Slim Pickins

 

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Slim Pickins- The accidental terrorist

Based on (some) true events

INT MADRID- BARAJAS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT     DAY

A nondescript, thin looking man, Simon Pickering aka SLIM, thirties, tired, haggard from a long haul flight checks in through customs.

Underscored by something plaintive, something a little Ennio Morricone he goes through the motions, queuing behind tourists, uniformly interrogated, his passport stamped.

He looks sad. He is sad. But he has a plan.

Security is OTT. Garrisons of armed SWAT teams patrol the interior. Slim takes in the Television Monitors showing live footage in the centre of MADRID.

EXT.     MADRID GRAN VIA     DAY

The image from the TV pulls out to a motorcade travelling amid flanks of military down the street. ARCHIVE FOOTAGE of Palestinian leader shows YASSAR ARRAFAT waving to crowds banked along the road side.

SUPER TEXT: MADRID CONFERENCE 1991

A JOURNALIST'S VO covers the event.

JOURNALIST
The arrival of the Palestinian leader
marks the most significant attempt to
date to bring about a peaceful solution
for the troubled Middle East..
 
INT MADRID-     BARAJAS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT     DAY

We’re back on SLIM, staring at the TV report.
The queue is long and slow and a disgruntled ENGLISH COUPLE say as much. As he queues, we cutaway to..

CUT TO:

EXT     BEACH CARPARK     DAY

SUPER: SYDNEY AUSTRALIA.. a week ago.

SLIM with a FILM CREW MATE, next to a fully loaded and battered Stand-by Props truck is haggling.

SLIM

Come on man, the lot, lock and
stock, five grand.

CUT BACK TO

INT MADRID-     BARAJAS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT     DAY

A CUSTOMS OFFICER gives SLIM the once over.

CUSTOMS OFFICER Anything to declare?

SLIM

The love that lasts the longest
is the love that is never returned.
W Somerset Maugham.

 

The CUSTOMS OFFICER rifles SLIM'S conspicuously small piece of hand luggage. Inside he checks clothes, some laxatives, dental floss, a copy of Shakespeare's Hamlet and a small rough cut ruby.

SLIM looks at the CUSTOMS OFFICER looking at the ruby.

SLIM 
For my true love.

The CUSTOMS OFFICER checks his passport and entry Visa.

No exit date? SLIM shakes his head.

The CUSTOMS OFFICER presses a button under the desk.

On the screen, SLIM'S details are tagged. Through the two-way mirror, uniformed OFFICIALS look over SLIM with practiced suspicion.

CUSTOMS OFFICER (CONT’D)
What is the purpose of your
visit? Business or pleasure?
 
A series of super quick flashes; like animated postcards spread out on the screen as if stamped in a passport of a happier, slightly younger
SLIM in MADRID, smiling and laughing and sight-seeing with a good looking woman, VANESSA 20’S.
 
CUSTOMS OFFICER (CONT’D)
Negocio o placer?
 
Back on SLIM.

SLIM
Negocio.

 

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Act I

INT     HOSTAL PERSAL     DAY

A HOTEL in the tourist district of Madrid on the Calle Del Angel.


'Slim Pickins' A hand scrawls the name on a register.

The CONCIERGE wheels the book around. He sizes up Slim in a heart beat.

INT     HOTEL CORRIDOR     DAY

A uniformed BELLBOY exits the undersized elevator and ushers SLIM along, following behind carrying SLIM'S one bag. SLIM wants it back. No luck. He’ll have to tip him.

BELLBOY
(broken English)
  After study and when finish I
join Medicine Sans Frontiers.
 
SLIM
(deadpan)
How noble.
 
BELLBOY
What you do?
 
SLIM
Me. Film. Films.
 
BELLBOY

Movies? Johnny Depp, Scarface,
bang bang.
 
SLIM
Something like that.

The BELLBOY is circumspect.

SMASH CUT TO:

EXT     FILM SET     DAY

SLIM in the centre of film crew in Australia, holding a broken prop, berated by the 1st AD.

CUT BACK TO:

INT     HOTEL CORRIDOR     DAY

The BELLBOY physically presses into SLIM.

BELLBOY

You know Crocodile Dundee?
 
SLIM
Never met him.

INT.     HOTEL ROOM     DAY

The room is basic with a view over the PLAZA and a small bathroom with a free standing bath tub. The tap drips.

BELLBOY
(indicating)
Te, cafe, agua.

He picks up a remote and switches on the small TV set. Footage of the Madrid Conference fills the screen. GEORGE BUSH SENIOR speech making...”we seek peace..real peace.”

SLIM is all ears.

BELLBOY (CONT’D)
Eh..American Cowboys..

The BELLBOY switches channels to a REAL MADRID game.

SLIM Switch it back.

BELLBOY
You don’t like football?
 
SLIM

It’s the Conference. Conferenzi?

But the BELLBOY is all eyes on the game. He laughs.

BELLBOY

Like Lennon eh? (sings) All we
are saying..give peace a chance.
 
But as suddenly, he switches it off again.
 
BELLBOY (CONT’D)
Fiesta feliz!

There is a moment’s awkward silence. Then SLIM peels off a modest AMERICAN BILL and waves it at the BELLBOY.

Before he can take it, SLIM draws it back. Cloak and dagger,

SLIM

Will you do something for me?

The BELLBOY plays along, checking over his shoulder. SLIM produces a letter from his pocket.

SLIM (CONT’D)

 I want you to mail this for me?
But only, only, after I ..
checkout. Comprende?


The money changes hands. The BELLBOY exits.

Alone finally, SLIM takes a slug of duty free tequila, lights a cigarette and stares out of his window.

SLIM 
I’m back.

INT     HOTEL CORRIDOR  CONTINUOUS

Walking, the BELLBOY reads the letter.

SLIM VO
           What is the measure of a man’s
        worth? His brawn, his brains?
His bank balance?

CUT BACK TO

INT         HOTEL ROOM  CONTINUOUS

INT
 Slim drinks.

SLIM VO
I say the measure of a man’s
worth is his word.
 
From SLIM'S fantasy POV, he sees VANESSA, dressed in a folkloric white bodice and a full skirt walking down the lane to the PLAZA, a basket of flowers in her hands. She sees SLIM in the window and waves. He steps onto the ledge.

INT     ELEVATOR  CONTINUOUS

BELLBOY
(reading aloud)
I gave you my word Vanessa,
                    without love..real love.. what is life?

The elevator descends.

 

INT.     HOTEL LOBBY     EVENING

Elevator doors open to reveal SLIM heading out. He notices a film unit van loading lighting gear into the lobby.

He steps into the street towards the PLAZA.

CUT AWAY TO:

EXT     PLAZA     CONTINUOUS


The MADRID evening is taking shape and envelops SLIM.

He weaves in and around gathering crowds, taking it all in.

SLIM VO
        I have two hundred and twenty six 
American dollars in my wallet Vanessa, 
and thirteen pesetas. What then?

He is attracted to the wail of police sirens. He steps up onto a park bench to see over a wall. He angles for a better look and climbs up. 

On an arterial road below, a cavalcade passes.

His actions have caught the attention of two Men in Suits. They follow.

The PLAZA is humming with crowds. Among them is SEGUNDA 30’s, dark, attractive, not dissimilar in looks to Vanessa. She drinks rioja, studying a map in the dim candlelight at a bar.

SLIM stops and orders a drink at a hole in the wall some meters opposite and is suddenly witness to a bag snatch.

The THIEF has SEGUNDA’S bag and fleets across the PLAZA toward SLIM.

SEGUNDA 
Parelo? Stop him!

For a moment SLIM is in pole position. His eyes lock onto SEGUNDA. The THIEF runs. She vaults a barrier and hurls after. SLIM muddled, hesitates, stepping out only in time to stop SEGUNDA flying in pursuit.

Colliding..

SEGUNDA (CONT’D)
Idiot!

SLIM tries to help her, hindering her instead. She frees herself and is away.

SLIM stares after. The Men in Suits observe.

INT     HOTEL ROOM     LATER


The BELLBOY is at the door, armed with fresh towels.

SLIM

How do you say in Spanish, Do
Not Disturb?
 
BELLBOY 
(poker faced)
Soy un perdedor.(I am a loser) 
 
SLIM
Soy un perdedor.
 

We follow the BELLBOY out the door.

MATCH CUT TO:

MOYEZ, in dark clothes with vaguely similar looks to SLIM but more height, weight and stature steps out of the elevator. The BELLBOY tries to take his bag but one look from MOYEZ is enough. The BELLBOY lets him pass.

EXT     LANEWAY     NIGHT

The THIEF is rifling through SEGUNDA’S stolen bag.

One of the SUITS steps around the corner. A Flash of pistol. Some money changes hands. The THIEF hands it over.

INT     HOTEL BATHROOM     EVENING

SLIM soaks in a tub, drinking the last of the tequila, smoking. Clint Eastwood he is not. His copy of Hamlet is getting wet. A razor sits conspicuously on top of it.

In his mind he is back at the bar. The THIEF runs toward him again and this time he casually places his drink to the side, clicks his tongue to attract the attention of a conveniently tethered burro, mounts the burro and races across the PLAZA at speed to the offending thief and retrieves the bag.

Under a haze of applause, he scoops SEGUNDA,(now dressed in the white folkloric bodice of his earlier VANESSA fantasy) onto his noble beast. She leans to kiss him but instead, she knocks on his head.

The moment shattered, actual knocking at the door.

SLIM 
(calling)
Soy un perdedor. Soy un perdedor.

SLIM drapes a towel around his loins, covering a small tattoo of a butterfly on his back.

INT     CORRIDOR     CONTINUOUS

He opens the door to the Men in Suits; ALEJANDRO and BENICIO, Spanish Intelligence Officers- CNI. They wave ID.

Their entrance and presence in SLIM’S room is pure magnetism.

ALEJANDRO

Just a routine enquiry. The city
is busy. Many people they 
like to visit at this time of year. 
The weather, the fiesta.
 
BENICIO
The paella.
 
ALEJANDRO 
The paella. Espanol?

SLIM nods no.

ALEJANDRO (CONT’D) 
Albania? Turkey? (slowly) Chech-
nee-ah. 

SLIM shakes his head.

SLIM 
Australian.
 
BENICIO
Australiano! 

They laugh.... as if SLIM isn’t present.

BENICIO (IN SPANISH) 
We’re wasting our time. This one
doesn’t even look like he has 
the balls to kill a cat.

SLIM knows the word for ‘balls’ and reacts.

ALEJANDRO
Cojones?


SLIM pulls his towel closer around his waist.

ALEJANDRO (CONT’D)
Hablo Espanol? 

SLIM nods ‘no.’

ALEJANDRO (CONT’D)
Un poco? 
Again no.
ALEJANDRO (CONT’D)
Poco poquita?

 
SLIM is lying and they know it.

ALEJANDRO appraises the room spying SLIM’S pathetic travel bag sitting on the bed.

In English, politely.

ALEJANDRO (CONT’D) 
You mind if I take a look?

SLIM, dripping...

SLIM

Do you have a warrant?

At this BENICIO smiles. Pulls back his jacket, exposes his glock pistol.

BENICIO
Cojones.
 
SLIM hands over his bag - they begin making an inventory of SLIM'S meagre possessions.
ALEJANDRO 
Swiss Army Knife, not very
interesting. What else?
 
ALEJANDRO finds the ruby, wrapped in brown paper. He is mildly impressed, holds it up to the light.
 
BENICIO
Fake.
 
ALEJANDRO 
No no, I don’t think so.

Now BENICIO holds it up to the light.

BENICIO 
I tell you it’s synthetic.
 
SLIM can’t help himself.
SLIM

I picked it up in India. En
route.


They look blankly at him.

SLIM (CONT’D) 
They’re cheap there.

BENICIO pulls out SLIM’S clothes, some dental floss, condoms, laxatives. His look to ALEJANDRO speaks volumes.

ALEJANDRO
Che?
 
BENICIO demonstrates. He holds up a condom, pretends to stuff it with something, uses the dental floss to tie off the end then pretends to swallow it. He mimes travelling on a long haul flight then pretends to swallow a laxative and pulls a constipated look and.. voila!
 
BENICIO

Ah! Comprende (To SLIM) You
comprende amigo. You understand?
 
It doesn’t matter if SLIM understands or not. ALEJANDRO moves swiftly and forces SLIM into a forward bend to conduct a rectal examination.
 
ALEJANDRO 
Check the bathroom.
 
BENICIO puts his head around the partition to the bathroom and returns with a sour look on his face.
 
BENICIO

Western diets. All carbs. Very
punishing to the digestive system.
 
He opens the copy of Hamlet and reads with surprising eloquence.
 
BENICIO (CONT’D)
All that lives must die, 
passing through nature to eternity.
 
BENICIO has no idea how much impact this has on SLIM.
 
Finally, they look at his passport. BENICIO pulls a face to match SLIM’S.
 
ALEJANDRO

Senor, why is it that here 
(the passport) 
your name is Simon Pickering? 
But here (the hotel) 
Here, your name is Slim Pickins? 
Are you a cowboy? 
Star of screen and stage?
 
BENICIO 
A celebrity of repute?
 
All eyes on SLIM, his answer doesn’t cut it.
 
SLIM

My girlfriend. I don’t want her
to know I’m staying here.
 
For a moment it looks like he might have their sympathy, but then they laugh.

BENICIO grabs him by the shoulders, gives him a manly hug and a slap on the back.

BENICIO 
Australianos. Dirty Dog. I love
you guys. You play football?
 
SLIM (relieved- he’s no hero)
Sure.


BENICIO gives him a poke of affection. He laughs again.

BENICIO 
Cojones. Hey, you come from
Sydney? I love Sydney. 
ACDC, Bondi Beach.

SLIM follows them apace out the door.

SLIM 
Yeah..all of that.
 
ALEJANDRO 
So you enjoy your time in
Madrid. And then you leave.

Down the corridor, BENICIO waxes on about his love of all things Australian.

BENICIO

You can get in your car and
drive all day without 
ever leaving the coast line. 
All of it, surf.
 
ALEJANDRO
And sharks.

SLIM, in his towel and in his fantasy calls after them...

SLIM 
Eh muchachos!

SLIM is holding two six shooters. Steely eyed, a cigar gripped between his lips. He shoots them both, bang bang. They go down like bags of cement.

Down the corridor, Moyez’s door opens a crack, eyes peer out. They see Slim and his smoking shooters and scurry back inside, slamming the door.

SLIM (CONT’D)
Cojones.
 
The AGENTS turn at the noise to see SLIM naked, dripping at his door. They continue down the hall.
 
BENICIO

The kangaroo is good eating. But
what do they eat instead? 
Beef, sheep and lots of it.
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Act II

INT     HOTEL ROOM     MORNING
 
SLIM in bed. Awake. Another day. He stares out his window and into another fantasy/flashback. We see him younger, happier with VANESSA laughing in the PLAZA, charming locals with his broken SPANISH.
 
EXT     PLAZA DE AMERICA     MORNING
 

SUPERTEXT October 31, 1991

 
SLIM wanders down VIA BAILEN toward the Royal Palace. A BEGGAR has a hand out, SLIM slips her some pesetas. A Cash register kerchings.

 
SUPER: $US226 and 6 pesetas
 
In the gardens nearby, groups of people cluster around tourist stalls. Amid the throng is a small concession stand run by an aging couple to celebrate the legacy of the ex despot, FRANCO.
 
SLIM VO

What a piece of work is a man...
 
BENICIO and ALEJANDRO watch him from a distance with vague interest.
 
Someone else is watching the crowd and we see this here and there in telescopic view.
 
EXT     CAFE PLAZA DE AMERICA -     DAY
 
ALEJANDRO is examining three black and white photographs. One shows SLIM at the CUSTOMS barrier. The other two are blurry security camera images of a man with a moustache and sun glasses who looks like SLIM. It also looks like MOYEZ.

He hands the photos to BENICIO for another look. BENICIO waves it away. He is drinking a coffee, smoking furiously and filling in a form.
 
ALEJANDRO

We should have taken him in last
night. Save us time and trouble.
 
BENICIO

But not paperwork. Save me the
fuck from paperwork. 
Rendition is convenient 
if nothing else, yes? Forget it. 
We wait. If it’s him, he’ll 
make his dead drop soon enough.
 
ALEJANDRO 
What are you doing?
 
He looks over some official looking paperwork. We see a flash of the Australian Coat of Arms.
 
BENICIO slides away the form, stands and avoids more questions.
 
BENICIO
Vayamos.
 
EXT     PLAZA DE AMERICA     DAY
 
SLIM wanders from the gardens toward the Palazio Real, where souvenir stands blanket the pavements. He spies a small man, TON TON a busker dancing expertly, brandishing a heavy matador's cape.
 
SLIM joins to watch and moments later is part of the show when TON TON charges straight for SLIM, runs straight up his body, back flips and lands on his feet. He bows.
 
SLIM is caught in the limelight. TON TON makes him a bull in the ring. SLIM makes a dash to escape but Ton Ton swings the cape over SLIM'S head lifting his PASSPORT at the same time and more importantly, the well thumbed letter from VANESSA.
 
EXT     EAST PARK-     MADRID     DAY
 
SLIM sprints toward Parque De Oeste, trailing the walls until he finds an isolated spot. He notices some workmen have left tools lying around and he picks up a shovel. In a frenzy he begins digging. He digs and digs and digs.
 
From a distance, looking through binoculars
 
ALEJANDRO 
Still think we’re wasting our
time? 
 
BENICIO is circumspect.
 
Over the hill, Ton Ton appears, following.
 
ALEJANDRO (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Hang on..
 
SLIM sees Ton Ton. Nowhere to hide. He climbs into the grave and lies there, listening.
 
Suddenly Ton Ton is staring over him.
 
SLIM 
What do you want!
 
TON TON
(IN SPANISH) 
My name is Ton Ton Del Pueblo
and I am here to save your life.
 
TON TON tries to return SLIM’S letter but SLIM scrambles out. He shoves some pesetas into Ton Ton’s hands. The Cash register kerchings again.
 
SLIM
 
That’s all I can spare amigo,
now, see you later.

 
Slim takes off shaking dirt as he walks.
 
From the Agent’s vantage point it looks altogether suspicious.
 
EXT/INT     PLAZA DEL ANGEL     AFTERNOON
 
SLIM spent, wanders, stopping at an al fresco bar for a rioja. He looks wistfully at couples in love.
 
Ordering a second glass, SEGUNDA strides purposefully toward SLIM. But she doesn’t see him. Instead she thumps the bar, calling to the PROPRIETOR.
 
SEGUNDA 
(IN SPANISH) 
Where in the hell is that lazy
son of a bitch you call 
your son? He was supposed 
to meet me at six this 
morning ready to go.
 
She holds a map in her hand and strikes it regularly, pointing an accusing finger at the PROPRIETOR, who simply shrugs.
 
SEGUNDA 
(IN SPANISH) 
Typical Castilian. I bet you
would never show a man such discourtesy.
 
The PROPRIETOR dismisses her with a rude gesture.
 
The establishment is brought to a titillated hush. SEGUNDA hauls her map like a cape behind her and storms out of the bar. Leaping into an open-top jeep, she roars off down the street.
 
A young man- RAPHAEL appears from a hiding spot behind the bar.
 
His father thumps him once and disappears down a stairwell to the cellar below.
 
RAPHAEL 
(IN SPANISH) 
She’s crazy like a woman.
 
SLIM pretends to understand what the young man is saying. His look is pure empathy.
 
RAPHAEL (CONT’D) 
I have a family to feed, bills
to pay. You think my father will bail 
me out. No, so I take a little work 
on the side. I’m a good driver, 
very safe hands. I say I will
drive her to Aragon. Then 
she tells me what she plans 
to do. Can you believe it? 
She counts birds.
 
He points to a calendar photo of the Gyps Fulvis- the Griffon Vulture.
 
RAPHAEL (CONT’D) 
She’s mad. It’s bad luck.
 
SLIM smiles winsomely.
 
EXT     TELEPHONE BOX      VIA ANGEL     LATER 
 
SEGUNDA slots coins into the phone box and dials. The box is across the way from the bar.
 
SEGUNDA 
(IN CATALAN) 
I want to talk to my father.
 
She listens, someone isn’t happy with her.
 
SLIM drunk now, exits the bar and passes her without seeing.
 
SEGUNDA 
(IN CATALAN)(CONT’D) 
Papa? Just a few days more. I
promise. Is she there? 
Can I talk to her?
 
Whatever the answer, SEGUNDA isn’t happy. She sees the AGENTS enter the bar.
 
INT         GEM SHOP         LATER
 
A touch more sober, SLIM watches expectantly as a wizened JEWELLER turns SLIM’S ruby over in his hands. He peers out from under his eyeglass to study SLIM'S face.
 
JEWELLER 
(IN SPANISH) 
A dying man needs gold coins,
not rubies. 
 
SLIM doesn't understand.
 
JEWELLER
(CONT’D) 
Where did you get it?
 
His ENGLISH is poor, SLIM doesn't understand.
 
JEWELLER 
(CONT’D) 
Where come you from this?
 
Thinking he means where are you from, SLIM replies.
 
SLIM
Australia.
The old man is 
surprised, sceptical.
 
JEWELLER 
Crocodile Dundee.
 
SLIM 
Never met him.
 
Outside- the AGENTS hover in the shadows.
 
The old man shuffles over to a set of tiny drawers and opens one or two before returning with a clasp and chains. He lays them out for Slim to choose.
 
JEWELLER 
(IN SPANISH) 
To cross the river Styx a man
must pay the ferryman. 
No to do so is to risk walking 
the hereafter without destination.
 
SLIM understanding nothing, simply nods. The JEWELLER tries again in English.
 
JEWELLER 
(CONT’D)
Limbo.
 
SLIM

Just the ruby set, per favour.
 
The jeweller snorts like a pig and waves him away. 
 
JEWELLER 
 Manyana.
 
EXT         PLAZA DE MAYOR        DAY

SEGUNDA sits on the steps under a statue of King Philip. She takes in the scene before her; locals going about their business, tourists wandering around, families, buskers. She is surrounded by people but utterly alone.

Two little girls, well dressed, play tag in front of her. The elder of the two is bossy, she pushes the smaller who falls and hurts her knee. SEGUNDA looks about for the parent, then steps forward to help until her mother arrives.

INT         HOTEL PERSAL BASEMENT/BAR         EVENING

The film crew are setting up for a TV commercial. Slim watches with professional interest as they begin to dress the place to resemble a Spaghetti Western saloon.

The Bartender slips SLIM a free carafe, an apologia for the inconvenience.

SLIM is comfortable with Bartenders, waiters, street sweepers. He feels an affinity. He gestures for the man to join him. The Bartender checks to the see if the CONCIERGE is watching and sits down. He drinks a little quickly and lets SLIM light his cigarette.

SLIM 
Who’d make films eh?
 
BARTENDER
Glamorous.
 
SLIM

Let me tell you pal, it’s
anything but. See that guy over there?

SLIM points to the ART DIRECTOR.

SLIM (CONT’D)

He can’t get his job done until
that guy...(he points to the GAFFER)     
gets his lights in and he can‘t 
get his lights in until that guy..
(he now points the DIRECTOR) 
makes up his mind. And that ain’t 
gonna happen anytime soon. 
It’s all hurry up and wait 
for the next DFI.
 
BARTENDER
 Che?
 
SLIM 
Different Fucking Idea.

The DIRECTOR, an effete but commanding presence with large hair and a vague similarity to the great ALMODOVAR is unhappy with a member of crew and berates him in front of everyone. The man has SLIM’S sympathy.

The CONCIERGE appears at the door. He speaks briefly with the DIRECTOR then spies SLIM.

CONCIERGE

Ah, Senor Pickings..You did not
check out today after all? 
Perhaps then sir wouldn’t mind 
reconciling his account as 
soon as possible?
 
SLIM doesn’t like the attention. He nods.
 
SLIM 
Momentito per favour.

He sidles out from the gaze of the crew and motions upstairs, rubbing his fingers together to suggest he has the money upstairs.

CONCIERGE 
And I will need to see your
passport again. Formality.

SLIM nods and his hand reaches for the place his Passport usually is. But it isn't. Slim slides along the walls and out the door, taking the exit stairwell instead of the elevator.

It’s dark, the exit sign throws a thin light over the concrete shaft. AS SLIM takes the stairs he hears the distinctive sound of boots on concrete descending. Ever paranoid and unhelpfully intoxicated, he climbs with trepidation. Who is using the stairs? The atmosphere intensifies, the mood heightens. We hear the sound of spurs on gravel. The Morricone-like score underplays.

It’s MOYEZ, darkly dressed, moustache and hat. They draw guns, six shooters. A bullet ricochets off the metal railing. But.... It’s just SLIM’S mad fantasy again. In the real world, MOYEZ passes SLIM without a word and exits into the night.

SLIM falls out of the stairwell into the street. He is breathing heavily, sweating, he makes up his mind.

INT     JEWELLERS     NIGHT

SLIM banging on the door. A small light is glowing in the rear of the shop and Slim is determined to get in.

The JEWELLER appears, unimpressed and suitably nervous.

SLIM 
Losciento Senior.

He pulls out the last of his bills trying to shove them into the hands of the JEWELLER.

SLIM (CONT’D) 
I want my ruby back.
 
JEWELLER

Not enough time. Not finished.

SLIM starts searching the premises. The JEWELLER hastily finds the small gemstone now set in a cheap necklace and shoves it back into SLIM’S hands.

JEWELLER (CONT’D) 
Get out, get out of my shop.
 
As SLIM exits, the old JEWELLER nervously places a phone call.

INT     BAR PLAZA DEL ANGEL     NIGHT

SLIM enters the smoky bar from earlier and takes a seat in a corner. No sign of Raphael...or any more free drinks.

CUT TO:

INT     LANEWAY     CONTINUED 

Behind the bar, a dodgy looking van pulls up sharp.

CUT BACK TO

INT     BAR     CONTINUOUS 

SLIM nurses his fears, drinks.

The SFX rings out and 

SUPER on screen reads : US$78.20 ...and twenty-three pasetas.

SLIM fingers the ruby on its chain.

INT     LANEWAY     CONTINUOUS

The TWO AGENTS sit in a surveillance van listening to SLIM via a bug planted in the necklace.

CUT BACK TO

INT     BAR     CONTINUOUS

In the corner sits SEGUNDA, also alone. She's lost her, wallet, her driver and her enthusiasm. She's drunk. She notices SLIM at the bar.

CUT TO:

INT     SURVEILLANCE VAN     CONTINUOUS 

The AGENTS listen.

BENICIO

Once again, we are gone off half
cocked. No proper intelligence. 
No authorisation...

ALEJANDRO serves him look.

ALEJANDRO

Intel placed him at that hotel.
 
BENICIO

HQ intel couldn’t find their
arse with an arthroscope.

The dancing and singing has started, it’s impossible to hear what’s going on.

BENICIO (CONT’D) 
We need a better signal.
 
ALEJANDRO 
It’s the fucking satellite.
 
BENICIO

Blame the Americans. They’ve
commandeered just about 
every resource for their 
El Presidente.

INT     BAR     CONTINUOUS


The tourists sing badly, the Spaniards dance well.

SLIM and SEGUNDA alone in their respective corners knock back more and more hard liquor.

CUT BACK TO

The Spaghetti western refrain merges with the tourist- oriented Flamenco.

On the dance floor, two locals entice blonde British girls onto the floor and dance exceptionally well to the girls’ parlous attempts at a Paso Doble.

SLIM imagines one of the girls is checking him out.

Feeling empowered, he clutches the ruby necklace, stands and knocks the table sending shot glasses flying. To Slim, he thinks it looks powerful and seductive. To the observer it just looks clumsy.

SLIM advances on the dance floor. He thinks he draws a BLONDE TOURIST into his hypnotic gaze.

The girlfriends get the giggles.

He thinks he has the Spaniards on the back foot.

They give him space, just enough rope to hang himself.

SLIM starts clapping and stamping the Paso Doble. He's terrible, but compelling.

The music reaches a crescendo. Then the BAR TENDER passes a tray shot glasses over to the acoustic guitar duo who simply stop, mid piece and down their drinks.

CUT TO:

INT     SURVEILLANCE VAN     CONTINUOUS

The silence in the bar has the AGENTS on high alert. ALEJANDRO is twiddling dials trying to get a better fix.

ALEJANDRO 

He’s making his move. This is
bullshit. We should have eyes in there.
 
BENICIO 
We had no clearance.
 
CUT BACK TO

INT     BAR     CONTINUOUS

The silence leaves SLIM alone and exposed on the dance floor. He stamps and claps once more. It's time for his well-planned last ditch grand gesture, the only thing left that might save his life.

(In a very horrible moment we watch as SLIM steps forward and presents the blonde BRITISH TOURIST with his ruby necklace.

In her corner, SEGUNDA watches the train wreck unfold.

SLIM

Para el amor. Para la vida. Para
el destino.
 
CUT TO:

INT     SURVEILLANCE VAN     CONTINUOUS

The MEN listen incredulously. Is he about to detonate a bomb?

CUT BACK TO

INT     BAR     CONTINUOUS

The BRITISH TOURIST looks at it, shows it off to her giggling girlfriends.

BLONDE TOURIST 
Yeah cheers, ta.

She drops it in her hand bag and the girlfriends move as one, giggling, toward the main entrance spilling into the street in sight of the surveillance van.

SLIM mortified, knocks over chairs to flee through the back door.

INT SURVEILLANCE VAN CONTINUOUS 

The AGENTS scan the crowd.
Coming through the headphones we hear.

BRITISH TOURIST 
Jeez I could go a chicken tikka
masala right now.
 
ALEJANDRO

Is it code? I don’t recognise it.


BENICIO rolls his eyes.

ALEJANDRO bursts out of the van, calling behind him.

ALEJANDRO(CONT’D) 
Don’t lose the signal.

EXT.     TEATRO ESPANOL     CONTINUOUS

A show has finished and audience pour into the streets. SLIM is lost in the throng and heads back to his hotel.

EXT     LETRAS DISTRICT     CONTINUOUS

SEGUNDA has followed the TOURISTS. She slips in behind them as they merge into the famous Madrid nightlife.

Behind at a distance, ALEJANDRO is still searching in vain for SLIM.

SEGUNDA slips in and around, in front of the drunk tourists.

She suddenly lurches into the BLONDE TOURIST, staggers, grabs her shoulders and pulls herself up.

SEGUNDA

Eh Madrid Nunca Duerme, eh!
(Madrid never sleeps)

She smiles at the woman, kisses her on both cheeks, then a third time. She pats the face of her friend and the tourists enjoy her drunk fun.

They part, calling back.

BLONDE TOURIST 
Madrid Nunko Duomo whatever.

But they haven’t noticed SEGUNDA has lifted the TOURIST’S handbag. She fishes and retrieves the ruby necklace.

INT     HOSTAL PERSAL     NIGHT

SLIM re enters the hotel via the basement exit, trying to avoid detection from the CONCIERGE. It’s very late but the film crew are still setting up for the TV commercial. SLIM habitually sandbags a light-stand in danger of toppling over.

He carefully avoids the BELLBOY, unaware he is reading SLIM’S letter to VANESSA aloud. Two CREW MEMBERS members laugh at the prose.

CUT TO:

INT     HOTEL ROOM     CONTINUOUS

SLIM slips into his room. He allows himself one single light bulb. He flicks the cord and it swings, a pendulum over his head as he collapses on the bed.

In his head he is the High Plains Drifter, a Sheriff in a one horse town, tumble weeds blowing, shutters slamming on an old log saloon.

Up close we stay on SLIM'S face, moody music building suspension. A creak of wood, a door slams somewhere and SLIM spins, a quick draw and fires, taking out a sexy looking VANESSA in a full black cowgirl outfit. She flies backwards into the air and lands with a thud.

SLIM runs to her collapsed form, she raises her head.

VANESSA

I never shoulda double crossed
you Slim. She falls back dead.
 
SLIM
No!
 
On the bed, SLIM cries, the door flies open and there is a furious ALEJANDRO staring him down.

He throws SLIM roughly against a wall.

ALEJANDRO (IN SPANISH) 
Why did you come to Spain? Who
are you working for?

SLIM, hard pressed against a wall, his face squashed, his words muffled.

SLIM 
No hablo espanol.

ALEJANDRO slams him again.

ALEJANDRO

What was your business 
at the tavern. Meeting your handler?
What is your code name?


Then he kicks SLIM hard. Dropping him to the floor. He kneels down, close to SLIM’S face.

ALEJANDRO(CONT’D) 
Who do you know in ETA?

He stammers uselessly..

SLIM 
Turista, turista.
 
ALEJANDRO
Terrorista.
 
SLIM

No terrorista. Turista.

ALEJANDRO hauls him up, throws him down on the bed with his arms behind his back. He sees the butterfly tattoo on SLIM.

ALEJANDRO 
El Mariposa? What is that?
Slim groans.
 
ALEJANDRO (CONT’D) 
You know what we do with scum
like you? We don’t wait 
around for you to blow us 
all to kingdom come that’s 
for sure. Who is your mark?

INT.     ADJACENT HOTEL ROOM     CONTINUOUS

With his ear against the wall, MOYEZ listens with interest.

CUT BACK TO

INT     HOTEL ROOM     CONTINUOUS

ALEJANDRO hauls SLIM up and onto the bed. He pulls out a long handkerchief and shows it to SLIM:

ALEJANDRO

You know the intestines are not
very fussy. They will try 
and digest just about anything. 
If I should stuff this 
kerchief down your throat, 
pretty soon, your stomach 
would start to consume 
this foreign object without 
the need for mastication. 
And when it does..

He starts to shove the kerchief into SLIM’S mouth.

ALEJANDRO(CONT’D) 
When it does, I grab hold of it
and up come your intestines.

SLIM starts gagging, twisting and writhing.

ALEJANDRO (CONT’D) 
You know where men like you wind
up? A free flight to Qatar, 
a padded room and an 
electric cow prod. Never heard 
of again, so if you have any 
last wishes, now would be 
the time to tell me.
 

SLIM starts gagging again.
 
SLIM
Vanessa...
 
INT     ADJACENT HOTEL ROOM     CONTINUOUS 
 
Next door, MOYEZ is packing his things.

INT     HOTEL ROOM     LATER

BENICIO arrives to find ALEJANDRO standing over a semi naked, unconscious SLIM.

ALEJANDRO
I broke him.
 
BENICIO 
You fuck him also?

INT     ELEVATOR     LATER

The two AGENTS stand astride the now conscious and poorly dressed SLIM. The elevator is as usual, achingly slow.

BENICIO 
We lost the blonde.

ALEJANDRO clicks his tongue- typical.

ALEJANDRO 

We can pick up the signal from
HQ.


He presses the elevator buttons again and again.

BENICIO
Leave it alone.

Instead of travelling down to the LOBBY the elevator continues down to the BASEMENT.

INT     HOTEL BASEMENT     CONTINUOUS

The elevator doors open and the AGENTS find themselves in the middle of the night shoot in full swing. The FIRST A.D. is shouting orders. The place is populated by costumed EXTRAS.

Among them is the midget, TON TON.

As they step onto the set, dragging SLIM with them, ALEJANDRO spies TON TON.

ALEJANDRO
You!
 
TON TON sees the Suits and deftly pulls his stunt and runs up and onto ALEJANDRO.

ALEJANDRO pulls his weapon. CAST and CREW scream. BENICIO calls for calm but pulls his weapon also.

SLIM alert, sees an opportunity and lifts a wig and moustache from a nearby props table. He slips behind a passing wardrobe trolley and into a stairwell.

EXT     GRAN VIA     DAWN

SLIM has slept rough. Barefoot, he crawls out of a MEN’S public toilet wearing the ill shaped wig and paste-on moustache.

SECURITY line the streets, crowds are gathered on either side.

He nudges an OLD MAN and tries his best to be understood. The OLD MAN is peeling an apple with a paring knife and making an average job of it.

SLIM
Que pasa?

The OLD MAN is too preoccupied. He gets nothing. SLIM tries again in his limited SPANISH. He wants to say- what’s going on?

SLIM (CONT’D) 
Qué se está encendiendo.

Still nothing from the OLD MAN. He’s deaf but SLIM thinks he has the pronunciation wrong. Instead he tries..

SLIM (CONT'D) 
Que se esta incendiario? (what
is incendiary?)

The OLD MAN motions he is hard of hearing. SLIM tries again, louder this time.

SLIM (CONT'D) (shouting)
Que se esta incendiario?
 
Another MAN standing nearby hears the last of SLIM'S poor Spanish. He starts to take interest in SLIM.
 
OLD MAN 
El Presidente.


The OLD MAN ditches his knife. SLIM pockets it.
The younger MAN moves off in search of muscle.
SLIM moves along, seeking an exit through the throng.

In the near distance the concerned MAN informs a POLICE OFFICER who immediately signals her superiors via audio surveillance.

The OFFICER takes initiative, moving in on SLIM from behind. Through her coms, we can hear a SPANISH voice issuing instructions.

The parade is all bells and whistles; three black limousines decked with flags, US Presidential CIA staff running alongside, a cordon of police motorcycles flagging front and back.

SLIM sees the approaching POLICE OFFICER. No time to hang around. He scarpers.

EXT     TEMPLE DE DEBOD     MINUTES LATER

Running, SLIM seeks shelter in the Debod Temple, trying again to merge with the tourists, straining to see if the POLICE are still after him.

Waiting and listening he stares at the patterned walls of hieroglyphics and inscriptions; Isis, Osorus, Anubis; a dog, a crocodile, a vulture.

A toddler hovers close to the water feature at the monument. His mother is distracted by her older child. No one sees the baby edge closer to the water. One more step.. Splash, he’s in, but all eyes, including the mother’s are cast toward the presidential cavalcade.

SLIM runs. He runs for the baby, scoops it out of the water. It wails. The mother turns. She screams, the crowd turns.

It doesn’t look good. SLIM bolts.

EXT.     HOSTAL PERSAL     DAY

The HOTEL is a crime scene. Hostile FILM CREW wait around. The CONCIERGE is upset. Cast loiter in western costumes. It’s like a cowboy convention. The midget TON TON is sitting, cuffed to a chair in a cafe outside the HOTEL.

ALEJANDRO receives a signal through his coms. He motions to BENICIO, who stuffs SLIM’S letters into his pocket and runs after him.

EXT     MUSEO DE AMERICA     LATER

Running, SLIM notices the word ‘America’ on the Museum sign and runs for it.

INT     MUSEO DE AMERICA     CORRIDOR     CONTINUOUS 

SLIM finds a large circular stairwell and descends.

He tries a few doors along the way but nothing opens. Then he reaches the basement. He sees a lit sign ahead.

CUT TO:

INT MUSEUM BASEMENT     CONTINUOUS 

Inside the room is long, cold and cavernous.

SLIM enters, illuminated by a bank of flickering lights.

He sees a long span of shelves, old display casings, signage, books, boxes. A few tables are squeezed in between the tracks. There's evidence of a recently abandoned card game.

Feeling quite alone, SLIM takes a moment to exhale.

He’s cold. Very cold. Body heat from his flight expels and he begins to jump and clap his arms to keep warm.

He trawls through the storage clutter. Opening boxes he produces stone-age paint daubs, a map, a mummy!

Time ticks by. 
No one is coming and he's just getting colder.

He takes the pot of daub over to a wall and in large letters writes something we can’t quite see in the dim light.

He drags the mummy case over to the wall and with the plastic knife cuts it open.

He hauls open the mummy case, is relieved to find nothing in it then lies inside it, pulling the case over his head.

SLIM lies in the dark.

He starts to cough. It stinks. He climbs out, pushes it aside.

He hears voices in the stairwell. He panics. He snakes his way through the maze of storage shelves and crams himself into a tiny ball in the dark.

His eyes adjust and SLIM comes face to face with the beady glass eyes of a stuffed vulture.

A man and woman enter. It’s dark, hard to see. SLIM quakes and strains to listen.

WOMAN 
(IN SPANISH) O.S 
Your money. Half now, the rest
when you get to Ordesa. 
A guide will be there to 
lead you over the mountains.

SLIM can't understand. But in the half light it looks a lot like SEGUNDA?

WOMAN (CONT’D) 
This is the last time you are to
make contact with me. Until Aragon.

She leaves, the door clicks behind her. SLIM can hear the man moving around the basement. He hears a case opening, the click and dial of machinery.

MOYEZ steps into frame as he finishes assembling a high powered rifle.

SLIM exhales audibly, alerting MOYEZ who spins and aims.

MOYEZ fires, a bullet ricochets and SLIM leaps into the air, knocking the shelves which domino, crashing toward MOYEZ so quickly and unexpectedly that MOYEZ is crushed under their weight. In the Dummy case.

Silence.

 

EXT     HIGHWAY  EARLY

SLIM travels north in a fruit truck. The DRIVER chews on a cigar, spitting occasionally onto the floor at SLIM’S feet. He swigs regularly from a can of coke.

SLIM is fixated by the plastic cactus that hangs from the rear view mirror. Staring at it, we hear a voice- over of his letter to VANESSA, but the voice is not his, this time, speaking in fluent English we hear..

BENICIO VO
You were my last chance at some 
semblance of connectedness, 
of belonging, and that didn't 
last too long. No blame for 
you, that's just the way it goes.

 

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