so i should probably start by introducing myself-- i'm lane, a fifteen year old (amateur) author from america. writing is something that i have always been interested in, and i honestly can't remember a point in my life that i wasn't obsessed with chronicling every detail about my mindset and thoughts in some type of literature. from a third grade diary to a tablo book online, i've done this thing my whole life. probably still not that great.

i write a lot about the same boy. i apologize in advance.

I wish that for just a day

I could waste away on dazed thoughts of flowers and books

Instead of wasting away on hazy memories of you in the halls

I wish that for just a day

I could think of you and her and simply be okay

I wish that for just a day

I would be numb to the sight of you

I remember being nine and in line for science

And you were leaving- it was your second day

You never noticed me staring

But I noticed you glaring

Everyday after that one

I could only see the scowl you tossed my way

Never any smiles

And I could only think of one small question

Have I done something wrong?

Always teasing me and talking around me

To all of the friends of mine who were truly your type

You never read my texts anymore

Have I done something wrong?

I never talked around you

Only to and about you

And how you made my heart race

I missed you so much

And I still do

You see me everyday

But act like I’m not there

Have I done something wrong?

I loved you so much

With your green eyes and colored hair

The way you affected me

Made me forget to breathe in air

I love you so much still

Here and now at fifteen

But you continue to stare through and around me

And I can only think of one small question

That hold so much meaning

Have I done something wrong?

And I don’t remember much from this morning

I never really do

But I remember fading in and out of existence for a while

Begging myself for just a few more minutes of sleep

Of seeing you staring at me

Of seeing you and I together the way that only exists

In the best dreams and the worst nightmares

I don’t remember ever waking up completely

Because I only remember the moments in between

Consciousness and oblivion

I remember hovering over the edge as I press five more minutes into the clock

The only thing on my mind being that I should get back to you

I need to get back to you

But eventually its time

And I rise and yawn and stretch

As you disappear from my mind and recede to the faintest of memories

Slipping away throughout my day

Causing that small race in my heart when I focus on something like the faces in the halls

Always secretly hoping its you

But you’re not here

Not yet

Because I am still awake and I am still focused on your face

When my mind quiets and my eyes fall shut

That is when I see you

That is when you see me

That is when we are us and I am madly in love with you

And we are a we

Until I wake again

And fight again

All to be with you

In my best dreams

In my worst nightmares