Hope was distant but she would reach for it. Anya was going to reach for hope even if she could never get it because it was worth reaching for. She sat on her beanbag in her bedsit beside a load of crumpled up drawings she had drawn. She allowed herself to let her thoughts wonder. She needed to put together a portfolio as she believed she had enough to create something someone would want to pay for. She just needed to be creative. There must be ways she could demonstrate her work in a way that would have people in high places gunning for it. She wanted to be known for something more than serving coffee, but unfortunately she still had to serve coffee to avoid the bedsit where she lived, where she could be alone to create. To create, she really needed to be alone, and this was like having her own art studio. This was the first time she had ever really fully lived on her own and she wanted to make something of herself. Being around family and friends was holding her back and she had needed to escape. She could create around them but it felt so regimented, so rigid and she just wanted to be free so that her imagination could run wild. To get to the deeper crevices of her mind she had to be free of distraction, she needed her own space. She really just wanted to explore who she was and what she was about without people around her so quick to jump on the bandwagon. No one wanted to see that I knew who I was, and I just needed to exercise it. The only way to make them see that and to exercise it was to break away, so this is what I did and here I am. My life's not perfect. I don't want it to be perfect, and it's never going to be perfect, but it was better. I was happier. I was getting closer to becoming the person I wanted to be.

I checked my watch. It was 12.30 and I was on the lunchtime shift at 1. I changed into suitable attire for work, brushed my teeth, touched up my make- up and left the house. It was just a small café where I worked but everyone there was really nice. I had been there about two months now, saving up to move out which I did about a week ago and hopefully I could last in this job for a while, just to keep getting the money coming in. On shift with me today was Corey and Jemima. Jemima was at art school studying alternative methods in art and Corey was a freelance graphic designer. He was really attractive but she was pretty sure there was something going on between him and Jemima so she didn't let herself get too close to him. She didn't want to come between them, although she had been interested in him when they first met. She had disciplined herself not to be as it wasn't worth the drama for one thing and there were a million other guys out there, in fact there were billions. She just wanted to concentrate on her art, and she had been interested in him and liked it as it didn't happen that often but now, with Jemima in the picture she just couldn't be bothered to waste her energy when there were so many other pursuits she should be putting her energy into. Jemima was really nice too, and she had never mentioned a boyfriend which girls tend to seem to want to get into the conversation early so she could only assume she was single. She was beautiful, but she looked completely different to her. She had curly blonde hair and was tall and thin with porcelain skin, big red lips, high cheek bones. She had supermodel looks. I was average height, had long, straight dark hair, olive skin, and brown eyes. I hung my coat up then joined them at the till. Jemima smiled at me as she made a coffee for herself. Corey was serving customers. She began to make a mocha which was my usual and she often made me my usual if it was quiet. I was happy to get a coffee at the start of the shift as it gave me the energy to get through it. It was only a four hour shift today but I liked to work short hours regularly rather than long hours. " Has it been busy this morning?" I asked, as she handed me the mocha. " Thank you," I added.

" Um, it was busier but still been fairly slow. My shift ends in an hour then it will just be you and Corey. Got a big exhibition at uni in a month's time and I haven't even put pen to paper yet," she exasperated at her final word.

" Oh, really? Well, I'm sure you'll be fine with just hours to spare. You're a natural."

" Thanks, Anya. I don't want to be fine. I want to get my piece to sell or at least impress someone high in the game. It will boost my chances of getting my work into a famous gallery," she enthused.

" Well, you just have to get some inspiration then."

" Yeah," she agreed, seeing that Corey was not there, and a small line had formed she set down her latte and made her wait to the till. " Sorry about the wait, how can I help?"

I went to clear tables as there was only one till. My heart stopped as I saw sat at one of the tables, it was my ex with some girl I didn't recognise. "Anya," his voice called, as I tried to rush away unnoticed. Clearly it hadn't worked.

" Kai," I turned around, plastering on a forced smile, as my attention was quickly drawn to the girl. I did recognise her. It was Lexi. She looked different. She had multi- coloured hair, piercings on her face and she wore metal rocker type style of dress. She used to be a complete plain Jane geek. Always very pretty but now she was different. She had lost quite a bit of weight too. They had almost been friends, if it had been acceptable for their cliques to have crossed, she's sure they would have been. They were on the same wavelength but hung with different crowds. Now she was with her ex.

" Lexi, you're here too. Wow, great to see you both."

" It's not what you think," Lexi chimed in.

" What do I think?" I laughed it off, getting louder as I saw lips start to make movements, in an attempt to drown out the sound. That's why I increased in volume, and it worked. " So, anyway, I better get back to work. Have you finished with that?" I grabbed the empty cups and took them away. Kai and I had only broken up about a month ago and he was with her. What was he doing with her, of all people? I didn't even knew that they were aware of each other. I had known Kai from uni so Lexi and I hadn't been at the same school has him. I wondered if he had known her longer than he'd known me or if they had just met and it had been love at first sight. I was so caught up in my own faults that I had bumped into a customer and dropped the coffee cups on the floor with such velocity that they had cracked. " Oh god. I'm so sorry," I apologised to the unwitting customer, then turned to get a dustpan and brush, but when I did Corey was right behind me with one. " Thanks, Corey. I don't know what happened," I lied walking off. I knew what had happened. I had freaked.

Lexi and Kai were walking out the café. I was just about to breathe a sigh of relief when Lexi turned around and strode confidently over. " It's been so long," she announced. " I mean, it must have been years and well, we were fond of each other at school and now that's over, thank god, we should get to know each other better. I come into this café all the time, before work, after work, during lunch breaks. Are you in tomorrow around 2pm?"

I wanted to lie and say no, but then when she came in tomorrow at 2 and saw me there she would know I had been lying so that would come back to bite me on the ass. Instead I just nodded, as she gazed expectantly at me.

" Great, I'll see you then," and with that she walked out. Kai was out of sight too.

" What the hell was that about?" Corey asked.

" That was some girl out with my ex, who is trying to get the lowdown on him from me or something," I could feel my blood boiling.

" She was hot," Corey offered.

" Thanks, that's really helpful. Fuck, I'm going for a cigarette."

I went upstairs and rolled a cigarette. I felt like I needed to calm my nerves so I crumbled some hash into it, as the boss was on holiday. I went outside to smoke it. As I breathed it in then out again I felt myself calming down. Corey said this was good hash to smoke on the job as it didn't really affect concentration or speed but it did chill the mind out, calm it, balance it, counteract it with immediate, stressful events of the environment. As I got to the end of it, I stubbed it out on the ground with my foot and when back inside. I felt a bit of a rush but it was fine, nothing hit particularly hard these days, it was all rather measured, all in moderation, rather than hitting it hard at weekends, it was like hitting it soft all the time and Anya was just going to enjoy it till she got bored of it and wanted to enjoy something else. It was a day to slack anyway, hopefully she wouldn't see anyone else she knew, at least until tomorrow. What was that about, seriously?

She had been serving for hours and not tripping out luckily, the day had picked up a bit but not too much, and it was Sunday so it was closing at 4.30 today and I was just waiting for the last customers to leave and if they didn't by 4.30 I would say something. Corey was just putting cling film around the sandwiches and putting them back in the fridge. The customers left. " Thank you," the woman shouted as they shut the door.

I went over and flipped the sign to closed. " You can go if you like Anya. I'll clean up."

" You sure?"

" Yeah. Wait a second. It's basically finished. I'm in early tomorrow anyway so can spruce it up then. Do you fancy going for a drink?"

" Um, well, yeah, I guess, I could grab a quick one. Do you mean now?"

" Yeah, in a minute."

" OK. I'll just get my bag," I told him.

" Cool," he responded.

I felt a bit strange. I had only been for drinks once but that was with Jemima and a couple of others, never just me and him. This was the first time he had asked me to do anything outside of work. I waited outside smoking when he came out, smiling nervously.

" Come on, back to mine?"

I nodded. We walked a few minutes in silence till we arrived at his door.

" Come on," he motioned, " After you." I walked in to what looked like a studio apartment, it was pretty dingy, seemed to have a small kitchen area and a bedroom and another door for what I assumed was the bathroom. He handed me a beer, without even offering first.

" Thanks," I smiled, taking a gulp, feeling rather thirsty. I looked at him assuming he had got me back here for a reason. I was waiting for him to speak but he was just staring at me. " I don't mean to sound rude but is there a reason you wanted me here? You needed someone to talk to, didn't you?"

" Yes, I did. I really wanted some advice. It's about Jemima."

" Oh," I prompted.

" Well, I'm really quite worried about her actually."

" Why?" I asked, taking another sip of my beer. " What's going on?"

" She's just started seeing this guy but she's really secretive about him."

" Well, if they have just started seeing each other there's probably not much to tell," I reasoned.

" I don't know. It really seems suspicious."

" Why?"

" Jemima is usually really excited when she starts seeing a guy, she doesn't shut up about him."

" Yeah, well, people change," I breezed, not giving much weight to this so- called problem.

" The other day she had a bruise on her cheek. She had tried to cover it up with make- up but up close I could tell."

I suddenly felt a chill in the air. I was also speechless. " What are you saying?"

" Well..."

" Listen to me, Corey. Jemima does not seem like the kind of woman who would take shit from a guy. That's all I'm going to say. Maybe you're just jealous," I blurted out.

" I don't think the woman has a choice in it if a guy starts using his fists. I thought you would be more supportive of women as a feminist. Guess not."