This is my first novel attempt for NaNoWriMo. 

It is the story of the journey of Reesa Ramone, a woman invisible to the majority of the world. Everything in life has an effect, good or bad and helps make you who you are. 

The clock ticks toward the dreaded hour. Tick, tick, tick. Growing louder as the time draws near. Just once can't it stop? Let time stand still, fro a little while. The final click ad the hand hits the 12. The time has come. There is no avoiding it now!

The question facing me now is... Do I rush in or drag my feet? I can't stop the inevitable but can I find away to lessen the damage? If I take my time and get there late I won't have to endure it as much or as long. So here I go... one foot in front of the other, as slowly as possible.

Out the door and down the hall, eyes on the floor, only glancing up to make sure I don't walk into anything or anyone. Stopping whenever I can be sure to get away with it. A side trip to the restroom, just to make the trip a little longer. How long have I waited? Ten minutes? Maybe 15? I step out the door and..... "Miss Ramone, Is this where your supposed to be?" Oh, no! I've been caught!

My heart begins to pound, like a bass drum. I can feel the sweat begin to bead on my forehead. What should I say? Can I run, do I have a chance to get away? All the questions run through my head. What to do? Run?Hide? Cry?

"Miss Ramone, I'm speaking to you!" Oh no, I took too long. "I was just using the restroom. I'm sorry." A quick look up to make eye contact and then back to the floor."Get where you belong and don't dawdle!" Another quick look up with a small smile, "Yes Mr Wallace."

There's no avoiding it now. Brace yourself and step through the portal to a world of torture. I take a deep breath and go. Eyes on the floor, keep close to the wall and hope beyond hope to be invisible today!

I made it into line, grab my food as quick as I can, so far so good. A swift glance to find the best route to an empty table, pay for my food and then there is this feeling I can't shake. Like something is about to happen. Be ready and don't cry no matter what!

Just as I start to think I made it at least half way, it happens. Someone comes up behind me and oinks like a pig. The room breaks out in giggles and more oinks. 'stay strong, don't cry find your seat and pretend you don't hear it'.

"All right boys and girls, settle down, lunch is almost over", Mr Wallace says with the cool, stern voice that only an elementary school principal can have. The same voice that can scare you or save you or make you feel better.

I find my spot at an empty table in a corner quickly eat my food and hope the day ends soon. Praying that middle school will be better next year.

Home! Safe, secure, alone! I lay down on my bed and let out everything I held in all day.This is my routine. Hide in my room, cry until I have nothing left, do my homework, read a book and wait til my parents get home for dinner.This is my elementary life!

"Reesa, dinner!" Oh, the loving bellow of my mother. I straighten myself up and head down to our family time at the dinner table. This has made me the way I am good or bad. "Hi, Mom. What's for dinner?" Paper plates means take out, silverware means not fast food tonight. "I grabbed Chinese food on the way home. Hopefully its to everyone's liking." Attitude like that means she had a bad day. Hopefully Dad's was better so only one of them is in a mood. That makes it so one can complain and the other listen. If neither of them is the listener its not a pleasant dinner.

Just as we finish setting the table Dad comes in, slamming the front door, not a good sign. "Hello ladies! Its your wonderful man of the house." Still hoping for a good mood I ran out and gave him a hug, "Welcome home Daddy! Come to the kitchen, Mommy got us Chinese for dinner!"

As soon as we sat down to eat Mommy was telling us about the "idiots" she works for and the other "moron" she dealt with all day. Daddy nodded his head, "Some days don't you just want to tell them to shove it? We work our butts off and everyone wants more." Well, this should be quite a great dinner!

There are the nights I try not to say anything about school. They won't help. Even on good nights they tell me things like; "just ignore it"", "you need to toughen up", "they're just having a little fun at your expense, it will blow over when they find someone new to pick on", "what did you do to make them want to make fun of you?", "maybe you should try harder to fit in". My favorite is: "they only make fun of you because you make yourself a target and don't stand up for yourself!".

I love my parents but I don't think they know how I feel.They don't ever have to deal with people who are mean just to be mean. They complain about "idiots and morons" and not wanting to work for them but they never say "They are mean and cruel and make me want to cry or never go back there again". Maybe if they dealt with that every day they would understand.

"So Reesa, how was school?" Poop! Dad had to ask.  "It was fine, Dad." I said with a smile."We started a new book in English that might be good." Please, let that be enough. He gave me a look that said it wasn't. "So no teasing to whine about today?" I rolled my eyes and said, "Yes, but it doesn't matter. I just have to learn to deal with it." Please, let it go, please!  They both smiled at me, "Thats my girl, just suck it up and deal with it!" And they returned to their own dinner conversation, talking about the neighbors, friends and people at work, leaving me alone. Good!

That was everyday for me in Elementary school. In the fall I get to move to the middle school. Things will be better then, maybe the mean kids will find someone else to pick o

Friend! Finally I have a friend, no more sitting alone. Someone to talk to, to confide in, someone just like me, sort of.

Amelia moved into town just before Christmas break in fifth grade. She lived a few houses down from me so I saw her outside during break. She would play outside on and off, when she went inside I could see her Mom getting her cocoa with whipped cream. Oh, how I wish I was her.

The day after Christmas, I watched and waited for her to go outside. I finally got a snowsuit and sled for Christmas and figured it might be a good way to meet her. Just after lunch she came outside... with her Mom, to play. I didn't know Mom's did that. So I headed outside, alone.

The yard at Amelia's house had a nice little hill, high enough to be fun but not so high that you'd get tired out walking back to the top. My yard was flat, so I went out all bundled up.Sat down on my sled and used an old broom stick to push myself right towards her yard.

She watched me for a minute, the whispered to her Mom, who then looked at me. I pretended not to notice. Her mom said something back and Amelia headed towards me. "Hi, I'm Amelia. My Mom says if its alright with your Mom, you can come sled in our yard and have coca after. If you want."

"That would be great! Oh, I'm Reesa. Let's go." a big smile and off we ran. Mrs. Henderson, Amelia's Mom, smiled and said, " Honey,you should check with your Mom so she knows where you are."Looking up at her, the awesomest Mom I ever met, I replied, "Don't have to. She's at work . As long as I'm home before she is its fine."

We played and sled and talked outside til our faces were frozen. Then went in their house for the best hot chocolate I ever had. It wasn't those packets that mom buys for me to make. Mrs. Henderson made it on the stove, in a pan and topped it with whipped cream. My mom never bought me whipped cream, if she was in a god mood she would buy the packets with the tiny marshmallows, but not very often.

We stayed in and watched a movie I had never seen, she had a lot of those.Then it was time for me to go home.So I bunlded back up, grabbed my sled and slowly dragged it back to my empty house to wait for my parents to come home. Til then I curled up on the couch with a book, hoping I get to go back again.

Later while Mom was makingdinner, it wasa goodday sinceshe wascooking,therewas a knock on the door.Dad answered it and called Mom from the kitchen. It was Mrs. Henderson. "Hello, I'm Alice. from next door. I was wondering if I could talk to you about Reesa?" They both shot me a scary look. Crap!

"What did she do?" Mrs. Henderson shook her head, "No, she didn't do anything. I was just wondering if it would be okay if she hung out at our house while the kids are on vacation. She played with my Amelia outside today and they got along so well, with us being new my girl hasn't made any friends yet." She shuffled from one foot to the other waiting for some response, unsure of what they might say.

My Mom finally spoke, "We don't want her to impose on you but its okay with me. I'll feel better with her having some supervision while I'm at work. What do you think Reesa?" I completely lost all control.... I ran over and hugged my mom, "Thank you, Mommy!", and Mrs. Henderson!

From that point on we were together all the time. We sat together in lunch,I still got teased but not as much. Amelia became a target too. She was skinny, with long black hair and a kind of pointy nose. Right after vacation she told me kids were calling her a witch and laughing at her. I felt bad for her but at least we both had someone who understands.

We spent all our free time together during middle school.After school we would go straight to her house. Homework and one of Mrs. Henderson's amazing homemade snacks. I finally got to the point were I was happy and the teasing didn't feel so bad. Maybe that's what made it so horrible in the first place.....I was unhappy?

Towards the end of eighth grade Amelia began talking about boys....ALOT! I didn't really have the same obsession. Most of the kids were either in  couple or acting all goofy every time the person they liked walked by or their name was mentioned. I just wasn't like that. But I went along with her and her fleeting attractions.That was also the year that Amelia and I started to fall out. She finally put on a little weight and her breasts just kind of showed up.... big time. I didn't really change all that much. I don't know why, the health teacher says genetics plays a big part but I've seen pictures of my Mom when she was my age and she looked more like Amelia than me.

By summer I finally started to fill out like most girls and none of my clothes fit, some where too small and others too big. My Mom took a promotion and was working even more so every week she would say we would go shopping but it never seemed to happen.Finally, one day we came home from the park and Mrs. Henderson told us to get in the car, we were going out. We ended up at the mall. "Your mother dropped off this card earlier,"She handed me a gift card, and asked me to take you shopping. " I couldn't have been happier. Not only did I finally get to get new clothes but I also had my friend and her Mom with me, who have great taste in clothes.

The next day we went to the beach, the three of us. Three smiling, happy girls, enjoying the sun, sand and water in our new matching bikini's. We boy watched , giggling and laughing, just having the best day ever. Guys would look at the three of us, I wasn't sure if any of them were looking at me and I wasn't sure if I cared but Amelia and her Mom were loving the attention.

The summer ended. It made me sad. My days as a Henderson ere basically over. My only hope would be that the changes we have gone through will make starting high school a better experience than any year before.

Day one was good. People looked at us but no one ever said anything. I was thrilled, even more so when it stayed that way for a week and then two. I actually relaxed. Amelia began to make friends with some of the other kids. Every once in a while she would introduce me to one of them but they never paid attention to me unless Amelia was with me but it was okay I didn't mind as long as they weren't being mean to me.

A few days before home coming Amelia came running at me as I waited for her so we could walk home. She was pretty much a blur coming down the hall, if I wasn't paying attention I'd have thought she was being chased. Her enormous, white smile gave her away. Amelia was extremely happy about something and I'm pretty sure I'm about to find out what.

Suddenly the full force of my friend slammed into me, hugging me. Laughing so hard I almost missed what she whispered to me. "I have something to tell you and its freaking awesome! But not til we're out of here." Then she grabbed my hand and started to run. What on earth could make her like this? I guess I'll find out.

About halfway home I thought she was going to pull my arm off! "Amelia! can we slow down? Your going to pull my arm out of the socket!" She stopped and I almost knocked her down. "Sorry, I'm just so excited! I want to get home as fast as I can so I can tell you and Mom together." Then she giggled and we walked, well, she practically skipped arm in arm the rest of the way to the house.

When she busted through the door, Mrs. Henderson came out of the kitchen with our homework snack. "Wow, you got home fast today. Did you run all the way?" I shook my head, "Just about." Amelia stood next to me, red faced and bouncing, still with that huge smile on her face. Mrs. Henderson went wide eyed when she looked at her daughter. "What's going on Amelia?" A gigle slipped from Amelia's mouth as she told us both to sit down and brace ourselves. "Jason Spencer, the super cutie on the wrestling team asked ME out! I just about peed myself, I was so excited!" Her Mom was almost as happy as Amelia but I faked it. I didn't see the big deal. Jason was okay looking but was kind of a jerk when his friends were around.

The next day at school Amelia was either with Jason or talking about him.In lunch she sat with me but wasn't really there. While she stuffed her face and talked, my mind began to wander and I watched all the other couples around the lunch room. At some point Amelia had stopped talking but I didn't notice until she jabbed me with her finger and said, "If you keep staring at him like that you'll burn a hole right through him." and she giggled."Stare at who?" It was an honest question, I had been spaced out so long everything in my line of sight was a blur. "Steve Johnas! You've not even blinked for like 5 minutes. You know he broke up with jenifer over the weekend?" I just shook my head and said. "No. And I don't care!" thankfully the bell rang and Amelia wasn't in my next class.

Apparently I should have been more direct with Amelia. At the end of the day we met up to walk home and she had an odd smile on her face. "I talked to Jason after lunch and he talked to Steve." oh no, what did she do? "Steve is going to ask you to Home Coming! Isn't that awesome? They're going to meet us on the way home." I stopped dead, how could she do this to me? "Amelia, why would you do that? I don't like Steve." She was quite a few steps away and stopped and turned in surprise. "How can you not like Steve? He's cute and funny and popular." I don't know how to explain it so she can understand but maybe plain English will help. "Look, Steve is one of the people who has been mean to me my whole life. Even if he was cute, I wouldn't want to date him!"

"Reesa, it's just Home Coming. One night, maybe a dance and get to know him. Maybe he's changed. We've all grown up. People change." I just stood there, thinking about what she said. Was it possible for him to change? I did, well, physically, but he would have to change his personality. "Just think about it as we walk. You can talk to him when we meet them and decide for yourself. But I would love for us to go to HomeComing together."  Guilt trip!

She talked all the way, about shopping for dresses together, getting ready together, hanging out at the dance together with the boys, pretty much to make it seem like a god idea. It all sounded fun up until she brought the boys into it. I just couldn't get passed the things 'the boys' had said and done to me before. My folks always said," If they don't touch you then you just need to suck it up and get over it." I grew up but getting over it was not as easy.

A few blocks from home the guys were waiting for us. Once I saw them i tried to cross to the other side of the street but Amelia grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go. I was trapped, I didn't want to talk to them and I'm sure Steve was only going to ask because Jason put him up to it. Freaking crap!  "Hey guys!" Amelia giggled as she cuddled up to Jason. Steve nodded and Jason smiled, "Hey babe, hey Ressa! You girls know Steve right?" I shook my head and looked at my feet. This is so uncomfortable! Is it wrong to hate your best friend? The three of them chatted back and forth as I stood there trying not to run home.

"So Lisa, Amelia has told us a lot about you. How come your never with her when she hangs out with us?" Steve smiled when he talked but that only made me feel worse. "Well, I guess she didn't talk too much or you didn't listen. My name isn't Lisa!" I turned, ready to go home but Steve stopped me. "I'm sorry Reesa. It slipped out wrong, my older sister's name is Lisa." Well, that was a surprise. "Forgiven, I guess." I said with a smile. We talked for a while, he seemed okay, but still not someone I'm attracted to. "It's getting kind of late and I have a ton of homework to finish before my Mom gets home." I really meant it. I had to have the best grades possible this year. Amelia agreed, but still lingered, waiting for something. "We'll be right back.",she said and grabbed Jason's hand and walked away, leaving me alone with Steve. "Look Reesa, I know this is all weird but I wanted to ask you if you would go to Homecoming with me, just as friends. Being on the team I have to go and I figure this way the four of us can just hang out and have fun. What do you think?"  "I guess, as friends, it would be fine. I know it will make Amelia happy. See you tomorrow, I have to go." And with that I walked away and headed home. Amelia quickly caught up. "So?" I just shook my head, "You've got what you want. We're going to the dance as friends." She literally jumped in the air. What a freak!

Shopping for dresses and things was fun. Amelia looked amazing in her bright pink dress. I tried on so many different colors and styles and finally decided on a black and white strapless. It wasn't exactly what I thought I sould wear but Amelia was absolutely positive it was perfect, so I got it.

Saturday, we spent all afternoon talking and getting ready for our fun night out. It was a blast. I did her make up and she did mine. Her Mom took pictures, you'd have thought it was prom  or something. Mrs. Henderson made us dinner and made sure we had money just in case we might need it. As far as I was concerned it was already the best night without guys or dances or my family.

At six o'clock we loaded up in Mrs. Henderson's car, she even let me drive. She dropped us off and the guys were waiting outside for us. My stomach was in a knot and I didn't want to get out of the car. Amelia jumped out of the backseat and ran over to Jason. "Come on Reesa!" But I just sat there. "Are you okay, honey?" Mrs Henderson looked at me, concerned. "This just feels wrong and I don't know why!" She smiled, took my hand and said, "Probably just nerves, going out on a sort of date for the first time can do that to you." So with a deep breath I followed my Dad's advice and sucked it up and got out of the car. I walked around the car and headed toward Amelia. Steve stepped over next to me, "Ready for some fun?" He said with a smile. "Well, I'm here, so we'll see how it goes." Then the four of us headed inside to see how the night went. Through the door and heading towards a table, that was where the fun night ended. Along with my friendship with Amelia.

The next day I ended our friendship for good and stopped speaking to Amelia. When I explained things to my parents they seemed horrified but then said, "Well, you weren't hurt so you can deal with it. Maybe after things cool down you can talk to Amelia and make it better." Now I was horrified.

For months people would whisper and point and laugh. Life before was barely bearable, now it was beyond unbearable. After awhile things cooled down but still I stayed to myself and tried to avoid being in large groups of people.  Alone again....... the way it was meant to be!

The positive outcome was that back to being on my own, I ended up with a 3.8 GPA and my parents kept their word and bought me a car. It wasn't brand new but it was nice. My Mom even got me a part time job on the weekends helping out at her work so I had gas money to get myself around.

I spent most of my time avoiding people but school made that difficult. Just before sophomore year I decided to try making a change, nothing drastic, just a little change to feel better about myself. So one Friday after school I went to a salon and had them cut my hair. It had been the same long style since I was little, so it was time for something new and not me. When I walked out I was a different person, so much lighter. I gave the stylist free reign to do what ever she thought might look good on me. I was completely surprised that she, a very straight-laced looking woman, close to my mother's age, had given me and amazing, punk looking, short cut with a little bit of spikiness. Then suggested trying a temporary color just to see if I liked it.

The end result was a great departure from who I was when I walked in. It was short to the point of almost shaved in the back and the top was a light blue and gelled up slightly. I think my folks were going to flip but I felt more myself than I ever had before. I even went and bought some new clothes to go with my new look. I felt free and comfortable with myself.

As I pulled into the driveway Mrs. Henderson looked over and waved. I stepped out of the car and waved back. The look on her face was one of pure surprise. "Oh, my god, Reesa! you look amazing." So not the reaction I expected but then she was the only person in my life who was never mean and very supportive. I couldn't help but smile. "Thanks Mrs. H, I figured it was time for a change."

My parents weren't quite so positive but their only problem was the color. "Why would you change the color of your hair? Its ridiculous to do that, it makes you look like a freak." Yup, that's what I expected. "It's only temporary, it will wash out in a week. Besides, I like it. It makes me feel like I'm finally me." They just shook their heads and left me alone.

I spent the weekend either at work or at home so no one else really saw me but Monday it was back to school and trying to avoid people. Maybe my comfort with my new self would be enough to make things okay for me. Boy, was I wrong. The minute I stepped out of my car kids were staring, pointing and laughing. Being in a small town change is not something they are used to. I just kept walking. Once inside, I quickly went to my locker and to my homeroom. Maybe if I was the first one in the room no one would pay attention to me.

The first few people in the door were; Amelia, and her group of cool friends. The way she looked at me I thought she liked it but then one of her friends burst out laughing. "Do you see that? The loser is now a loser freak!" And the whole room began to laugh, even Amelia. She had become just like them, like she didn't remember how it felt when she was their target. I wanted to cry. But I didn't, I won't let them have the satisfaction of knowing I was hurt any more.

The rest of the day only got worse. I went straight home from school and let out everything I had been holding in. I cried, I yelled, and threw things/ I wasn't as angry any more but I was still hurting. Amelia dumping me for those people hurt but her becoming one of them was killing me.

I went and took a shower, hoping that if I washed my hair a few times the color would fade. I washed, I scrubbed, over and over. By the time I stepped out, most of the color was gone. Hopefully, tomorrow the freak label will disappear.

The rest of the week only got worse. I was called all kinds of things, some didn't even make sense. But on Friday it escalated. When I walked into the school, there were a lot of people in the hall around my locker, laughing. As soon as I walked in their sight, they moved and I could see what had their attention. My locker had been vandalized!  Someone had written:  Freak, Dyke and Loser, across it. Too much to take!  So I ran!

 I ran back to my car and drove, just drove til I stopped at a park. I sat in my car and cried, screamed and punched the car. It didn't help.... I was still hurt, still angry. At this point I'd rather die than go back to that place. I can't see those people, I can't deal with the abuse any more.