Dreaming of Angelique

 

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1 The Heartbroken Corner

June 17, 2033. San Francisco.

Because I trust you, and it feels like forever since we saw one another, I am going to tell you a secret, Mommy, in this letter I am writing you tonight. This secret is not really a secret it's more like a catharsis. i'll get to the point: my friends and I have each gone through a ridiculous heartbreak, and have now devised a plan to rid ourselves of the nuisance of our emotions. Guess how? You could never guess. We invented The Heartbroken Corner. But tomorrow I will tell you in detail; now I have to go to sleep even though i would love to stay up writing to you. I have an exam tomorrow. Good night Mommy

love, your baby cake: Angelique

June 20, 2033. S.F.

Mommy, sorry I am writing until today. I've had a lot on my mind lately with all the studying. I bet you are working on one of your novels right now. By the way, how is Papi, Grandpa and Grandma, Giovanni, oh and Tío Jonsi? I miss you all immensely. Today I have time to write. It is the first time in a long time that I can say that I have time. So, did I startle you or spark your curiosity with The Heartbroken Corner? Bet you I did. Well, Mom, I will try to explain.


Last week, my best friends whose names are: Elisandra, Maribel, and Veronica came over to my dorm and we did a girly thing: we painted each others' toe nails, after doing one anothers' pedicure best we could. And we talked about boys, of course. We ended up coming up with a beautiful plan, or idea. It was actually my idea. I guess I got the idea from you, since you are a writer. We each vowed to write a prayer, or petition to GOD, hoping to be released from each of our ex-boyfriends. We each come from a hidden disaster. You know mine of course: you had Gustavo, I had Fernie. Prayer, is a hidden way to shed light upon every single hidden tear. You taught me that. So, we wrote on colorful stickies our prayers, and posted them up on a corner of my dorm. So why would we do such a thing? Ugly reminders or pretty diversions? Maybe none, maybe both. No, really we are trying to make art out of our hurts, like you when you were pregnant with me and you decorated my crib with an altar. But this is a bit different, though similar. Maribel cried the most. Yes, we all wept. Vero wept a tear and then moved on. Elisandra she wept like laughing. And, I cried because they did, not so much because of Fernie, although I cried for him in my days. What else can I say to you, Mommy? I hope everything is going well with you. Will write again soon.

Angelique

June 21, 2033. San Francisco.

Hi Mom, guess what? My best friends and I decided to decorate the wall of our Heartbroken Corner. This time, it was Maribel's idea. Last night we each spoke of our heartbreaks again, but this time decided to bring more souvenirs of them. Fun huh? No, sad. Slowly, we each dug up mementos, portraits to hang on the wall of couples kissing, hearts broken, cute puppies, and balloons to symbolize us letting them go. The girls each went to their rooms, to uncover their gold, and trash. 


Gimme that piece of crap, he doesn't deserve your love babe, said Elisandra to me last night as i brooded over Fernie's picture.


She posted it up for me with a pushpin. He doesn't deserve tape, Eli said.

After expressing our bittersweet sadness to one another, we decided something again: to remove everything we had pinned up, and put them away in a special memory box. It is a simple round box with pink roses adorning it. The box has been taken by Veronica; she will lock it up in her attic, for history, as we know it. Wonder, who will ask first, Please return my ex's pic? Okay, enough about me, Mom, now - how are you? I have learned so much from you, like writing, reading, romance, drawing, playing the piano, swimming is the only one i did not learn from you, but from my Papi. Tell Papi tomorrow I will write him a letter. Okay, Mom. Love you, your Angel.

June 25, 2033. Los Angeles.

Angelique, mi amor, I am glad you are writing me finally. Tonight I write you this letter at my typewriter, while listening to Remember When It Rained by one of my favorite artists Josh Groban. First of all, I want to say it also feels like forever since we saw one another. Your family all miss you. Your Papi says Hola Muñeca de Papi. I am glad you are studying. I am glad you guys, you and your best friends started The Heartbreak Corner, and of course, the rose memory box. Sounds like you guys did have fun, tearful moments, and hopefully now - resignation. Prayers are perfect, Wonderful. Keep GOD in your heart Always. I know you will. I will write you again tomorrow con amor, su mama.

June 26, 2033. Los Angeles

mi niña, thank you for remembering the crib altar i created once out of my pain for you and me, out of my deep dark prenatal depression winter and anxiety came art. can anyone blame me for having lost my mind, and then entertained colors, dolls, like life? No, right. Okay then. I hope you do write your Papi a letter soon. He misses you like no one else might. You Abuela Patricia would like a letter too. In fact, write us all, if you can. If you have time, mi amor. With love, mommy.

July 2, 2033. San Francisco. 

Querido Papi,

so here goes my e-mail/letter to you, as promised. i love how you still call me Muñeca de papi, like when i was a little girl, just a baby i've heard when you called me this. did my mom tell you about my friends and i, and our invention? Well, actually not an invention, but more like our idea of The Heartbroken Corner? i'm sure she did, if not - please tell her to explain it to you.


i am going to tell you about what we did this weekend, Papi, me and my friends. Ocean Beach welcomed us with its people scattered everywhere beneath the smoke of the bonfires.. Papi, say hi to my brother Giovanni for me, by the way. tell him, i will see him soon so we can go out to a concert or movie. anyhow, Papi, where was I? oh yes, la playa, Elisandra, Vero, Maribel and I went on a cleansing trip of sorts. We promised each other to start anew without the hurts in our hearts of our ex-boyfriends, but with fresh energies to give to life. We went without towels or bathing suits of course because we are not crazy as to dip ourselves in cold water, like some crazy people do. but we did dip our toes and feet! we left our clues in the sand. walking forward and watching the dents, like mini pools cookie cut - our footprints. the sand was so silky and wet and dense just like when i remembered us walking when i was a child mother, you and I. Papi, i'll be totally honest, i met a muchacho that night. he is a sweet guy. he has blue eyes, but that is not why i liked him. i mean kind of. but yea, he doesn't have blonde hair, thank GOD. he has brown hair. and his smile, Papi, i hope you don't get jealous - his smile is now everything to me. and i know what you're gonna say. that i barely met him to say such a thing. but i can't help it. he is everything to me. he obviously asked for my number, and i gave it to him. hope you don't get mad. write me back, papi. okay?

July 3, 2033. Los Angeles.

Hola, m'hija,

i am dictating this e-mail to your mother. you know i don't write as fast as she. how are you doing, Daddy's doll? i am hoping you are doing fine. i'm happy that you wrote me a letter, and that you haven't forgotten me, haven't forgotten how to be open with me, and your mom - Stefanie. Angelique, know your place, and respect yourself, around this man. you didn't even tell me his name? I hope you do not rush into anything with him, relationship, or anything else. you know what i mean. right? well, i am glad you and your friends decided to leave behind your past hurts and deceptions, and disillusionment. Write back please. your Father who loves you.

July 5, 2033. San Francisco.

Hi Papi,

I am sorry I didn't mention my new friend's name - it's Jacob. I will not do anything dumb Papi, you don't have to worry yourself. I like him, a lot, but we are for now only friends. Papi, also remember that i am already twenty years old.

Papi, of course I haven't forgotten you! I love you so so so so much! How is everything going for you? How are your days working on the roofs? soon i will write letters to Grandma, Grandpa, Tío Jonsi, and Tía Gilma. Tonight I have to study again as usual, so I will not write as much, Papi. But I will call you tomorrow night.

Love,

La Muñeca de Papi

July 7, 2033. San Francisco.

Querida Abuela,

Como la extraño, how i miss you, your delicious plates of chop suey, your ground beef empanadas with cabbage and tomato sauce. well, basically everything your divine hands touch upon to cook into something delectable. Abuela, how is everything in your vida going? Life for me is good. I love what I am doing, studying hard to one day become someone important in life, a pianist like you always dreamed, although I know we are already important in the eyes of GOD, we are His precious children. Abuela, guess what? Conoci un muchacho y tiene unos ojazos azules! i wish you could meet him. maybe you will. maybe one day i'll take him to meet the family. i hope you don't think i am moving too quickly. i know i am, though. but i don't care, Abuela, all i care about is my happiness. mi felicidad. i will now write a letter to my grandpa, Abuela. i promised to write the whole family. love you! muah.

July 7, 2033. San Francisco

Dear Grandpa,

How are you? I miss you. I will probably be home on my mom's birthday July 9th. Would you like to come and pick me up? Just kidding, I know that would be too long of a drive for you, so I am riding the greyhound back. Did anyone tell you, Grandpa, that i met a new guy? i know you don't like to hear these kind of things, you are like my Papi, a jealous Grandpa. But, it's the truth, I met a guy. And he's great. Speaking of him, guess what, Grandpa? Tonight, he came over, okay I'll admit, he came over to visit me drunk. Not a good thing I know, Grandpa, but you drink too, guys drink, even my Papi does. He confessed something to me. Guess what? Okay, you probably guessed right. That he is in love with me. I don't know if to believe him, Grandpa. I feel it's too soon for him to say that, although I really hope and wish and want to believe him, and his romantic words. What do I do Grandpa, please consult this with my Papi and Mother too? Or maybe not, just wait for me to get there, and then we will all talk.

July 7, 2033. San Francisco

From Angelique’s journal

Tonight my friends took me out to dinner, at a twenty-four hour restaurant that we usually go to on special occasions. I am waiting for Jacob to ask me out on a date. so far we have only been texting and talking on the phone. i don't know why he hasn't asked. could it be he is a good Christian boy, and doesn't want to say so? or maybe he really likes me and is trying to go slow. well, of course, he said he was in love with me the night he came over drunk to throw the rock at the window of my dorm. i gave him my address one night, after he said he would visit me if i let him. good thing this is my diary and not a letter, because i want to vent and talk about my deepest feelings here. i want to know what it's like to feel his body next to mine. okay, i guess i should go slower than that. i want him to kiss me first, of course. i am listening to a beautiful song, by Sting called Fields of Gold. my mommy loves this song, so i picked it up from her. i miss home. tomorrow i go back. i can't wait.

July 8, 2033. Los Angeles.

From Angelique’s journal

i'm home. Jacob actually came to see me mount the Greyhound bus. he sort of cried. i caught a tear on the edge of his eye. and i wept too. we kissed. can you believe that, diary? i told him to come with me, to buy a ticket, and ride the bus all the way to L.A. with me. he acted like he would, got on the bus with me, but only for an extra second helping of my kiss. he told me he didn't have cash on him at the moment, and i didn't have extra to pay for him. but he said he would never take any cash from me. my mom came for me at 7th and Alameda -the Greyhound Station in the  beat up Downtown L.A. section. Beat up, but I love it here. Our South Los Angeles. We went down Vernon on our way back home. i miss Jacob. I can't stop thinking about him. i wonder what would've happened if Mom had left Dad, for the white guy she once thought she loved? just thought of that, because of Jacob. but i'm not married, like Mom. Hope I never get caught in a situation like the one she went through.

July 9, 2033. Los Angeles.

From Angelique’s journal

Besides the fact that today is my mother's forty-sixth birthday, something strange and wonderful, but not wonderful simultaneously has happened. Fernie - my ex has reappeared in my life. Why? Why now when I met the possible love of my life, Jacob? Why has Fernie returned to haunt me? He called me tonight, he says he still loves me, but I am not falling for that. I feel tempted to believe him, as always. I need love so badly, it seems. But I can't settle for somebody's leftovers. He left me for another girl, so why is he calling me?

July 9, 2033. Los Angeles.

From Angelique’s mother’s journal

it was my birthday today. my 46th birthday. just another year. just another day of my life. i do give the Lord thanks, though, for every blessing he has bestowed upon me and my family, and the world; it’s still spinning.

 
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2 The Gold Moon

July 12, 2033. Los Angeles.

Elisandra,

Do you remember the gold moon the night we vowed to cleanse our energies at Ocean Beach of the haunts of our ex-boyfriends? The moon was a golden tortilla, and it was the night I met Jacob. His eyes beneath the moon’s light were glowing blue embers. Can you believe he hasn’t called me yet? He always makes me wait in anticipation, it seems. But when he does call, I will surely complain to him about this!

How is everything with you, Eli? I will be on my way back tomorrow. Summer school is as demanding as regular school at times, if we are not up to date with our tasks from class. Say hi to Vero and Maribel for me. I really miss you guys. Our heartbroken corner, and our memory box seems to have worked perfectly! Because as you see - I met a new potential love: Jacob. And something else, you are not going to believe: my ex Fernie, the one I wept over so many weeks, has called me three nights ago. But I will not succumb to his whim. He probably only wants me, because I am a virgin. Who knows? But the point is, I am falling for Jacob. The phone is ringing…

 

So, he has finally called! Not Fernie. but Jacob! I am so happy, Eli. He asked me when I am returning to S.F. I told him tomorrow. He said he can’t wait, and that he has a surprise for me. I begged him to let me know now, but he wouldn't budge.

 

July 12, 2033 S.F.

From Elisandra's journal


Tonight, Vero, Maribel and I visited Ocean Beach on our own, without Angelique. And we happened to come across ni mas ni menos que Jacob, our friend's potential lover boy. Maribel and Vero insisted that we ignore him, and turn back around so as to not end up one of us flirting with him I imagine. Or perhaps they imagined that I would flirt with him, since they know I am a big time flirt, actually. Well, I did end up falling for his charm. I caught Jacob looking at my chest once, and i only smiled back, acting like nothing at all. Now I know why Angelique likes him. he has personality, a great body, and a sexy voice. he is also almost six feet tall. I know I shouldn't have flirted, but I asked Vero and Maribel to keep this a secret.

 

From Angelique's Journal. 

i am back home,back  at my dorm actually. it was a long ride back to San Francisco from L.A. on the Greyhound bus. i was watching an art channel, listening to the most heartbreaking and beautiful opera when he called. Jacob. He cancelled the date we had planned last night. his Grandfather is sick, so he has to go on a road-trip to New Mexico to see him a.sa.p. i feel so down, so empty right now. i don't know if it's the channel on the television with the saddest opera and now i eat popcorn, with no butter, just a bit of salt. i am going to miss him. too much. i will have to stay busy. i will probably pick up crochet or knitting again. i'm gonna call it a night, i prefer to dream my sad tears away. Lord, let me dream of him. Jacob....  

 

July 13, 2033 S.F.  

From Elisandra's Journal 

 she's back. my "best friend" Angelique Giovanna. i will not tell her what happened last night: how we saw her lover boy Jacob. it hurts, it's hard for me to know that he is hers, well, not yet officially, but almost. there are too many different fish out in the sea for me to come and notice and fall for the one that belongs to my best friend. why are we best friends? she was there when my ex left me bed ridden. she was there when i wanted to abort, i didn't. but the baby miscarried anyway. now i have this emptiness in me. because of the baby, or because of Jacob? both. i remember his face. i want to draw it. i do. i sketch what i remember. what i sense. his beauty. his tenderness . his eyes. they are like two blue embers. she was right.

 

July 13, 2033 From Vero's Journal 

i am thinking about telling Angelique what I saw last night: her "best friend" Elisandra flirting with her potential love. this is sad. too messed up. i feel like telling ANgelique. she is so sweet. she doesn't deserve this. i will tell her tonight? no, tomorrow. i am roomates with Angelique she is sleeping right now. i saw her crying. she is sad over Jacob having to leave out of town. but she will make it. she is strong. a girl who is far too intelligent. for depression to come her way and swallow her mind. yet, no one is immune to life. and with life well there will be times of strife simply times of despondence. times of lies. times of solitude and love. Love. what is it? i've never known.  

 

July 13, 2033  

From Maribel's Journal 

tonight, our dear friend Angelique returned from South Los Angeles back home to us here at the dorm. i missed her. she is a sweet little soul. she believes in God like her mother taught her. i admire her for this and many other reasons. i hope things turn out well for Angelique and Jacob. they would make such an adorable couple. i do not envy her. okay, a little but it's a healthy kind of jealousy. not like Elisandra whom seems to want to take away what is not yet Angelique's but it may be. Jacob. will there be a cat fight, woman war soon?

 

 

July 14, 2033 

San Francisco 

Dear Mami, i am writing you again because this is my form of catharsis. my way of expressing my inner being while capturing thoughts on real paper, this way the wind in my words won't be lost. Mami, i am too sad. First, Jacob the guy i told you i met at Ocean Beach that night - he has gone away to New Mexico to see his grandfather who is sick. i do pray to our Lord that they may be alright, especially Jacob's grandfather. but Mom how i miss him. he had to cancel our date i cannot or perhaps will not play the piano mom until i see him or kiss him again. i have no need to, no deseo, no yearning , no desire to play my piano, nor to shower, but i must. i don't want to kill everyone with my stench.  

Angelique

 

July 14, 2033 Los Angeles 

Mi Angel baby, 

i can imagine how you must be feeling, mi preciosa. writing you this email after having eaten dinner with your papi, we had seafood, octopus, fish, with mushrooms and rice with green beans. your Abuela Patricia cooked of course. you know i never really learned how to cook. but i write, my baby. would you like to hear about my latest novel? i know you are probably not in the mood but you need to distract yourself, Angel. i am planning on writing a fantasy novel. there is a contest i would like to enter. i must write a romance, but it will be like i said fantasy. when i have something written i will email you it. okay? i love you Angel, please stay strong. and please play your piano. if you really must, and do not want to touch it, at least pick up knitting again okay? alright, talk to you soon. 

 

July 15, 2033  

From Angelique's journal

S.F. 

i wore gold eye shadows. matching my gold purse. Elisandra and I went to the mall together. i invited her. she invited me to see a movie. i had to leave before it i even started, i had a panic attack perhaps. i am not myself anymore. Elisandra is changed. something is wrong, but she won't let me in on some secret she is holding back from me, her best friend. it's ok. mom always told me there are no friends in this life. only your family can be trusted. something about Elisandra is strange and i don't like it. i will ask Vero. maybe she will tell me what is wrong. 

 

Eli bought herself some new lipsticks. she's always worn only lip balms and glosses. perhaps she has found a new love. it can't be what i am thinking. what if . no. it can't be. what if Eli saw Jacob while I was away? I'd kill her. okay, maybe not kill, but i'd disown her. i asked Vero. confirmé mis sospechas. mi mejor amiga Elisandra saw Jacob and flirted with him at Ocean Beach. Can you believe it, diary? how is it possible? she was my friend. she is my friend. No.

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3 The Jewelry Country

July 16, 2033 S.F. From Angelique's Journal 

i practiced piano finally tonight. i admitted the truth to myself: that i cannot live without the piano without love and without writing in my journal, dear diary. the melodies i came up with myself this time. it's a song for Jacob. although i vow to let a new guy in to my life.i can't wait forever for him. it hurts too much. i want to. but i can't. maybe i can, but i don't know if to trust him. what if he didn't really go see his sick grandpa, but instead went to see a girl? i don't know. i don't even want to imagine this. i can't believe how quickly i fell for him.i was writing the song for my blue eyed torment when I realized something: observing my desk i realized someone had searched it. my books were out of order. my binder that always stays opened was closed. this is all seemed suspicious. and i can only think that this all meant only one thing: Elisandra. She must have searched my desk for Jacob's number. she run out of luck though, because i memorized it and never wrote it down. 

 

July 17, 2033 S.F. From Angelique's journal 

i have confronted Elisandra about having searched my desk. of course, she has denied it. we were in the food court when i asked her she was sitting eating her lunch. the look on her face told me everything. she is guilty of having trespassed into my territory - my desk is a private and an almost holy space. how could she do this?  

 

July 18, 2033 

S.F. From Angelique's journal

Tonight i went beneath the grandeur of GOD and the sky black and blue like the ocean. i named the sky The Jewelry Country. stars wondering who I am. and me wondering the stars who they are. if souls, or beings of light like angels. if stars just living and dying one day. how do they shoot away? Jacob will be here in a couple of days. as i looked at the Jewelry Country tonight i cried. and sang to myself. Jacob's song. our song.

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