By Steven Dittman

“What time is it…? 5:30? Jevreddy, I thought I told you to set it for 6:00.”

2 Jevreddy

“You told me to set two, remember. You said it helps you wake up.”

3 Sproot

“Oh, yeah. Good night.”

4 Jevreddy

“Good night sir. We have that conversation almost every morning, poor fellow. While we are awaiting the master’s awakening, perhaps I should tell you a bit more about him. He was the eldest of five siblings in a black family of very little means. His younger brothers Spry and Spraggle, always competed for greater sportsperson, but worked together to afford all of the equipment they needed to compete. His younger sisters Spree and Sprae pursued more unique paths, but supported each other as only sisters can. Spree loved to ice scate, play music, and dance with her friends. Sprae was in the exterminating business. She considered herself a professional bug killer, and rodent repeller. All have grown up to have successful careers, except for their older brother, Sprittley. He was in an out of mechanic jobs, enjoying them, but getting destracted with other ‘mysteries’ which often made him late, especially after high school. He went to college to develop detective skills, and graduated with flying colors. However, he has trouble getting people to hire him, due to his abrupt conclusions, and hasty reasoning. His parents Sprappy and Spring did not know what they could do. They wanted him to remain a mechanic, since that was what he was good at. The master never gave up though, and his siblings showed their support by paying for his college. None of this changed his parent’s attitude toward his job, nor how his would-be clients treated him. Here are some samplings of what they said:”

5 Sprappy

“Son look, I know our family has one of the silliest naming traditions in the world, and that my own name sounds like it should belong to a dog. Huh. When I thought of Sprittley, as your name, I was proud of myself. I told myself that you would grow up to be somebody great! But instead you insist on being an idiot! You back up your stupid name with naught but stupidity! In your choices obviously, I mean, you are very smart! Why can’t you just use those smarts? Eh! You built a frickin’ robot at age twelve, and had already given it artificial intelligence at the age of fifteen! That is impressive! The military could use expertise like that! You are practically a prodigy! Hooooo. Look son, you know I love you. I just want to see you become someone I can be proud of having raised. If you want to be a detective, then do it. Just don’t mess up.”

6 Client #1

“How dare you accuse my daughter of skinning our cat! Just because she was found holding the knife doesn’t mean she did it! She was bawling her eyes out, after having just walked in on the scene. I know because I was there! I described the whole thing too you! Moron! Your fired!”

7 Client #2

“Yes, I did order pizza, but not because I hated my wife’s cooking! What does this have to do with her death that night anyway? We agreed to eat out as a family! Geeze man, if you are going to jump to conclusions, you’re out!”

8 Client #47

“Yeah, those are my car keys. Thanks for finding them! Oh, since that took you five minutes, I am not paying you a cent. Sue me.”

“As you can see, the master has not been building up a very reliable reputation. His cases went from intense to very desperate, in just under forty attempts. Then his dad died, in the year 2020. Thankfully, the master was able to speak with his old man before he left. This is what they talked about:”

2 Sprappy

“Hello son. I am glad we get to chat. I know I have been a little harsh on you. I expected the most from you, after all. You were the oldest, and the smartest. You know what I’ve concluded?”

3 Sprittley

“What daddy? I am here, just say it before you can’t talk no more!”

4 Sprappy

“Son, I want you to solve a case for me! Just one, any one will do. If you eventually attain success, then good on you, but all I desire is one my boy. ‘cough, cough’ You can do it. I believe in you. I will look down and help in any way I can. Good luck sonny. I love you!”

5 Sprittley

“Oh, I love you too, pappy! I will succeed! I know it! I will not let you down! I… pappy?”

6 Doctor

“He has passed. You were the last to see him. I am glad you could come in.”

7 Sprittley

“Yes, yes. May I please have a moment with the body of my father who just died!”

8 Jevreddy

“I was told he took it well, but knowing him, as soon as that doctor left he probably had a few tears to shed. What man in his position wouldn’t. He loved his father very much, and wanted almost nothing more than to impress him. Such are the troubles of my master. And still, two years later he pushes on. Most recently, he has found someone. Client #486, assuming I have been told about all of them, a simple farmer named Clint Westwood, has hired my master to investigate something that fell into his field. The old man is in no shape to look for himself, and no one is willing to help him. No one, except my master of course. Oh, look at the time he will be waking up soon.”

9 Sproot

“Unicorns barfing all over my lawn. Magical fertilizer. The best kind…honkshooooo…” RIIIIING! RIIIIING! RIIIIING! RII…click… “Alrighty, I am up and at ‘em! Aha! What was I dreaming about Jevreddy?”

10 Jevreddy

“Barfing unicorns again sir. It is the third time this week.”