you only kissed me once that night

but i remember still

your hands, your lips, your eyes

your pretty lies

the way you held me in your arms until

you walked into the morning light

and didn't say  goodbye

it has been months

i still don't understand

how to escape this agony i'm in

your touch is burned into my skin

your voice is in my head

your body absent from my bed

how to withstand

this burning need and not give in

how to let go of what you never had

6-02-2020

the world is loud

it is a flood

it hurts like an assault

my eyes burnt out by the sun

burnt to the ground my heart

nowhere to run
 

the promises of paradise dissolved

into the storms

that rose up from my soul

they drowned me

they took me whole

and blew my sanity away

along with everything i know

or thought i knew that day

and the fever just kept rising

electric, volatile

energising

I’m bursting at the lightest touch

and colours are too bright

and everything’s too much

I am a wound

uprooted and disturbed

I am a nerve connected to the world

I am exposed

18-11-2019

gestating 

in a swirl of random things

mismatched furniture

half filled suitcases

empty boxes

bits and pieces of the old life

I’m constructing a new one

I am building my body over

away from the crowd

out of sight

my future form lies in wait

dusty vinyl plates

worn out blankets

faded photographs

refrigerator magnets

clothes on hangers

I arrange them

carefully

one by one

every corner

every shelf

not a single half-forgotten thing

sitting in a cupboard or under the bed

it all goes

I tear them apart and reassemble

stitch them into the fabric of my new world

my cocoon wrapped tight around me

its weight is comforting

promising to make me someone

I can now become

16-08-2019