letters to no one.

 

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an abundance of letters. letters that were written to no one. of course no one refers to someone, but these are letters that i was too scared to send in real life. or letters that we never sent but should have. or just be letters that i can no longer send. this is our way of expressing my emotions towards someone without really having to face them. the letters are written by me.

thank you everyone: everyone who inspired these letters for me. thank you to those who created the emotions i felt to fuel this book, whether they were good or bad feelings. thank you to all of you who are reading this, keep in mind you could be the one this letter was written for.

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it's so astonishing to me that you made a promise. you made a promise to always love and be there for me, and the time i needed you the fucking most you left. 

you vanished.

you left me alone and broken, and the only times you came back were because you wanted something. whether it was sex or someone to make you feel less alone. 

you used me.

you lied to me. you would go behind my back. but why? i have you anything and everything you wanted. i loved you and cared for you. all i asked for was for you to do the same.

i want to hate you, i really do but i can't bring myself to. i still wonder how you are and whether or not you're okay. i stay awake at night thinking about how things are going for you and hoping you are happy and well.

you are a drug, and i'm full blown addict.

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you are beautiful. you are loved. your body is perfect. you don't need to lose the 20 pounds you think you do. you're not fat. your body count doesn't define who you are; it will never define your worth.

i wish you could see yourself how i, and many others, see you.

i like when you're happy. i want you to be happy, because when you're happy i'm happy. 

you are deserving of all the happiness and love the world can offer you. you're so much more than what you believe you are.

but there is just one thing.

your attitude. it's awful. i don't understand why you're so fucking angry. could it be things that have affected you from your past? i have no idea, and i don't think you do either; but i wish i did. i wish i knew why you brush off not only my feelings, but others too. you treat people so poorly and it ruins your loving and caring personality. you're so pretty externally, but internally you're ugly. so ugly. you're too pretty of a girl to ruin yourself like this.

if you don't open your eyes and see how nastily you treat people and how ugly your attitude is, you don't have anyone left. you're pushing everyone who loves you away.

i love you. don't ruin our relationship. don't ruin your other relationships. 

you're going to end up alone if you don't change.

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