By this time, I'm pretty you already know about sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming, and/or realistic nightmares so I'm not going to get into what they're about. I mean, you are my therapist. But as much as lucid dreaming might sound fun and realistic nightmares might scare the shit out of me, it's sleep paralysis that seems to interest me the most. I stumbled upon it by accident as I was scrolling through Tumblr alone in my living room.

I've had people asked me why, at the age of 16, was I already so sure of myself that I couldn't live alone? I would touch on this topic a couple of times to these people, but I wouldn't tell them everything. I was too afraid to tell them everything. There are definitely things I would keep from my friends and even more from my parents... Maybe telling them would help me fix this but I've tested them on other things about what's wrong with my life and they failed to help me try to get through it. It was either yelling or sarcastic mocking. Telling people I know shit that's wrong with me never seemed to work it.

Anyway, while I was on Tumblr, I saw a gif that illustrated what sleep paralysis might look like to some people. Damn did it scare the shit out me. It messed my head up a lot more than the first time I've seen an image of Jeff The Killer. Which was the first time I've heard about CreepyPastas.

This is, and isn't, the reason why I can't live by myself.

Since I was little I've always been afraid of the dark. Just because it was... Well, dark. Like most kids, I hated having to sleep with all the lights off. The good thing is, my mother and my grandma never did such a thing. The bedrooms, the living room, and in some of my relative houses, the kitchen all have a T.V of some kind. Because of this, I've never had to sleep without one. If one would try to take out the T.V and put a radio or a night light, it wouldn't work and I would either cry myself to sleep to stay awake somehow until I saw the sun. Thank god that didn't happen a lot.

But as I grew up, I started reading and learning about the paranormal things, myths, and hauntings. My mother is all over stuff like this and got me into even though my grandma thought I was too young for such stories. Since I didn't really have a lot of friends and the ones I did have really didn't understand all of my interest, she was the person I was around most. One of the odd things that happened while we lived with my grandma until moving was something I try to not put much thought in.

There were only two rooms in my grandma's duplex; the main room and the back room. Although we never had a problem with sleeping downstairs, there were times when my brothers and I would sleep in the back room. The back room ended up becoming our own little place in the house. We had a bunk bed, three dressers, a computer, and a T.V sitting on one of the dressers. That was all that room can hold and all we really needed.

One night I ended up getting in trouble for something. Don't remember what but it was probably something really stupid. I was sent to the back room at around eight after dinner and I was told not to cut on the T.V or get on the computer. Of course, I wouldn't be able to go to sleep, I was alone and the everything was off. It didn't help that the ceiling light blew out that day and we didn't have a way to change it. I was scared shitless, I jumped up not long after being in the room and told my grandma that I couldn't stay in there. She explained we didn't have any more extra lights and gave me a flashlight instead. She said to use it as a night light. Why wouldn't she just come up and stay with me until I went to sleep or let me stay in her room? Around this time, my mom wasn't home due to being all the way in Duke, NC with my little brother because of his leukemia.

Whatever the reason was, I did as she said and kept the flashlight on. I know of people who can fall asleep in silence and darkness. Some shit about how peaceful it is. Fucking How? I couldn't even try to fall asleep even if I wanted to. Our bed is straight across from the window that looked out to onto the backyard. That was the only peaceful thing about all this.

I couldn't stop looking at the corner to the left of me. Since the way the light from outside would come through the window, It was a lot darker than the corner on the right but I kept telling myself to just stay calm. Kept saying that there's nothing there over and over again. Easier said than done if you ask me. I swear to God I saw a face. Well, more like a mask. I quickly swung the light over but nothing was there. You would think I'd just shrug it off or run downstairs... No. I sat there, stunned. There was no one there but I saw a mask. I know I saw something! My back was to the wall so I can see all sides of my room and left the light shining on that corner.

But from the right of me, I saw it there too! My reaction was late when I moved the light over to that side. Slowly, I got up. Moving closer to the door while panning the flashlight from side to side until I left the room. Each time I would see it move from one side to another as I would try to do the same to catch it. I would catch a small look of the mask or a face, maybe? A white mask that looked to be a part of his face. He had small red dark eyes and was the most defined thing I could see when I was able to. This whole time that it took me to finally get out the room felt like forever. What if he ran at me? Would I even be able to leave the room?

I didn't tell my grandma what I saw as I slowly side-stepped down the stairs. Back against the railing to see both sides of me. I just cried into making her let me stay in the living room and sleep with her that night.

---

Years past. Christmas 2010 rolled around. I was 14 at the time and it was a beautiful couple of days leading up to Christmas. The snow was just as amazing. The air smelled fresh. My aunts and my grandma were here, too! One of my favorites Christmases, to be honest. I believe it was the year right before Charlottesville, and a couple of other cities had that huge snow storm. God, I remember that. For the kids it was like heaven, for the working adults... Not so much.

Well, everything was going fine, like every other Christmas. That was until I found this cartoon on Newgrounds. It was called Snowy the Frostman. It's really just Frosty the Snowman but for adults and had a dark storyline from episode one. On one hand, I didn't want to watch it since I know what types of shit scare me and I love snow. On the other hand... I really love scary things.

It scared me so fucking much, but I had to keep watching. I had to keep watching for the story. Long story short; it took me til I was 17 to finally watch the last couple of episodes and it still scared me for a good month or so. This was in July and I still felt like I had to watch my back. Maybe it was because they didn't count on snow to kill people.

Now, nothing's changed.

I'm still a loner with few friends and only my mother to talking about cryptids and anything paranormal with. These things didn't scare me until I learned about CreepyPastas. It's a site and a wikia with scary stories. Something like Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark but not every story on there is worth a read.

Being alone... Being in the dark. Being in a room that is complete silence is only a fraction of why I can't live by myself.

It's what's in the darkness.

It's how quiet everything is.

It's the images my head keeps in an archive waiting for the perfect moment to let them run about in my head.

----

You know, I've been dealing with paranoia and anxiety for longer than I knew I had them. But it's because of those two things that I can't stop seeing the images and horrific drawings of those CreepyPastas. A scary story wouldn't do shit to me if it wasn't accompanied by a creepy ass picture.

I've realized by now I'm oddly afraid of what I love the most. Not serial killers or death itself. But myths and monsters that may or may not be real. To this day, I still don't like being alone in the house. Ben, Tales Doll, Sonic.exe, Suicide Mouse... These silly CreepyPastas still have their images in my head. Ben is the most interesting one to me, thus, is the one who's scaring me the most.

But it didn't just stop with the creepy ass pictures that are all over the internet. Before, I talked about sleep paralysis and how it frightens me. Just to imagine what one would be going through, what one is seeing... The fact that they can't fight back. It's pretty alarming. I love learning so much about it and yet it makes me not want to sleep at all.

I've been through this state of sleep once. There hasn't been another incident like it and I hope there won't be.

They say the easiest way to enter sleep paralysis is to fall asleep on your back. The room has to be calm, not quite, but calm. Some of the other tricks are to be stress-free and asleep by a certain time. These tricks really don't have a valid mark of approval. Just some reports from people who's had this happened. Personally, I don't think there's a set way to trigger this and that it could happen at any time. Just like that night.

My sister was sleeping over her friend's house and I was left alone in our room. I didn't really do much today and, at the time, I was watching a bunch YouTuber's vlogs. I'm not sure when I finally fell asleep since my schedule is a bit different than normal. Not sure if it a calm, stressless night. Not even sure if I slept on my back. Still, anything could happen.

What I can recall is how it started out like a normal, weird dream. I was around three other people and we were in this basement looking area of a shutdown building. Thinking about it now, the rundown building kind of looked like a hospital designed like those in an Anime. We were just sitting around talking, hanging out like people do. Then I remember laying down on something. Before, I thought it looked like a pullout chair, but now I know it was more like a hospital bed but it was metal and weak. Maybe it wasn't a finished bed? I don't know.

I was still talking to one of the guys but then felt a grip around my stomach. Like if someone was hugging you. One of those 'bear hugs' you would get from your dad, aunt, grandpa even. The 'hug' got tighter as I became confused about who was holding me down to the bed. I didn't struggle for some reason nor did I scream. I just moved a little, trying to break free until a face caught my attention.

It was just the stupid looking face itself. Even I thought this was weird. That might have been why I didn't felt scared about it and didn't take it seriously. I just wasn't scared it. But really, really confused. I wanted to push it off but I couldn't. Or I thought I was, I swear I was pushing him back with my hands but my arms were still laying there.

Finally, the face moved back while papers started flying everywhere. Not sure where the papers even came from but it was a dream after all. They had stuff written on them but with the wind blowing, I think, moving them around, I wasn't able to read them. Again, the thing started holding me down even tighter than last time. Moments went by of me finally struggling and though it was not moving an inch.

Then it left.

I don't even know how it left. Did it disappear? Did it fade away? Did it burst into flames?! Whatever, that didn't matter. After it was gone I laid there and watched as I could see the wind around me moving. I remember seeing one of the girls who was with us watching. Starting at me with wide eyes. She didn't seem scared either, just as shocked as I was. Kind of like she was the only one who saw everything. But I don't recall her being there during any of it.

Once I looked away from her, I found myself back in my room and in my bed. Everything looked okay and I thought the weird dream was over but I still wasn't able to move. My head was facing the T.V and I was on my back. All I can see was the YouTube video and a small area of my room as I looked around.

The video it was paused on a vlog from SprinkleofGlitter. Because it was paused, it was eerily quiet. Like, really fucking quiet. Now was when I started to feel scared. Still unsure about what was going on, I kept trying to move but all I can do is look around the room. I didn't see anyone or anything but I can hear laughter.

The laughing sounded like two teenage girls as if they were poking fun at someone. This made me feel uneasy since, like I said, no one was there. From the strange laughing to the stiffness of my body, I was almost ready to cry.

Another fact people tell you about sleep paralysis is to never blink. Let your body wake itself up. If you blink it may allow you to see what's keeping you down.

But that only hit me til after I did so. I closed my eyes and kept them closed for a good while until I finally felt safe. And I use the word 'safe' loosely.

I opened my eyes to a bright and early morning. It was still quiet, I was still facing the T.V and it was still on Louise's vlog. The exact vlog it was paused on and at the same frame as well. I took a look around my room before trying to move my head. When I actually was able to move, I slowly set up and press my back to the wall.

I just sat there. My mind trying to understand what just happened. I started breathing faster like I ran laps around my apartment for some reason. I then felt terrified as it came to me that the dream could have been sleep paralysis. Now, before I start jumping to conclusions, the next thing I did after grabbing a hold of my mind was grabbing a hold of my laptop. As it may sound like an odd case of this interesting mental disorder, I had to check if it wasn't something else.

Because of my beliefs, and life experience, I do think I can see spirits. Or, at the very least, feel them. This could be because of my mom who's had similar settings when she young. When she was little, she had a friend who was interested in the games things I was at the time. She identified herself as a Wiccan and performed as such.

One day while my mom and her friends were over at her's house they played around with an Ouija Board. My mom had told me nothing huge happened and she didn't know if it had worked or not. If anything did happen, I don't remember, but what I do remember is that she told me that night was a strange encounter for her. She doesn't recall if she had a dream or not, all she could remember was waking up but was unable to get up. Her head in the pillow, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't help herself... She could only screamed and struggle until she finally jumped out of her bed.

The difference here is that she was laying on her stomach, not her back. If that even makes a difference to be honest. All I know is that she knew what was on her back was a demon. A demon her friend might have accidently called on but not properly closed the door to. My mom did tell me that her friends weren't taking it as seriously as my mom and her little witch friend. But why did it attack my mom? She didn't tell me if it attacked the others before being sealed it away.

I don't doubt my episode was the cause of a demon, I also don't doubt that it was sleep paralysis either.

Sleep paralysis is a mental disorder so I definitely would have learned about it in my studies. But it has been awhile since then and who knew I would be looking up notes to my own case. I went back to the notes and the sites that I had written down. There were also some blogs and new sites since the last time I looked this stuff up that talked about other people's nights with sleep paralysis.

None of them seems to read similar to the first half of my dream other than not being able to move. But the second half, the part where I 'woke up' in my room seemed to be very common. There were other stories were some people didn't wake up in their room, but in other places around their house or outside. The only thing about the second half was that I never saw a demon or a spirit like others have claimed to see either by blinking or just keeping their eyes open.

Maybe if I had blink... I would have been able to see the people laughing.

I'm so fucking glad I didn't.

----

Because of my Anxiety and Paranoia Disorder causing me to have an overactive imagination, my love and fear for the creepy shit that most people wouldn't be scared of, the shadow I saw when I was kid still in the back of my mind and can be a possible shadow person, and that I the constant fear of one night dealing with sleep paralysis. These are just some of my reason why I could never live alone. I know, FOR SURE, that I will go insane.

----

A/N: As real as some of these scenarios can get, I did stretch the truth a little bit. The dream is real. Being able to see spirits is real. Having a flash video scare the shit out of me was real. Suffering through Anxiety and Paranoia is real. Everything other than what the shadow person story is real. Yes, I do believe I can't live alone because of how my brain handles itself. These are my real-life problems that I deal with and I'm really fucking sick of it.

This whole story started when I saw Tohdaryl's comic strip as I was on Tumblr. Both of them are about seeing a face in the dark as he's trying to go to bed. I loved it so much that I had to put his monster in my short story. Go check his Tumblr out and you'll see the two post I'm talking about.

Yes, I know it was only for a week and I know I nothing bad happened. But the first day really got to me. Being in a cell alone got to me. I slipped a little bit away from reality. Crossing the line I made for myself years ago. Either way, after a two days I’ve finally got myself together and just played the week through.

About two years ago I was sent to Charlottesville’s detention center for Truancy. Nothing huge but it hit me hard when they finally got fed up with me and just put me there for a week. Being truant wasn’t something new for me. Ever since I started going to Buford Middle School and then continued into CHS. No, I wasn’t just some troubled child who hated school and didn’t want to go. I used to love going to school. When I was young I never had a problem with going, though getting up and walking to the bus stop was a pain. But that was it. The work was okay, the people didn’t bother me as much. So, for me to feel like I didn’t want to go to that middle school and that high school was new for me.

But I knew why. These two schools I don’t recommend people go to. The kids there are very uncomfortable to be around and the teachers and staff didn’t care much about most of the students. I’m a quiet girl who uses politeness and adult’s trust to get on their good side. Because of this, I was able to watch how they had treated some of the students their problems. Long and sad story short; these two schools have their favorites and I wasn’t one of them.

I want to bypass that as it’s not completely important even though they are the reason why I’ve had two Truancy Officers.

On out of the courtroom and to the detention home, I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t make it a big deal until I was alone. In the room where they had to take any extra stuff to give to my mom, I let my feelings take over. In the cop car on the way there, I sobbed in the back. In the cell room where I had to change into ‘prison clothing’, I cried yet again.

I knew if I kept crying I would give myself a headache. For years now, I’ve been getting migraines as easy as most people can catch a cold. Crying, as hard as I was, is a trigger. So I made myself stop and started talking to the woman who put in my information at the desk. She was nice and told me that Blue Ridge Detention Center is the safest and the most understand one out of the others around the counties. In my school, I remember people talking about how this center was horrible. Though it didn’t get to, I had to keep my nice-girl act up for protection.

Finally, I was places in Pod-B. One of two girl pods in the building. There were five other girls there sitting at the tables, playing board game, and talking to each other. I took a seat at the people with the three girls setting up Monopoly. I was still trying to get myself to calm down and trying to push myself to talk since I have social anxiety. While playing, I found out one of the girls I made friends with was also in for missing too many days of school. She wasn’t around long but it was fun for the two days she was there.

The two other girls I made friends with were there for much bigger reasons. One, who I for her last name, was there for running away multiple times and self-harm. I knew there had to be something more but I didn’t want to dig up her business. The other, Fairfax, for criminal reasons. I’d forgotten what they were but I know she’s been there for almost a whole year. They were the two I grew closer to be around for the week... But they couldn’t help when it’s late at night and I was by myself in my cell.

Personally, I don’t want to tell people this... But it’s the only way some can understand the state I was in. Like I said, my week went well. I didn’t get into any fights or started yelling at the adults. I did was they told me to just to get by. This wasn’t school, I couldn’t just walk out because I knew I was right... Sometimes. This was a jail for children. I can’t fuck with people here.

Social anxiety, and soon Depression, left me a mentally week as a teen. Around fourth grade, I started coming up with imaginary friends. They weren’t people I had made up, but rather favorite anime characters. Weird, I know... But it helped. In every school the most amount of friends I would have are two to three people. Walker Upper was the only school that led me to have friends of friends. Giving me more than ten people to be around.

But we didn’t live close to each other and I liked to stay inside. Today, I knew this was a really deep state of Depression, but I would talk to these anime characters so I wouldn’t be alone. Soon they started following me whenever I’m by myself or just need someone to talk to. I wouldn’t talk out loud. If I was around people, I would talk in head. If I was alone, I would mouth out my words.

As I grew older I started watching more anime. It started out as something harmless and playful with the anime Naruto. Then when I got to fifth grade, other show were added but JunJou Romantica was milestone. Lastly, in ninth grade, the last anime added was Hetalia. By this time, I had to set rules so I knew I wouldn’t lose myself and start talking in public or anything. My plan was to look at this like an RPG game. I would make up little story lines and have them play out. Most of these became stories I wrote for school or to post on Deviant Art and FF.net.

While I used to be the main character in the stories, Hinata from Naruto, Misaki from JunJou, or Feliciano from Hetalia, and talk to these people as if they were there with me, it now changed to me playing a Sims-like mental game.

Though... I seem to convert back to how I used to be.

I couldn’t sleep because it I was alone and it was dark. I needed someone to hold my hand. Who better else than Ludwig? There wasn’t a story or a conflict. There wasn’t a reason for him to be there. I was my OC version of Feliciano and Ludwig was there sitting right beside the weird bed... Thing they had.

No, but seriously, it was like a window seat thing and we laid on the mates you would get in preschool and kindergarten that we have to make up ourselves in sheets. Like, they couldn’t get a read bed or something? I like sleeping on the floor so this wasn’t uncomfortable for me, but still.

Anyway, enough about the poor bedding choice they picked. I was only able to sleep and feel safe from... Well, myself really. He would be beside me holding myself, talking to me, reassure me I’ll be okay. Ludwig did more help for me than the calls from my mom. I felt myself feeling like I was broken and he was there to heal me. The best part about being there was in they would put us in our cell for reasons. We couldn’t be out in the pods without a guard so while one would leave and another would take their shift, we would be in our cells.

This was a place of regrouping for me. It only lasted no more than eight minutes but that was all I needed to have a small conversation with him. I don’t remember what we would talk about since I never gave us a back story. But I know we never stopped talking when I was in my cell.

Finally, two nights before I was able to leave, I realized that I’ve crossed my own line. How did I know? You would think, even for a week, you would remember nights and even a couple of moments of being in juvenile detention for the first time. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t recall some nights or staying up past twelve. I only remember some moments of going to lunch, cleaning the other pods with some of the girls, playing Monopoly, and going to church.

I sat there and looked around my pod. I was alone. It was late. And I haven’t seen Ludwig at all that day. By ‘seen’ I mean what any kid with an imaginary friend would mean. He wasn’t there, I knew he was never there, but I felt him. And for the rest of my stay I couldn’t feel him.

I didn’t sleep the last two nights before I left. I couldn’t sleep because I made myself stay behind the line.

Almost half a year later I had to go back. Only for the weekend this time. I went through the same routine, but this time more talkative and friendly to the guards because I knew them well. I had a different cell and there were different girls in Pod-B this time.

For the second time I stayed there, I didn’t have Ludwig by me. I think because I knew where I was. I didn’t feel alone. Even for just two more days, I still didn’t sleep. But I got by just fine.

Nowadays, it’s been really easy for me to pull off a smile and a soft voice just to get by with most adults. It’s always been that way, really. But that’s only because I had to practice. Even though I grew up in a loving family, the kinds who would always go to church on Sunday or have service at home by watching one of those channels or listening to the radio. I really miss though days. My family is... Okay when it comes to understanding things. Understanding people. Although I can trust them with some things... But not everything.

My family doesn’t know about my depression.

They don’t know about the numbers of suicide letters I wrote.

They don’t know how to help someone with anxiety.

They don’t know about my shoplifting.

They don’t know about me being... Um... Most people call it Otakusexual, but there isn’t a set sexuality or philia to classify it under. This caused it to have a lot of different names.

They don’t know that I’m into girls a lot more than guys.

And they don’t know that I’m in love with the way fire looks. The way it burns. The way it smells.

The last one, about the fire, is related to the biggest secrets I’ve ever kept. Only my friends know about it but I wouldn’t dare tell my mom. She would look at me the same way I look at myself. She might even send me through a power form of mental therapy. As if it wasn’t boring enough already.

Maybe around 7th grade, I decided to do a little something. I was bored while watching my mom and dad play MNB and even though it was dark out, I took my jacket and started walking around my apartments. There wasn’t a lot of people out at this time of night and the ones who were wasn’t near where I lived.

Knowing how much I didn’t like these apartments, I soon found myself sitting at one of the parts in the middle of the complex. This seemed to be a really boring night to me because I couldn’t stop studying the material the park set was made out of. The steps, roof-thing on the top, and one of the slides are made out of this thick kind of plastic. Everything else was metal.

“This couldn’t do,” I’ve thought to myself, “It just wasn’t work.” I sat there on the steps just running my hand along the black foundation with the image of what it would all look like from my brothes’ window from their room. It would look perfect. All of the thoughts made this plan look better and better.

I finally got up and calmly walked to my apartment. My parents were still playing on the PS4 so it was easy for me to get some paper and a lighter from the drawer. There might have been better ways to do this, but that was all I could find at time. I looked around to see if anyone was close enough to see me placing the paper under the plastic steps of the playground.

I’d balled some up and sat them on groups under and on the slide while also on the steps and flooring. No lie, I wasn’t even sure if this was going to work. They were just some line paper on this hunk ass thing of plastic. Maybe it would have done some damage, but not what I would have wanted to see.

God... I couldn’t be happier.

As everything was in place and the lit the balls of paper, I strolled backed home again and locked the door. I knew it would take some time for it to spread, if it did spread, so I sat downstairs for a while with my family as they played basketball. A part of me was worried that someone might have found it and put it out. Another part of me was... Content.

I couldn’t take it anymore. Finally, I went upstairs and looked out the room from my brothers’ window.

The fire was huge.

The fire was perfect!

It did exactly what I wanted it to do, and then some!

From the window, I was able to see the fire perfectly. I did life in the same driveway and pretty close to it. Most of the time the color was just yellow, red, and orange. You know, like most fires you’ll see. But there were some pretty beautiful moments when I saw some blue and green in the mix.

The smell of the smoke it made mix with burning plastic was weird. I wasn’t expecting that outcome to be honest. I only hoped to smell the smoke which was a lovely nature-like scent. For it to collide with the odd smell of burning plastic didn’t really land on my good side. That was probably that only thing I regret.

Still... I got to see a blossoming fire while numbers of police cars and a couple of fire trucks tried to put it on. Our driveway isn’t that big. Plus, there’s a lot of people around here who’s always coming outside to see something if it had to deal with the police. I can only imagine how hard it was for them to get up here and past everyone.

One could say I wasn’t bored after that event. Almost like a mini-show that I was able to string together before the night was completely here.

Though, I didn’t get off was easy as I hoped. Yes, there was no one around. Yes, I did look and made sure of it. And, yes, I was hard for one to see in the dark wearing all black. But that was exactly what got my name into this.

I’ve lived at this place for a little over eight years, I’ve had time to work up hate for people. One of those ratted me out. Kind of. This little fucker and I knew each other for a long time. But we always wasn’t eye to eye on everything. I had to make him scared of me for him to be a little bit nicer to me, had to get him thinking that I would cut someone if I wouldn’t leave my shit alone.

He was the ass who threw my name at one of the cops who went around asking questions about last night. That’s what led them to my door. I knew why they were here. A smile almost came to my face until I realized how many flags that would be if I had asked like I couldn’t care less.

My mother went to talk to him the kitchen for a bit before coming into the living room where my dad and I was. He had asked me if I had seen the fire or had anything to do with it. Innocently, I replied with a no and acted like I was confused as to who said I had. This guy must have been new. You’re not supposed to tell a suspect who called you out. But he did. He told me that kid who I was talking about earlier claimed he saw me in my black jacket leaving the park. And that was it. Just that. Nothing more.

This was way too simple to talk myself out of. I sat there and told them the history I had with this kid and they believed it. My parents knew him pretty well too so it wasn’t hard to get them on my side. The cop, thought, was someone new. I didn’t let that stop me from talking up a storm about how he just wanted to place it on me since I’m the weird girl who never comes outside.

Having to smile and be polite to a cop was sickening. I hate them so much, though I don’t know why. He just happened that he left without a second thought.

Today, the park has been rebuilt. It still looks like shit though. The city is supposed to do something about that, but this bullshit of a place doesn’t care about the projects. Also, my fire addictions hasn’t gone away either. It started to become a bother. I needed to set something on fire every now and then. Small things like paper in the sink every night is all I'm allowed to do. My mom and dad will tell me to stop, but they can’t do anything about it.

I have always told myself that one day I’ll try the baby park around back. The one made out of nothing but plastic. But for right now... I’m okay with a couple of matches and some paper.

I still wish I had gotten a picture of it, though.