

and telemarketers

are outlawed

that It is always wise to look ahead

but difficult to look further than you can see…

… and that is true of me

for my envisioned destiny

is not the one I see unfold

before me…

Such are the substance of my dreams

unattainable visions

I don’t know how to actualize

how does one create miracles of life

… feed universal vibrations

or write the mantra

that calls rainbow warriors

to stand strong in global unity -

- no more attainable

then Restraining the Elements

or holding a lovers breath

in cupped hands…

I do not toy with visions

of glory days –

- where rainbows outshine

rain-washed grey…

… I envision hands joined

across ocean and land

united with Nature

in tune with the seasons

not the clock-on-clock-off

regime of product and demand

and stop-light timetables…

… a future with heart & soul;

*

No, this is not the end. 

It is not even the beginning of the end. 

But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

*