Sticks and stones can break your bones,

But words can never hurt you.

 

What a stupid thing to say.

 

All of the words I can remember have hurt me

In one way or another.

I can remember my mother telling me that I don’t try.

It didn’t have to be specific,

But it hurt me in such a way that

I stopped trying.

I stopped trying to reach my potential.

I stopped trying to find motivation.

I stopped trying to make my parents proud of me

Because it didn’t matter anymore.

I stopped trying to include myself in the lives of others

And they didn’t even notice.

They sat back and watched as I isolated myself from them

And ended up only hurting myself

Because then I felt that

I don’t matter.

I don’t matter in the lives of the people I call my friends.

My isolation is proof that no one wants me around anyways.

My isolation has trained me to think that

Spending time with others is

Uncomfortable and painful in the worst way possible.

My isolation taught me that it’s okay to be alone

And to keep all the sad thoughts and feelings to myself

Because words can hurt me.

And this in turn taught me to keep my passions silent

And to not say a word to anyone about them,

Even if they share the same passion.

My isolation wrapped me in a blanket of sadness

As my silence sang a lullaby that fell onto my deaf ears

As nothing special

Because it had been sung to me so many times

That I started to sing it in front of my peers

And one by one they left me alone with

My isolation and My silence

Because who would want such a lonely girl for a friend?

No one.

Sticks and stones can break your bones,

But words can never hurt you.

With these sticks and stones I built a throne

And crowned myself the queen of loneliness.

And these words they say could never hurt

Burned themselves into my skin

And I tried to cut them out

And I tried to cut the pain away

And for a while they’d be gone

But then they’d come back more painful than before

And I sit on my throne of loneliness with no one to talk to

With the cuts on my arms as they bleed out

The pain I can no longer bear.

 

Don’t you people know that words are

The most painful thing out there?

 

I sit on my throne of loneliness

With My isolation and My silence

Because they’re the only ones there

Nice enough to be there.

Finally I decide I’ve had enough.

I rip off my crown

And throw it to the other lonelies

Who have no desire to rule the lonely

Because it’s all they’ve ever been

And it’s everything that they don’t want to be.

I shrug off my blanket of isolation

And I stop singing the lullaby of silence

And I cry out,

“Can’t any of you see me?!”

 

“I can.”

Says a soft voice to my right.

 

I turn and look and sure enough there he is,

The only thing I was missing.

 

Happiness.

 

He reaches out his hand to me,

And I reach out to take it,

But suddenly I’m yanked back

And I turn around and there’s Silence holding onto my hand

And Isolation is not far behind.

And suddenly I’m in a nightmare

And I desperately want to wake up

But it’s no use and I’m stuck with Silence on one hand

And Isolation on the other

And suddenly I realize that my oldest friends

Have always been there for me

And they never left

Even when I left them.

But I was never their friend.

I just don’t understand how the two friends I’ve managed to keep

Could be the two friends that have hurt me the most

Because they kept everyone away from me.

I don’t understand how my oldest friends

Could make me want to die.

But suddenly it all makes sense

Because Silence kept me quiet

And Isolation blinded me

When someone held out their hand for me to take.

And they both kept my hands in their own

Just in case I decided to reach out into the void of lonely

And finally find a hand attached to a friend

Who would help me out of the abusive relationships

With Silence and Isolation.

My Silence.

My Isolation.

It’s all so twisted and it doesn’t make sense

Because they persuaded me to listen to them

And to trust them

And believe in every single word they said.

They persuaded me to believe that I would always be

The Queen of Loneliness

And that I would forever be

On a throne of sticks and stones

That could break my bones.

Silence and Isolation spoke to me

With gentle tones and harsh words

To make me believe that it’s okay to be by myself

And to say nothing.

Silence and Isolation convinced me

That it was always meant to be this way

And that I was never to find happiness in this world

Because happiness is a myth and a fantasy

That is always romanticized.

Every so often

Silence and Isolation

Invited Depression to join the party

Because there is no happiness

And there never will be.

Isolation is the cold blanket around my shoulders

I can never shrug off.

Silence is the lullaby that never ceases to stop

No matter where I am

Or what time of day it is.

Depression is the puppeteer

Who makes everyone believe that I am fine.

Depression is the one who

Forces my mouth into a smile

As I sit on my throne of sticks and stones

And announce to every Lonely

That this is the end!

This is the end.

 

This is the end.

 

And like an army of soldiers following orders

We climb to the roof of the tallest buildings we know

And we don’t look back.

Not on our way up the stairs.

Not on our way through the entrance.

Not as we pass the one person

Who cares about us.

 

And we all jump.

 

Now the throne of Loneliness is empty.

 

The Kingdom of Loneliness stands still

As Silence sings a lullaby once again for the Lonelies

Who are no longer there.

But there are no more Lonelies

And therefore no reason to sing.

And shortly thereafter

Silence and Isolation capture another

And make them believe that they were meant

To rule the Kingdom of Loneliness

Just as they made me believe.

The Kingdom of Loneliness stands empty no more

As thousands of Lonelies file in

As if they had been there their whole lives

Because that’s what Silence and Isolation want them to think.

Little do they know that they’ve drunk the poison that I once drank

That made me stop trying in the first place.

 

Sticks and stones have never broken my bones,

But words have always hurt me.

 

 

    Waking up in the morning did not always agree with Wynter Black. It typically involved hitting the snooze button at least five times before she manages to drag herself out of the warmth of the covers and into the cold, frigid air of a house that does not love her.

    As the alarm goes off on Wynter's phone for approximately the seventh time, blaring the unoriginal sound of a noisy alarm clock, she turns if off and sits up in bed, pushing away the warm and comfy cocoon of blankets she had made for herself the night before, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Her blue and black plaid pajama pants had been pushed up to her knees during the night and she lets them fall back to their original length as she climbs out of bed to finally get ready for the day ahead.

    Donning a pair of opaque black tights, paired with a white skirt and black top, she pulls on her black combat boots, a signature article of clothing for her as she seems to wear them all the time. Wynter takes a look at herself in the full length mirror hanging on the back of her bedroom door and decides she looks fine. Just fine. As always. Besides her hair. Grabbing her purple hairbrush, she pulls it through the knots and tangles of her waist-length, dyed black hair. She had always liked her hair to be long, but her mother disapproved of the length once it grew past her breasts, saying that it was "too long for a business woman".

    As if Wynter would ever even consider becoming a business woman.

    She hated the term "business woman". All it brought her were angry and frustrated feelings, and hatred towards the mother who always seemed to forget that she even had a daughter. Not to mention that her father always seemed to forget it as well.

    After finally untangling the last bit of hair, Wynter puts her brush away before grabbing her purple backpack and heading down the stairs at approximately 8:13 am.

    Quick and quiet as a mouse, Wynter passes the kitchen, hoping to avoid her parents, both of whom seemed to have the catchphrase of, "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

    "Wynter!" Sebastian Black, her father, calls out to her just as she's reaching for the front door. "Come back here and have some breakfast! You certainly have time to eat, considering the fact that it's a ten minute drive to the high school and have an hour until your first class of the day."

    With a sigh, Wynter backs up so she's standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

    "I'll go to the cafeteria when I get to school and eat something there."

    "Oh, nonsense! Those cafeterias do not serve anything good for breakfast." Victoria Black, her mother, says, buttering a piece of toast before handing it to Wynter. "Here. At least have some toast."

    "And some orange juice." Sebastian says, pouring a glass almost to the rim.

    Two of the things Wynter had a strong dislike for were being handed to her by two people she also had a strong dislike for.

    After staring down the toast and the orange juice for about two point three seconds, Wynter seemed to finally come up with a response. "Thanks, but no thanks."

    "Wynter Olivia, you will eat your toast and drink your juice without another word." Sebastian says, his patience seeming to be wearing thin already this early in the morning.

    Grudgingly, she takes the toast and the juice and stands there in the doorway consuming her small breakfast as her parents watched her. Wynter was not a breakfast person. Sure, she liked breakfast foods (besides toast and orange juice of course), but her stomach did not agree with her eating so early in the day, and so soon after waking up.

    Setting the now empty glass on the counter beside her, Wynter looks at each of her parents before asking, "May I leave now?"

    "Yes. You may." Sebastian says, turning away from his daughter and going back to his own breakfast.

    "Have a good day at school, sweetheart." Victoria says after Wynter has already turned and left for the front door.

     Why does she even bother calling me "sweetheart"? Wynter thinks to herself. As far as I can tell, neither of them actually wanted to have me, and they still don't want me even after 17 years of my being alive.

 

 

    "What do you think my parents would do if I just disappeared? Maybe stayed at your house for a couple of days?" Wynter asks her best friend, Karen, as they're sitting at the back of the library during first period, one of the only class periods neither of them actually have a class.

    "Well...they would probably try to call you and find out where you are. But you and I both know that if you disappeared without telling them where you were going they would beat the shit out of you as soon as you got back." Karen responds, looking up from her worn out copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

    "You've got a very valid point there."

    The other students lounging about the library wouldn't give these two a second look. Wynter and Karen were not the most popular pick of the lot, but Karen seemed to know everything that was happening around the school. Hell, she even knew that Mr. Brunner, the most liked physics teacher, was hitting a rough patch in his marriage and was on the brink of getting a divorce. But Wynter was Karen's only true friend, and Karen was Wynter's only true friend.

    "But, hey! After we graduate you don't have to live under Sebastian's roof or abide by his rules any longer!" Karen remarks, a smile suddenly appearing on his face. "And then we can go to the cemetery every night and sing Christmas songs!"

    "Karen..."

    "Oh, come on! You know you want to." And there she was with that stupid smile of deviance, wiggling her eyebrows at Wynter. Karen was impossible to completely get to know, but she was also one of the only ones at this school who was interesting enough to Wynter.

    "If I wanted to be scared shitless in the middle of the night I would play my music as loud as I wanted without my headphones. Hell, Sebastian would beat me right then and there and all Victoria would do is watch." Wynter responds, trying to look as nonchalant as possible, but Karen could see right through her.

    Sebastian terrified Wynter.

    Sebastian has always terrified Wynter.

    "Wynter. If I wanted to be invited to your pity party I would've sent out the invitation myself." Karen says, leaning forward with her arms on the table in front of her, looking straight at Wynter until she looks up. "Hell, I'll call the Child Protection Services if you want me to."

    The moment of silence seemed to stretch on for a couple of minutes as Wynter weighed her options.

    With a sigh, Wynter finally speaks. "He hasn't done anything in a couple of weeks. And Victoria hasn't done anything in a couple of months. And even if you were to call CPS they probably wouldn't do anything. I turn eighteen in three months. I'm sure by the time they could actually do anything I would already be eighteen and could move out of the house."

    "Well then. Fine. I won't call them. I'll just come to your house when they get home and give them a piece of my mind."

    "Please don't."

    And at that moment the 9:15 bell rang, signaling the end of first period.

    "Oh, shit. If I'm late for economics one more time Mr. Davis will kill me. Literally." Karen says, stuffing The Perks of Being a Wallflower back into her backpack and zipping it up before hiking it up onto her shoulder and turning towards the entrance to the library to make her quick escape seeing as everyone else had already left the almost dead quiet of the library.

    "If Mr. Davis kills you, I'll be sure that you're dressed in a pink dress for your burial." Wynter calls after her.

    "You better not!" And then she was gone, swept up in the end of the crowd leaving for class, none of them in a hurry.

 

 

    With Karen being her only friend, school was a hard, lonely, and miserable place for Wynter to be.

    But being at home was bad for Wynter as well. Or at least if she was alone without a friend it was bad. But the only friend who ever came to visit was Karen, whether or not Sebastian and Victoria knew she was there or approved of her coming. And so when she was alone Wynter liked to distract herself. Sometimes she would watch Netflix and see how the Doctor saves the day once again in a million different ways with a million crazy ideas. Or sometimes she would watch YouTube and search up videos of Whose Line Is It Anyway? or if she was interested, she would watch a Starkid musical. They always seemed to cheer her up. Tumblr was a mess for her. It could make her so happy, yet so sad all at the same time.

    And then there were naps. Wynter took lots of long, hard-earned naps. (Okay, maybe they weren't exactly "hard-earned", but she took long naps anyways.)     Typically after Wynter got home she would take off her shoes and climb into bed and just stay there, hoping to fall asleep before the bad thoughts got to her.

 

 

    Just before 5:00, Wynter woke up from her nap. She had about an hour before her parents were to get home, which means she had about an hour to prepare and alibi for what she had done all afternoon.

    She couldn't tell them that she had done her homework already. Partly because she definitely hadn't actually done it, and partly because they would ask to see it.

    She couldn't tell them that she had been watching Netflix all afternoon as a break from school. Her parents hated Netflix. In fact, they just hated movies and TV shows in general. They didn't even pay for Wynter's Netflix account. (Technically they did with how much money they would throw her way as an allowance each month, but they didn't need to be reminded of that.)

    She couldn't tell them that she had taken a nap. To Sebastian and Victoria Black productivity was important, and sleeping was only for the night.

    Reading a book always seemed to be an okay answer with her parents. They didn't necessarily approve of every book she read, especially if it wasn't for school or if it wasn't thought provoking, but reading was certainly better than anything else if she wasn't working on homework. (Although, there were certainly times Wynter would do her homework after school before her parents got home, but it didn't necessarily happen very often.)

    And so for the next hour Wynter read a book. A very good book in fact. It just happened to be Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix which was her favorite book in the Harry Potter series. Sure, it wasn't something her parents necessarily approved of, but she enjoyed it immensely.

 

    Dinner that night was quiet. As usual. The only sounds were the scraping of forks and knives across the plates, the sounds of chewing, and the sounds of swallowing, not to mention the occasional sound of glasses being picked up and put back down on the table.

    As soon as she could Wynter left the kitchen table and put her dishes in the dishwasher before heading up the stairs to text Karen and see if she was off of work yet.

    Of course she was. Why wouldn't she be?

 

     Wynter: Hey, are you still working?

    Karen: Nope! Got off early!

     Wynter: That's awesome!

    Karen: You're not doing anything tonight, are you?

     Wynter: Uh, no. Why?

    Karen:  Because I'm already at your house. Can you sneak out?

    Wynter: I really shouldn't. I don't think either of my parents are in a good mood right now.

    Wynter: Plus I'm not a fan of graveyards.

    Karen:  How do you know these things?!

    Wynter: Because I know you.

    Wynter: Some other night?

    Wynter: And preferably not at a graveyard?

    Karen: Fine. See you tomorrow then :P I've got a bunch of English homework that I need to get done anyways.

    Wynter: But why go to a graveyard to do it?

    Karen: Because I can.

    Tuesday. It was Tuesday.

    It was also an A day at school. So much better than B days which were the days Wynter seemed to have the teachers from hell, like Mr. Davis, her economics teacher. Boy, was he an asshole.

    But it was an A day, so everything was good.

 

 

    Sitting outside for lunch with Karen, Wynter watched the dark, ominous clouds of a storm coming in quickly. It was a nice change from the sunshine that had been shining non-stop for the past couple of months, making it unbearably hot most days.

    "Where do you think everyone is?" Karen asks, breaking Wynter out of her reverie.

    "They probably got scared of the storm rolling in. But it's not like it's going to just start pouring rain any second now." Wynter replies, taking a bite of an apple.

    A moment of silence.

    "Well now that you've said that, the rain is just going to start coming down in the next five minutes." Karen says, carefully unscrewing the cap of her water bottle so that she may have a drink. "But no matter. I like the rain anyways."

    "Now isn't that why we're sitting out here?" Wynter asks, a small smile forming on her lips. "Aren't we waiting for the rain to just start coming down?"

    "Hey, I've been waiting all morning for the rain. I just didn't realize it would be coming so soon, what with you jinxing it and everything." Karen smiles then. It's not a fake one that doesn't completely reach the eyes, but a full one with teeth and everything, even reaching her eyes, just because she got Wynter to smile just the tiniest bit, which was always a success in Karen's book. "Oh, my God. It smiled!"

    "Shut up." Wynter says, trying to hide that teeny tiny smile behind one of her hands.

    "I got her to smile!" Karen exclaims!

    "Why don't you go and shout it from the rooftop? I'm sure the security guards would be completely find with you doing that."

    "I got Wynter Black to smile!" Karen says, jumping up from her seat, yelling it out for the non-existent people around to hear.

    "Everyone definitely heard you." Wynter says, rolling her eyes at Karen's exclamation.

    Sure enough, the pair of them were getting some weird looks from the students inside the cafeteria, but they didn't care. They had both had their fair share of weird looks from people over the past couple of years, mostly from people who don't matter.

    The next few minutes before the end of lunch were not spent in silence. They were spent in thoughts and wonderment and sarcasm. But when the students started pouring out of the cafeteria signaling the end of lunch, they knew it was time to leave, but they were going to the same place, so it didn't matter. The sarcasm continued on their way to choir.

 

 

    Choir had always been Wynter's favorite class. But then again, music had always been one of Wynter's favorite subjects.

    She felt like she could get lost in it and it wouldn't matter because millions of other people got lost in music, too, and it was absolutely beautiful.

    But all too soon, choir would end, and Karen and Wynter would have to go their separate ways.

 

 

    Now, pre-calculus wasn't terrible, but it wasn't exactly great either. But it did happen to be one of the only core subjects she was actually good at.

    The next hour and a half seemed to stretch on forever. And definitely not soon enough for Wynter, the bell rang and she sprung up from her seat and fled the classroom, fighting her way towards the stairs across the main hallway to get back to the ground floor.

    Even just seconds after a class ended, the hallways were a battlefield. With just over four thousand students in a high school that only contained tenth through twelfth graders (the freshmen went to their own school, lucky them), it was difficult to maneuver through the crowd. Wynter was constantly getting stuck behind the slowest walkers on earth (hell, even zombies could walk faster than they could), but she'd find her way around them eventually.

    Finally reaching the stairwell, Wynter began her descent, taking it one step at a time as quickly as possible.

    Upon reaching the end of the stairs, Wynter trips, landing oh so gracefully on top of the boy in front of her, resulting in both of them tumbling to the ground. There were many different reactions to the incident. Some laughed. Some thought about stopping to see if they were okay. (Notice how they thought about it? They definitely didn't stop.) One person did actually ask if they were okay. (Which they both were, actually.) And one person, attempting to be a smartass, called out, "See you next fall!" (But he really won't. A high school with 4K students? Unlikely to see that again with the same two people.)

    "I am so sorry!" Wynter says after the pair of them had both gotten up. "I'm not quite sure what happened."

    "Hey, it's no problem! Don't worry about it. It could have happened to anyone." The boy was average-looking. He didn't look familiar to Wynter, but then again, neither did most of the people in her graduating class. "Are you okay?"

    "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just tripped."

    "Well, obviously. But, uh, somebody better call God." The boy said these words with such seriousness. And Wynter was very confused.

    "What? Why?"

    "Because heaven seems to be missing an angel." As the boy said this, he smiled and his green eyes glittered like an emerald. This smile reached his eyes.

    "Oh." Wynter said, surprised. That was definitely not what she was expecting to hear, especially from a boy she didn't even know. "Oh. I, uh... Well, thank you."

    "You're quite welcome." His smile was still there. His hypnotic green eyes were still glittering. And of course this meant his smile was still reaching his eyes.

    I think he means it. Wynter thinks to herself.

    "I'm Forrest, by the way. Forrest Harrington." The boy, Forrest, as he said his name was, holds out his hand for Wynter to shake.

    "Wynter. Wynter Black." Wynter replies, taking his hand and shaking it.

    "Nice to meet you Wynter." Forrest says. "I hope to see you again soon."

    And with that he turned around and headed towards the Performing Arts Center, the complete opposite direction in which Wynter was headed.

    So weird. So strange. So...not normal. Who is he?

    And so Wynter turned around and headed towards the opposite end of the school to get to her car so she could go home and figure out just what had happened.

    I need to talk to Karen about this. She might be able to figure out what's going on.

 

 

    It was midnight. Or it almost was. And here Wynter was, sitting in her car across the street from Karen's house, waiting for Karen to show.

    An hour earlier Wynter had decided that she needed to talk to Karen about the day in person. And so here she was. Waiting. Just waiting.

    And thinking. Lots of thinking. About what those few words from a random boy she had never met before could really mean.

    All of a sudden the passenger side door opened and in climbed Karen, dressed in her lime green and black pajamas.

    "Nice pj's." Wynter says once Karen has closed the door.

    "Thanks. Where's yours? I thought it was pajama night." Karen says, a small smile on her face. "So why have you called me here so late in the night?"

    "Something happened today that I just can't stop thinking about."

    Karen seemed to think her next words through carefully. "Something good or something bad?"

    It took Wynter a full minute to decide the answer to this question.

    "Well, it wasn't bad. Or, well, not fully. I kind of embarrassed myself, but I guess it was good."

    "So you embarrassed yourself, but it was good? What kind of logic is here? With you and embarrassment it's never good!" Karen remarked, looking questioningly at Wynter, whom she thought had gone crazy. "What exactly happened?"

    Wynter had been looking out the windshield at the various cars parked along the street, but she looked at Karen then.

    "I'm...not quite sure." She turned away and was silent then, trying to remember what exactly had happened. But she didn't say anything else.

    Karen became impatient then. "Okay, then what do you think happened?"

    "I... I think a boy flirted with me." After no response from Karen, Wynter turned to look at her. Big mistake.

    Karen was smiling. It was a full on smile. Reached her eyes and everything.

    "Sooo... Who was it?" Karen inquires, still looking at Wynter with this big ridiculous smile on her face. Boys flirting with Wynter was a rarity. One that Wynter was fine with, but one that Karen always made a big deal of.

    "Just some boy." Wynter responds.

    "Just some boy? Well did he have a name?"

    "Forrest Harrington."

    "The new kid?! The new kid flirted with you?!"

    "How do you even know who he is?" Wynter asks, laughing.

    "Because I know everything! How did this happen? How did you two even meet?" Karen was shouting now, her curiosity getting the better of her.

    Wynter laughed then, her smile reaching her eyes. "I thought you knew everything!"

    "Well...everything except for this then..."

    "I may have...tripped down the stairs...and fallen on top of him..." Wynter said after a moment's hesitation, knowing that it would bring on a lot of laughter from Karen.

    And sure enough it did. Karen laughed so hard that tears started falling from her eyes.

    "Are you sure you're Wynter Black?" Karen laughed, wiping the tears from her face. "I thought you were the girl who never trips!"

    "Oh, shut up. I may not trip up often, but can't I trip just once in my lifetime?" But Wynter was laughing, too, now thinking about just how ridiculous it sounded.

    "Well, fine. Just this once! Next time you trip you're going to jail!"

    "Can't I just do chores instead? Why do I have to go to jail?"

    "Because you're only allowed to trip once. It's a rule now. Heck, it's a law! You go to jail if you break the law!" Karen was still laughing. The ridiculousness of the situation was just too much for midnight. But then again, maybe it was just perfect for the both of them.

    The both of them spent the next ten minutes laughing and talking about how their days before Karen decided she needed to go back into her house.

    "We should do this again sometime!" Karen says, reaching for the door handle.

    "What? You don't think we do this often enough?" Wynter asks, smiling at her.

    "Well of course we do! Just, next time we should do it in a graveyard!"

    "No."

    "And we could sing Christmas songs!"

    "No. It's way too early for Christmas songs!"

    "Oh, come on! You love Christmas music!"

    "You're right, I do, but even I think it's too early for Christmas music."

    Karen pressed the CD eject button on the dashboard of Wynter's car before realizing that the carwasn't even on.

    "Turn your car on."

    "Why?"

    "So I can prove to you that you don't think it's too early for Christmas Music."

    "No."

    "Well, you see, now I know you're already listening to it."

    "Listening to what?"

    "The Straight No Chaser Christmas album, of course!"

    "Stop it."

    "That means I win! Goodnight my love!" And with that Karen opened the door and hopped out of the car and slammed the door, waving at Wynter as she walked in front of the car and across the street towards her house.